What 4.5 Years and 1 Million Views of Blogging Have Taught Me

About four and a half years ago, I asked my then agent what I could do to better my odds of success as an author, other than writing and writing some more. Among his chief suggestions? Start a blog.

Write for free in the spare time I don’t exactly have? It sounded like dreadful homework, but like many writers, I was eager to do whatever it took to move forward. That “whatever” turned out to be one of the most important professional decisions I’ve made.

Over the weekend, my blog reached 1 million views. While numbers are by far not the most important thing and all relative, this felt pretty awesome—especially considering I recall very well a time I nearly pleaded people to check it out. (Uh, that’s not a suggestion.)

PLEASE? I'll do anything!

PLEASE? I’ll do anything!

Some writers might hear “a million views” and think, “Yeah, but it was all for FREE!” Heck, if if I’d received a penny for every hit, I’d be $10,000 richer. But I can assure you, I’ve received much more than that.

Blogging has helped me build a readership before my first book even released, introduced me to wonderful friends and given me a platform to share and connect with others in ways I hadn’t imagined possible. It’s led to speaking and writing gigs, including my highest paying magazine assignment, some groovy awards and, three years ago, facilitated the launch of Girl Boner®—which led to Girl Boner® Radio. It continues to fill the emotional gaps between writing for others, this writing that is fully mine—no rules or hard deadlines, no editor’s sharp eye or endless rewrites—only me, my soul and my fingers, typing to my heart’s desire, very often letting whatever’s on my mind spill out on the page. In that vulnerability lies strength and even healing.

Blogging isn’t for everyone, but if you’re the least bit curious about what it might bring or allow for you, I highly recommend giving it a try. If you do, or if you’re currently blogging and it does feel like annoying homework, here are some of my favorite strategies:

Write what you’re compelled to write, no matter how seemingly “big” or “small.” When I speak about blogging, I’m nearly always asked what one should write about. The answer is, whatever you wish. Your content doesn’t have to tie in to a particular theme or product. (Yes, Girl Boner® is my brand now, but you’ll also find me reminiscing about whatever and writing about my dog.) It simply has to matter to you.

Be consistent, but not rigid, schedule-wise. When I first started blogging, I’d read that three posts per week is ideal. Holy way-too-much-for-me. I tried it, then quickly realized that I needed to make time for stuff like sleep. If super frequent posting works for you, great! I find that about once per week suits me. Find a rhythm that works for you, and if you need a break, take it.

Set aside fear of what others might think. Yes, it’s important to consider your audience and loved ones when blogging, but there’s a huge difference between consideration and fear. Don’t let fear of others’ judgment hold you back; that’s stifling in all life areas.

Prioritize authenticity, not popularity. When I started Girl Boner®, a few told me I’d definitely gain readers, because “sex sells!” Everyone wants to read about sex, right? Yes and no. There are gazillions of sex blogs and articles, so joining that genre was a bit like becoming a drop in an ocean, versus a kiddie pool. My most popular posts aren’t my most explicit or seemingly “marketable” posts. They’re the ones I feel most compelled to write.

And remember, building takes time. Here’s how my blog’s growth looks visually:

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Don’t over-strategize. Hey, isn’t this a list of strategies? Yup. But I’m talking about not becoming an over-strategizing-numbers-likes-shares/trendy-topic-obsessed monster. My favorite people to read and follow online are those who are *gasp* human. They share to share or because they feel (that word again!) compelled to, not for a particular reaction. That authenticity shows in their writing, their brands and their worlds. And you know what? They’re going far. Gentle strategies here and there, groovy. Fixating on acclaim, not fun or helpful.

Lastly, dive into the community. Seek and explore other blogs. Follow, comment on and share those you dig. Mix and mingle with Kristen Lamb’s brainchild, the #MyWANA community. Check out BlogHer—the best conference on anything I’ve been to, and much more. Spend even 10 minutes a day scoping things out through WordPress, Twitter or Facebook. Chances are, you’ll find your tribe. That is the beginning of awesome.

What has blogging taught you? If you’re thinking of starting, what’s holding you back? Any questions you’d love thoughts on? I love hearing from you all—and am so grateful for the time you’ve taken to read any of my work. It means so much. ♥

Celebrating Vulnerability and Links I LOVE

vulnerable adj. vul·ner·a·ble: easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally; open to attack, harm, or damage – Merriam Webster

There’s something missing from this definition. Vulnerability doesn’t merely leave us more easily hurt but wide open to greater love, sensitivity, awareness and compassion. Without it, I’m not sure we’d ever grow.

The past few years have been a near crash course in the V-word for me—from blogging my heart out to launching my show. In addition to being “where good girls go for sexual empowerment,” Girl Boner® Radio is where I go to stand strong in my beliefs, explore controversial issues and speak from my heart, sans script or the editing manuscripts and articles require. Last week it was filmed for the first time, providing more chances to explore Vulnerable City with my tribe of giddy butterflies. (I love them so.)

GB radio 7-22

Today I want to highlight some stellar reads from the blog-o-sophere—all of which serve as proof that vulnerability is a near superpower, and equal parts magnifying glass and compass if we embrace it. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did! If you do, check out their blogs and follow them on Twitter.

Three Posts That Rocked My World

Why the Lingerie World Gets on My Tits via Neon Moon—an empowering, world-shifting lingerie company y’all must check out! Here, Hayat Rachi shares the personal experiences that inspired the revolutionary brand.

Neon Moon quote

The Expedition of No Return by KM Huber—my friend and fabulous zen blogger shares how she’s discovered “life anew” after learning she was at high risk for quadriplegia and having surgery that challenged her values. She’s a miracle.

KM Huber

Why We Hate Photos of Ourselves by Alexandra Rosas (via Purple Clover)—a gifted friend I met through BlogHer shares how she learned to embrace photos of herself after her mother’s passing. It’s rich with valuable insight.

Alexandra Rosas

What have times of vulnerability taught you? What rewards have you gained in the process? What did you think of these posts? I love hearing from you! ♥

The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Received

This week marks the start of my relationship advice column for The Good Men Project. I can’t tell you all how stoked I am for the opportunity. If you’re new to GMP, a diverse community of thought leaders who explore men’s evolving roles in modern times, I hope you’ll check them out. To read my first weekly segment, answering a question on finding bliss and “the one,” visit this link.

To celebrate, I thought I’d share some of the worst advice I’ve ever received. Most has been well-intended, some I had the wherewithal to ignore and some came from the person closest to me: myself.

authenticity quote

1. Darken your eyebrows.

When I was a teen and first entering the modeling world, I took advice from all industry pros to heart. Much of it was good (don’t pay anyone to model, don’t sign anything your agent hasn’t read and approved), darkening my eyebrows with brownish pencil made me look like I had furry worms crawling on my forehead.

Lesson learned: Don’t wear makeup 50+ shades darker than your face, and anything that makes you look like a creepy-crawler magnet. Aim to look like you.

2. Die your hair platinum blonde.

See explanation #1. When a stylist remarked, “You’d make a great platinum blonde,” I raced off to a salon and left two hours later with Barbie-esque hair. For about two weeks I loved it, relishing the attention. (People stare at you when your head glows.) But then roots appeared, making my naturally light hair appear dishwater-brown by comparison. Meanwhile, I felt like a faker. The frantic upkeep made me and my bank account crazy.

Lesson learned: Don’t color your hair vastly different colors than your natural shade, unless want to rock hot pink or rainbow stripes.

3. Don’t break up with a guy until after Valentine’s Day (or other holidays).

Strategic, right? *quivers* I gave this to myself and took it, multiple times, in my early twenties. Not keen on hurting a guy I planned to break up with more than necessary, I also wanted to make sure I had a date for those holidays. *moment of silence to commemorate personal growth* (If any of you guys are reading this, I’m so so sorry.)

Lesson learned: Staying in a wrong-for-you relationship is lonely, especially on holidays. Pretending you’re invested in a relationship hurts everyone.

4. Create fake identities to have conversations with yourself on others’ blog.

Eek! I’m so glad I didn’t take this. An acquaintance/internet genius suggested I do this when only my parents and 1.5 strangers read my blog. In doing so, he claimed, I’d intrigue people into clicking my (actual) name and visiting my blog.

Lesson learned: Being an industry professional doesn’t make someone an expert on you or your work. Also? Authenticity is everything.

5. Don’t quit.

I’ve heard this many times from well-intended folks—including when I’d decided to leave my first marriage, to trade financial stability in Miami for countless unknowns in LA, and to stop working on a novel to focus on non-fiction. In all of these cases, my instincts told me to leap. With one minor delay (clinging on to the novel for a bit), I did so. These leaps were some of my most empowering and important.

Lesson learned: There’s a big difference between giving up and moving forward. Staying in a relationship or venture because it seems safest or right to others can mean saying NO to our dreams—including those we haven’t yet conjured.

*****

I now realize this list could’ve gone on and on, as could the list of awesome advice I’ve received. For now, I’ll leave you with these five and open the floor to you. What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received? Did you take it? Do you relate to any of mine? I love hearing from you! ♥

“I’m blunt? Oh, yeah…” What Has Your Blogging Mirror Taught You?

It’s tough to recall exactly when I started blurting, but I suspect it coincided with another milestone: the day I started speaking. According to my parents, one of my earliest emerged when I wasn’t yet two. My mom had just broken the news that I could no longer sip from the Bosom Bar because she was pregnant with another, which would turn our family of five into six.

“So you’re going to be four mommies?” I asked, pondering the upcoming NKOTB. (Don’t pretend you don’t know what that means.)

“Yes.”

“Well, there’s only one daddy, and he’s all mine.” I swear I’m not a sociopath. A bit envious back then, sure, but not conscience-less. (Thank goodness. I’ve been researching the heck out of sociopathology for an upcoming radio episode.)

When I learned the other morning that Girl Boner is a finalist for Best Blunt Blog in The Indie Chicks’ Badass Blog Awards, I was crazy-honored, but also surprised. Sure, I’m prone to blurting, but… I’m blunt?

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Our blog-mirrors sure tell us a lot! #bluntandproudofit

For some reason, I correlated “blunt” with rude comments, like my toddler-remark had it been said by a mature adult. Back then, I had that cute-cuz-I’m-a-kid thing going on. Then I thought about it.Blunt can mean harsh, but it can also mean uncompromisingly forthright, direct and to the point. (Thank you, Webster!)

Hmm…

I have talked a lot about clitorises, my brain-gasm MRI, bralessness and ex-partners. And if there’s one thing #GirlBoner isn’t, it’s subtle. (Call me crazy, but I don’t think #ExcitedDownThere has the same ring to it.) Subtlety wouldn’t get me anywhere in a culture in which innumerable obstacles stand in the way of female sexual embracement, keeping way too many women from living full, authentic lives—often with little, if any, knowledge that it’s happening. Not because they aren’t brilliant, but because of the world we live in.

See? There I go again. #NotSorry Partly because maintaining this blog helped me embrace myself further. It’s also shed light on who I actually am—which is rather key to the whole living authentically thing.

That’s one of the most beautiful things about blogging: the mirror it provides us. When I first started, I worried that readers would deem me a perplexing ping-pong ball. “I’m all over the place!” But you know what? None of us are as bouncy as we may think. Common threads appear when we let the words flow—or, in my case, dart. If we don’t stand in their way, we never know where they’ll lead.

That doesn’t mean everyone should write about clits and brain-gasms, of course, or anything controversial. What’s important is being who we are, out loud, without crippling fear over what others will think. Blogging unapologetically has literally changed my life, leading to everything from incredible friendships to my radio show and speaking gigs. This week, it led to this groovy award nomination.

I’m so, so grateful.

When I told my mom about the nomination, she started giggling and singing, “Everybody blurts (hurts), sometimes….” LOL Surely, I got my blurt-gene from her. Anyhow, if you’d like to vote for me—or anyone!—use this link:

Blog Awards: Vote for the Finalists! #ICBBAwards

I also highly recommend subscribing to the publication while you’re there, and liking/following them on Facebook and Twitter (@TheIndieChicks). While you’re there, wish them a happy birthday! They’re celebrating three years of empowering awesomeness. Huge congrats to my pals Jess Witkins and Aussa Lorens for being nominated as well! So well-deserved. ♥

What has blogging taught you about yourself? What’s the biggest blurt that’s ever escaped your lips? Are you blunt? Your comments and support give me a #GirlBoner. Seriously.

200th Post Link + Love Party!

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey

Does your life ever feel, oh I don’t know…slightly hectic? I can hear some of you laughing. (“Ever? How ’bout hectic is my middle name?”) I get that. For the most part, I prefer life that way—staying busy and doing work I adore. At times for all of us, though, the load can seem so heavy, it’s no longer about having a lot on our plate, but feeling as though there’s no plate large or sturdy enough to support it all.

I was feeling that way recently when news arrived that sucked the wind out of my stresses. My husband’s grandmother was extremely ill, and it was time to visit her one last time.

If platonic love-at-first-sight exists, I felt it with Grandma Tovar. I met her at her 80-something-th birthday party in El Paso, to which she wore a shimmery black dress with a diamond pendant, her eyes more sparkly than her jewels. She was always that sparkly—cracking jokes, brightening spirits, giving advice and telling stories—until very near the end. She passed away on Sunday, and will be greatly missed.

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The one thing I’ll probably remember most about Grandma T. was her ability to embrace and celebrate life. Well after a successful career and raising four children, she stayed active. She read constantly, took up harmonica lessons and bowling just last year, learned from her mistakes and was never too proud to admit or laugh at them. She had friends of all ages, related to most everyone and maintained a sharp, open mind. (She even talked to me about Girl Boners, but I promised I wouldn’t get into that. ;)) And given the slightest window of opportunity, the woman partied like crazy.

I’d considered skipping a blog post this week, regardless of my plan for a 200th post celebration. But how could I skip a party with Grandma T., the party QUEEN, profoundly in my thoughts? She’d NEVER bypass such an opportunity. If she’d been a writer, her blog would have been overflowing with virtual martinis, mariachi singers, fabulous food and colorful dancers.

In honor of Grandma T., and the 200 posts many of you have so graciously supported, let’s play music, don our sparkly duds and paaarty—keeping in mind that every day holds a reason to celebrate, no matter how crazed we may feel.

How to play:

In the comments below, share a link to one of your blog posts and one to another’s post that really struck you. While you’re at it, tell me your favorite party drink! Stick around or pop back later to check out others’ links. It’s a great way to mix, mingle and make new friends. Remember to click “like,” comment, share and/or follow blogs you really dig. Let’s get the sparkly support flowing…

explosion of love

Huge THANKS to all of you, for your ongoing support. ♥  May you always find ways to savor the storm.

*Party idea inspired by Chuck Wendig.

Blogging Alternatives for Authors: Choosing Your Stage and Microphone

As many of you know, I’m a diehard blogging fan. Approached well, it can broaden our readership, strengthen our writing, introduce us to fabulous friends, make us more appealing to industry pros and help us land freelance gigs. If you’re a blog-o-holic fellow fan, you’re probably nodding your head right now. Others of you, I suspect, are somewhat skeptical.

I led a blogging workshop at a conference recently and asked, “Who here has a blog?” Most every attendee raised a hand. When I prompted them to keep their hand up if they enjoy the process, all but one shot down.

I realize that not all aspects of writing are pleasurable, but I believe that many can be. I also believe that forcing ourselves to partake in optional activities we detest can work against us. Regardless, blogging isn’t for everyone.

Blog choices

We’re crazy-fortunate to be writers in a day rich with freedom and opportunity. The question isn’t if we’ll be published, but when and how. We also have a broad range of choices when it comes to book marketing, branding and the beloved author platform. (Note the sarcasm; I know few authors who jump up and down at the sound of the P-word.) I view “brand” simply as who we are—as people and writers, and “platform” as the stage and microphone we use to share ourselves and our work. The more we’re read, heard, seen and/or appreciated, the stronger our “stage,” “microphone” and audience become. And there’s no one or “right” way to enhance or utilize any of them.

When To Make Changes, Quit or Avoid Blogging

If you don’t enjoy blogging, you may want to consider tweaking your habits and approach. If you loathe it regardless, why do it? Hating blogging, but forcing ourselves to do it anyway, is a lot like following a tasteless diet and tedious exercise routine, in my opinion. It won’t stick, provide lasting results or prove worthwhile. We may even go bonkers in the process.

I’d also suggest not blogging, or seriously shifting your habits, if it’s taken priority over your primary writing—unless you’d prefer to build a blog in lieu of books. You may also be rockin’ your author platform without blogging, or detest the notion of even starting. While no one tool or medium works for everyone, it’s important that we present ourselves somewhere–preferably beyond our living rooms. If blogging isn’t your cup of novel-tea (ba-dump), I’d suggest the following:

5 Alternatives to Blogging for Author Platform Building

1. Rely on other social media platforms. I’ve heard Facebook and Twitter called micro-blogging, and for good reason. They, and other social media platforms, offer many of the same benefits blogging can—if we use them consistently, present ourselves authentically and avoid telemarketer “BUY MY STUFF!” techniques. (Thank goodness those don’t work. Blech.) If you’re unsure as to which platform to focus on, experimenting with a variety can help. For tips on using Google+ for building your platform, check out Marcy Kennedy’s post on Jane Friedman’s blog. For Twitter basics, InkyGirl’s free Writer’s Guide is groovy. To learn the benefits of Facebook pages versus personal profiles, check out Lisa Hall-Wilson’s post on Jami Gold’s blog.

2. Write guest posts for other blogs. Guest posts build content much the way personal blogs do, and introduce new readers to our voice and work. They can also make nice additions to our main author and social media sites. (If you’re on Pinterest, for example, create an interview/guest post board.) For best results, choose blogs you appear on wisely. There are loads of fantastic blogs out there—well-written, compelling sites with interactive readers and lofty readership. Countless others have lower-quality posts, very few followers and little interactivity. Before seeking or accepting a guest post opportunity, ask for demographics and stats, unless you have a good grasp of and respect for the blog’s content already. We can also learn a lot about a blog by skimming through posts, comments and social media shares.

3. Read, follow and interact with authors who do blog. Blogging isn’t the only way to engage in the blogging community, in which there is tremendous value for authors. (It’s one of the most supportive writing communities I feel we have access to.) Make sure you have a Gravatar profile, so that your photo and profile link accompany your comments when applicable, then seek out and read blogs that strike you. Sharing links to posts we find compelling on social media helps us, the post creator and readers who benefit from the links. When we share valuable content, we attract like-minded followers.

4. Contribute stories, articles and pitches to magazines, journals, contests and websites. Being findable on search engines and having plentiful online content are major blogging perks. We can get these same advantages by contributing stories and articles—paid or not—to print and online publications. (Exposure and experience are valuable “pay,” particularly in our early days.) Short stories can boost book sales, by serving as leverage during price-drop promotions and adding to our body of work. (A reader who loves your short story will be more likely to buy your books, and vice versa.) Entering writing contests can help instill deadlines—another perk of blogging. Winning brings us recognition, enhancing our reputation.

5. Write awesome book after awesome book, and team up with fantabulous reps and/or marketing gurus. I believe that high-quality work attracts and breeds success, regardless of what we do otherwise—and obviously, writing book after book is vital for all career-oriented writers. On occasion, a book does so well with readers or publishing pros, word-of-mouth (including others’ social media) and/or a powerful marketing force takes care of the whole shegang. If you can manage and enjoy that, kudos! Sadly, most of us aren’t so lucky. The harder we work, and the more high-quality work we produce, the better off we’ll be. Meanwhile, if we’re resistant to blogging and other social media, we best team up with qualified others who aren’t.

Speaking of blogging writers, a group of us are highlighting a special one today. Susie Lindau, a prolific blogger I’m honored to call friend, is facing breast cancer with courage, heart and humor. Please take a peek at her latest post, The Boob Report: Laughter is the Best Medicine, and you’ll see what I mean. ♥ She’ll inspire you, whether you’ve joined the blogosphere or not.

Susie gang 2

Lynn Kelley, Susie Lindau, Debra Eve, me and Debra Kristi

How do you feel about blogging? Any alternatives to add? What’s your preferred method of platform building, on or offline? Or would you rather hide away in a remote cabin, type-typing away? (We all have days like that!)

An Interview with OWFI (And I Have the Grooviest Friends)

I’m having one of those heart-gushy, “I’m so freaking grateful” moments, thanks to my friend and insanely talented author Mike Miller, and Patty Stith, president of the prestigious Oklahoma Writers’ Federation Inc.. A week from today, I’ll be mingling with wonderful wordsmiths, sharing some insight and soaking in even more in Oklahoma. I’d take such a conference over a Bahamas cruise any day of the year.

I’m honored to be a guest on Patty’s OWFI blog today, answering questions about writing, my career, gender swapping and more. 😉 I hope you’ll check it out. To read the interview, click the above link or this photo:

OWFI blog

If you haven’t yet registered for OWFI and would like to, there’s still time! For more details, visit OWFI.org. You can also keep up with the conference via Twitter, using hashtags #OWFI and #OWFI13.

 

The 500 Hats of Blog-tholomew Cubbins: Reducing Social Media Stress

Have you ever read The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins? It’s a Dr. Seuss story, set in feudal times, featuring a poor boy named Bartholomew. One day while riding through a market, he removes his hat to abide by the law. Once he does, another hat appears in its place. The same thing happens repeatedly, each hat appearing more extravagant than the last, until eventually, the king offers him reprieve and riches for the spiffy 500th. Finally, the boy can breathe easy! The prize was worth the stress and confusion.

Bartholomew reminds me of modern-day writers. Each time we move forward in our careers, we expose more of ourselves, gaining riches and, very often, stress. Every achievement—finishing a draft, landing representation, publishing—seems to invite an additional part-time, or even full-time, job. But we still only have one head!

As some of you know, I first delved deep into social media engagement upon my agent’s suggestion. And holy schmoley, did it feel like a ton of work. I researched the various platforms like crazy and raced through Kristen Lamb’s books in two days, spending the little sleep I could manage in between dream-tweeting. I’m pretty sure I looked something like this:

Social media stress

Since then, I’ve learned ways to fit social media into my writing life without going padded-wall crazy. Over time, it’s felt less like enigmatic work, and more like an enjoyable blessing. I’m sure many of you can relate.

As with most aspects of our careers, it’s important to utilize social media practices that work for us individually. I thought I’d share practices that seem to work well for me, and invite you all to chime in with your fabulous thoughts.

The following habits help keep me productive and sane—pretty simple and straightforward:

1) Save social media for warmups, breaks and cool downs. Social media is for authors what stretching is for marathoners. Our blogs, Twitter and Facebook shouldn’t rule our time, or take precedence over our primary writing. Saving social media for downtime and breaks helps on multiple levels. Shifting gears helps keep our other brains and work fresh; engaging in social media can bring respite, support and fun.

2) Write your most important work when your brain works best. I went into detail on this topic in an earlier post. Basically, working hardest mentally during our “golden hour,” or when we tend to feel the sharpest and most creative allows us to make the most of our time. (I’d personally rather wake up at 5am and work like crazy until mid-day than write at night, when my brain is somewhat mushy.)

3) Take breaks from it ALL. This has been a tough one for me to master, but I’ve learned that working non-stop doesn’t help anything. We can be more productive, creative and efficient if we allow ourselves wiggle room and, you know, that thing called life. Music, friends and my dog help me stay semi-balanced. I’m super grateful for that.

4) Learn to say ‘no.’ This is a biggie. Saying ‘yes’ to too many other tasks or events says ‘no’ to writing time. While breaks and days off are invaluable, they won’t do much if we have scarce work-time left over. If you’re overextended, try cutting back, or ask others for help. If you feel guilty, remind yourself that self-care makes us more enjoyable to be around. (Totally true for me.)

5) Be yourself. Aiming for popularity rather than authenticity doesn’t work well on-line, in my opinion. If we view social media as an extension of ourselves, we don’t have to try so hard—which can stressful and time consuming. Since people tend to recognize and appreciate authenticity, being ourselves naturally attracts engagement and support. If you’re like most writers I know, you enjoy supporting others. So if for no other reason—of which there are many—do that, too.

6) Savor the path. Back to Bartholomew: the prize is in the bedazzled journey. If we enjoy the process, and aren’t crippled by fear or self-doubt, our treasures will only brighten. Sure, we might (okay, will) get criticized along the way. But if we take it all in stride, write because we love writing and remain gentle with ourselves, we’ll reap less stress and more joy. Every day may not be sparkly, but embracing the whole shebang can make it all worthwhile.

Related links you may find helpful:

5 Quick Facebook Tips for the Busy and Shy, by Gene Lempp
25 Things Writers Should Know About Social Media, by Chuck Wendig
I is for Introvert: How Do You Know if You’re an Introvert or an Extrovert? (and how it affects blogging), by Jenny Hansen

Have you found ways to manage social media without feeling stressed or lost for time? What works best for you?

Blogging Commandments: What Works for Me

I’ve attended a variety of writing events over the past few months, and have engaged in some interesting discussions on blogging. To blog or not to blog? Is it effective for authors? What works and what doesn’t? These are just a few of the common blog-related questions writers face—questions with no simple or all encompassing answers.

Okay, so that's only part of it...

Okay, so that’s only part of it…

Through research and experience, we can find those answers for ourselves. My roughly 1.5 years of blogging has taught me a heck of a lot—both through manning my own blog and learning from fabulous others. Toward that end, I thought I’d share some of the guidelines that tend to work well for me.

My 7 Commandments of Blogging

1. Thou shalt never prioritize blogging over book writing.

Like many writers, I started blogging to build my author platform (and because my agent suggested I do). I’ve enjoyed many unexpected benefits since—fabulous friendships, fun social media interaction and more. These perks could easily take up most of my time and energy if I let them. I might even have fun in the process. But before long, I’d be sad—deeply sad, because writing (stories, namely) is my heart and, quite often, my sanity. And an ungratified heart hurts, big time. Then there’s that little thing called money; without book and article writing, I wouldn’t have any. Unless we want to be bloggers who write manuscripts on the side, working blogging into a healthy writing lifestyle that supports our craft first and foremost is vital. If you struggle with social media time-suck, save it for warmups, cool-downs and breaks. (Think of it as snacks and dessert, versus the fruits, veggies and entree.)

2. Thou shalt aim for consistency.

I’m a pantser through and through. I don’t outline, loathe schedules and use calendars primarily as wall decor. And yet, blogging if or when the spirit moves me seems unwise.* I feel that my readers deserve more than that. Plus, posting because we’re committed to doing so—not necessarily inspired—builds writer-strength. We work that get-it-done muscle, and learn that inspiration will come if we simply sit our butts down and write. I aim for two posts per week, generally on Mondays and Thursdays, but without holding myself to either with an iron fist. (Again, book work comes first.)

*I know several awesome bloggers who don’t use even loose posting schedules. If consistent inconsistency works for you, so be it! The key is finding what works for us.

3. Thou shalt write what you’re compelled to.

This might sound somewhat contrary to the above, but it isn’t. (What if we’re not compelled to write a post by post day?) We’re all compelled to discuss, share or explore ideas. It’s part of what makes us writers. Rather than write about something that seems marketable or stats-boosting, or because it’s easy—i.e., we’re expert in it, I prefer to write with my heart and gut. It lends itself to stronger, more enjoyable-to-write and share posts, and reader appreciation; they can sense authenticity and complacency.

4. Thou shalt listen to and respect your readers.

I’ve been happily surprised by how helpful readers can be in terms of shaping my content and helping me grow as a writer. Interacting with readers via blog comments and elsewhere on social media shows that we care, and provides an opportunity to understand what strikes them most. Such engagement may also reveal related topics or angles they’d like explored further—which may compel you to do so. 😉 If you want to know more about your readers, ask questions. The more engagement, the better, in my opinion.

5. Thou shalt support other bloggers and writers.

Supporting others benefits us in a variety of ways. First, it feels good. (It’s far more fun to tell Twitter and Facebook friends that they’ve “got to read this post/book!” when it’s someone else’s post/book—not ours.) Second, bloggers we support often reciprocate—though I don’t think that this should be the primary reason behind liking, commenting and sharing; give to give. Some bloggers take such support even further. Gene Lempp and Reetta Raitanen post thoughtful mashups on their blogs. Susie Lindau throws awesome promote-your-stuff/mingle with other bloggers parties. It doesn’t have to be overly time consuming, and can be a lot of fun. In addition to the support factor, hosting mashups, guest bloggers and author interviews can save us time.

6. Thou shalt proof read.

Going back through some of my early posts can be horrifying nauseating offsetting, as I haven’t always taken time to proofread my posts. (Shhh!) It’s ironic, as many of us start out nervous about blogging because we’re used to perfecting our other work. But how can we perfect blog posts and do everything else? When I started out, I tried to fit too much in too soon. “Perfection” isn’t necessary, but making sure we’ve made a solid effort at fixing grammatical errors and the like is important. For particularly important posts, I often ask my dear friend—and skilled writer/editor—Bill Parker for his expert once over. (Not sure I’ve met anyone who can read and spot typos so quickly.) Blog posts are meant to be more casual than our other writing, but they go out into the world, and we never know who might see it. We should aim to put our best blogging foot forward. If that means cutting back from three to two posts per week or delaying a post a day or two, as I have, do it.

7. Thou shalt have fun. Blogging because we feel we should, yet loathe it, isn’t likely to breed success in any arena of our lives. If it isn’t fun, or as fun as you’d like it to be, consider changing things up. I’m pretty sure I could build a sizable blogging platform in the realm of nutrition, but I’m a health writer. Endless posts about what I’m already covering elsewhere would feel like needless homework, or gratuitous “I just want higher stats!” posts. So, I cover food-related topics when I’m compelled to (sick of that word yet???). Otherwise I stick to topics that light my fire, like Girl Boners, music and thrillers.

Speaking of fun, if you haven’t checked out social media jedi master Kristen Lamb’s blog and books, what rock have you been hiding under? you should. I thought Twitter was the lamest thing since size 0 jeans until I read her stuff. Be forewarned—it’s addictive. If you’re brand spankin’ new to blogging, check out Ginger Calem’s Building a Blog in April. She’ll help you up onto your feet, and one of her lucky graduates will win a spot in Kristen’s more advanced blogging class through WANA International. For more from yours truly, and many other authors and speakers, I hope you’ll consider attending the OWFI Conference in May. I’ll be sharing insight on blogging for building an author platform (without going crazy!), and a teaching a workshop on hybrid author-hood, or going indie with an agent. (Excited!)

We’ve got to do what works best for us if we want to grow and thrive as writers. The above guidelines have helped me expand my writing, gained me some pretty nifty freelance and speaking gigs, and helped nurture my feeble “Will anyone read this?!?” blog into one with a pretty solid and steadily growing readership. The rest of my personal blogging growth (and I’m sure many of you can relate) boils down to trial and error, instinct and simply keeping on. And while I don’t have a specified breakdown, I have no doubt that my online platform has played a role in my book sales—a valuable one. I hope that wherever you are in your journey, you’ll continually find what rocks your writing world.

Do any of these resonate with you? What similar or vastly different commandments make your list? Any questions, challenges or related thoughts to share?

The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II!

“The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart.” —  Audrey Hepburn (poem by Sam Levenson)

BOAW 2013

My trusty thesaurus lists 35 synonyms for beauty: blessing, fairness, loveliness, allure… If you bundled them all together, the result wouldn’t come close to describing the beauty in this fest. I can’t thank you all enough for participating in the second annual BOAW BlogFest. ♥  Whether you’re here as a reader, a contributing writer or both, get ready to laugh, ponder, glean inspiration and possibly shed a few tears.

How to fest (and potentially win a Kindle):

Click on the links below to read bloggers’ posts. For a chance to win a Kindle Fire (or Amazon gift card equivalent), post a comment using the prompts below. For an additional chance, share this post on Twitter tagging me @AugstMcLaughlin and/or #BOAW. For 10 more chances, visit all of the links between now and 5pm PST Monday, February 25th. Post a comment and/or “like” each one, then come back here and let me know you’ve done so. I’ll keep tabs on entries and share the drawing-based winner next week. The best news? As corny as it may sound, we all win by simply participating. (Once you start read contributors’ stories, you’ll understand what I mean…)

Contributors: If you do not see your post, it’s because I wasn’t able to locate it or it wasn’t posted by the cut-off time. Don’t worry—I can still include it! Please post your link in a comment on the registration page and I’ll jump on it promptly.

Without further ado, I’m thrilled to present the The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II!

  1. Amber West: A Beautiful Stream of Consciousness – Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
  2. Liz: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
  3. Bill Parker: On the Multitudinous Beauties of Women
  4. Coleen Patrick: Service Chic vs. Soul Deep: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
  5. Barbara McDowell: Beautiful Things Blossom From Coccoons
  6. Kourtney Heintz: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Lessons From Grandma H
  7. Kassandra Lamb (Misterio Press): You Are Beautiful and Strong, Sweet Child of Abuse
  8. Marcy Kennedy: What Would You Trade to Look Young Forever?
  9. Rebekah Loper: 2013 Beauty of a Woman Blogfest – Comfortable in My Own Skin
  10. Lissa Clouser: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Part 2—An Unlikely Role Model
  11. Jennette Marie Powell: Beauty of a Woman: Don’t judge us by our covers!
  12. Amaryllis Turman: Beauty BlogFest 2012 – What is REAL BEAUTY?
  13. Kathryn Chastain Treat: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II
  14. Donna Galanti: Beauty is the Place Where Love Resides
  15. Linda Adams: My Relationship With My Glasses
  16. Ellen M. Gregg: The Beauty of a Woman: Inside Out
  17. Audrey Kalman: I want to be like Carol Winfield even when I’m dead
  18. Catherine Johnson: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest and Giveaway!
  19. Tameri Etherton: Shakespeare Totally Knew the Beauty of a Woman
  20. Catherine Krummey: Beauty (tumbler)
  21. Jenny Hansen: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Do Breasts Define a Female?
  22. Lindsay: Chronically beautiful…
  23. Inion N. Mathair: Beauty of a Woman’s BlogFest
  24. Jennifer M. Zeiger: The Eye
  25. Michel King: BOAW Fest – Eye of the Beholder
  26. K.M. OSullivan: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2013: The Beauty Box
  27. Kate Wood: The Beauty in Me
  28. Sabrina Garie: Owning Your Own Beauty
  29. Kerry Ann: Beauty of a Woman: Beyond Skin Deep
  30. Kim Jorgensen Gane: The Beauty of Women Friends
  31. FactoryMaid: Lying in the Mirror
  32. Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson: The Beauty of a Grandmother
  33. Jess Witkins: What Makes a Woman REDHOT?
  34. Sue: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Skin Deep
  35. Misty Dietz: The Paradox and Beauty of a Woman
  36. J. Keller Ford: The Beauty of a Woman
  37. David N. Walker: Beauty of a Woman
  38. Erin/Lux: One sees clearly with the heart
  39. Reese Ryan: Phenomenal Woman – That’s Me
  40. Maggie Amanda: 30 Years of Learning About Beauty
  41. Lena Corazon: Beauty of a Woman Blogfest: The Power of Natural
  42. Subtextreadalwaysnew: Moments of Beauty
  43. Nicole Basaraba: Beauty of a Woman – Body Culture
  44. Ingrid Schaffenburg: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
  45. Clearly Kristal: Mirror, Mirror
  46. Kristine Erickson Parker: Woman, love thyself!
  47. Patricia Sands: She Walks in Beauty ~ Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
  48. Vivian Kirkfield: Martha Washington: America’s First First Lady
  49. Debra Eve: Beauty of a Woman: An Ode to Erma Bombeck
  50. Julie Glover: Don’t Hate the Skinny Girl: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
  51. Kecia Adams: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Beautiful Moments

What has struck you most about this fest? How do you define beauty? Who do you feel most embodies it?

To join our discussion on Twitter, use the hashtag #BOAW.