Do Guys Care About Female Sexual Pleasure?

One Experience Gone Wrong

Welcome to Girl Boner Monday, where we embrace and explore female sexuality. Today we’re going to focus a bit more on guys, who we adore here at GB Central. This post isn’t meant to be accusatory—not to the many great ones out there. I hope those of you reading will chime in.

During Fantasy-palooza Part II, Kristy K. James posted a comment that stirred up discussion. This bit sent my thoughts whirling:

“I’m sure there are men who want to please their partners, but I think the majority of them would prefer to not work that hard. At least not often. Maybe I’m jaded, but that’s just my opinion (based on experience and chats with other women).”

Huh? That’s not true, I thought. Men I’ve known intimately have all prioritized my sexual pleasure, in some cases more than their own. Had I merely been lucky? Or ugh, delusional?

Couple in bed, men sleeping and woman lying disappointed

Then I remembered Drew, the man who helped prompt the end of my sex as a single girl spree, made me want to phone spectacular guys I know to thank them for not being similar, and who I’ve continued to block and ignore on Facebook. (Yes, that bad.)

I was an actress then and my agent had invited me to an industry party. Beforehand we would dine with another of his clients, an actor named Dog Doo Drew. As I prepped for the evening, I made like a typical Hollywood-ite and IMDB-ed him. He’s cute, I told my roommate, and had some impressive acting credits under his belt. Feeling playful and poignantly single, I wondered what else hid under there.

“Be careful,” my male, protective apartment-mate warned. I should have listened.

After a flirt-filled evening, Drew became the first person I slept with within hours of meeting. Thanks to Captain Morgan, I barely remember it—something about a cold bathroom floor in the Hollywood Hills… We ate bagels the next morning in silence, two strangers eager to get on with their days. As he drove me home with the top down on his convertible, I thanked God for the wind. We had stunningly little to discuss.

Days later, Drew called and asked me to dinner, referencing the “great time” we’d shared. Was I there? He seemed sincere… I figured, Why not?

He picked me up in his Porsche, drove too fast to the trendy Beverly Hills restaurant then made like an ostensible gentleman—opening doors, pulling my chair out to seat me and ordering wine for us both. There were no prices on the menu, a clear sign of ultra-expensive food. Did we really need to order in courses? I tried to recall which fork to use when, feeling as unbefitting as Anne Hathaway’s character on The Devil Wears Prada.

Funny geek glasses

Over appetizers Drew uttered romantic quips: I’ve never met anyone like you. Something about my sparkling eyes and the obvious fire between us. Was he serious? Regardless, I found it oddly charming and began wondering what sex with him sober would feel like. After dinner, while waiting for valet, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You know you give the best head, right?”

What happened to Casanova?!? Surely I’d heard him wrong. Before I could respond, a pair of giggling girls appeared, requesting his autograph. One mouthed to me, “You’re so lucky.”

Was I? If I hadn’t had a glass or two of wine or paused to analyze, I might’ve requested a cab home. Instead, I ignored a subtle get-outta-there feeling and found myself riding to his place, numb and compliant. You’re young and having fun, I told myself. A hot guy wants you. Enjoy it. You’re so lucky—the groupie’s words…

At his place, Drew lit candles, played classical music and led me to his bed, setting a drink on the nightstand: “For you.” For a moment, I thought he’d planned to give me a massage. If only… He donned his position, flat on his back as though awaiting his own spa treatment. “Come on, baby.” Long pause. “Now.”

Soon clarity struck me like a splash of chilled water: Drew didn’t want me, but what he’d whispered in my ear. And I wasn’t lucky, but foolish.

Fearful and alone in a twice-the-size-of-me stranger’s home no loved ones knew about, I wondered what the hell I’d been thinking. Seeing no easy alternatives, I did as he expected while he just laid there. When I raised my head to stop, he forced it back down. I gagged but kept on, for the sole sake of finishing.

As I waited for the cab to the sound of his sacked-out snore, I spotted papers on the floor. It was an audition scene, featuring his romantic proclamations of earlier verbatim. Your eyes… The fire between us… He’d used me for audition prep and personal pleasure. (Funny, the scene didn’t contain the head quote he’d probably used a hundred times.)

I ignored Drew’s calls until they stopped. Months later, I ran into him at a party. “Busy later?” he asked. “I’ve missed you.” Thanks to ample reflective time and sharp hindsight vision, I replied, “You mean you want me to service you. Go fuck yourself.” He obviously didn’t want a partner anyway. Then I turned and addressed his circle of puppy-eyed swooners: “Don’t let him flirt you into bed. You’re better than that.”

Though the assertions felt empowering, I lay in bed later that night, shedding tears. How could I have been so foolish? The situation could have been far worse; I’m lucky in that regard—sadly, many women are not. While Drew went well beyond disregarding my pleasure, I consider myself fortunate that he’s my sole example. Looking back, I realize that we’re all capable of such mistakes, particularly when we guide with our Girl Boners, or heart-boners (emotions), alone.

Whether we’ve known a partner for days, months or years, we don’t deserve to be treated like trash.

I feel sorry for Drew, and others like him. If he’s still in that headspace, deeming it acceptable or ideal to use women, he’ll never know the beauty, eroticism or profound gratification that can derive from a mutually respectful relationship.

As any woman in a healthy partnership will tell you, fantastic men value female sexual pleasure and intimacy. 

I believe that finding such partners and reaping those experiences requires valuing ourselves, our bodies and our sexuality. Then, we’ve got to communicate. Many men want to please their partners sexually but don’t know how, according sex expert and author Dr. Laura Berman. For many males, partner pleasure is an intense turn on. Male or female, we shouldn’t merely give or receive sensual pleasure, but share it.

I’ve yet to find detailed analyses regarding effects female sexual pleasure has on men. As my research continues, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Have the men in your life embraced your sexual pleasure, or have you felt slighted? Any happy or Drew-like stories to share? Guys: How do you feel about female sexual pleasure? What has experience taught you? Any Drew-ettes in your history? As always, all respectful thoughts are welcome. 

On a related note, submissions are still open for the Beauty of A Woman BlogFest II! I hope you’ll consider joining us. It’s open to all, and you’ll have chances to win a Kindle Fire and to connect with fabulous, beauty-celebrating readers and writers on February 22nd. 

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52 Comments

  1. Remarkably, the men that women want are invariably the biggest (more than one use) assholes in bed. Tall, toned men feel a sense of privilege so bad that they don’t even know that sex is the Heaven-sent gift for sharing something absolute. If you are all about being serviced, you are a LOSER, regardles of how much money you mke or how tall you are.

    Reply
    • You’ve raised interesting points, Ronald. I absolutely agree that physical “hotness” and loaded bank accounts say little of a person’s character—same for women. I’m happy to say I’m not attracted to arrogance or “bad boys” in general, nor are many of my female friends, and know many tall, toned men who don’t fit that stereotype. (Whew!) Here’s hoping all great women and men find worthy counterparts. Thanks for chiming in!

      Reply
    • As a fellow dude, I have to take issue with this in a much less diplomatic way than my dear August did. And I don’t think I’m nearly attractive enough to be personally offended by your assertions, just feel that this paints both men and women with an unfairly broad brush. For one thing, I’m quite certain there are more than a few “tall, toned men” who are also very sensitive and caring toward the woman or women (or men or whatever) they’re lucky enough to be with. Nothing “invariable” about that (or anything involving a whole generalized group of people, really, ever).

      More troubling, though, is what this attempts to say about women: “the men that women want are invariably the biggest … assholes in bed.” I’ll assume this wasn’t your intention, but it treads way too close to a line of thinking that’s way, way too common on the internet, which is basically that women are too stupid to actually want what’s good for them. That’s basically the basis for all the horrible sites out there that shout about “misandry” and such (not to compare you to those morons, just that there’s a very thin line here). As guys, I think pretty much the only reasonable thing for us to assume is that women (as individuals, not one big lump) want what they want because they’re intelligent and autonomous beings capable of making those types of decisions for themselves, and that’s that.

      In closing, this: http://www.shakesville.com/2007/12/explainer-what-is-nice-guy.html

      Reply
      • I’m SO with you on this, Bill.

        Personally, I see the “women only want….” on the same level as the “men only want…” (as in men only want a pretty object to hang on their arm and then toss away when they’ve gotten off). Neither one is representative of REAL people or real values. It is however, representative of the person who makes such a statement. Can anyone say “Sour Grapes?”

        Yes, we hear about a lot of horrible relationship (from all sides of the gender fence). We need to remind ourselves that stories like these are like any other news out there–the bigger and most sensational stories get the most airtime. And because lots of people do think their lives are pretty good, they’re shocked but other people’s horrible experiences. Others, who really do have a horrible time, spread such stories to try to lift themselves up by saying “See? I’m not half as badly off as X.” And others…

        Well, there are as many reasons for the things people do as there are people. I wouldn’t even that that “most women/men want…” any one thing.

        And I’m really sorry that you’ve has so many horrible experiences, Ronald. Have you read about the Nice Guy Myth? You may find it enlightening: http://aboutrapeculture.tumblr.com/post/31257091409/the-nice-guy-myth

  2. August, I love you.

    Truly, madly, deeply.

    Unfortunately, I’ve known a few men like Drew in my lifetime. Fortunately I finally figured out that I AM worth more than they told me I was worth and chucked them to the curb. My husband is as fabulously attentive to me sexually as I am to him and it’s marvelous. Sometimes I have to remind him sex is about his pleasure, too. Yup, he’s a keeper!

    And respecting yourself enough to say no to men who don’t care about your pleasure is huge. H.U.G.E. It’s hard, but once you get there, it’s like the heaven’s open up and smile down on you.

    Big hugs to you and your Girl Boner!

    Reply
  3. I am guessing that your glamorous life as a model and actress breeds lots of powerful men who are used to getting what they want from young, naive women.

    And yet.

    These men exist everywhere. They do. I have known too many in my past: dentists, lawyers, lobbyists — men with wealth and power — eager to cheat on their spouses, eager to slip outside for a quickie, eager to have THEIR own desires met.

    There was a time when I played this game. Their attentions made me feel pretty and desirable. But not much else.

    I’m glad I met my hubby at the end of a long line of douche-bags. He was like the rainbow after the rain. 😉

    Reply
    • That last bit is so dang sweet. I’m so glad you found your rainbow, Renee!

      You’re absolutely right about the power mongers in all walks of life… I’m grateful that the reverse is also true. Knowing and loving ourselves is a great way to start finding and recognizing the keepers.

      Reply
    • My comments may end up looking like a blog-jack, August. So many of the comments resonate.

      I find myself in what Renee said about the attention of a man making her feel wanted and special. That was back-in-the-day when self and esteem had a tough time making a connection.

      Like Renee, my rounds of unfulfilled connections did not end with one encounter. Some of those encounters were because I was a rebel and attracted to bad boys. Many bad experiences were because I set low expectations.

      But, fair it fair. I bear some responsibility in other situations. I didn’t know. Good girls didn’t share Intel about female sensuality.

      When asked what I liked or wanted I was either too embarrassed (thank-you staid, puritan society for that…not!), or I truly didn’t know what I wanted/needed.

      Add a co-dependent people-pleaser personality, and it yields fake it so the guy won’t feel bad and/or think I’m frigid.

      Thrilled to be on the right-on (!) GB Power train.

      Reply
  4. Although I’ve been married most of my adult life, there were times when I was single and managed to find a Drew-ette or two. I’ve always tried to be sure her pleasure was attained BEFORE mine. I think I’d have felt horrible if I’d allowed a woman to give me pleasure and then just moved on.

    Reply
  5. Hey August, great post. It always angers me when I hear stories like this. I have a gorgeous sister that has had experiences with guys like this. There are too many egocentric dip-shits out there. One of the things that got me most fired up about your story was the bed scene where he forced you back down…. *gritting teeth*

    Guys that have this as an expectation, and physically “insist” on having it done, should get knocked around. I would gladly step in and do the knocking. That level of intimacy is nothing short of a gift from somebody that has CHOSEN to share that with you. (Just thinking about that has me irked enough that I might need to go spar with the heavy bag)

    One of the gems (at least for me) of this post was “he’ll never know the beauty, eroticism or profound gratification that can derive from a mutually respectful relationship.” Sex is a micro-relationship. Relationships that have two people who care more about the happiness of the other person tend to work. Both parties end up getting what they want – happiness.

    A sexual relationship works the same way. It is a smart (and more satisfied) guy that understands the pleasure, gratification, power, beauty, and the sheer eroticism of a mutually respectful relationship.

    If given a choice between sex, or the muscle-shaking, air-rending, Mount Vesuvius of climaxes that can be achieved when feminine sexual pleasure is vigorously pursued, well, I know which boat I’m getting on. 😉

    Thanks for letting me sound off.

    Zack…

    Reply
    • Beautifully said, Zack. Thank YOU! I particularly love what you said about choosing to give the gift of intimacy. You’re welcome to sound off here anytime. 🙂

      Reply
    • Blog-jack on Zack’s comment b/c of the Grrrrr.

      There is a reason I can not tolerate having a man put his hand around the back of my neck — even when we’re walking in public and there’s obviously no immediate intimidation.

      Or, is there…?

      I’ll take a gentle hand on the small of my back, thank-you.

      Thanks for caring for and about women, Zack!

      Reply
  6. I’m not a regular commenter on your Girl Boner Mondays, but I’m going to butt in.

    First off, being used sucks. Especially that lightbulb moment when it first hits you that you’ve been used. Ugh. The worst.

    Secondly, there are men out there who have a hard time understanding that their pleasure doesn’t necessarily equal our pleasure. Here’s what I mean: it’s very possible Drew thought you were enjoying giving him head as much as he was enjoying getting it.

    I once had a man explain this to me when I asked him why he’d think I wanted to X. (And I’m not telling you what X is.) His answer was “Because I’ll enjoy it.”

    It’s unfortunate that men who are not worth our time don’t come with neon signs over their heads. The neon sign, of course, would say “Not This One!” and flash.

    Reply
    • Excellent point, Catie. I’m reminded of stories I’ve heard about young girls, as in adolescents, believing they’re “having sex” when they give guys blow-jobs in the school yard. Such acts can be enjoyable within the proper context, but lordy. Stories like those are one reason I’m such an advocate for stronger, better balanced sex education…

      I have to say, Drew nearly acted as a neon sign. If there’s a silver lining, it’s in the fact that I’ve never had an experience remotely similar since. Thanks for chiming in!

      Reply
  7. Gerry

     /  February 4, 2013

    I read this and yes, excited but embaressed by someone taking advantage of a woman. I am a 44 year old man and I would rather pleasure a woman than they pleasure me. I have been married for some time now and was not allowed to have much sex with my wife, as she didn’t like to have much. So know that she is at her prime, I have lost interest in sex… NOW, don’t get me wrong….. She is very very beautiful in my eyes and I love her body, But I think being refused for so long has taken its toll on me. Like I said I am 44 years old and have never had a women go down on me. So many guys say… “MAN, You don’t know what you are missing”! I always tell them that if you never had it, you never miss it. Would I like to have one?? Yes, I would….. But I have NOT been able to find a woman to do it… Where are these women that love this kind of thing??? Or is it just ALL fiction? I do not know the answer….
    Now as I stated at the begining, I love to go down on a woman and make her cum and cum BEFORE I am touched… But, again my wife does NOT like me to go down on her…UGH! I do love to 4-play and get her off by using my hands and fingures… I am told I have magical fingures and I know how to use them! I really like to treat a woman with the most respect and be tender to the touch as I caress and use my fingures and hands to multipule orgasums! I LOVE IT!!!! But, maybe before I die I will be treated to a BJ……. Not holding my breath though!!

    Reply
  8. Dog Doo sounds like a real peach of a guy, and I have to say that when he forced you to continue, I wish you’d bit him. Hard. As thoughtless as a lot of men can be, I’d hope that most aren’t quite that bad. But I think many figure that five minutes of foreplay, followed by a five minute ‘sex marathon,’ will work for us…because it works for them. There’s something to be said for the occasional ‘quickie,’ but as a steady diet? Um…no thanks. I’d rather do without than feel used.

    Reply
    • It goes both ways though. I’ve been with women who only really care about their pleasure and will keep trying to drag out their orgams for as long as possible then treat my pleasure without about as much enthusiasm as paying a $3 tip to a server.

      One woman I remember it was so bad that after she was done I just got up, showered and went out to the bar. Nothing worth my time was going to happen there. No sense in staying.

      Reply
      • I’ve wondered about that, Russell. I’m so sorry you’ve encountered Drew-ettes! Sounds like you, too, learned valuable lessons–and probably appreciate respectful partners that much more.

    • The me of today probably would have, Kristy! Or not gotten into that situation to begin with.

      On the flip-side, I’ve never experienced the “wham bam, thank you, maam” women speak of. Perhaps that’s another post. 😉

      Reply
  9. Unfortunately for me, I embarked (rushed and impatient to become an adult) into my sex life too young and was promiscuous in the hopes of finding love, peace and self worth. Most of my introduction to sex had little to do with my pleasure and everything to do with wanting to be “good enough”. Sadly…I let myself be used…and it left me very confused about what I deserved in bed and what sex could really be.

    It’s only been in my last relationship, with hubby, where I have been fortunate enough to learn about the glory of self-love, unconditional love, trust, and mutual respect…not to mention a partner who puts my sexual needs first and foremost and has helped me learn so much about myself….mind blowing sex and only learning more and more each year…

    GREAT post August!!! LOVE this series!!!

    Reply
  10. Wow, that is a rough position to be stuck in and unfortunately I can imagine what it felt like.
    One of the greatest ways you can show your love is through intimacy. Sexual intimacy is just one part of it.

    I love the posts I’ve read! Keep them coming!

    Reply
  11. Using the word ‘sex’ for so many shades of meaning is where the problem begins. It’s supposed to include both the physical act and the inner experience. Too often, instead of feeling closer, two people end up even more disconnected; instead of a bridge, self-gratification opens as an ever widening chasm between them.

    But when there’s a dance of connection played out, it’s a blur of sense and sensing until neither knows where one begins and the other ends.

    Unfortunately, our primitive monkey brains still cling to the old triggers of what an “ideal mate” looks like. That’s why Drew and others like him are still able tap into the female emotional core that feels the need to have survival needs met – even though the mastodon days are long over. And the line of willing prey falling into the trap of being used is endless in spite of themselves.

    Guys, we are too often just as much to blame for getting brushed aside into the friend zone. Understanding that rom-com notions is yet another lie of the media is just the beginning. If we don’t develop ourselves, the road to broken hearts and isolating loneliness will be paved with nice guys and women who fall victim to the Drew’s of the world.

    Reply
  12. Gerry

     /  February 4, 2013

    Sexual intimacy….. Sorry to me that is boring!! WHY? Because for me it has been the same postion, moment..etc for the last 20 some years! Sorry, but not interested…. A lady frined tells me that I need to go out and get laid…. OK, sure…… so I tried it for a few weeks… The only thing I meet was filling my car up with gas at the same place time after time….. Not interested in the 3.99 phone call or the 200 an hour job…… Not trying to tic anyone off, just sayin’. Cheers

    Reply
  13. I decided not to read any comments here until I finished. August, I realize what a mess most men make of relationships (not that women can’t screw it up too). I have always proclaimed most men to be jerks. They are out for themselves and believe women are to be used. I am glad you were not physically hurt and have managed to deal with life decently. I have been mistreated by several women in my life and I don’t think I have ever mistreated them. My second ex might disagree, but, if you talk to others, I did more than I should have for her.

    I am one of those guys (don’t know about the “fantastic” part) who really enjoys turning a woman on and pleasuring her, often, yes, at my own expense. I guess I have always thought women deserve a little more from us because, historically, they have been treated with less than niceties. Now, I am disabled, that has affected my, um, intercourse abilities a little (mostly, that some movements of my hips cause me pain), but I have been a fairly devote studier of the ways to please a woman. I enjoy doing just that.

    My biggest problem, I think, is that as soon as a woman sees my cane, she has mostly decided that I will not be good in bed and so my dating situations are very limited. I am not trying to be cynical or anything. I would love to take a woman out (I am polite and helpful as much as I can be) and she gets treated like a princess. I enjoy stimulating conversations and yes, I enjoy sex. I wish I could meet more women who are nice and would allow us to get close to see what might happen.

    Thanks for the post; it was wonderfully done.
    Scott

    Reply
  14. I had my own Drew a couple of times. Thankfully just the two. I blame myself really as there were signs and I ignored them. I think that’s the important thing we need to learn whether male or female and that’s to listen to our instincts. They’re usually right on the money. I ended up pretty much in the same position as you once not really wanting to, but sort of afraid not to because of the situation I allowed myself to be in. Definitely learned my lesson after that one. But for the most part, I think I’ve been really lucky with caring men who cared about me. Love this series, August!

    Reply
  15. Wow! So many different views and open discussion. I love that this series finally brings both genders to the “let’s be honest” table.

    Good, caring, men and women seem to want to please and be pleased. There is no gender specific ownership on frustration. The only “so not fair” (IMHO) is that a man engaged in a sexual encounter always gets there. He can get up, shake it off (pun optional) and walk away.

    On the flipside. Find me a good man and competent lover. I’ll catch up in no time. Double, triple play…IYKWIM

    I’ve learned to be more open and honest, and I’m getting to know me — the whole, sensual me — without feeling either alone, ignorant or slutty.

    Kudos! GB(r) <=== new code name 🙂

    Reply
    • I’m loving the open discussion too, Gloria. Thanks for being such a brilliant contributor. 🙂

      Reply
    • Ih Bad

       /  September 17, 2014

      “The only “so not fair” (IMHO) is that a man engaged in a sexual encounter always gets there. He can get up, shake it off (pun optional) and walk away.”
      In fact, women could pretty much get theirs and leave the men unsatisfied. But women just do not do that out of respect and actual desire to please. Women are much more considerate.

      Reply
  16. Oh ick! Drew is a creep. All I can say is thank you for your honesty, August, in sharing this story. I think many of us women have been that girl where we did things for guys in hopes it meant they liked us. And it can vary to all levels: I’ve read really bad, and I mean bad poetry they wrote and said I liked it, and I’ve let a guy touch me when I didn’t want it. I really don’t miss the feelings I had around guys in college. At all.

    I know now I’ve got a partner who is respectful and we talk about what WE want. We each even bought books on how to please the other. So if you’re looking for fun recommendations: She Comes First and Size Matters are two good ones! I’m also a fan of I ❤ Orgasm 😉

    Reply
    • Maturity is a beautiful thing, right??? I certainly don’t wish to go back… Sounds like you and your hubby found keepers. 🙂

      Thanks for the book suggestions! I’ll definitely check them out.

      Reply
  17. Rob Ryder

     /  February 4, 2013

    Jeez, it’s hard being single.
    On the other hand –
    Jeez, it’s hard being married.

    Reply
  18. I think everyone needs to remember this goes both ways. I have had the “wham, bam, thank you, Steve” done to me (didn’t see it coming at all….appeared we were heading towards something more than that) and I have also had a woman treat my wallet they way our govt treats the national debt…..now imagine how selfish she is in bed? Unfortunately, I think there is a misconception that so many men are dirt bags and are only looking for the quick score. Not true, ladies!!! Very few things put a smile on my face faster than knowing my wife is more than satisfied after a night of intimacy. She cares about my satisfaction just as much. So having a loving, healthy mentally and physically intimate relationship with one’s partner is one of the greatest gifts we can have. For those who have it, treasure it. For those who don’t, keep looking. You’ll find it. Took me over a decade longer than I thought it would….but well worth the wait. Excellent post, August. Well done!

    Reply
    • Treasure it, yes!

      I’m not surprised to hear that the WBTY cuts both ways, Steve. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced it. Thank you for being one of the wonderful men and partners out there. You and your wife seem well-suited and deserving of each other. Cheers!

      Reply
      • I still can’t believe my wife and I found each other. We are truly a yin and yang for the other in so many areas. Some of my weaknesses are her strengths and vice versa. She has been worth the wait.

        The WBTY was an experience that I chose to learn from as opposed to being bitter. I told a buddy of mine about it and he got an extremely good laugh at my expense because so many people are used to hearing about a man doing that to a woman. It’s all good.

      • Cheers to you both! The more happy stories and couples, the better.

    • Ih Bad

       /  September 17, 2014

      “Unfortunately, I think there is a misconception that so many men are dirt bags and are only looking for the quick score.”

      Not a misconception, but the truth. http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/PollVault/story?id=156921&page=3
      Most men do not care about giving women pleasure. Yes, MOST.

      Reply
      • I respectfully and wholeheartedly disagree — and that ABC news report doesn’t support your assumption at all. Loads of research points to the opposite.

  19. In my experience, the degree to which I care about the experience of the woman I’m with (whether we’re talking sexually or otherwise, since these days I don’t really think of sex as something separate from the rest of our interaction) has to do with how honest I feel like I can be around her. The more I feel like I have permission to be open with her, the more compassion and concern I feel for her, and that leads naturally to caring about how she feels when I touch her.

    Reply
  20. This is a sad story, August. I’m really sorry that happened to you and that you were subjected to such a self-serving individual. But on reflection, that experience helped in creating the strong, capable individual you are today.

    You may have noticed that I normally choose not to comment on Girl Boner Monday as this is just one of those things I was raised not to talk about in public circles. I’m still working on that, but I think it’s a great thing that you encourage women to stand up for themselves and their feelings, both physical and emotional, in the relationship. There are a lot of people out there, on both sides – men and women – that can fall into the take and not give category. We need to be careful when we’re putting ourselves out there.

    This may sound strange but I’m thankful for every experience, beautiful and ugly for together they make me the person I am today. It’s a complex process for each one of us, don’t you think? Great post, sad as I may have found it. {{ Hugs}}

    Reply
  21. Gerry

     /  February 6, 2013

    I would LOVE if a woman did the WBTY!!! WOW…. Maybe that is what I need to find… A woman that knows what she wants!! But again, I think it is a myth! Or I just live in to SMALL of a town! LOL…. I can DREAM….

    Reply
    • Ih Bad

       /  September 17, 2014

      Would you be really happy about that? Do you understand you would not be ejaculating/orgasming, right? Because that is what happens when men do that to women.

      Reply
  22. Sisyphus47

     /  February 7, 2013

    Gorgeous ~ who knows her stuff ~ sez for a Neanderthal am remarkably well brought up ;-P

    Reply
  23. Raani York

     /  February 9, 2013

    My very first boyfriend, after nearly two years of being together, told me that he’s “had it all” with that “sex-thing”…. If that’s all there is, he probably never will have sex again. At that time he was in his mid-twenties…
    Honestly… I thought it was my fault and tried whatever I could to “get better”… what I didn’t know back then were two things: 1: He was the most boring lover on earth… 2. He only wanted to convince me of three(- or moresomes)… and wanted to lure me into a Swinger club which I neither had the intention of doing…
    I thought that was a relationship between two people…
    I kicked him out of my apartment – and life only a short while after all this…
    I’m still waiting for the news he had joined a catholic monastery… *grin*

    Reply
  24. girl who got played

     /  October 1, 2014

    Just wanted to say that I to fell victim of a using man. I gave head to this man while he was married once…but I didn’t know he was married at that time…even I found out I didn’t do it again. He messaged me one day and said he was recently divorced so I met up with him and another blow job I gave.but he made it fun actually.rough and forceful and chocking me even’.I enjoyed it…but months went by and I pleased him at least once a week and never one did he do anything for me. I have managed to have sex with him 4 times in almost 9 months and never even climaxed any of those times nor did he care..He has other girls he I assume only allows to blow him but I sadly have some how fallen IN LOVE with him. He has told me he only cares about himself so it’s not like he pretended to want more.. I am stupid yes but thankfully he is moving in a month far away out of state…I can’t wait to be done with a bad disrespectful man that I can’t seem to find enough balls to walk away from on my own. But the plus side I actually enjoy giving head now and have so many different positions and techniques that I hope one day I can actually use on a man who will be worthy of the pleasure and will be enjoying making me happy as well..till then I will suck it up..literally lol….peace out

    Reply

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