What 4.5 Years and 1 Million Views of Blogging Have Taught Me

About four and a half years ago, I asked my then agent what I could do to better my odds of success as an author, other than writing and writing some more. Among his chief suggestions? Start a blog.

Write for free in the spare time I don’t exactly have? It sounded like dreadful homework, but like many writers, I was eager to do whatever it took to move forward. That “whatever” turned out to be one of the most important professional decisions I’ve made.

Over the weekend, my blog reached 1 million views. While numbers are by far not the most important thing and all relative, this felt pretty awesome—especially considering I recall very well a time I nearly pleaded people to check it out. (Uh, that’s not a suggestion.)

PLEASE? I'll do anything!

PLEASE? I’ll do anything!

Some writers might hear “a million views” and think, “Yeah, but it was all for FREE!” Heck, if if I’d received a penny for every hit, I’d be $10,000 richer. But I can assure you, I’ve received much more than that.

Blogging has helped me build a readership before my first book even released, introduced me to wonderful friends and given me a platform to share and connect with others in ways I hadn’t imagined possible. It’s led to speaking and writing gigs, including my highest paying magazine assignment, some groovy awards and, three years ago, facilitated the launch of Girl Boner®—which led to Girl Boner® Radio. It continues to fill the emotional gaps between writing for others, this writing that is fully mine—no rules or hard deadlines, no editor’s sharp eye or endless rewrites—only me, my soul and my fingers, typing to my heart’s desire, very often letting whatever’s on my mind spill out on the page. In that vulnerability lies strength and even healing.

Blogging isn’t for everyone, but if you’re the least bit curious about what it might bring or allow for you, I highly recommend giving it a try. If you do, or if you’re currently blogging and it does feel like annoying homework, here are some of my favorite strategies:

Write what you’re compelled to write, no matter how seemingly “big” or “small.” When I speak about blogging, I’m nearly always asked what one should write about. The answer is, whatever you wish. Your content doesn’t have to tie in to a particular theme or product. (Yes, Girl Boner® is my brand now, but you’ll also find me reminiscing about whatever and writing about my dog.) It simply has to matter to you.

Be consistent, but not rigid, schedule-wise. When I first started blogging, I’d read that three posts per week is ideal. Holy way-too-much-for-me. I tried it, then quickly realized that I needed to make time for stuff like sleep. If super frequent posting works for you, great! I find that about once per week suits me. Find a rhythm that works for you, and if you need a break, take it.

Set aside fear of what others might think. Yes, it’s important to consider your audience and loved ones when blogging, but there’s a huge difference between consideration and fear. Don’t let fear of others’ judgment hold you back; that’s stifling in all life areas.

Prioritize authenticity, not popularity. When I started Girl Boner®, a few told me I’d definitely gain readers, because “sex sells!” Everyone wants to read about sex, right? Yes and no. There are gazillions of sex blogs and articles, so joining that genre was a bit like becoming a drop in an ocean, versus a kiddie pool. My most popular posts aren’t my most explicit or seemingly “marketable” posts. They’re the ones I feel most compelled to write.

And remember, building takes time. Here’s how my blog’s growth looks visually:

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Don’t over-strategize. Hey, isn’t this a list of strategies? Yup. But I’m talking about not becoming an over-strategizing-numbers-likes-shares/trendy-topic-obsessed monster. My favorite people to read and follow online are those who are *gasp* human. They share to share or because they feel (that word again!) compelled to, not for a particular reaction. That authenticity shows in their writing, their brands and their worlds. And you know what? They’re going far. Gentle strategies here and there, groovy. Fixating on acclaim, not fun or helpful.

Lastly, dive into the community. Seek and explore other blogs. Follow, comment on and share those you dig. Mix and mingle with Kristen Lamb’s brainchild, the #MyWANA community. Check out BlogHer—the best conference on anything I’ve been to, and much more. Spend even 10 minutes a day scoping things out through WordPress, Twitter or Facebook. Chances are, you’ll find your tribe. That is the beginning of awesome.

What has blogging taught you? If you’re thinking of starting, what’s holding you back? Any questions you’d love thoughts on? I love hearing from you all—and am so grateful for the time you’ve taken to read any of my work. It means so much. ♥

“I’m blunt? Oh, yeah…” What Has Your Blogging Mirror Taught You?

It’s tough to recall exactly when I started blurting, but I suspect it coincided with another milestone: the day I started speaking. According to my parents, one of my earliest emerged when I wasn’t yet two. My mom had just broken the news that I could no longer sip from the Bosom Bar because she was pregnant with another, which would turn our family of five into six.

“So you’re going to be four mommies?” I asked, pondering the upcoming NKOTB. (Don’t pretend you don’t know what that means.)

“Yes.”

“Well, there’s only one daddy, and he’s all mine.” I swear I’m not a sociopath. A bit envious back then, sure, but not conscience-less. (Thank goodness. I’ve been researching the heck out of sociopathology for an upcoming radio episode.)

When I learned the other morning that Girl Boner is a finalist for Best Blunt Blog in The Indie Chicks’ Badass Blog Awards, I was crazy-honored, but also surprised. Sure, I’m prone to blurting, but… I’m blunt?

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Our blog-mirrors sure tell us a lot! #bluntandproudofit

For some reason, I correlated “blunt” with rude comments, like my toddler-remark had it been said by a mature adult. Back then, I had that cute-cuz-I’m-a-kid thing going on. Then I thought about it.Blunt can mean harsh, but it can also mean uncompromisingly forthright, direct and to the point. (Thank you, Webster!)

Hmm…

I have talked a lot about clitorises, my brain-gasm MRI, bralessness and ex-partners. And if there’s one thing #GirlBoner isn’t, it’s subtle. (Call me crazy, but I don’t think #ExcitedDownThere has the same ring to it.) Subtlety wouldn’t get me anywhere in a culture in which innumerable obstacles stand in the way of female sexual embracement, keeping way too many women from living full, authentic lives—often with little, if any, knowledge that it’s happening. Not because they aren’t brilliant, but because of the world we live in.

See? There I go again. #NotSorry Partly because maintaining this blog helped me embrace myself further. It’s also shed light on who I actually am—which is rather key to the whole living authentically thing.

That’s one of the most beautiful things about blogging: the mirror it provides us. When I first started, I worried that readers would deem me a perplexing ping-pong ball. “I’m all over the place!” But you know what? None of us are as bouncy as we may think. Common threads appear when we let the words flow—or, in my case, dart. If we don’t stand in their way, we never know where they’ll lead.

That doesn’t mean everyone should write about clits and brain-gasms, of course, or anything controversial. What’s important is being who we are, out loud, without crippling fear over what others will think. Blogging unapologetically has literally changed my life, leading to everything from incredible friendships to my radio show and speaking gigs. This week, it led to this groovy award nomination.

I’m so, so grateful.

When I told my mom about the nomination, she started giggling and singing, “Everybody blurts (hurts), sometimes….” LOL Surely, I got my blurt-gene from her. Anyhow, if you’d like to vote for me—or anyone!—use this link:

Blog Awards: Vote for the Finalists! #ICBBAwards

I also highly recommend subscribing to the publication while you’re there, and liking/following them on Facebook and Twitter (@TheIndieChicks). While you’re there, wish them a happy birthday! They’re celebrating three years of empowering awesomeness. Huge congrats to my pals Jess Witkins and Aussa Lorens for being nominated as well! So well-deserved. ♥

What has blogging taught you about yourself? What’s the biggest blurt that’s ever escaped your lips? Are you blunt? Your comments and support give me a #GirlBoner. Seriously.

200th Post Link + Love Party!

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey

Does your life ever feel, oh I don’t know…slightly hectic? I can hear some of you laughing. (“Ever? How ’bout hectic is my middle name?”) I get that. For the most part, I prefer life that way—staying busy and doing work I adore. At times for all of us, though, the load can seem so heavy, it’s no longer about having a lot on our plate, but feeling as though there’s no plate large or sturdy enough to support it all.

I was feeling that way recently when news arrived that sucked the wind out of my stresses. My husband’s grandmother was extremely ill, and it was time to visit her one last time.

If platonic love-at-first-sight exists, I felt it with Grandma Tovar. I met her at her 80-something-th birthday party in El Paso, to which she wore a shimmery black dress with a diamond pendant, her eyes more sparkly than her jewels. She was always that sparkly—cracking jokes, brightening spirits, giving advice and telling stories—until very near the end. She passed away on Sunday, and will be greatly missed.

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The one thing I’ll probably remember most about Grandma T. was her ability to embrace and celebrate life. Well after a successful career and raising four children, she stayed active. She read constantly, took up harmonica lessons and bowling just last year, learned from her mistakes and was never too proud to admit or laugh at them. She had friends of all ages, related to most everyone and maintained a sharp, open mind. (She even talked to me about Girl Boners, but I promised I wouldn’t get into that. ;)) And given the slightest window of opportunity, the woman partied like crazy.

I’d considered skipping a blog post this week, regardless of my plan for a 200th post celebration. But how could I skip a party with Grandma T., the party QUEEN, profoundly in my thoughts? She’d NEVER bypass such an opportunity. If she’d been a writer, her blog would have been overflowing with virtual martinis, mariachi singers, fabulous food and colorful dancers.

In honor of Grandma T., and the 200 posts many of you have so graciously supported, let’s play music, don our sparkly duds and paaarty—keeping in mind that every day holds a reason to celebrate, no matter how crazed we may feel.

How to play:

In the comments below, share a link to one of your blog posts and one to another’s post that really struck you. While you’re at it, tell me your favorite party drink! Stick around or pop back later to check out others’ links. It’s a great way to mix, mingle and make new friends. Remember to click “like,” comment, share and/or follow blogs you really dig. Let’s get the sparkly support flowing…

explosion of love

Huge THANKS to all of you, for your ongoing support. ♥  May you always find ways to savor the storm.

*Party idea inspired by Chuck Wendig.

Blogging Alternatives for Authors: Choosing Your Stage and Microphone

As many of you know, I’m a diehard blogging fan. Approached well, it can broaden our readership, strengthen our writing, introduce us to fabulous friends, make us more appealing to industry pros and help us land freelance gigs. If you’re a blog-o-holic fellow fan, you’re probably nodding your head right now. Others of you, I suspect, are somewhat skeptical.

I led a blogging workshop at a conference recently and asked, “Who here has a blog?” Most every attendee raised a hand. When I prompted them to keep their hand up if they enjoy the process, all but one shot down.

I realize that not all aspects of writing are pleasurable, but I believe that many can be. I also believe that forcing ourselves to partake in optional activities we detest can work against us. Regardless, blogging isn’t for everyone.

Blog choices

We’re crazy-fortunate to be writers in a day rich with freedom and opportunity. The question isn’t if we’ll be published, but when and how. We also have a broad range of choices when it comes to book marketing, branding and the beloved author platform. (Note the sarcasm; I know few authors who jump up and down at the sound of the P-word.) I view “brand” simply as who we are—as people and writers, and “platform” as the stage and microphone we use to share ourselves and our work. The more we’re read, heard, seen and/or appreciated, the stronger our “stage,” “microphone” and audience become. And there’s no one or “right” way to enhance or utilize any of them.

When To Make Changes, Quit or Avoid Blogging

If you don’t enjoy blogging, you may want to consider tweaking your habits and approach. If you loathe it regardless, why do it? Hating blogging, but forcing ourselves to do it anyway, is a lot like following a tasteless diet and tedious exercise routine, in my opinion. It won’t stick, provide lasting results or prove worthwhile. We may even go bonkers in the process.

I’d also suggest not blogging, or seriously shifting your habits, if it’s taken priority over your primary writing—unless you’d prefer to build a blog in lieu of books. You may also be rockin’ your author platform without blogging, or detest the notion of even starting. While no one tool or medium works for everyone, it’s important that we present ourselves somewhere–preferably beyond our living rooms. If blogging isn’t your cup of novel-tea (ba-dump), I’d suggest the following:

5 Alternatives to Blogging for Author Platform Building

1. Rely on other social media platforms. I’ve heard Facebook and Twitter called micro-blogging, and for good reason. They, and other social media platforms, offer many of the same benefits blogging can—if we use them consistently, present ourselves authentically and avoid telemarketer “BUY MY STUFF!” techniques. (Thank goodness those don’t work. Blech.) If you’re unsure as to which platform to focus on, experimenting with a variety can help. For tips on using Google+ for building your platform, check out Marcy Kennedy’s post on Jane Friedman’s blog. For Twitter basics, InkyGirl’s free Writer’s Guide is groovy. To learn the benefits of Facebook pages versus personal profiles, check out Lisa Hall-Wilson’s post on Jami Gold’s blog.

2. Write guest posts for other blogs. Guest posts build content much the way personal blogs do, and introduce new readers to our voice and work. They can also make nice additions to our main author and social media sites. (If you’re on Pinterest, for example, create an interview/guest post board.) For best results, choose blogs you appear on wisely. There are loads of fantastic blogs out there—well-written, compelling sites with interactive readers and lofty readership. Countless others have lower-quality posts, very few followers and little interactivity. Before seeking or accepting a guest post opportunity, ask for demographics and stats, unless you have a good grasp of and respect for the blog’s content already. We can also learn a lot about a blog by skimming through posts, comments and social media shares.

3. Read, follow and interact with authors who do blog. Blogging isn’t the only way to engage in the blogging community, in which there is tremendous value for authors. (It’s one of the most supportive writing communities I feel we have access to.) Make sure you have a Gravatar profile, so that your photo and profile link accompany your comments when applicable, then seek out and read blogs that strike you. Sharing links to posts we find compelling on social media helps us, the post creator and readers who benefit from the links. When we share valuable content, we attract like-minded followers.

4. Contribute stories, articles and pitches to magazines, journals, contests and websites. Being findable on search engines and having plentiful online content are major blogging perks. We can get these same advantages by contributing stories and articles—paid or not—to print and online publications. (Exposure and experience are valuable “pay,” particularly in our early days.) Short stories can boost book sales, by serving as leverage during price-drop promotions and adding to our body of work. (A reader who loves your short story will be more likely to buy your books, and vice versa.) Entering writing contests can help instill deadlines—another perk of blogging. Winning brings us recognition, enhancing our reputation.

5. Write awesome book after awesome book, and team up with fantabulous reps and/or marketing gurus. I believe that high-quality work attracts and breeds success, regardless of what we do otherwise—and obviously, writing book after book is vital for all career-oriented writers. On occasion, a book does so well with readers or publishing pros, word-of-mouth (including others’ social media) and/or a powerful marketing force takes care of the whole shegang. If you can manage and enjoy that, kudos! Sadly, most of us aren’t so lucky. The harder we work, and the more high-quality work we produce, the better off we’ll be. Meanwhile, if we’re resistant to blogging and other social media, we best team up with qualified others who aren’t.

Speaking of blogging writers, a group of us are highlighting a special one today. Susie Lindau, a prolific blogger I’m honored to call friend, is facing breast cancer with courage, heart and humor. Please take a peek at her latest post, The Boob Report: Laughter is the Best Medicine, and you’ll see what I mean. ♥ She’ll inspire you, whether you’ve joined the blogosphere or not.

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Lynn Kelley, Susie Lindau, Debra Eve, me and Debra Kristi

How do you feel about blogging? Any alternatives to add? What’s your preferred method of platform building, on or offline? Or would you rather hide away in a remote cabin, type-typing away? (We all have days like that!)