All posts in category Beauty

The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest V: Save the Date!

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.” — Sam Levenson, The Beauty of a Woman

Five years ago, I hosted the first Beauty of a Woman BlogFest, as a thanks for the support I received after sharing a post about my experience with an eating disorder. The fest quickly took on a life of its own, drawing hundreds of bloggers and thousands of readers together with a common goal: to celebrate and explore real beauty, however we define it. I’m so grateful for everyone who’s participated! Your posts have made us laugh, ache, cry, think and grow.

I’m pleased to announce the upcoming Beauty of a Woman BlogFest V! *tosses confetti*

Normally, the fest takes place the last week of February, to coincide with National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. This year, since my new book, Embraceable, is about to release in paperback (kickstarting some fun release happenings!), I’ve decided to push it back a bit. I want to make sure I can devote full attention to all of these happenings.

#BOAW16 will take place the first week of May, leading up to Mother’s Day—which seems similarly appropriate timing-wise, don’t you think? Participants can tie their posts into the holiday or not, and we’ll again have two categories: Original and Girl Boner.

Registration will open in April, so stay tuned for updates! If you have a prize valued at $50 or more you’d like to donate, please contact me.

To peruse previous years’ fests, click these links:

Waterolor beautiful girl. Vector illustration of woman beauty salon

I hope to see you at the Embraceable release party/giveaway and the fest! Sending loads of love in the meantime. ♥

— August

6 Comments
by August McLaughlin on February 15, 2016  •  Permalink
Posted in Beauty, Body image, Sexuality
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Posted by August McLaughlin on February 15, 2016

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2016/02/15/boaw-v-save-the-date/

Reassurance for Anyone Opting Out of Botox

Trust me, I get it. In a photo of yourself, you notice lines where there used to be smoothness, or deep crevices in place of faint lines. (“When did that happen?!?”) Meanwhile, continually more women are opting to freeze their facial muscles with Botox—and similar procedures—and regarding every crease that appears, society seems to scream, “Erase!” 

Now in my late 30s, I’ve lived in some of the most looks-centric places in the world, worked extensively in fashion and film and struggled with a severe eating disorder I’ve thankfully moved past. I now spend most of my time in the field of women’s empowerment. While my path hasn’t made me immune to “anti-aging” pressure, it has given me some helpful tools and perspective.

There's beauty and depth in aging.

There’s beauty and depth in aging.

First, an important point: I am not out to shun anyone who chooses cosmetic procedures. I promise. Whatever a woman decides to do to her body or appearance is 1000% her decision, and deserving of respect. This post is for women who, like me, have needed reassurance for their decision not to go under the needle. While there are countless examples, headlines, advertisements and articles to advocate for Botox, too few support women’s decision to opt out. If you relate to the latter, read on.

Whether you want to embrace your aging face as-is for social reasons (how sad is it that not getting Botox practically makes one an activist?), to save funds, to avoid unnecessary chemicals or just because, your decision is a worthy one.

The following facts have reassured me on rainy (read aesthetically self-critical) days.

Botox isn’t risk-free.  

While Botox is considered relatively safe short-term, the treatment has only been used for wrinkles since the late 1990s. It’s too soon to know of any long-term complications. That it’s made from a toxin that causes the life-threatening form of food poisoning known as botulism isn’t exactly appealing. Physician Dr. Jennifer Hanes advises folks to take caution when considering Botox, and says it’s possible that the treatment could make you look older over time. By paralyzing the muscles repeatedly, they may atrophy. Only time will tell.

There are more important and enlivening ways to invest your money. 

Botox treatments average around $525 per treatment, according to numerous sources, and regulars have three to four treatments per year—totaling $1575 – $2100 annually. Imagine how many starving children you could feed or animals you could save with that cash. If you were to smartly save or invest those funds, they’d really add up—which is important, considering the gender inequality in retirement funds. Women generally make and save less money, and live longer, than men. You could also invest those funds into building your dream business or pursuing a passion. All of these options seem more valuable to me than minimizing wrinkles.

Expressiveness is beautiful. 

Chances are, you don’t stand in front of the mirror and express yourself. If you’ve considered Botox, you’ve probably paused to stare and analyze, frowning or perma-grinning in seek of “flaws,” but we seldom catch ourselves in the act of expressing—which is often when we’re at our loveliest. Research (and likely all of our experience) shows that we’re attracted to radiant expressions, such as genuine smiles. Genuine is a key word here, because, in some cases, procedures like Botox detract from perceived authenticity. Those lines around our eyes? They show realness. Trustworthiness. Beauty. Life.

You aren’t ugly. Societal messaging is.

Imagine if we lived in a culture that celebrated aging, rather than shunned it. What if women were considered distinguished, the way men often are, for aging? Might we see beauty in the lines “anti-aging” procedures lessen? I sure think so. We can only change societal messaging from the ground up—starting in our own lives. Girls are getting Botox as early as age 13 now, according to ABC News. That is horrifying to me. If they didn’t see it in adults, they wouldn’t even be tempted.

If you decide against Botox, express yourself boldly, letting lines appear where they will, knowing that intentional or not, you’ll likely have a positive impact on others. While you’re at it, invest your time and energy into whatever matters more to you. I can almost guarantee it’ll be worth it.

How do you feel about Botox? If you’ve considered (or tried) it, then opted out, what was your reason? What steps do you take to embrace aging in general?

36 Comments
by August McLaughlin on January 25, 2016  •  Permalink
Posted in Beauty, Body image
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Posted by August McLaughlin on January 25, 2016

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2016/01/25/botox-facts-risks/

6 Ways You May Be Body-Shaming Without Realizing It

I was in New York City recently, celebrating World Sexual Health Day (SO much fun) and doing a heck of a lot of people watching. Observing others, daydreaming about their lives and experiences, is seriously fun—until it reveals bullying.

While watching others people-watch, I heard numerous demeaning remarks about other folks’ appearance. Some were obvious, others not so much.

“She definitely does not have the body for that,” I heard one woman say about another’s yoga outfit. I couldn’t help but butt in: “I think she looks great, and comfortable.” There’s no right or wrong shape or size for particular clothing. We should all feel free to dress as we wish.

body shaming

Do you agree? I sure hope so. If not, I hope you’ll think more about these issues. Criticizing comments may seem like no big deal, but they can cut deep, contributing to larger cultural problems that affect us all.

When we judge and shame others for their aesthetics, we make the world a harsher place—for everyone, but women, especially. Whether we make brash comments aloud or silently, they’re worth eradicating. As a bonus, doing away with negative-other talk allows us more time and energy for goodness.

Here are six common ways people shame others’ appearance, often without realizing it:

1. “She’s obviously had work done.”

Whether or not a woman (or man) has had work done shouldn’t matter to you. Who cares? Many people seem to make this kind of statement as a way to belittle another, with this kind of mentality: If so-and-so had work done, they cheated, thus I win the attractiveness contest. Psst! There’s no contest. At least, there shouldn’t be.

When you find yourself wondering if someone’s had a cosmetic procedure, stop yourself and remind yourself that it doesn’t matter. If you notice they’ve had excessive amounts, have compassion. Chances are, they’re struggling with low self-esteem and body image.

2. “Wow, you look great! Have you lost weight?”

Praising weight loss suggests that you have to be slim to appear attractive or healthy. Society may tout this as true, but it isn’t. Health and beauty come in all shapes and sizes. And people often lose weight for very unfortunate reasons, such as stress or illness.

One of my favorite perks of recover from decades of poor body image—and worse—is the fact that I don’t look at others and see shapes and sizes. I see people. Aim for that. It’s wondrous.

3. “You don’t look that old!”

Sure, it’s impressive when people maintain a sense of youthfulness longterm—but you can be impressed without shunning aging. What’s wrong with being or appearing older? Nada. Aging reflects our paths and experience, which is a groovy thing.

4. “Women’s Halloween costumes are so slutty.”

If you use the word “slut,” other than to discuss the problematic nature of its existence, STOP IT. Please. No matter what a woman wears on Halloween, or any day, is her decision and not shame-worthy. So don’t shame her. For more on this topic, check out my post from last year: What’s Really Wrong About “Slutty” Halloween Costumes.

5. “At least I have legs!”

I’ve heard variations of this many times, and it’s always bothered me. Not until I saw Stella Young’s phenomenal TED Talk recently did I understand fully why. “We’ve been sold the lie that disability is a Bad Thing—capital B, capital T,” she says. It’s not, she explains, adding that our culture objectifies people with disabilities for the benefit of non-disabled people. Here’s an example: You may dislike how your thighs look, but at least you have them! There’s nothing wrong or unattractive about a body without fewer or different parts than yours. Stop shunning them.

6. “Real women have curves (or six-packs or fill-in-the-blank).”

Trust me, I get it. Celebrating curves you have is far better than bashing them—and curvier, heavier-set women get more body-shaming than thin women. But reversing the discrimination isn’t the answer. Suggesting that you must have curves (or a chiseled, muscular look—a newer trend I’ve noticed) insults people without them. That’s not how we do away with societal’s harsh pressure to appear particular unrealistic and limited ways. We rise up by accepting all looks, while not overvaluing any of them.

*For more on this topic, check out the latest on NEON MOON’s blog: The Truth Behind Fake Body Positivity.

♥

Harsh comments about others’ shape, size or appearance typically have a lot more to do with the sayer than the person being talked about. If you’re prone to making these assessments, take a look within. Trust me, some self-work in this area will be well worth the effort.

What body-shaming remarks have you heard lately? Have you made any yourself? What steps will you take to shift your habits for the better? I love hearing from you!

23 Comments
by August McLaughlin on September 28, 2015  •  Image  •  Permalink
Posted in Beauty, Body image

Posted by August McLaughlin on September 28, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/09/28/5-ways-you-may-be-body-shaming-without-realizing-it/

5 Ways to Choose the Best Shoes for Your Feet #HeelFree

“She wins who calls herself beautiful and challenges the world to change to truly see her.” — Naomi Wolf

Most articles on choosing the right shoes for your feet aim at managing problems caused or worsened by high heels, or athletes, who tend to care more about their extremities than the average Joanne. One thing my #HeelFree campaign has taught me is that foot care is an invaluable form of self-care. We should all prioritize it.

1. Know your foot type and needs.

Back in my acting and modeling days, I was a leg double for a film actress in a photo shoot. I spent hours walking up and down a runway in shoes that were too small and narrow for my feet—which haven’t been the same since. Shoes that don’t fit aren’t worth it (even if you’re being paid to wear them).

Size is only one important consideration while shoe shopping. Stop by an athletic store or see a podiatrist for a proper fitting. If you have high arches, you need a flexible shoe with good cushioning, says sports physician Dr. Low Wye Mu. If you have flatter feet, you need greater arch support and stability. If you have bunions you’ll need a roomier toe box, and all shoes should fit comfortably—while you’re sitting, standing and walking.

Women are encouraged to have fittings for bras, dresses and even jeans—yet our shoes, apparel that play a significant role in our safety and well-being, get little attention…until something bad happens.

2. Avoid heels.

If you really want to prevent or manage foot and body pain, keep your body in proper alignment and guard against heel-related injuries, such as sprains and fractures, and chronic conditions, such as bunions and osteo-arthritis, you’ve got to stick to supportive shoes. If you simply can’t let go of taller, angular shoes yet, shift to lower heels. While you’re at it, limit time wearing them. (To learn more about high-heel risks, click here.)

3. Avoid non-supportive flats, too.

While they don’t offset your alignment or bring as much pain as heels, flip flops aren’t the safest or most supportive bet either. Don’t make flip flops, ballet slippers and anything that strips of material tied on with string your regulars. Wear them around the house, if you’d like. Take your flip flops to the beach. For other daily activity, stick to more supportive options such as quality flats, walking clogs or sandals, athletic shoes and heel-free boots.

4. Invest in quality.

Very often, we get what we pay for in the shoe department. In some cases, lower prices brings the greater risk. A recent study showed that women have an average of 20 pairs of shoes. I’d rather have five or six pairs of sturdy, comfy shoes that cost a bit more than loads of cheap, potentially hurtful ones. Find deals by shopping the clearance section of athletic and quality shoe stores. (These shoes are often simply last season’s model, and still great quality.) As a bonus, quality shoes last far longer. The investment will pay for itself over time.

The turquoise number are Pasadena Drea sandals by Dansko—love them!

The turquoise number are Pasadena Drea sandals by Dansko—love them!

5. Choose styles you dig.

No matter what your shape, size or height, you can look and feel sexy in ultra-supportive shoes. (Shut up, society. You’re wrong.) To do so, you’ve got to shop for shoes that bring you joy, says motivational stylist Rayne Parvis of Style by Rayne. “If you’re going to go out and buy cheap flip flops, they’re not going to bring you joy,” she said on Girl Boner® Radio last week. Choose styles and prints you love, she suggests. Dress in color and start seeing your own beauty precisely as you are.

To learn more about #HeelFree fashion and ways to feel sexy no matter what your height or size, listen our chat here or watch the video below. The episode also features Shannon Hammer, a healthy living advocate who overcame decades of disordered eating.

What’s your favorite pair of comfy shoes? How much time and consideration do you invest in foot care? What’s your favorite way to nurture your feet? I love hearing from you! ♥

9 Comments
by August McLaughlin on September 9, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in #HeelFree, Beauty, Body image, Girl Boner
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Posted by August McLaughlin on September 9, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/09/09/5-ways-to-choose-the-best-shoes-for-your-feet-heelfree/

When Lingerie Models Are Body-Shamed #moonbodylove

I was a healthy sixteen-year-old the first time someone told me to lose weight. With one sentence the renowned photographer affirmed my long-held fears that I was destined for fatness and flawed as I was.

“You could be modeling in Paris if you lost 10 or 15 pounds,” he said.

So I did, gradually losing not only weight but my sense of self, until I nearly died of an eating disorder.

It would take years of hard, healing work to recognize that what I’d really feared was not mattering or measuring up—not by a scale’s standards, but the world’s.

In a culture where females are told in countless ways that we must appear certain unrealistic ways to be considered attractive or even valuable, every person who stands up for authenticity matters.

When I first learned of Neon Moon, an empowering lingerie company that features un-photoshopped images of models of varying shapes, sizes and races, I about burst out of my too-snug undies from excitement. (Yes, I got rid of those!)

Earlier this week, the company and its philosophies were under attack. A photo of one of their gorgeous models was nipped, tucked and shamed for all the world to see. Heartbreaking doesn’t seem a strong enough word.

To learn more, read Body Shamers Photoshopped Our Lingerie Model To Make Her ‘Perfect’ on Neon Moon’s blog. 

In response to the bullying Neon Moon launched a campaign, asking women to post photos of themselves online, stating what they love about their bodies as they are and including the hashtag #moonbodylove.

That is how we better the world—by standing up in the face of adversity and shedding light on what counts.

I’ll share my entry but first, here is a “before” image. Before I’d learned to fully embrace myself. Before I realized my true passions. Before I grew from recovering emotionally from the ED to healed, past tense. Before I learned that “model perfect” is a complete failure of words, even when you’re being paid to present it.

Me, circa 2004

Me, circa 2004

I recall the makeup artist working hard to hide my tan lines with what seemed like tan paint better suited for fences. (Even with sunscreen, a partial tan prayed tell of my beloved, mind-clearing Miami beach jogs in shorts.) The stylist chose a suit that covered my appendectomy scar, which I’d adored since the surgery saved my life a few years prior. In effort to avoid the need for editing, we waited all day until the “golden hour,” when the sun begins to set and all the world glimmers sublime.

The photo is lovely in some ways. The scenery indeed shines, and I liked the suit that reminded my of my dad’s long career with UPS.

But it’s far from authentic. I never looked like this woman, even then. Where is my smile? My fervor for life? The scars and lines illustrating that which kept me whole? The image wasn’t photoshopped but I was caked in makeup, spritzed with glossy-something and performing as someone else versus living freely as me. And while I was no longer anorexic, I was still investing more time and energy in thinness than wellness back then.

What would happen if the world glorified women in more real, natural states (as Neon Moon does)? Would the young girls desperate for approval see hopes and dreams instead of diets and reasons for shame? I have to think so.

Here is my #moonbodylove entry, a photo taken a few months ago during my first ever cruise. Now in my mid-thirties, I feel lovelier than I ever did in my twenties or while modeling—not because of my looks, but because of my improved relationship with myself. That relationship has attracted more beauty of all kinds into my life. Everyone deserves that.

MoonBodyLoveWhether you’ve learned to love your body yet or not, I hope you’ll join this campaign. I can almost promise that doing so will strengthen you while inspiring others, and let bullies who wish to keep women small (physically and emotionally) know who’s boss! We are, if we choose to be. United, we’re much stronger than on our own.

To participate, post your photo and why you love your body as it is, on Instagram, Facebook and/or Twitter, including the hashtag #moonbodylove. I can’t wait to celebrate real beauty with you! ♥

12 Comments
by August McLaughlin on August 21, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in Beauty, Body image, Life
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Posted by August McLaughlin on August 21, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/08/21/body-shaming-lingerie-models-and-what-to-do-about-it-moonbodylove/

Celebrating Vulnerability and Links I LOVE

vulnerable adj. vul·ner·a·ble: easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally; open to attack, harm, or damage – Merriam Webster

There’s something missing from this definition. Vulnerability doesn’t merely leave us more easily hurt but wide open to greater love, sensitivity, awareness and compassion. Without it, I’m not sure we’d ever grow.

The past few years have been a near crash course in the V-word for me—from blogging my heart out to launching my show. In addition to being “where good girls go for sexual empowerment,” Girl Boner® Radio is where I go to stand strong in my beliefs, explore controversial issues and speak from my heart, sans script or the editing manuscripts and articles require. Last week it was filmed for the first time, providing more chances to explore Vulnerable City with my tribe of giddy butterflies. (I love them so.)

GB radio 7-22

Today I want to highlight some stellar reads from the blog-o-sophere—all of which serve as proof that vulnerability is a near superpower, and equal parts magnifying glass and compass if we embrace it. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did! If you do, check out their blogs and follow them on Twitter.

Three Posts That Rocked My World

Why the Lingerie World Gets on My Tits via Neon Moon—an empowering, world-shifting lingerie company y’all must check out! Here, Hayat Rachi shares the personal experiences that inspired the revolutionary brand.

Neon Moon quote

The Expedition of No Return by KM Huber—my friend and fabulous zen blogger shares how she’s discovered “life anew” after learning she was at high risk for quadriplegia and having surgery that challenged her values. She’s a miracle.

KM Huber

Why We Hate Photos of Ourselves by Alexandra Rosas (via Purple Clover)—a gifted friend I met through BlogHer shares how she learned to embrace photos of herself after her mother’s passing. It’s rich with valuable insight.

Alexandra Rosas

What have times of vulnerability taught you? What rewards have you gained in the process? What did you think of these posts? I love hearing from you! ♥

8 Comments
by August McLaughlin on July 27, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in Beauty, Blogging, Body image, Girl Boner, Life
Tagged , , , , , ,

Posted by August McLaughlin on July 27, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/07/27/celebrating-vulnerability-and-links-i-love/

The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Received

This week marks the start of my relationship advice column for The Good Men Project. I can’t tell you all how stoked I am for the opportunity. If you’re new to GMP, a diverse community of thought leaders who explore men’s evolving roles in modern times, I hope you’ll check them out. To read my first weekly segment, answering a question on finding bliss and “the one,” visit this link.

To celebrate, I thought I’d share some of the worst advice I’ve ever received. Most has been well-intended, some I had the wherewithal to ignore and some came from the person closest to me: myself.

authenticity quote

1. Darken your eyebrows.

When I was a teen and first entering the modeling world, I took advice from all industry pros to heart. Much of it was good (don’t pay anyone to model, don’t sign anything your agent hasn’t read and approved), darkening my eyebrows with brownish pencil made me look like I had furry worms crawling on my forehead.

Lesson learned: Don’t wear makeup 50+ shades darker than your face, and anything that makes you look like a creepy-crawler magnet. Aim to look like you.

2. Die your hair platinum blonde.

See explanation #1. When a stylist remarked, “You’d make a great platinum blonde,” I raced off to a salon and left two hours later with Barbie-esque hair. For about two weeks I loved it, relishing the attention. (People stare at you when your head glows.) But then roots appeared, making my naturally light hair appear dishwater-brown by comparison. Meanwhile, I felt like a faker. The frantic upkeep made me and my bank account crazy.

Lesson learned: Don’t color your hair vastly different colors than your natural shade, unless want to rock hot pink or rainbow stripes.

3. Don’t break up with a guy until after Valentine’s Day (or other holidays).

Strategic, right? *quivers* I gave this to myself and took it, multiple times, in my early twenties. Not keen on hurting a guy I planned to break up with more than necessary, I also wanted to make sure I had a date for those holidays. *moment of silence to commemorate personal growth* (If any of you guys are reading this, I’m so so sorry.)

Lesson learned: Staying in a wrong-for-you relationship is lonely, especially on holidays. Pretending you’re invested in a relationship hurts everyone.

4. Create fake identities to have conversations with yourself on others’ blog.

Eek! I’m so glad I didn’t take this. An acquaintance/internet genius suggested I do this when only my parents and 1.5 strangers read my blog. In doing so, he claimed, I’d intrigue people into clicking my (actual) name and visiting my blog.

Lesson learned: Being an industry professional doesn’t make someone an expert on you or your work. Also? Authenticity is everything.

5. Don’t quit.

I’ve heard this many times from well-intended folks—including when I’d decided to leave my first marriage, to trade financial stability in Miami for countless unknowns in LA, and to stop working on a novel to focus on non-fiction. In all of these cases, my instincts told me to leap. With one minor delay (clinging on to the novel for a bit), I did so. These leaps were some of my most empowering and important.

Lesson learned: There’s a big difference between giving up and moving forward. Staying in a relationship or venture because it seems safest or right to others can mean saying NO to our dreams—including those we haven’t yet conjured.

*****

I now realize this list could’ve gone on and on, as could the list of awesome advice I’ve received. For now, I’ll leave you with these five and open the floor to you. What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received? Did you take it? Do you relate to any of mine? I love hearing from you! ♥

23 Comments
by August McLaughlin on July 14, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in Beauty, Blogging, Relationships, Writing
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Posted by August McLaughlin on July 14, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/07/14/the-worst-advice-ive-ever-received/

Body Image Language, Changes and High Heels: A Chat with Dr. Megan

There’s little I love more than exploring empowering topics with kick-ass folks who have not only learned to embrace their bodies and selves, but pay it forward by inspiring the same in others.

The other week on Girl Boner® Radio, I had such chats with two fabulous ladies: Emily Nolan of My Kind of Life, who moved past a decade of disordered eating and now inspires women worldwide with her activism, and sex and relationship expert Dr. Megan Fleming, who’s been featured on the OWN Network, Anderson Cooper, Cosmo Radio and more. She’s also Girl Boner®’s current relationship expert, answering listeners’ questions with warmth, wit and grace.

Dr. Megan was kind enough to answer a few follow-up questions for this post. I love that she not only speaks as an experienced clinician, but as a real woman who knows these trials (and how to move past them) herself.

To stream the episode on cultivating “belly-out” self-confidence,  click one of these links:

My website        iTunes      Stitcher Radio

Dr. Megan Fleming quote 1

Body Image Language, Changes and High Heels:

An After-Chat with Dr. Megan Fleming

August: Why is the language we use about our bodies so important? 

Dr. Megan: It’s simple. What we focus on expands. What we resist persists. If you choose to focus on your belly or butt and how you want them to be smaller, it will feel very different than if you practice saying with warmth and loving energy, “I love my belly, I love my butt!” Or as Madonna so aptly put in her song 4 Minutes, “If you thought it, it better be what you want.”

We invite energy that’s constricting or expanding with our thoughts. Constricting energy is stress and not healthy for you or your body. Accept your body as it is in this moment. Know that as you pair loving, expansive energy with positive thoughts and small behavioral changes, you will be inviting and creating more of what you most desire.

August: I loved what you shared in our interview about deciding what you want to be known and respected for—your appearance, or your work (helping people)—and that you chose the latter. What does such a decision require work-wise? Is simply deciding enough?

Dr. Megan: Wow…great question. I don’t think there’s a simple or one-size-fits-all answer, except that we first need to know what we truly want, then envision and invite it. Then we need to make a commitment to move toward that picture through our thoughts and actions. We should all slow down and ask ourselves what we really desire. We have to give ourselves permission to cultivate the answer and really show up in our lives, staying fully present and, with the best of ourselves, take action on behalf of that vision.

August: Height and how our legs appear are sensitive areas for many women. How can we tell if we’re wearing heels for our own enjoyment or something negative, like insecurity? 

Dr. Megan: Love… To me, the question we all need to ask ourselves is who are we wearing the high heels for? Yourself and how it makes you feel? Or to be noticed, get attention or impact how we imagine others might feel about us? If it’s for you, is it to feel as though you’re enough? Or because they make you feel sexy and you pick shoes that are high but also comfortable? I’m not sure how anyone feels sexy in shoes that feel like sticking your feet into a torture chamber. Honestly, some of the most exclusive brands feel that way to me. It’s not worth it to me, but I think it’s a question every woman must honestly ask herself to make her own decisions.

Maybe you love the sexiness and choose on special occasions to suck up a little torture (wearing comfortable shoes to and from the event that you carry in your bag) or maybe you decide to go #HeelFree. Learning to love yourself and your body without any accessories—shoes, bags, clothes, etc.—is something I wish every woman everywhere could experience.

We are enough. We were born enough and whole. I think it’s time we reclaim our sexy wholeness exactly as we are!

****

See why I adore Dr. Megan? For more of her brilliance, follow her on Facebook (Facebook.com/DrMeganFleming) and Twitter (@MeganFlemingPhD).

To learn diet don’ts that can damage your sex life and body image, check out my blog post on LIVESTRONG.com.

What struck you most about Dr. Megan’s thoughts? What’s helped improved your body image?Any questions about sex or relationships you’d like answered on Girl Boner® Radio? I love hearing from you! ♥

4 Comments
by August McLaughlin on July 7, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in #HeelFree, Beauty, Body image, Girl Boner
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Posted by August McLaughlin on July 7, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/07/07/body-image-language-changes-and-high-heels-a-chat-with-dr-megan/

Risky Business: Common Pitfalls of High Heel Shoes #HeelFree

“I cannot tell you how bad your feet will get in the future if you don’t bother helping yourself now, and if you’re already in pain and decide not to do anything about it, I guarantee things will only get worse with time. This is not to scare you, but to emphasize how important your feet are and teach you to look at your feet in a different way than you may have before.”

— Dr. Sara Johnson, chiropractic physician

Dr. Johnson’s message summarizes much of what I’ve been pondering since my #HeelFree campaign began: the importance of foot care and how seldom we, as a culture, tend to consider it.

The average woman in the U.S. spends around $25,000 on shoes in her lifetime. If she gets bimonthly pedicures, she’ll spend about $1,345 per year on prettying up her toes. Time and money invested in protecting her feet from damage? Not shockingly, I couldn’t find a study on that. I’m guessing very little. Chance she’ll suffer to some degree as a result? Pretty darn high.

Why all of this is the case became pretty obvious as I delved into my personal history and the history of heels overall. In short, we’re all taught that high heels are sexy, attractive and practically essential in certain situations. As a result, we tend to feel more confident wearing them.

Here’s a little secret: Our legs don’t need to be elongated, clenched or upheld at a particular angle to be beautiful and perfect as they are. No “buts” about it. 

No one seems to say that, so I’m not going to stop saying it. (You should’ve seen the clerk’s face at the grocery store just now…)

As I’ve mentioned, my goal is not to shun anyone who wears or makes high heels, but to encourage more women to think about these factors. With knowledge, we can make our own informed decisions. Part of that knowledge is understanding the risks.

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Common Risks of High Heels (2″ or higher)

♦ Your feet contain 25% of your bones. (WOAH, right?) Stress or misalignment of any of these bones or the surrounding tendons, ligaments or muscles can affect the rest of your body.

♦ So it’s no wonder that high heels are the leading cause of foot pain and injury in women.

♦ Because heels change the way you walk, placing added strain on various bones, they commonly cause knee, back and hip pain as well. They may also up your risk for osteoarthritis of the knee—a type more common in women than men.

♦ Over time, high heels can shorten the muscles in your back and calves, causing more pain plus, potentially, stiffness and muscle spasms.

♦ Frequent wearing can shorten your Achilles tendon, which could contribute to tendinitis, shin splints and plantar fasciitis.

♦ Along with pain comes inflammation, the root cause of many diseases. High heels can also make pain and inflammation from other causes throughout your body worse.

♦ Pain and inflammation tend to have emotional consequences, too, so heels can cause heightened stress, anxiety, depressive moods and mental fatigue.

♦ Pressure from high heels on the nerves in your feet can trigger numbness and pain in your toes.

♦ High heel-wearing negatively affects your walk even when you remove them and go barefoot, shows research. This is because of heels shorten leg muscle fibers, increasing strain on your calves.

♦ Up to one-third of high heel wearers suffer permanent residual problems.

♦ Two such problems are bunions and hammertoes, especially if you wear particularly tall or pointy heels or if either condition runs in your family.

♦ One-third of women who wear high heels at least three times per week have reportedly fallen while wearing them—complications of which are on the rise. High heel-related injuries, including broken bones, doubled between 2002 and 2012.

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Image credit: The Washington Post

And yet, almost no one suggests not wearing them.

I find it interesting that virtually no articles on high heel risks suggest giving them up as a viable way to prevent or minimize these problems. Most simply suggest cutting back on how often you wear them and lowering the height—I’m guessing because they realize that for many women, giving them up is simply not perceivable. Or maybe my friend Scott was right: they’re concerned about losing profit. (Heels bring them loads of business.)

No one should tell us what to wear, of course, but shouldn’t they at least mention that bypassing heels is not only an option, but the surest way to prevent high heel side effects? Otherwise, it’s a bit like saying, “It’s okay to wear pants so tight you can barely breathe, just don’t wear them daily” for less abdominal angst, or, “Look both ways when you cross the street, most of the time,” for lower risks of falling or getting hit by a car.

Trust me, I’m glad there’s plenty of information out there for high heel fans to wear them more safely. I just wish women were encouraged to consider comfortable, health-promoting shoes without any sense that doing so might end their world, style- or confidence- wise.

Many women who switch to lower shoes do so because they’ve already experienced problems or can’t wear heels for health reasons. Huge kudos for that. Many women keep on wearing heels anyway. But there’s also this little thing called prevention. I’m a fan.

We really can feel confident without heels. It may take effort for some of us (it has for me), but it’s worthy. There’s serious strength in feeling strong and authentic as we are, no shape/height/weight altering devices required. As a bonus, the less we rely on high heels, the lower our risks become for crippling our feet and bodies over time.

To learn more about high heel risks, click the hyperlinks throughout this post.

More related links:

Standing with Confidence: Body Image, Height and High Heels – a post I wrote for the National Eating Disorders Association

Why I Won’t Wear High Heels Ever Again, via XOXO Jane

Science Weighs in on High Heels, via the New York Times

How to Cultivate “Belly Out” Self-Confidence, on Girl Boner® Radio

Were you aware of these risks? Which have you experienced? If you wear heels, what do you love about them? What are your favorite flats? I love hearing from you! ♥

PS Check out my new #HeelFree Pinterest board for resources and links to gorgeous, comfy heel alternatives. 🙂

18 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 22, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in #HeelFree, Beauty, Body image
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Posted by August McLaughlin on June 22, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/06/22/high-heels-risks-heelfree/

Eye Candy and Power Tools? The Sexist History of High Heels

Did you know that privileged men were the first to wear high heels? Way back in the 17th century, heels provided a beneficial lift while riding horses. Gradually, privileged women followed suit, both genders wearing them to convey prestige and power.

This all changed in the next century, when men and women’s dress began to reflect social class and profession.

And here’s the clincher, IMO:

Because men were considered the more intellectual and capable sex, they gave up heels for practical shoes they could do work that smart and powerful folks do (such as business and politics). Women’s perceived inadequacies made walking well less important. To ensure that they stayed as lovely to look at as possible—their main skill set other than childbirth—high heels became more decorative.

Men’s shoes became comfortable, reliable and supportive, while women’s remained decorative, unstable and painful. Because who cares if decorations can walk well or get hurt?

I wish I were kidding. (Learn more here, here, here and here.)

While women have more opportunities, choices and respect nowadays, it’s still complicated…

Stilettos, the most hazardous heels, appeared in the 1950s, when the fashion industry made the wartime pinup-girl look a trend. Women did everything from housecleaning to posing for erotic photos in the steep shoes. Meanwhile, they were seldom allowed positions of power or leadership.

heels sexist

The heels trend diminished a bunch during the 60s and 70s (I LOVE YOU, HIPPIES!), but not for long.

In the 1980s, as women began readily climbing the corporate ladder, people feared that such work would strip away their desirability—by, you know, doing all that “man stuff.” Particularly tall stilettos were marketed as a solution, a way to stay sexually appealing while moving forward professionally.

skyscraper shoes

By 2000, high heels were called a woman’s “power tools.” Her sex appeal was popularly considered her main source of professional strength, one she could use to manipulate people, giving “working your way to the top” a whole new meaning.

High heels are still associated with prestige and sexiness, regardless of well-known risks they raise for pain, bunions, fractures, bone deterioration and more. Related injuries have nearly doubled in the last decade, which speaks of their popularity and women’s determination to wear and embrace them, but more so of the media and fashion industry’s power of persuasion. (If comfortable, supportive shoes were all the rage, we’d be wearing them by the masses.)

Does any of this make wearing high heels wrong? Or anti-feminist?

Of course not. Feminism is about equality. We should all have the freedom to dress and express ourselves as we choose.

If you feel empowered by high heels and love wearing them, go for it. (If you do, consider these doctor recommended tips.) No one should be shamed for wearing any particular type of apparel.

I think it’s important, however, to put thought into what we find strengthening and why. The more informed we are, the better choices we can make for ourselves. And the better choices we make for ourselves, the better role models we become for others.

HeelFree

My latest #HeelFree faves. Wearing flatter shoes with a dress felt freeing.

I also feel there’s a fine line between putting a bandaid on insecurity and empowerment. A few months ago, I probably would’ve told you I wore heels at important events because they helped me feel empowered—more capable, attractive and confident. Now I realize they gave me a false sense of security and worked against me in numerous ways, from foot pain and poor body control to a lack of authenticity.

Why did I feel the need to stand taller? To have my calf muscles clenched? To make my legs look any different than they naturally are? (I explored these questions in my first #HeelFree post, available here.) Why do any of us?

In short, because of societal messages. We’re taught that high heels are a near prerequisite to sexiness, confidence and success. They’re considered a way up in the world, literally and figuratively, as they have been since their invention.

But times have changed. We don’t need to rely on our society’s idea of “sexiness” in order to have the careers, respect and lives we desire. I plan to live as long and as happily as possible, and I just don’t think that footwear that causes irreparable damage and makes walking comfortably difficult facilitates that—at least not for me.

I’ve also noticed in my years of work with folks with eating disorders and related issues that poor body image often goes hand-in-hand with high-heel wearing; it’s another common means of changing our outsides to aid inner wounds. But again, that’s a bandaid, not a solution.

If you can relate, I hope you’ll prioritize greater self-love and acceptance—regardless of your shoe choices. If there are any “power tools” worth having, it’s these.

If we wish to change the harsh pressures placed on women to appear a certain shape, size and height, we have to start with ourselves—by not holding ourselves up to those standards and by valuing what matters most. Whether you’re joining me in going #HeelFree or not, I hope you’ll consider taking whatever positive steps you can.

If you’re obsessive passionate like me, you’ll blab about it in the process. 😉 If not, you can still help better the world.

As a reminder, I’m posting #HeelFree photos and links on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Feel free to join the conversation!

What surprised you about high heels’ history? If you wear them regularly, how do they make you feel? Have you embraced your legs and height as they are? I’d love to hear your thoughts! ♥

29 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 15, 2015  •  Permalink
Posted in #HeelFree, Beauty, Body image
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by August McLaughlin on June 15, 2015

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/high-heels-sexist-history/

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