The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest V: Save the Date!

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.” — Sam Levenson, The Beauty of a Woman

Five years ago, I hosted the first Beauty of a Woman BlogFest, as a thanks for the support I received after sharing a post about my experience with an eating disorder. The fest quickly took on a life of its own, drawing hundreds of bloggers and thousands of readers together with a common goal: to celebrate and explore real beauty, however we define it. I’m so grateful for everyone who’s participated! Your posts have made us laugh, ache, cry, think and grow.

I’m pleased to announce the upcoming Beauty of a Woman BlogFest V! *tosses confetti*

Normally, the fest takes place the last week of February, to coincide with National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. This year, since my new book, Embraceable, is about to release in paperback (kickstarting some fun release happenings!), I’ve decided to push it back a bit. I want to make sure I can devote full attention to all of these happenings.

#BOAW16 will take place the first week of May, leading up to Mother’s Day—which seems similarly appropriate timing-wise, don’t you think? Participants can tie their posts into the holiday or not, and we’ll again have two categories: Original and Girl Boner.

Registration will open in April, so stay tuned for updates! If you have a prize valued at $50 or more you’d like to donate, please contact me.

To peruse previous years’ fests, click these links:

Waterolor beautiful girl. Vector illustration of woman beauty salon

I hope to see you at the Embraceable release party/giveaway and the fest! Sending loads of love in the meantime. ♥

— August

Your sexuality IS embraceable! A book trailer

Hello beauties!

I’m thrilled to share with you the Embraceable trailer, featuring me and eight of the book’s contributing authors. It was a blast to make, and well worth the learning curve. (I’ve never done anything quite like this!)

Special thanks to Gabe at Global Voice Broadcasting for making it shine. 😀

Stay tuned for news on the paperback and virtual release party—coming soon! Wishing you a fabulous weekend. ♥

August

5 Things a #GirlBoner Isn’t

As y’all know, I spend a lot of time exploring what Girl Boners are and why they matter. I discuss them here and on my show, in articles and at events and have even asked strangers in LA what they think a Girl Boner is. (For a recap of that adventure, listen to my first Girl Boner® Radio episode or watch this video.)

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Yes, I adore all-things-Girl Boners! Today I thought I’d clarify a few things a Girl Boner isn’t.

1. An invitation. As with all genders, being aroused doesn’t necessarily mean a gal wants or deems it wise to act on it sexually. If you want to know if a woman is turned on and sex-ready—a question I hear often—feel the situation out. Pay attention to her words and body language. When in doubt, ask her what’s she’s up for. Don’t assume.

*Related: check out this awesome video: Consent and Tea.

2. A flaw. Sexual shame is pretty universally common, but women are particularly prone to it for all sorts of reasons, from religious influences to societal messaging. And that shame hurts everyone. There is nothing shameful about your sexuality. 

3. Only, or mostly, for others. I hear routinely from women who were taught early on that sex is something we give men. What year is this again?

Sexist 2

Our sexuality is our own, first and foremost. If we decide to share it with another/others of any gender, great. If not, great.

4. Necessary. Yes, I LOVE Girl Boners with a passion—but I also realize that how often or intensely one experiences them has no bearing on her worth. If you’re asexual, for example, you’re just as valuable and embraceable as anyone else.

5. One-size-fits-all. Like our bodies, Girl Boners come in a whole range of—beautiful—shapes, sizes and styles. All folks experience turn-on uniquely, physically and emotionally. That is a seriously groovy thing.

Now THAT's better.

Now THAT’s better.

***Stay tuned for details about Embraceable‘s virtual release festivities, taking place the first week of February! ♥

#GirlBoner Funniness and EMBRACEABLE’s Release!

Sometimes your mouth isn’t the only thing that blurts

When I woke up to learn that Embraceable had officially hit Kindle shelves (woot!), a hilarious memory from Girl Boner® Radio came to mind.

I was sitting at the mic across from a very classy and prestigious guest. She wore the most designer clothes I’ve seen since my modeling in NYC days. Every detail of her appearance, energy and persona said chic. She’s an award-winning, celebrated pro, the daughter of a celebrity and has appeared on many major media outlets, most of which—such as Showtime and HBO—are far larger than GB.

Partway into our chat, I’d planned to share the trailer from a documentary about sex workers. When I hit play, something…else hit the airwaves. Soft…groaning sounds?

Odd, I thought. I don’t recall that part.

Though really, some sex noises would’ve made sense. I awaited the voice over describing the film. It never came, but, well, someone did.

The sounds quickly escalated to loud moaning then full-on YES, YES, YES! explosive orgasms. I leapt at the mute button.

“Hmmm…Wrong clip!” I smiled at my guest. “Gabe can fix that later.”

(The beauty of recording, rather than streaming, live.)

We jumped right back into our conversation. Later I’d confirm that we hadn’t been listening to the trailer at all, or even parts of the movie, but to people actually having sexwild sex. The wrong clip had somehow been pulled, and we’d been ears deep in the hot and heavy. Had we continued listening, the sounds would’ve grown wilder.

It struck me later that I hadn’t been embarrassed about the fact I’d accidentally played sex sounds. Granted, my show is called Girl Boner®,and my guest was extremely sex-positive and open. But mainly, I hadn’t wanted her to deem anything about my work amateur or me as unprepared. My old acting instincts had kicked in: When mistakes happen, improvise. The show must go on.

Orgasm sounds? NO BIGGIE!

Orgasm sounds? NO BIGGIE!

I imagine this memory surfaced now because for the first twenty years of my life, the word “orgasm” never escaped my lips. That I could hear orgasms while recording live for an audience and not feel any sense of guilt, humiliation or shame (as funny as the ordeal was) made my heart happy. To be able to speak and write freely about women’s sexuality is a gift I’m perpetually grateful for. It’s much of what Embraceable is all about.

If you’d like to read Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality, hop over to Amazon (CLICK HERE) to grab your Kindle copy. All of the proceeds benefit my work and advocacy to inspire women to embrace their bodies, sexuality and selves. Additional formats will be available soon!

Embraceable book cover redTo learn more about the book, check out my interview on Go Deeper Press. It’s a fun one!

Thanks so, so much for the ongoing support. I’m mighty grateful for all of you. ♥

11 Fun Facts About “Embraceable”

At least I find them fun. I’m only slightly biased. 😉

Embraceable is currently being formatted for publishing. (Woo hoo!) I thought I’d celebrate by sharing some tid bits/teasers about the book.

♦ Susan Harper, PhD, who penned the foreword, is an educator, writer, activist and advocate for a variety of groovy causes, including LGBTQ equality, gender equality, partner and sexual violence prevention and healthcare equality.

♦ My memoir portion starts with an, um, bang—a literally climactic experience that changed my life.

♦ You’ll then read my “Does Dirt Have Calories” and sex ed stories, fleshed out (no pun intended) and in context.

♦ Numerous of the story contributors have uniquely spiffy jobs, including professional cuddling and sex work.

♦ Several authors (and their stories) are religious. Another wrote about escaping a cult.

♦ The story contributors range in age, from 20-something to 70-plus.

♦ Several women who either contributed a story or agreed to an interview with me requested anonymity for safety reasons, privacy or both.

♦ One of the contributors was married to one of the world’s best-selling authors of all time. (And that’s only one of many fascinating things about her.)

♦ Editing the stories (before passing them off to the awesome Mike Sirota for final edits) was challenging and rewarding. It was an honor—and, admittedly, nerve-racking—to hold women’s deeply intimate, personal stories in my hands, making changes I hoped would make them shine even brighter.

♦ A couple of the stories made me laugh out loud. Many are heart-wrenching. All of them inspire me.

♦ 100 percent of the proceeds will go to my work and advocacy to empower girls and women to embrace their sexuality, bodies and selves.

Embraceable book cover red

Embraceable will be available via Amazon and iTunes soon!

Sexy DIY Gifts to Spice Up the Holidays

“A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.” — Thomas á Kempis

Last week I took a poll, asking Girl Boner® fans to share their favorite sexy or sensual gift they’d ever received. I was happily surprised when every response described a DIY gift.

The moral of the story? Set concerns over pricey purchases aside and focus on creative thoughtfulness this year, keeping your partner’s wants and needs in mind. Consider the following ideas, or come up with your own. Chances are, you’ll arouse the whole holiday season for you both.

Fun and Sexy DIY Gifts

A handmade satin blindfold

This idea comes from Dawn, who called this gift “delicious and used often.” Put your sewing skills to work by stitching a simple blindfold to conceal his or her eyes during sexy play. If sewing isn’t your thing, purchase a silky sleep mask to decorate with rhinestones or your lover’s name.

Sexy photos

This is one of my favorite gifts I’ve ever given, the experience of which ended up being a gift to myself as well. (Isn’t that how sexy gifts work?) Have sensual photos taken by a trusted photographer, or snap some erotic selfies to organize in an album or picture frame. If you’re concerned about privacy issues, check out my chat with Dr. Megan Fleming in part two of this Girl Boner® Radio episode for awesome tips!

Love oils and a massage

Several people told me massages top their sensual gift list. Prepare a sexy gift basket containing oil such as Good Clean Love®’s Indian Spice Love Oil. The natural, aphrodisiac-infused oil has a sweet and spicy aroma and is safe to kiss! Include a handmade coupon for a massage, and a pretty candle for ambiance.

A velvet bathrobe

Did you know that body temperature plays a major role in arousal? Rather than wait for foreplay to warm you up this winter, set the stage by keeping your lover warm from the get-go. A velvety bathrobe is “easy to put on, to take off and, umm…yeah, easy access,” said Silver. Talk about a triple win!

A sexy mix CD or playlist

In a study conducted by Spotify involving thousands of adults—about half women, half men—music was 40 percent more sexually enticing than touch. Wow, right? Indeed, tunes turn us on. Create a compilation for your partner, adding a handmade CD cover or song list.

Fantasies, come true

Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been with your partner for decades, acting on your fantasies can increase fun and connectedness. Joe’s favorite gift? A 50th birthday threesome, “because f*ck midlife crises!” Kass’s husband surprised her with a new sex position she’d been dying to try. If you’re not sure what your partner desires, learn how to start the conversation in my chat with tantra educators Dawn Beck and Gerard Gatz.

More ideas:

  • Write an erotic letter or poem.
  • Read erotica out loud together.
  • Take a sudsy bath together, by candlelight.
  • Make sexy cookies!

butt cookies 3

For more ideas, read #GirlBoner Gifts: Super Sexy Stocking Stuffers.

For even MORE, listen to the latest on Girl Boner® Radio: Kinky Compassion + Sexy Holiday Gifts.

A sweet deal!

Thanks to Girl Boner®’s resident sex-pert, Dr. Megan Fleming, Trystology—makers of fabulous love and passion products—is offering you all a discount! Through the holidays, shop at Trystology.com, entering GIRLBONER as the promo code to receive 15% off your purchase.

What’s the sexiest gift you’ve ever given or received? Which of these ideas appeals most to you? I love hearing your thoughts! ♥

EMBRACEABLE Cover Reveal and an Opportunity for Bloggers!

There is little as butterfly-sy and beautiful as a book release—especially when the subject matter practically is your heart. Or so I’m learning!

In the coming weeks, my first non-fiction book, Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality, will be available. The e-book format will release first, followed by the paperback. To say I’m stoked is a ginormous understatement. (Hey, sometimes oxymorons work. ;))

I’m thrilled to share with you all the front cover, created by gifted artist and illustrator, Emily Ford:

ebook cover v5-3

Here’s how the back cover will read:

A provocative blend of memoir, anthology and inspiration, Embraceable is a celebration of women’s sexual empowerment. Learn how August McLaughlin, creator and host of Girl Boner®, found her way out of the sexual repression to which too many girls and women are prone. She then weaves research and inspiring facts around stories contributed by women who’ve cultivated sexual empowerment in their own lives—on topics ranging from asexuality, kink and burlesque dancing to religion, “slut”-shaming and surviving sexual assault. Learn what girls do (and don’t) learn in sex ed, the truth behind widespread damaging messages, the role body image plays in embracing our sexual selves and more.

Includes a foreword by Susan Harper, PhD and stories by:

Velda Brotherton         Trish Causey     Kitt Crescendo     Elle the Author

Mona Darling    Jean Franzblau     Lana Fox      Erica Garza    Lea Grover

Lauren Jankowski        M      Nicole LaBonde     Emily Linden        Jann Robbins

Kendra Tanner      Rachel Thompson        Dani Longman       Kelly Wilson

Each of these women will be featured on Girl Boner® Radio over the coming months. Some you’ll recognize from earlier episodes. As I mentioned in my last post, they are all powerful examples of bravery in motion. I can’t wait to share their voices and stories!

Opportunity for bloggers:

Girl Boner® is all about conversation, and so is this book! If you’d like to participate in my Embraceable blog tour, please email me here—or directly, if we’re already email connected—sharing a link to your blog. Participating bloggers will send me 5 – 8 questions related to the book (nothing’s off limits!), for a fun chat-style Q&A post to publish on their blog during a designated week starting in January. As a thanks, you’ll receive a Kindle copy of the book upon release. I’ll also promote your post on social media and my blog. I have limited available slots, so please contact me soon, if you’re interested!

You really are, you know—EMBRACEABLE. ♥

#AskDrMegan: When Is Porn-Use a Problem?

“Ultimately, sexuality and intimacy are about giving and receiving pleasure.” — Megan Fleming, PhD

Last year after speaking at the National Women’s Studies Association annual conference on ways the digital age affects how women feel about their bodies and sexuality, I hung around to take one-on-one questions. I quickly realized that the entire presentation could’ve easily centered on one of my sub-topics: porn.

“My boyfriend uses it every night and I feel weird about it,” one woman said. “I feel guilty about that—and a little prudish.”

No one is “prudish” for having concerns about porn. It’s common to have mixed feelings about it, especially in a culture with messages around sexuality just as mixed.

“I’m all into visual sexual expression,” said another, “but why is porn so violent and over-the-top?”

Thankfully, it’s not! If you like the concept of porn but find the content offensive, I highly recommend feminist porn as an alternative. The genre dedicated to gender equality and social justice doesn’t demean women, or anyone. IMO, that’s dang sexy. I’m also a big fan of Cindy Gallop’s efforts to bring authenticity into sexy TV. (You can hear my interview with Cindy here.)

So how do you know if porn is detracting from your life or relationship(s)? I couldn’t think of a better resource to explore this than Girl Boner®’s resident relationships expert, Dr. Megan Fleming.

Check out this short video I recorded during my recent NYC visit. You may recognize the audio from the latest Girl Boner® Radio episode. In this excerpt, Dr. Megan answers two common questions about porn-use, including one of the above. I have a feeling you’re going to love what she has to say.

Stream the full episode, which also features my chat with adult star Moe “the Monster” Johnson, on iTunes, Stitcher Radio or my homepage.

How has porn affected your sex life? Any questions of your own you’d like answered on Girl Boner® Radio? As always, I welcome your respectful thoughts! ♥

Bipolar and Hypersexuality: A Chat with Suzy Favor Hamilton

Last week on Girl Boner®, I had the honor of interviewing Suzy Favor Hamilton, a celebrated athlete and three-time Olympian whose newly released memoir Fast Girl — My Life Spent Running From Madness details her struggle with bipolar disorder and the hypersexuality it brought on.

Suzy Favor Hamilton credit Daniel Acuna

Prior to being diagnosed, Suzy led a double-life—one as a mother, wife, realtor and public speaker, another as a high-end escort in Las Vegas. While she doesn’t blame the disorder for that work (and has tremendous respect for sex workers), she doesn’t know how vastly her path would’ve been had she learned of her disorder sooner.

Her story is one we can all learn from, whether we’re directly affected by mental illness or not. In our chat, Suzy shared what it was like growing up with a brother with bipolar, how silence about his illness plagued her family and how she ended up developing an eating disorder and having breast reduction surgery after being shunned for her less stereotypically runner-like body. She talked about the day she made herself fall at Olympic trials when dark thoughts had taken over, why she decided to share the truth publicly and more.

Fast Girl jacket art

I hope you’ll listen to the full interview (links below), but I had to share this particularly insightful portion—a message that should be heard and absorbed by many.

When I asked Suzy what she hopes people will most take away from her story, she said this:

I want people to understand that life I went through all this, but life isn’t a fairytale right now. It’s not all happily ever after. It will be a struggle for the rest of my life. There’ll always be situations that come up about this that I’ll deal with, and I know I’ll deal with them and strength, and no shame.

I want others to feel that the stigma of mental illness should not make them feel shamed—one bit. We need to, as a society, really come together and understand mental illness… It’s an illness, just like cancer. And once the disorder takes over the brain, things are going to happen—look at the rate of suicide, how high that is. We can prevent this by educating ourselves to help the ones around us, to recognize the signs.

I’m hoping that people will read this book and look at bipolar in a different way and reach out to ones that they see destructive behaviors happening. Because my story shows and tells so much that is personal, that always isn’t shown in somebody—so maybe asking the right questions, and looking at my behaviors and asking that hard question about the hypersexuality.

Doctors even have a hard time talking about that. They may be embarrassed. So we need to look at sex in a different way, not as a taboo or in a bad way. There is the component of this disorder and sex, and somehow people have a hard time when it comes to sex and a disorder. They don’t want to talk about it. And we need to go there.”

To listen to our full interview, which also features thoughts from Dr. Megan Fleming on how to differentiate between hypersexuality and a healthy, happens-to-be-high sex drive and more, click one of these links:

iTunes    Stitcher Radio   AugustMcLaughlin.com

PS If you’ve enjoyed Girl Boner®, I’d love to have your vote in Kinkly’s Sex Blogging Superhero awards! Simply click this link and then “vote.” Thanks for any support! ♥

6 Signs Your “Lifestyle Plan” Is a Risky Diet in Disguise

The number of people who say they are dieting is at an all-time low, according to research released in 2013. To anyone who realizes how risky dieting is, fueling everything from nutrient deficiencies to obesity, this could seem like spectacular news. But here’s the thing:

Many people are now dieting without realizing it.

The weight loss industry is extremely smart from a financial standpoint. (They must be, to profit over $60 billion per year.) As dieting’s risks and almost zero percent success rate became widespread knowledge, many diet makers have responded by changing their packaging. “It’s not a diet,” many claim. “It’s a lifestyle plan!”

While this may be true in some cases, I’ve come across loads of “lifestyle plans” that are merely risky diets in disguise. If you’ve developed one or more of the below problems since adopting a dietary plan, it’s time to make some changes.

An unhealthy diet can take many different forms.

6 Signs Your “Lifestyle Plan” is a Risky Diet in Disguise

1. You have wretched breath. Halitosis is a common side effect of ultra-low carbohydrate, aka ketogenic, diets. Without enough carbs, the body releases chemicals that stink up your breath—and that’s only one of many known risks. When I was working as a consulting nutritionist, I could almost always tell if someone was “low-carbing” with one whiff.

2. You’re lethargic and grumpy. There’s a reason psychologists coined the term “Atkins Blues.” Carbohydrates are your body’s main fuel source—and the cells in your brain need twice as much as the rest of your body’s cells to function normally, stay energized and produce the feel-good chemical serotonin. (Ideally, most of your carbs will derive from nutritious sources.)

3. You’re anxious and stressed. Stress and anxiety are two of the most common downsides of dieting, and derive from physical and emotional factors. Without enough carbs, your body can’t efficiently produce calming brain chemicals. The highly restrictive nature of many diets also brings a sense of deprivation, which is stressful. You can’t dine out with ease or end up fighting perpetual hunger—which is another red flag.

4. Sleep is a problem. The same chemicals that promote positive moods make way for restful sleep. Consuming too few carbs or calories can make it really difficult to snooze restfully. Stress and anxiety from dieting (aka “lifestyle planning”) can also fuel insomnia. You could also end up exhausted over all, feeling as though all you want to do is stay in bed.

5. You’re prone to diarrhea, constipation or kidney stones. High-protein diets commonly contribute hugely to constipation and kidney stones, especially if you skimp of fiber-rich carb sources, such as legumes. If you can’t stick to a diet plan without taking laxatives (including herbal forms, such as senna or “detox tea”), it’s not a sound plan. Juice fasts that promise detoxification often also cause digestive upset, along with a slew of other complications.

6. Your sex life is suffering. Risky diet plans lack balance. They’re often way too high in protein or far too low in calories, carbs and sometimes fat. All of this can tinker with blood flow, which is crucial for arousal and sexual function, and brain chemicals linked with turn-on and orgasm. Low moods and bad breath from dieting can also make the naked tango less appealing.

So what’s the answer? Listen to your body. Respect it, rather than starve it. Aim for a diet based on whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds. Eat when you’re slightly hungry, stop when you’re comfortably full. Avoid diets that make grandiose promises, while, of course, avoiding any foods you’d don’t tolerate. Incorporate enjoyable activity into your lifestyle, cultivate a healthy sleep routine and pursue your passions. (Stress and unhappiness play a huge role in physical health.) Allow some wiggle room for foods you eat purely for enjoyment, keeping in mind that no one eats perfectly. The good news is, you don’t need to.

*If you’re experiencing any of the above symptoms and they don’t seem diet or lifestyle related, or if they’re severe or long-lasting, seek guidance from your doctor. 

Related articles:

Can you relate to this post? What have dietary plans taught you? What steps do you take to gain wellness without losing your self? I love hearing from you! ♥