As y’all know, I spend a lot of time exploring what Girl Boners are and why they matter. I discuss them here and on my show, in articles and at events and have even asked strangers in LA what they think a Girl Boner is. (For a recap of that adventure, listen to my first Girl Boner® Radio episode or watch this video.)

Yes, I adore all-things-Girl Boners! Today I thought I’d clarify a few things a Girl Boner isn’t.

1. An invitation. As with all genders, being aroused doesn’t necessarily mean a gal wants or deems it wise to act on it sexually. If you want to know if a woman is turned on and sex-ready—a question I hear often—feel the situation out. Pay attention to her words and body language. When in doubt, ask her what’s she’s up for. Don’t assume.

*Related: check out this awesome video: Consent and Tea.

2. A flaw. Sexual shame is pretty universally common, but women are particularly prone to it for all sorts of reasons, from religious influences to societal messaging. And that shame hurts everyone. There is nothing shameful about your sexuality. 

3. Only, or mostly, for others. I hear routinely from women who were taught early on that sex is something we give men. What year is this again?

Our sexuality is our own, first and foremost. If we decide to share it with another/others of any gender, great. If not, great.

4. Necessary. Yes, I LOVE Girl Boners with a passion—but I also realize that how often or intensely one experiences them has no bearing on her worth. If you’re asexual, for example, you’re just as valuable and embraceable as anyone else.

5. One-size-fits-all. Like our bodies, Girl Boners come in a whole range of—beautiful—shapes, sizes and styles. All folks experience turn-on uniquely, physically and emotionally. That is a seriously groovy thing.

Now THAT’s better.

***Stay tuned for details about Embraceable‘s virtual release festivities, taking place the first week of February! ♥