From Adult Star to Comedian: Sexy Hilarity with Alia Janine

 

The knew I adored Alia Janine the moment I saw her Twitter handle, @TheGloriousCunt. How could that not make you smile? Love at first byte, right? *ba dump* *dodges tomatoes* Um, perhaps I should leave the funniness to the pro…

The Wisconsin-born standup comedian and talk show host worked in many facets of the adult industry before trading life as a porn performer to cracking folks up from the stage. We had a fabulous chat about her career path, what she loved most about porn performing, her sex ed history and more. As expected, I had to practice zen breathing and hand-covering-mouth techniques to keep from guffawing in listeners’ ears. (Thank you, spell check, for making that read REARS!) Her series available on iTunes, Stitcher Radio and more, Scatterbrains Podcast, is not to be missed. I hope you’ll check it out!

Alia Janine Gotham 1

Ironically, the show ended up bringing light to my own career shift, from model/actress to sexuality writer/radio host. As some of you may recall, I trashed my blonde card a couple of years ago after realizing that my tendency to blame my blondness for all-things-”ditzy” wasn’t funny. On the air, I shared the clip of my performance on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno, where I was paid to tell a blonde joke for millions of folks live. Hearing and seeing my less empowered self stirred up all sorts of emotions. Even the uncomfortable feelings were worth it; it’s groovy to look back and see how much you’ve grown. KWIM?

blonde-jokes

To listen to our chat, learn some of the negative effects of demeaning humor and hear the blonde joke I’ll never tell again, visit the following link on iTunes.

Girl Boner Radio: Sexy Hilarity with Alia Janine

It’s also available via Global Voice Broadcasting and Stitcher Radio. If you like what you hear, I hope you’ll consider posting a simple rating and review and connecting with Alia and I on Twitter. Thanks so much for the support! ♥

What did you think of Alia’s insight? Isn’t she hilarious? Any non-sexist jokes to share with us? How could we make the blonde joke I performed more positive? (Switch “blonde” for “sleep deprived woman” or “woman on weed”? Hmm…)

Do You Believe in Soul Mates? It’s Riskier Than You May Think.

“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soul mates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” — Criss Jami, Venus in Arms

As a kid I visited a cemetery that held the remains of my great grandparents. I was only about five or six years old, but had already come to understand romantic notions of soul mates and “the one.” My parents had found “the one” in each other, after all, and seemed to know it instantly. Then there were all the episodes of General Hospital I wasn’t supposed to be watching during “nap” time. That show was riddled with soul mates!

As I wandered around perusing graves, I landed at a fairly new one for a boy with my same birthdate. As only a melodramatic child could, I decided that my soul mate had died too soon and laid buried under that mass of soil and rock. *sigh*

Broken heart with hands of adult and child isolated on white background

Do you believe in soul mates? Two thirds of Americans do, according to a recent Marist Poll, or more specifically, that “two people are destined to be together.” It’s a beautiful notion in many ways, but potentially risky in others.

Romantic comedies often portray a soul mate-like connection, two rocky paths merging to create romantic, often marital, bliss. What the films don’t show are the everyday challenges and realism that accompany long-term unions; true and lasting love takes work. Failing to recognize this brings mega risks, shows research. People who believe they’ve met their soul mate are often gleeful at first, said W. Bradford Wilcox, head author of a Social Science Research report on soul mate expectations published in 2010, but they often end up disenchanted, due to their impossibly high expectations.

Another study showed that 73 percent of married couples surveyed had settled for someone other than their one true love, “making do” because their soul mate got away. How sad is that? It gets worse. Forty-three percent of these people said they’d leave their spouse if their perceived true love appeared.

What saddens me about that statistic isn’t the fact that people would choose true love, but because I suspect that for many of them, the belief that a more wondrous love exists for them elsewhere keeps them from being fully present and growing in their current relationship. It’s easy to fantasize that Mr./Ms. Right could make life, or at least your romantic life, perfect, but is that even possible? If the grass is always greener in your soul mate daydream, won’t the grass in your own yard wilt away?

Quite possibly, yes. A study at the University of Virginia found that people who believed in soul mates were 150 percent more likely to divorce than people with realistic marital expectations. Yikes.

It seems to me that many folks long for a soul mate in order to be completed or fixed. “When I meet him/her, I’ll feel less lonely and miserable,” we might think. “The void will be filled, and I’ll finally be happy!” I’ve certainly been there in the past—but desperation to find someone attracts similar desperation and insecurity. I’ve also known guys who’ve tried to convince me I was their soul mate, seemingly as a way to have, rather than simply know or love, me.  I don’t think partners are meant to fix, complete or keep us. If that were the definition of soul mates, I suppose we should become our own. By embracing ourselves and living lives of passion, we can share a soul mate-type sparkle with most anyone—reserving the most for those we hold most dear.

Girl with cage and red heart

Love changes over time, but that doesn’t make it any less magical than sparkly Hollywood endings. When we hold reasonable expectations, we move from punch-drunk “I’m so high on you!” falling-in-love euphoria to a love that deepens over time. When we nurture all parts of that relationship and continue to work on ourselves, romance flicks can’t hold a candle to the unfolding gorgeousness.

I no longer believe that my soul mate died, leaving me to suffer alone from first grade on. But I do believe in kindred spirits, with whom we share a special connection and love of many kinds. I also believe they’re limitless in number. My husband’s one, my bulldog Zoe was one, and so are many of my friends.

When we choose to partner up with one special person for the right reasons, I’d hope that we all see them as a sole mate, and never feel we’re settling. I also hope that if that relationship ends, it’s not because someone seemingly better appears. We owe ourselves and our partners more integrity than that.

How you feel about soul mates and pre-destined love? Have your views ever changed? I’d love to hear your thoughts! ♥

*Don’t forget to tune into Girl Boner Radio this week! Today I’ll be interviewing porn star turned actor/comedienne, Alia Janine.

#GirlBoner Radio’s 25th Episode: A Sex-pert Celebration!

 “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey

So true, right? It can be easy to get caught up in what we haven’t done or obtained, particularly when we’re going after our dreams. While I’m a big believer in forging ahead and envisioning, I also think it’s crucial that we celebrate steps forward. Toward that end, I decided to commemorate my 25th episode of Girl Boner Radio by sharing thoughts from some of my favorite sex-pert guests and interviewing the woman who helped start it all, Dr. Lisa Masterson. In case you can’t tell from our chic party hats we had a blast. ;)

Here’s what you can expect:

Jean Franzblau, writer and star of Coming Out Kinky, answered a question about violent sexual fantasies. Counselor and activist Gabe Deem took on two questions on porn addiction. Gia Nova, an esteemed burlesque dancer I interviewed for an upcoming show, shared tips for achieving adult star sexiness at home and how to best take nude photos for a partner. Then Dr. Lisa joined me for a truly fun and inspiring chat about her life, career, podcast and listeners’ questions on sex during your period and more. I hope you’ll check it out!

To listen to or download the show, visit this link on iTunes:

A Sex-pert Celebration with Dr. Lisa Masterson

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While you’re on iTunes, I hope you’ll also check out Health in Heels with Dr. Lisa. It’s fabulous! You can also connect with Dr. Lisa on Twitter: @DrLisaM.

What did you think of the show? Any questions for my next sex-pert special? How do you celebrate milestones? I love hearing from you! And hope you’re having a BRILLIANT summer. ♥

 

Revealing Your Sparkle: My July 4th Wish

“I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever.” — Amy Tan

Did you know that even a fairly basic fireworks display requires months of planning, a solid 40 hours just to produce the script (yes, they require those) and, on average, $3,000 to $20,000 worth of equipment and supplies? More energy, time and funds go into advertising, fire insurance and safety measures—and don’t forget all the time and energy folks invest in enjoying the festivities. Chances are, you’re among them.

Indeed, we Americans will go far out for a meaningful sparkle. But what if we didn’t have a reason to celebrate? What if, like our founding fathers and other early Americans, we had to carve out our own?

I’ve been pondering these matters a lot lately as Girl Boner work moves along, new opportunities and challenges arise and publishers take interest in my work. Next week I’ll host my 25th episode of Girl Boner Radio (holy schmoley!). If there’s one thing my show and guests have taught me thus far, it’s this: there’s never a reason to stop striving for authenticity, empowerment, passion-filled lives and the fruition of our wildest (read realistic) dreams. If ever I’m in doubt, all I need to do is listen to that inner sparkle. That which makes our heart dance paves the way. Seriously.

sparkle quote

As we gather with loved ones to commemorate our country’s independence, I hope you’ll join me in a little task. Don’t worry—it won’t take much time or money, and there are no fire hazards involved (well, unless that’s your passion—in which case, forget everything I just said! ;)). All it requires is taking a moment to consider your own sparkle. What makes you shine? What are you passionate about? What fills you with giddy butterflies? If your life isn’t chock-full of the answer, what might you do about it?

We’re so blessed to live in a country where we have ample freedom to live and express as ourselves as we see fit—but it’s easy to grow complacent, overly comfy with the comfortable. If we truly want that “something more” kind of life, though, which I suspect many of you do, we’ve got to live with passion.

As I explained on the air this week, it’s so important to be turned on by our lives. When we are, Tan’s quote becomes autobiographical. Every moment won’t fill us with metaphorical fireworks, but some will. Some days we’ll have magnificent, sky-wide displays. Best of all, we’ll be better able to light up others’ skies with our glow. In between, we can dance, play, rest, learn and dream in the clouds, sunshine, rainbows and storms, gratified by the knowledge that we’re living life fully.

An awesome TED talk I watched the other night featured a woman who “faked it until she became it.” After a traumatic brain injury lowered her IQ and confidence during college, Amy Cuddy was encouraged to show up to academic challenges every time she felt afraid. She did, and eventually became the person she aspired to be—a successful grad student and, later, an esteemed professor and researcher at Harvard. When it comes to our inner-sparkle, I think we sometimes have to fake it until we reveal it. In other words, it’s always there. If  it goes into hiding or hasn’t yet been revealed, it’s up to us to change that.

What lights your inner-fire? What are you doing about it? What could you do? I love hearing from you! ♥

Wishing you and yours a happy, safe holiday!

#GirlBoner Radio: Behind the Scenes with Adult Star Siri

“I enjoy getting to be sexually open and that I can always have this running dialogue about sexuality… To me, it’s very satisfying.” — Siri

Growing up in Minnesota and Texas, Siri, now an award-winning porn star with her own membership site, never imagined she’d one day make a name for herself in the adult industry. When a college girlfriend opened her eyes to queer porn, that all changed. “The more I watched, the more I thought, I want to do that,” she told me during our recent interview. “I think I’d be really good at that. I think I’d enjoy it.” At no point did she find the career option anything but logical and viable.

Since then Siri’s faith, work, talent and sexiness have really paid off. While the days of making millions as a porn star for most performers are over, she makes a good income doing work she loves—much of which has little to do with fucking. The passionate businesswoman spends much of her time sifting through free porn sites for pirated scenes, marketing her brand, interacting with a loyal fan base she lovingly calls her “Legion of Sirians,” and speaking out against slut-shaming and digital piracy. Also impressive? She’s turned her natural H-cup breasts that once triggered insecurity into an empowering, embraced component of her multi-faceted career.

But enough from me! To hear Siri’s take on her career, slut-shaming, feminism and more, check out our interview using this link:

Girl Boner Radio: Behind the Scenes with Adult Star Siri

 

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For more on Siri, visit SiriPornStar.com, read her blog and follow her on Twitter (@SIRIpornstar).

♥ We’d love to hear from you! What did you think of Siri’s insight? Do you agree that porn and feminism can pair well? What’s your take on digital piracy? 

The Truth About the “Bikini Body” (And What’s REALLY Sexy)

Since when did swimwear become so bossy? Not to mention misleading.

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A little history:

Did you know that the bikini dates back to Ancient Rome? Oh, yes! Archeologists have found antiquated illustrations of Roman women wearing skimpy two-pieces during athletic events. Like all clothing back then, their sole purpose was functionality. (No one wants to be whacked in the boob mid-game!) Much later, in 1946, Louis Réard, an automobile engineer introduced today’s bikini, naming it after Bikini Atoll, an island in the Pacific Ocean where postwar atomic bomb testing was happening. (Ah, the irony…)

swimsuit-shopping

Bikinis gradually gained popularity in Western cultures, stirring up lots of controversy. Considered sinful by the Vatican and scandalous by countless others, they were banned from many countries and numerous states in the U.S. Even so, they grew continually more common, largely because women wanted to wear them. Then in the sixties, Bond Girl Ursula Andress famously emerged from the sea sporting a white bikini in the film, Dr. No, stimulating a heck of a lot more bikini fervor from both genders.

Olivier Saillard, a fashion historian, called the bikini the most popular female swimwear because of “the power of women, and not the power of fashion.” Woman power, eh? So what the heck happened???

Today, bikinis are the bane of many women’s existence and an unhealthy fixation for others. Thanks to the ginormous dieting, “fitness” and weight loss industries paired with societal ideals that tell women we have to look a certain way to feel and appear beautiful, billions of dollars are invested into “bikini body” marketing campaigns, turning the formerly empowering garments into high-octane fuel for poor body image, harmful weight loss measures and complications galore.

Ugh.

If you follow me on Facebook, you may recall that I recently turned down a good-paying feature article on “cleansing your way to a bikini body.” (Did I mention…UGH?) I’m so grateful that another publication, Sexual Wellness News, was receptive to a healthier take on the topic! I interviewed a dietitian who specializes in disordered eating and a woman whose daughter’s desperate desires for a “bikini body” landed her in the hospital before her wedding, and explored ways to achieve true sexiness this summer—which thankfully has nothing to do with dieting.

Here’s a clip from my article, The “Bikini Body” Craze: Turning Body Angst Into Sexy Gains:

Bikini Body diet tips

To read the full article, visit this link on Sexual Wellness News.

I say it’s time to take the power back, into our selves and away from “bikini body” angst. If you want to wear a bikini, awesome! If you don’t, awesome! Just don’t let unhealthy attitudes about your physicality determine your goals, desires or shopping decisions. Life is too short and precious to waste our energy in such ways. Given the choice, I’d much rather be emotionally fulfilled and comfortable with myself than beat myself up in the pursuit of society’s perception of beauty. Wouldn’t you?

How do you feel about bikinis? Do you wear them? Dig them? Loathe them? If you wear them, how much do you prioritize comfort versus how you’ll look? I love hearing from you! ♥

He Can’t Get It Up: Could Porn Be the Problem? A #GirlBoner Radio Follow-Up Chat

“Growing up watching porn and expecting to be good at sex is like growing up playing Madden on Xbox and expecting to be good at actual football.” – Gabe Deem

There’s little I love more than chatting with people who’ve not only overcome trying circumstances but transformed them into something hugely positive, even lifesaving, for others. This week’s Girl Boner Radio guest has done precisely that! Gabe Deem is a counselor for teens in Irving, Texas who has shared his personal struggle with porn addiction and his pathway to recovery with countless others in hopes that they might find similar healing. I was so thrilled when he agreed to an interview, in which he shared what spurred his fixation with porn, how it affected his life and relationships, myths about porn addiction and the wonders recovery can bring.

If you find yourself relating to his story, I hope you’ll also realize that there’s no shame in your circumstances, you’re far from alone and support is available. The same holds true if your partner is struggling with addiction. Gabe runs an entire community dedicated to porn addiction recovery and ways to “reboot” your system, ridding your life of porn’s complications, and is one of the most accessible and congenial folks I’ve encountered in the sex-positive world.

Listen to our chat using the below link then check out our after-chat. That’s right! He was kind enough to answer a few additional questions for us via email. (Thanks again, Gabe!) I hope you’ll chime in afterwards with your thoughts. :)

Gabe Deem on Boner Radio — He Can’t Get It Up: Could Porn Be the Problem? 

Gabe Deem GB Radio

Girl Boner Radio After-Chat with Gabe Deem

August: How do you feel parents and schools and teachers could make a positive difference regarding porn addiction? 

Gabe: I think parents and teachers could make a positive impact on children by doing three things: Having an open and honest conversation with the child about what real sex is and isn’t, teaching them about the possible impact that watching porn can have on their brain and future sexuality, and protecting them by installing porn filters on all internet accessible devices to prevent accidental exposure.

1) For the conversation, it’s important to teach kids that porn is fake, and in real life sex should never be violent or forceful or harmful to someone emotionally or physically.

2) For teaching them about the brain, it is important they know that porn can rewire the brain to where they no longer can connect with real people both emotionally and physically, and “numb” their brain so it is more difficult to “feel” pleasurable things. For parents to get educated on this I suggest reading the material on YourBrainOnPorn.com.

3) Protecting children by installing filtering software on all devices to prevent accidental exposure. The reason I say for the “accidental” exposure, is because if I have learned anything as a boy with a computer, it’s that if I want to watch porn I could easily get around blocks and do so. This is where points 1 and 2 come in!

August: Do you feel porn itself is problematic? Or that it should change?

Gabe: I think it’s potentially be problematic, and here’s why. Porn comes in so many forms now days it’s tough to say that all of it can be problematic, especially when you have everything from rape porn to loving couples uploading their most intimate moments followed by cuddling. However, to our brains’ content isn’t the only thing that matters; it simply soaks up what you teach it.

So no matter what type of porn it is, if you are a young child watching porn you are teaching your brain that sexual arousal happens with pixels on a screen and not people in person. I look at porn in regards to sex the same way I look at junk-food in regards to organic food. It is an unhealthy version of the real deal, and can potentially have a negative impact on you.

Growing up watching porn and expecting to be good at sex is like growing up playing Madden on Xbox and expecting to be good at actual football. I recently watched the new movie The Fault in Our Stars and one of my favorite lines was “a picture of something is not the thing itself.” A picture might say a thousand words, but it can never love you back.

August: Have you seen Don Jon? If so, what did you think?

Gabe: Yes, I have. I thought it was a really good movie besides the unnecessary porn clips as if people do not know what porn looks like. There were a few things that stood out to me in that movie.

Don Jon had a beautiful girlfriend who would have sex with him, yet even after having sex with her, he said porn was better. This is important to realize because a lot of women think it has to do with how attractive their partner finds them when in reality it is more the guys desire to get his dopamine fix via the novelty, shock and stimulation internet porn provides.

But the most interesting thing to me that not many people caught was WHY he decided to finally give up porn. It wasn’t because he felt guilty. It wasn’t because he found the perfect woman who was more desirable than porn. It was because he tried to masturbate without porn and couldn’t! Yup, he realized that porn was physically screwing him up to the point where he was dependent on it to masturbate. That was the original thing that made him realize there’s a problem. If Don Jon was a real guy he would have been real close to developing porn-induced ED or delayed ejaculation.

August: What do you find most rewarding about your work and activism? 

Gabe: Knowing that people are finally getting the answers they have been desperately looking for. I get messages from guys who are suicidal and have been to many doctors and specialists that have told them that their problem is all in their head. While they are technically right, because it appears to be in the brain, they are telling these guys it is anxiety and they just need to relax, take some Viagra and get out of their office.

But when the Viagra doesn’t work and months go by with no improvement, they feel hopeless. Seeing these guys finally give up porn and regain their sexual function back, as well as the joy in their life, has been the most rewarding thing to me. I know what it feels like to feel broken, and I know how important it is to have a light shining at the end of the tunnel. When guys tell me that my story gave them light, it makes any pain, embarrassment or discomfort from sharing my story all worth it.

*****

To learn more about porn addiction and recovery, check out Gabe’s articles on the Huffington Post:

Porn: Many Teens Watch It, and Two Reasons That’s a Problem

Internet Porn Addition: Exposing Misconceptions

We’d love to hear from you! Any thoughts to share with Gabe? What did you think of his story? How has your or your partner’s addiction to porn impacted your life? All respectful thoughts are welcome! ♥

Gratitude is the New Sexy!

“If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
 — Oprah Winfrey

You are beautiful

What do you think would happen if you shifted every negative thought and belief about your body into genuine gratitude? Think about that for a minute. Can you imagine it? Have you accomplished it already? Having been there/done that, I can assure you that doing so can brighten your entire world.

This week on Girl Boner Radio, I shared one of my personal experiences overcoming body hate through gratitude and a fabulous chat with Millana Snow, a Top Model-winner, actress and entrepreneur who’s made it her mission in life to cultivate positivity through manifesting gratitude and connecting with others.  I also read Girl Boner fans’ and Facebook friends’ responses to the question, “What about your body are you grateful for?” All so inspiring!

To listen, check out the iTunes link down below. First, here are just some of the SEXY benefits of grateful living.

Gratitude is a super power that…

….boosts self-care. When we embrace and respect our bodies, we take better care of them. We don’t brutalize them with risky diets, excessive processed foods or weight loss products or skip our annual physical exams. We treat our bodies as we want to be treated: as worthy and lovable.

…makes us healthier. In addition to other benefits, research shows that grateful living lowers our risk for common infections and chronic disease. It’s like soul echinacea, only stronger.

…makes us lovelier. When we cherish our bodies, we’re better able to live full, authentic lives. That invites mega happiness, which radiates outward, making us appear more beautiful to ourselves and others.

…stimulates more satisfying sex! If we’re lying in bed, criticizing the shape or size of our abdomen or thighs, we’re not likely to feel aroused sexually. If we aren’t grateful for our partner’s affection and physicality, we experience the kind of mind-blowing intimacy that makes sex orgasmic and then some.

…makes for happier relationships. If we aren’t grateful ourselves and our partner(s), we’re likely to get caught up in negativity. Less stress and more positivity makes us more joyous to be around. And much like negativity, it’s contagious. Next time you feel agitated toward yourself or your partner, consider counting your blessings instead.

For more on sexy gratitude and to listen my chat with the magnificent Millana Snow, visit this link on iTunes: Sexy Gratitude.

Millana Snow quote

What are YOU thankful for about your body? What about your sexuality? Any sexy affirmations to share with Millana and me? We’d love to hear your thoughts! 

Adult Star Alexa Aimes and Myths About Female Ejaculation

“Just because we work in the sex industry, doesn’t mean that that’s all that we’re capable of.” — Alexa Aimes

Last week on Girl Boner Radio, I had the pleasure of interviewing Alexa Aimes, an adult star who considers herself “the strangest girl you’ll ever meet.” If you define strange as unique and groundbreaking, I’d say heck yes! The stunning starlet is a brilliant intellectual and hilarious to boot. (Seriously, it was all I could do to keep my loudest hyena laugh from hurting listeners’ ears.) She’s also passionate about using her voice and celebrity to make a positive difference in the adult industry.

Alexa Aimes 1We discussed her unusual background, shifting gears from a nursing career to starring in porn, her comedy aspirations, the charities she supports and myths she strives to debunk regarding female adult entertainers. Drawing on her medical background, she explained the physiology of female ejaculation and how it varies in porn versus our beds. Here are some of the tidbits she shared.

“You watch porn and you see this huge gush of squirt—that’s a fantasy. It looks hot.” — Alexa Aimes

3 Myths About Female Ejaculation

1. It’s pee. Nope! At least not in real life. Alexa explained that while female ejaculate may contain traces of urine, as men’s can, it’s an entirely different fluid, rich in prostatic acid phosphatase, the same chemical semen contains. What you see in porn may very well consist primarily of pee, however. Listen to our interview using the link below to hear Alexa’s awesome explanation.

2. It’s the same thing as “squirting” or “gushing.” I love that this has been studied! Research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2011 found that squirting or gushing, commonly seen in porn, and female ejaculation are entirely different phenomena. While female ejaculation causes the release of whitish fluid from the Skene’s gland, gushing involves the expulsion of diluted fluid from the bladder.

3. It’s caused by G-spot stimulation. Not exactly. Stimulating the G-spot (actually either of our TWO G-spots, said Alexa) may cause ejaculate to flow because it’s often near the Skene’s gland, it’s the actual gland that needs stimulating. Since G-spots aren’t all in the exact same place, finding yours and your Skene’s gland may take some exploration. (Talk about fun homework. ;))

To listen to our full interview, visit this link on iTunes: Can All Women Squirt? An Interview with Adult Star Alexa Aimes.

Alexa Aimes_August McLaughlin

For a signed 8×10 of Alexa, email her proof of a charitable donation you’ve made to alexaaimes@gmail.com. You can also connect with Alexa on Twitter: @AlexaAimes.

What did you think of our chat? Any thoughts or questions about female ejaculation? I love hearing from you! ♥ 

Are You Prudish About Porn? An Interview with Author Emily Southwood

How would you feel if your significant other called you up one day and announced he’d landed a job filming porn? That’s exactly what happened to Emily Southwood two years into a relationship with then fiancé. While she’d long considered herself sexually liberal, the news stirred up mixed emotions, challenged her beliefs about pornography and set her on a path of self-discovery. She and her relationship ended up benefiting tremendously from it all and she’s shared her experiences in a witty, relatable and ultra-insightful memoir entitled, Prude. I hope you’ll check it out!

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I had the pleasure of interviewing Emily last week on Girl Boner Radio, and loved what she had to say. She was also kind enough to reply to additional questions for you all afterward. Check out her thoughts below and listen to our radio chat using the iTunes link that follows. Seriously, you’re in for a treat!

An After-Chat with Author Emily Southwood

August: What inspired you to become a writer?

Emily: That’s hard to pin down because I have always wanted to be a writer. I failed grade one because I couldn’t read, so maybe there was a bit of a “I’ll show them!” reaction in there somewhere. I’m pretty defiant! I started writing reams of bad poetry in high school. From there, I studied creative writing throughout my twenties and never tried to do anything other than make enough money to buy time to write. It takes forever and pays little, but it’s one thing I never doubt I should be pursuing.

August: I love that. How have your loved your ones reacted to your openness about sexual experiences and pornography in the book?

Emily: They have been incredible. First and foremost, there’s Robbie, who gave me cart blanche to use anything about him. Luckily he’s hard to embarrass! My parents also really surprised me. My dad’s a pretty conservative British guy and I would have understood if he didn’t want to read Prude. But he did, and he even called to tell me which parts resonated with him. My mom is my biggest cheerleader. She tells everyone about the book her daughter wrote about porn. She makes me blush! My family’s openness surprised and impressed me—it’s been an unexpected benefit to this whole experience.

August: Too awesome. Our moms should meet! ;) How did you move past your own discomfort in revealing so much of yourself?

Emily: It was a process. In initial articles and drafts on the topic, I glazed over a lot with bad puns and abstraction because I had trouble admitting what I really felt: Robbie filming porn made me jealous and crazy! By the end, I was just trying to use the best details to reveal my emotional journey. Focusing on the writing and on connecting with readers allowed me to put any self consciousness out of my mind. Put it this way: I’m now way more concerned about whether a reader found a paragraph compelling than whether they know about my sexual quirks.

August: Why do you feel it’s important, particularly for women, to talk about porn?

Emily: This is an unscientific assumption, but I think it’s more common that dudes watch porn, joke about porn, and share what they found online. Robbie did with his friends growing up. My girlfriends and I didn’t, and I think mostly because we just didn’t think it was something for us and/or didn’t want to be labeled either prudes or sluts. I think that’s changing. Women are watching and producing more porn, and hopefully feeling empowered to take or leave what they do or don’t enjoy. It’s when we’re off in our own corners making assumptions based on porn that communication can misfire. So talk about it, ladies!

August: How have the experiences featured in Prude influenced you as a mother?

Emily: It’s hard to say at this point (my son is a-year-and-a-half old) but I think I’ll be much more prepared to have some tricky conversations with him down the road. I feel much more comfortable talking about sex and porn because of this strange journey. All that said, I’m pretty sure mothering a teenager will manage to make me feel like a prude all over again!

EJS_Author

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To stream or download our radio chat, visit this link on iTunes: Married to Porn

To learn more about Emily, visit her website and blog: EmilySouthwood.com and connect with her on Twitter: @EmilySouthwood.

We’d love to hear from you! What did you think of Emily’s thoughts? How would you feel if your significant other took a job in the porn industry? Do you discuss porn with your partner or girlfriends? 

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