Sex Ed, Scandinavians and Samosas: What It’s Like to be Girl Boner’s Mom

Hello wonderful peeps! I hope you’re having a brilliant week.

This is a short little post to let you know about a very special Girl Boner Radio interview I conducted last week. My mom visited from Minnesota, and was kind (and some would say bold) enough to chat with me on the air. We discussed her unique and spontaneous sex education in India and the states, her dating horror stories, tips for marital success and her thoughts on being “Girl Boner’s mom.”

We’d planned on recording a short clip to insert in another show, and it turned into the whole shebang! (You’ll notice that I started to wrap things up, and we kept on going. LOL) Advance apologies for my horrible attempt at a Minnesota accent; I was nudged into telling a couple of Scandinavian sex jokes. ;) To listen or download the episode via iTunes, click this link:

Sex Ed, Scandinavians and Samosas: What It’s Like to be Girl Boner’s Mom

Girl Boner radio August McLaughlin sex ed

If you listened, what did you think? What sex-related chats have you had with your parents? If you haven’t had any, what’s stopping you? I love hearing from you! ♥

When Nakedness Is (and Isn’t) Hilarious

naked stereotype

Sometimes nakedness is funny!

Are you comfortable naked? I wasn’t for years, which made entering the fashion world in my late teens mighty interesting. Growing up in a modest, largely Scandinavian community in Minnesota, I wasn’t exactly prepared for the nakedness modeling involves. I wasn’t modeling in the nude, but quickly learned that changing in front of others is common, sans presto-change-o tricks I’d developed for high school gym class.

Before my fist runway show, I was standing amid of a group of runway models being fussed over backstage when my dresser approached and said, “Arms up!” As she stripped me down, the prom dress I’d be sporting at the ready, I learned that she attended church with my parents. (Hmm… Awkward!)

Then there was the time I took my sweet then teenage little sister for a picnic on the beach in Miami, only to realize upon plunking down with our sandwiches that we were the only females and the only clothed people on the crowded (fully nude and gay) beach! LOL Funnier yet was our attempt at nonchalance, as though that had been our plan all along. (“Popcorn, anyone?”)

I’m sure we all have silly stories about nakedness gone embarrassing or wrong. Nudity is a funny thing in our culture, but sadly not often in a laughable way.

The Not-So-Hilarious Parts

As early as age-six, girls are starting to see themselves as sex objects, according to Women’s Media Center research, which results from media depictions, parents’ ideals and religion. Here are some of the reasons:

And sometimes, it's sad.

Other times, it’s sad.

We’re bombarded with over-sexualized, “perfect” (fake, unhealthy and/or unrealistically proportioned) bodies in print and on the screen. Women continue to be heavily underrepresented in TV and film, and female characters who do appear are far more likely to appear seductively nude than male characters. And while there’s increasing pressure on men to look “perfectly” chiseled and fit, women are significantly more likely to appear over-sexualized in advertisements.

Meanwhile, sexuality—particularly women’s—remains fairly hush-hush in the masses, and many women who speak openly about or celebrate sex are considered too forward and rude. All of this leads to a very confusing message: “You should be stereotypical porn-star-sexy and fierce when you’re naked! But don’t talk or think too much about sexuality unless you want to be considered slutty.” 

So…what can we do?

While we can’t likely change these double-standards quickly, solo or soon, we can make changes in our own lives. We can laugh about nudity when it’s genuinely funny, and steer clear of societal, media and interpersonal influences that make us feel crummy about our sexuality or looks. We can commit to never speaking badly about our physicality around others and celebrate what matters most: beauty that radiates from within. In doing so, we contribute to a world in which naked humor really is funny, and all that’s demeaning is the exception, not the rule.

adam eve joke

 

funny-elephant-how-do-you-breath-through-that-little-thing

naked-ecard1

nudist colony

We should all be able to embrace and celebrate our sexuality and bodies, with and without clothes. I’m not talking about flaunting or developing arrogance for either, but giving them the full honor and respect they deserve. Through acceptance and self-love (which includes cultivating a happy, healthy sex life!), we’re better able to live empowered, gratifying lives. All of this makes us stronger partners, lovers, family members, friends and residents of this big beautiful world. Seems like a scrumptious win-win-win to me.

To find out if you could stand to gain comfort regarding your own nakedness and learn FUN ways to improve your sex-related body image, check out my latest radio show podcast on iTunes: Let’s Get Naked! 

August McLaughlin Girl Boner Radio

Okay, I told you mine—tell me yours! What’s your funniest nakedness story? How do you ensure comfort while you’re naked? What will you do to gain comfort that’s lacking? I love hearing from you! 

Cleansing Kids? 4 Facts Adults Should Know About Detox Diets

“Kids don’t need a cleanse, they need good food.” — Keith Ayoob, associate clinical professor of pediatrics at Albert Einstein College of Medicine

They can sound near miraculous. By drinking particular juices and avoiding food for several days or more, “cleansing” plans state, the digestive system rests and your body flushes out toxic substances, leading to improved weight control, energy, immune function and longevity. Many of the plans claim that taking various supplements, many of which contain stimulants or laxatives, take this process further. Any ill effects you feel meanwhile, from grogginess and stomach aches to anal leakage, are supposedly signs that your body is detoxing. On the contrary, they are signs of body harm and could very well lead to heightened toxicity. Research shows that so-called “colon cleanses” raise your risk for kidney failure, seizures, electrolyte imbalances and even death.

As some of you know, I recently turned down an article assignment on “cleansing your way to a bikini body” because creating damaging materials isn’t worth even the biggest of paychecks, IMO. This morning I caught a Good Morning America feature on “trendy cleanses for Kids.” (Yikes!) Thankfully, doctors and dietitians are speaking out against the trend, stating that not only are the plans ineffective, but risky—particularly for youth. I sincerely hope parents of these young cleansers are taking their messages to heart.

I’m sure many of the involved parents have good intentions, desiring greater health for their wee ones. And it’s tough to sort through the overabundance of conflicting information on diet and wellness, particularly when hundreds of billions of dollars go into convincing the masses that harmful and/or useless and unsubstantiated dietary tactics work wonders. Since the topic seems to be cropping up a great deal lately, I thought I’d put my nutritionist cap on and share a few facts worth recognizing if you or your loved ones are considering a cleanse.

4 Little Known Facts About “Detox” and “Cleansing” Plans

♦ Modern detox diets and cleansing plans derive from the Master Cleanse—a plan created by a man with no relevant credentials or dietary expertise who was later convicted of medical fraud. Anyone who know the ins and outs of digestive function and physiology will tell you that the plans are based on hype, not science. (And nutrition is a science.) There’s not a shred of proof or medical text that upholds the legitimacy of cleansing.

♦ The body cleanses itself, but it won’t if you don’t feed it.  Sure, you might feel rejuvenated by drinking only particular fluids because you feel as though you’re creating a fresh slate and because starvation can cause a release of endorphins (out of panic), but your organs won’t release toxins in the process. That’s just not how food or the body work. When you eat a balanced diet sufficient in calories and nutrients (which isn’t hard to do!), your kidneys, liver and even your skin flush out toxins. If you fail to eat enough, on the other hand, organ function reduces, leading to more toxicity, not less.

♦ They don’t promote fat loss. Weight lost from juice fasts and cleansing derives from water loss and/or diarrhea. The pounds will not only return once you start eating but lead to even more gain later on, because consuming too few calories slows the metabolism down. A balanced diet based on nutritious food, regular physical activity and emotional self-care may not provide rapid results, but they are safe, proven steps to lasting weight control. Besides, eating is fun! At least, it should be.

♦ They can have scary long-term effects. Fasting on water or juice can not only lead to nutrient deficiencies, poor brain function, fatigue, dizziness and other symptoms straight away, but hinder a child’s development. She’s more likely to develop osteoporosis, metabolic problems and obesity later on (which are risks of all restrictive diets), but develop severe psychological complications, such as poor body image, depression and eating disorders. To learn ways to cultivate healthy body image in your kids, check out 50 Ways to Lose the 3-Ds via the National Eating Disorders Association.

This is also super common.

This is also common.

 

How about we all eat food?

Food is awesome! I’m namely talking about whole foods our bodies are designed to eat, such as whole grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds, though less-healthy fare is perfectly fine in moderation. If you really want to cleanse, eat only whole foods for awhile. Stay moderately active, well-rested and hydrated. Aim to eat mindfully, slowly and with awareness. Rather than avoid food, rid your life of toxic influences—people in your life who make you feel inadequate, the job you hate, diet trends intended to fatten makers’ wallets while your health suffers. Increase the good in your life, and fitness of all kinds will follow. I truly believe that.

For more in-depth information on detox and cleansing plans, read my article published by DAME Magazine: Toxic Cleanse: Debunking Detox Diet Myths.

detox diet article

That’s my two-cents! How do you feel about cleansing? Do you think children, or anyone, should cleanse? Any questions for me while I still have my nutritionist cap secured? ;) I love hearing from you!

The Day My #GirlBoner Died: Sexlessness, Anorexia and a Call for Stories

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”  ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Start straight for business

It’s difficult to pin down exactly when my Girl Boner vanished, but I do recall when I noticed. I was in my late teens and had left my Minnesota hometown to work as a model in Manhattan. While I hadn’t yet been diagnosed, I’d recently developed the primary symptoms of anorexia: a dangerously slight body I perceived as too large, a hyper-fixation on food and weight control and an intense fear of added pounds. My high school boyfriend “Max” and I were maintaining a long-distance relationship, and I’d flown back to Minneapolis for a visit.

A Halloween party. Cat Woman. Grapes. Gossipy whispers. Almost sex.

That’s virtually all I remember. Max had invited me to a costume bash at a coworker’s house, and I’d dressed as Cat Woman. Rather than embrace the sensual, powerful disposition of the feline superhero as I’ve done in healthy years since, I felt equally invisible and exposed. As the food-filled festivities ensued, I hid within the all-black getup, sensing others’ stares and murmurs as though observing critics ripping apart a one-woman show. “Will she eat anything?” one person whispered. Another snickered. “Look! She’s eating grapes.” I still don’t know if those voices were real or imagined. Anorexia has a peculiar way of distorting comments, glances, the whole world. But they were very real to me.

At some point, while sitting on a sofa clutching a grape I’d grappled over eating, I fell asleep—something I’d never been particularly skilled at when I tried. As I slept, I occasionally perceived more mumbled criticism, concern and snarky laughter. I was the boring girl who’d fallen asleep.

By the time Max jostled me awake, the party was wrapping up and most of the attendees had left. While I couldn’t tell you the make or model of his car, I vividly recall the stench of stale, fatty French fries in the air. We headed to his place, both anticipating having sex. I had been away for months, after all, and we’d both been longing for closeness. What I hadn’t realized was that my longing had more to do with fear, loneliness and loss of self, and that sex was the last thing my body wanted. Though my emotions said, YES, PLEASE! Take me away into erotic oblivion, my body wanted nothing but food I was resisting and sleep.

In the dimness of the room I’d demanded, the comforting feel of his strong, warm body was fleeting. I moaned to cover the sound of my stomach rumbling as he entered me, going through the motions as though playing a game of lovemaking charades. It felt a lot like modeling, actually—doing my best to appear alluring and engaged, a natural fit for my artificial circumstances, hiding behind a makeup mask while aiming to please. But before cameras I felt powerful. Here, I felt foolish and afraid.

I used the term “almost sex” earlier because I’m not sure it’s lovemaking if only one person is really there. I suppose I was his masturbation tool and he was my time passage, a bit of extra calorie-burn and food avoidance who could never fill the kind of void I was becoming. I couldn’t yet wrap my brain around what was truly happening, largely because anorexia is all-consuming. I shunned myself for not “performing” better for him, completely ignorant to the fact that I, the young woman who’d loved sex even amid her historic body shame, could no longer want for something as natural as air. When he, perhaps we, were finished, he slept and I laid there overcome by a sad sense of blankness. But at least I hadn’t eaten (said E.D.).

Anorexia starves the soul, body and appetite, and not merely of food. Bit by bit, it steals a woman’s femininity and her hunger for life, withholding her not merely from filling out physically, but living as largely as she deserves. On a smaller but no less significant scale, dieting, health-food and fitness obsessions and poor body image can cause the same.

Since recovering from my eating disorder and regaining my Girl Boner (and all its glory!), I’ve been struck by the fact that most elite models, who many women strive to emulate with hopes of appearing sexier, meet the diagnostic criteria for anorexia. In other words, they don’t possess the sexiness they sell—they can’t. I’ve also learned that body image, self-care and sexuality are inseparable. When one part of the triangle suffers, they all do.

Immeasurably grateful for my own recovery, I’ve made it my life’s mission to help fix these broken triangles. When we embrace and nurture our bodies, emotional selves and sexuality, we feel capable, free, unstoppable and alive. And you know what? We are.

A Call for Stories

If you agree and would like to help make a difference, here’s a way you can! I’m working on a special project related to these issues. If you or someone you know has worked in the fashion/entertainment industry and grappled with poor body image, an eating disorder, obsessive weight control and/or related sexual challenges and would be willing to discuss these experiences with me, let me know in the comments below or via email (augustmclaughlin at gmail dot com) with “Interview” in the subject line. Anyone who participates can optionally remain anonymous and will be contributing to something truly beautiful.

Fashion experience or not, do you relate to my story? How has your body image influenced your sexuality? Whatever your thoughts, I’d love to hear them! 

 

Sex Tips From Gigolos Star Nick Hawk: More Than Meets the Eye

“I like to be close, intimate and wrapped up in a ball of hot sex.” — Nick Hawk

Yowza, right? As many of you know, I had the pleasure of interviewing Nick Hawk, a star of Showtime’s Gigolos, for Girl Boner Radio last week. I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to interview someone whose career focuses on female sexual pleasure! I can only imagine how many Girl Boners he’s ignited… *rushes off to daydream*

While Nick is perhaps best known for his role as a sexy celebrity escort, there’s much more to him than that. The Wisconsin native had a wrestling career, entered the air force and worked as a stripper and bartender while earning an English degree before Gigolos producers approached him in 2010. He prides himself in living life to the fullest and has recently added coaching men on sex and dating and authoring educational books to the mix.

Nick was kind enough to carry our interview on via email. To listen to part one of our interview, pop over to this link on iTunes:

Girl Boner Radio: Tantalizing Tips, Turn-Ons and Sex Toys with Gigolos Star Nick Hawk

Nick Hawk Gigolos

 

August: What simple steps can a man take to help his lover feel more comfortable and confident sexually?

Nick: As my Sexpert website states right on the top, “honesty and respect are the keys to a happy relationship.”  Sincerity and HONEST compliments will make her more comfortable and confident. This shouldn’t be challenging or you’re with the wrong person. You might get into the mindset that it goes without saying but if you notice she is in a good mood or something about them is turing you on. Let them know! And when you’re in bed with them, tell them when they do something right. Let them know you’re enjoying it and how hot they look when they do it. If you’re there for her mentally, she’ll be there for you physically.

August: Many women seem to feel uncomfortable expressing their sexual wants and needs. Any tips for easing that angst?

Nick: This is a challenge for everyone but we are moving into a more sexually advanced society and a society where most people don’t feel as if they’re doing something wrong exploring, maybe something that in the past was considered abnormal, sexual desires. And we can go back to the previous question because you have to make your woman feel comfortable enough for her to talk to you about them. Being honest with her and telling her about yours will help as well.

August: What’s one of your favorite sex positions? What do you love about it?

Nick: Besides the “Nick Hawk?”  I would have to say the one I named “The Lover” in my sex position book. I like to be close, intimate and wrapped up in a ball of hot sex. I also love skin-on-skin contact and breasts in my face.

August: My imagination thanks you! You all make us laugh a lot on Gigolos. What’s one of your funniest sexual experiences?

Nick: My goal in everything I do in life is to make it fun. That was what I wanted and expected from day one of Gigolos, my sex toy line, my music and of course giggling. I’m ecstatic Gigolos is a comedy that makes people laugh and gives people a more positive perspective about dating and sex. As for sexual experiences, the ones that are most fun are when you can goof off a little bit and maybe try some weird kinky shit. If you go into anything with the right attitude you’re going to have fun with it. I think it’s a riot having sex in public and fleeing the scene as well. An elevator incident comes to mind.

****

Don’t you love the way he tells us just enough to send our thoughts whirling and wanting for more??? Huge thanks to Nick for sharing his time and insight with us. To learn more about the celebrity gigolo, gain his sex-pertise, order his sex toys and more, visit NickHawkExplicit.com. You can also connect with Nick on twitter: @TheNickHawk.

Any thoughts to share with Nick? What did you think of our interviews? What’s YOUR favorite sex position? Are you a Gigolos fan? I love hearing from you! ♥ 

 

#GirlBoner Quickie: What Makes a Voice Sexy?

Screaming is bad for the voice, but it’s good for the heart.” — Conor Oberst

The same could be said for speaking, laughing, gabbing and partying at writers’ conferences. ;) I returned home from the fabulous Left Coast Crime mystery/thriller convention on Friday with new friendships and fun memories, but very little voice. The worthy price to pay will definitely make today’s radio show more interesting! At first I thought, AWESOME! I’ll sound so sexy-sultry-cool on Monday. (LOL) Then the croaking frog sounds cropped up…

lost voice frog

Fear not! Frogs can talk boners, too. #TheShowMustGoOn

The ordeal has had me pondering voices, and what we find sexy about them. A few interesting tidbits:

♦ Studies have shown that women generally find husky male voices sexier than less husky, higher pitched voices. We prefer voices that sound masculine and strong, but not aggressive. Think Denzel Washington or George Clooney.

♦ Although men and women tend to lower the pitch of our voices when we’re attracted to someone, men tend to find breathy, high, but not too high, pitched female voices sexiest. Marilyn Monroe is a prime example.

♦ While research and expert insight on why all of this is the case makes sense (estrogen and testosterone levels are a biggie), I treasure the fact that much like aesthetics, the voices of people we adore only grow more attractive to us and our adoration increases.

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” — Jess C. Scott

I’ll go delve further into sexy voice studies and what experts believe about the findings on today’s show, which will also feature the sexy voice of Nick Hawk of Showtimes’ Gigolos I had a fabulous chat with Nick last week, discussing his experience as a gigilo turned TV star, what his Midwestern family thinks of his work, his line of sex toys (including a dildo clone of his penis with movable balls—you know I asked about that!) and more.

Nick Hawk Gigilos

You can listen and subscribe to Girl Boner Radio podcasts via iTunes here. You can also listen via Global Voice Broadcasting and Stitcher Radio. Nick also agreed to a blog interview, so stay tuned here for more!

What do you find sexy in a voice? Whose do you find sexiest? Have you always loved the sound of your partner’s voice alluring—or did it grow on you? If you’ve seen Gigolos, what do you think of it? I love hearing your thoughts! 

Your Morning Glory: Coffee, Sex or Bacon?

 coffee or sex love

According to a recent study conducted by Le Meridien Hotels and Resorts, many folks would rather love coffee than a partner in the morning, IYKWIM. After surveying 7,455 male and female coffee drinkers from the U.S., China, France, Dubai, India and Germany, researchers found that 53% of the participants would rather wake up to hot java than hot sex. (They also chose coffee over other recreational activities, such as perusing Facebook.) Seventy-eight percent of participants claimed they would rather give up sex with their spouse for an entire year than surrender their morning coffee habit. (What?!?) Perhaps it’s not that shocking…

Four reasons people might choose morning coffee over morning sex:

They’re caffeine-addicted, and can’t function well without it. Caffeine is the most widely used behaviorally active drug worldwide, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine. Eighty to 90% of adults in N. America report regular caffeine intake, with an average equivalent of one to two standard mugs of coffee per day in the U.S. If you experience foggy thinking, irritability, headaches or nausea if your morning coffee is delayed, you’ve grown dependent. These symptoms of caffeine withdrawal, which has recently been added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a condition, can definitely tinker with libido.

They’re sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation is epidemic in the U.S. The National Health Interview Survey showed that 30% of adults reported sleeping 6 or fewer hours per night between 2006 and 2007—and most of us need 7 to 8 nightly hours. Even an hour of sleep loss can have major detrimental effects, which is another topic entirely. From a sexual standpoint, getting enough sleep is important because exhaustion is the leading cause of low-sex drive. It only makes sense that morning caffeine, sleep loss and disinterest in sex go hand-in-hand.

They just REALLY. LOVE. COFFEE! And/or aren’t likely having frequent or mind-blowing sex anyway. Coffee may seem to trump sex if your sex life is lackluster, which can stem from a whole variety of factors, but there’s really no comparison between coffee’s flavor and pick-me-up perks  and the orgasmic euphoria of S-E-X. Both offer wellness benefits, but very few activities promote as much physical and emotional pluses as sensual play and climax.

They want to feel refreshed before getting down and dirty decadent. I can relate to this one. I generally prefer to at least empty my bladder and brush my teeth before engaging in morning sex. And if I wake up mentally hyper (a fairly frequent occurrence), I may need to run a quick lap beforehand. :)) If coffee is part of your wake up and face the day ritual, it makes sense that you might desire a cup or two before having sex. If you end up in a time crunch, having to choose one or the other, I recommend setting the timer on your coffee pot and moving it closer to your bedroom.

What about bacon?

I had to add bacon to the mix! When I posted this photo on the Girl Boner Facebook page, I was amazed by how many commenters voted for bacon! Only one other female and I said sex, hands down. Many guys demanded both.

morning sex blog

I’ll admit, I don’t quite get the whole bacon craze that’s been happening lately. I don’t much like or eat it, partly for ethical reasons. Regardless of those…it’s just salty, aromatic meat! (Um…)

Apparently, many people disagree with me. A survey conducted by Maple Leaf Foods, Inc. showed that 43% of Canadians would choose bacon over sex, given the choice. Eighty-two percent of the respondents who reportedly love bacon also claimed to be great lovers, and 81 percent found bacon to be romantic. The meat’s aroma was a big draw for males.

What say you

                                                       

Do you find it odd that many people reportedly enjoy morning coffee or bacon over sex? Are you one of them? How do you feel about morning sex overall? What other food/drink do you love nearly or as much as sex? I love hearing your thoughts! ♥

3 Ways Blogging Can Make Our Writing Lives and Sales Shine

elephant einstein

Next week I’ll head to Monterey for my first ever Left Coast Crime conference – I’m stoked! In addition to enjoying other festivities, I’ll serve on two panels, Chills and Thrills: Psychological and Medical Thrillers and Social Media: Getting the Word out in Today’s Digital Age. For the latter, I’ve been asked to focus on blogging. Three years ago, I never would have imagined that I’d not only be addicted to blogging blogging and loving it, but sharing insight on the platform for others. That’s one beautiful thing about artistic paths, don’t you think? We never know where our paths will lead.

Here are three huge perks I’ve gained from blogging (and you can, too!):

1.  Content and discoverability as an author. Before starting my blog, I had loads of articles online and I was pretty findable. Blogging gave me the ability to increase my discoverability as an author, rather than merely being known or recognized as a health (and now sexuality) writer. Agents, publishers, editors and potential writing clients dig that. 

2. Fun! I was happily surprised to learn that blogging can be so darn enjoyable when we don’t treat it like necessary homework. When we write about topics we’re compelled or jazzed to cover, it resonates with readers and makes our writerly lives sparklier. I truly believe that that positive energy attracts more of the same in our personal and professional lives.

3. Readership and sales. It’s impossible to quantify sales derived from blogging, but I’m sure that it’s helped mine. Numerous of my first reviews on Amazon derived from blog readers, and reviews seem to lend themselves to sales. My sales have consistently spiked during book promotions I’ve run or announced on my blog. And it only makes sense that enthusiasts of our blogs are likely to take interest in our other work.

Here’s a chart I shared at the OWFI conference last year that shows the correlation between promotional events and my Amazon rankings during my first few months post-release. As soon as my book announcement hit my blog, my ranking went to too-low-to-measure to pretty high. The same happened once I posted my 99-cent and freebie promos on my blog. In some cases, I use other techniques to gently promote as well, but my blog has inarguably helped.

Kindle rank self published book

I also shared these stats at OWFI, which I found relevant and intriguing:

  • Social networking sites reach 82 percent of the world’s online population, representing 1.2 billion users around the world. (Comscore, 2011)
  • 61% of U.S. online consumers make purchases based on blog content. (Shareaholic, 2013)
  • 77% of Internet users read blogs. (The West Program, 2011)
  • Companies with blogs generate 67% more leads (READERS) per month on average than non-blogging companies.
  • Once we publish 21 – 54 posts, blog traffic generation increases by up to 30%. (Traffic Generation Cafe, 2012)
  • Once a blog has 300 pages, traffic generation increases by 236%, on average. (Stigma Web Marketing, 2012)

I’m not suggesting that we blast “buy my book” promos on our blogs, by any stretch. On the contrary, I believe that authentically writing and supporting others are the most powerful ways to increase our professional success through blogging. When we’ve built a quality community of blog readers (which trumps quantity of readers big time), they appreciate the occasional, “By the way, my new book is available!”  I want to know when bloggers I adore have books available, don’t you?

Another practice I love: Because I value blog readers so much, I offer them  special extras during promos. When I first gave my book away for free for a few days on Amazon, I sent MP3s of one of my original tunes to anyone who downloaded it and sent me a copy of their download confirmation, for example. And I always aim to make any promotional-type-stuff fun and not advertisey (pardon the not-a-word!), and support other folks rather than just me. It’s tough to go wrong with fun. By having fun, supporting others and remaining authentic, we don’t have to worry about words like “promote” or “platform.” Success becomes a natural derivative of who we are.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! What’s your favorite perk of blogging? How do you feel blogging can (or can’t) enhance sales and overall professional success? Any examples to share? Or blogging questions or challenges you’d like help with?

Creating Clit Bliss: 3 Simple Steps (For Any Sensitivity Level)

For many women, clitoral stimulation paves the way to orgasm—yet many of us have little clue as to how to stimulate them early on, if ever. If your own knowledge is sparse, you’re far from alone. Clitoral structure and function weren’t deeply analyzed until the 1990s, and the size and scope of the organ wasn’t known until urologist Dr. Helen O’ Connell released research findings in 1998. (Thank God for her!) In other words, the entire world has much to learn.

EV001002

So what is that shape and scope? Not the tiny knob many people think. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris,” O’Connell, told the BBC in 2006. “If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris – triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue.”

That’s right! ERECTILE tissue! A major physiological component of the Girl Boner. But enough history class for now. Today we’re going to explore ways to gain ample pleasure from your clit, whether yours has typical or particularly high sensitivity.

3 Ways to Cultivate Clitoral Bliss

1. Help him find it. Particularly if you’re heterosexual, your partner may not exactly where your clitoris is. If you want him to stimulate your clit, yet he tends to steer clear or give it too little attention, guide his hand to it during foreplay or share a sexy hint. Cosmopolitan recommends saying, “You’re so good at rubbing my clitoris in circular motions with your fingertips…it gets me really turned on.”  Not only are you telling the truth but uplifting him, making him more likely to adore your clit with glee. Another fab way to help him find it? SHOW him. There’s little sexier than a little demo. Masturbate together, showing each other what you love.

2. Lube it and squeeze! A quality personal lubricant can enhance clitoral pleasure, whether you’re engaging in sex with a partner or solo. (For tips on choosing the ideal lubrication, check out my recent Sexual Wellness News article, Your Perfect Match.) Once you’ve applied or created your own sensual lube, sex coach Sean Jamison recommends taking your clit bliss further with a squeeze! “It’s so powerful, despite the fact that it’s an indirect clitoris stimulation technique,” he says. You know what this means? Clitoral squeezing is ideal for those of us with highly sensitive clitorises. (Woot!) You basically grasp, squeeze and move the folds of skin covering your clit with your thumb and forefingers.

3. Play with positions. Sexuality and relationships expert Dr. Laura Berman recommends trying different positions that provide direct clitoral stimulation, such as the woman on top, or that let you self-stimulate, such as having your partner behind you. By pressing your clit on your partner’s body, the bed, a pillow or what-have-you, you’ll stimulate blood flow and physical pleasure while increasing your likelihood of orgasm. The key word is “play.” Have fun and experiment with various positions, observing what feels best.

To learn more about clitoral sensitivity, orgasm meditation and an empowering play based on writer/producer Jean Franzblau’s personal experience, check out my latest Girl Boner Radio episode, The Highly Sensitive Clitoris. After chatting with me, Jean read her winning contribution to the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest, Girl Boner Edition—”A Love Letter to my Clit”—on the air. You don’t want to miss it!

Girl Boner radio

What do you think of the tips above? Any tips to add? If you listened to my chat with Jean, what did you think? (Isn’t she FABULOUS???) I love hearing your thoughts! ♥

Inspiring Beauty Quotes: A #BOAW3 Wrap-Up, Part II

Last week thousands of folks visited The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 3, no doubt finding inspiration. I joked with one participant that the fest could be called The Beauty of a Woman’s Goosebumps, as that’s precisely how the incredible posts affected me! Each blogger exemplified beauty in a unique way, making us laugh, think, smile and even shed a few tears. THANK YOU for making the BOAW BlogFest III a truly beautiful event!

True beauty is timeless!

True beauty is timeless.

Rather than share more of my own thoughts on the fest, I decided to pull clips from the posts that most struck me (of the many!). If you’d like to quote one of the participants in a blog post, article or elsewhere, please attribute and link it up properly.  To view the full post a quote derives from, click on the sayer’s name. Thanks for the support!

The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 3: Inspiring Quotes!

“Despite their lack of what the world tells us is beautiful, these women were beautiful to me.” — Kathryn Chastain Treat

“Let’s continue to show what a beautiful anthem can be heard when women raise their voices as one!” — Patricia Sands

“To me, the real marks of beauty in a woman are courage, character, kindness, and personality.” — David Walker

“So what is the main ingredient? It’s confidence!”— Kassandra Lamb

“If I could give any message to my younger self, it is that simple truth.  There is beauty in your change.” — Barbara McDowell

Butterfly-Metamorphosis

“Show off your inner activist!” — Jess Witkins

“Wisdom and kindness can make someone more beautiful than someone who is physically gorgeous.”— Susie Sylvester

“For too long beauty required a number on the scale and a specific size of clothing. Now I see how my clothes fit, I feel how my muscles move, and I think this is beauty.” — Kourtney Heintz

“Kat has had a lot of floods in her area of Australia and battled through those times, helping out and staying strong. The embodiment of a strong woman.” — Catherine Johnson

“As long as we continue to put forth the effort in believing in our own beauty, the positivity  becomes lasting aspects of our lives.” Ashley

“This is true beauty: a connection to the universe that transcends the physical, emotional, and intellectual limitations of humanity.” — Audrey Kalman

“Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I catch a glimpse of the inner beauty behind my eyes, and I smile because life is good and life is beautiful, even in the midst of this broken world.” — Lynn Kelley

I Love Me

“There is beauty in a woman’s strength. We wield our strength with a gentle hand. We use our weaknesses to forge new successes.” — Marcia Richards

“There are days when I still have trouble saying, ‘I love you,’ to the woman standing in the mirror, but thank Goddess there are many, many more where I can say it with passion, mean it, and sometimes even throw out a wink.” — Kate Wood

“My mother always said the eyes were windows to the soul, and that old canard was true in Kathryn’s case.  There were depths of pain and wisdom in them, but her wit and kindness also shone through them, pure and blue as the sky after a snowstorm.” — Elizabeth Mitchell

“If you take a moment, you’ll notice who around you is in touch with their inner joy. It can be seen in the sparkle of  someone’s eyes. The lift in their step. The glow of their skin that no amount of makeup or creme could ever replicate.”  — Ingrid Schaffenburg

Joyful woman.

“I’m sticking with my personal claim that selfies are fun, selfies are fearless, and selfies are fabulous. And the girl in that photo? Well, she’s beautiful.” — Kecia Adams

“I’ve realized that you don’t just look for the beauty of a woman. You have to listen for it, feel it, and experience it as well.” — Scott Moon

“If you’ve got your panties in a twist, stuck in an uncomfortable crack, or if they’re flat-out ugly, it’s unlikely you’ll achieve maximum sparkle for the day.” — Jenny Hansen

“From our life experiences we create paintings, prose, sculptures, you name it. But on rare—and awesome—occasions, art can create life.”— Mike Sirota

“Living a beautiful life means sharing your God given talents and leaping out of bed in the morning because you can’t wait to get started with your day.” — Marla Martenson

young woman waking up

“Real beauty can’t be bought, won’t fade, smudge, or decrease with time.  It doesn’t wear out or have to be re-applied.  It has wrinkles, callouses, stretch marks, scars and sometimes loses its hair.” — Dana Myles

“Living life the way we choose, on our own terms, whatever our ages, is beautiful. My  surfer-headed boy with his triangle of freckles and treasured Pinkie Pie pendant? My daredevil diva with the dancing eyes and impudent tongue? Perfectly themselves. Perfectly beautiful.” — Shan Jeniah

“Our dreams are expressions of our inner beauty. I’ve learned that it’s completely okay to want whatever you want.” — Sheri Fink

“YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!  Now tell that inner critic to sit down and shut-up!” — Dana Myles

“For me, there is no “most beautiful” woman, unless she is the woman I’d just met and the one I might meet next.” — Eden Mabee

Many hands together: group of people joining hands

“How I live and how I love are what make me beautiful. So I’ll continue to try to convince myself of that fact and not suffer over days long gone.” — Katy Brandes

“Some divas have captured my heart, but maybe not the medal they sought.” — Eli Pacheco

Gift card winners:

I love you all so much, I did MATH for you! ;) After tabulating people’s entries for reading, posting in and sharing the fest, I did a drawing for gift cards. To find out who won gift cards and radio time in the Girl Boner category, check out Monday’s post.

  • $50 Amazon gift card: Kathryn Chastain Treat
  • $10 Starbucks gift cards: Kassandra Lamb and Lynn Kelley

Congrats, ladies! You’ll receive your prizes via email today.

I hope you all enjoyed the snippets and the whole fest as I much as  I did! I also hope you’ll join us next year for another round.

In the meantime, what did you think of the quotes? Which post or quote most struck you? Any thoughts on the fest overall? I love hearing from you. ♥

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