Naughty & Nice: Confessions of a Relative Goody-Goody

n. good·y-good·y: One who is affectedly sweet, good, or virtuous.

In most circles, I’m considered a goody-goody. Then again, it’s all relative. My family used to play a board game in which we paired family members with particular situations and traits. A card might read, “Who’s the wildest child?” for example… Or, “Who’s most likely to sing karoake naked?” We’d all jot down which one of us fit the bill. All-things-wild, misbehaving or adventurous landed on me. Goody-goody cards would definitely have landed on one of my sweet, more virtuous sisters.

Shortly after high school graduation, I moved to New York City where I lived with seven model roommates. Not model as in exemplary (trust me…). As in they—okay, we— were all fashion/runway/editorial models. I’d daydreamed about my arrival to the Big Apple…the glamour, lights, throngs of pedestrians and lanky, sophisticated roommates who’d deem me oh-so-exotic because I was from Minnesota. (Can we say naive? LOL) I was right on all counts, except about my roomies.

Domvika (must say with exotic accent) was from Abakan, Russia. Ivaki was Chechoslovakian. They all smoked, drank, watched Jerry Springer religiously and partied nightly until dawn. (Even the night before photo shoots! *gasp*) Suddenly this Minnesotan girl who’d never seen a drug up close, smoked a cigarette or drank a beer, went from “wild child” to “goody goody supreme.”

Having since lived in Paris, Miami and now Los Angeles, where my GG roots shine bright, I’ve come to embrace them. I no longer feel like a nerd for reading and writing constantly (now both are my job…whew!), waking early, turning into a pumpkin by 9pm or getting tipsy from sips of alcohol. I suppose such acceptance comes with maturity. Besides, GG-dom has some serious advantages.

For one, the best of us serve dual-purpose as naughty-supremes. (Huh? Isn’t that contradictory?) Nope! It’s just plain cool. When we let our naughtiness out, it’s HOT… Why? Because it’s unexpected. Mysterious. Sometimes mind blowing. (Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean… I’ve got some of you pegged. ;))

Two, we not only seem trustworthy, we are. (While we do let our ‘naughty’ out, we never let it get in the way of the higher good.) This makes for a peaceful existence and attracts other trustworthy friends into our circles.

And three, our cuss words hold POWER! If you rarely if ever swear, calling out profanities stops others’ madness like volcanic ash in Pompeii. It can also inspire laughter and much-needed cheering up.

In preparation for an upcoming post, I’ve decided to let you in on a few secrets. In order to learn more (isn’t mysteriousness FUN?), you must guess how many of the following are true about me. Could be 0, could be 10, could be any number in between. Feeling particularly confidant? Tell me which ones you believe are true in a comment. If no one gets right, I’ll use my right to remain silent. 😉 If someone does get it right, I’ll share juicy details…

I’m so naughty, I:

1. Got picked up by the cops.
2. Punched a well known artist in the nose…and broke it.
3. Had a lengthy fling with one of “world’s sexiest” celebs.
4. Walked naked through Times Square on a dare.
5. Walked naked through Times Square because I felt like it.
6. Had air-sex with an invisible man on TV.
7. Spat in a teacher’s face before knocking him into a pool.
8. Peed on the Audobon.
9. Touched a monk. And liked it.
10. Stole Jesus.
11. Said the F, S, B and D-words out loud. 😉
12. Broke into a house.

(Or did I??? ;))

Guess away! If you prefer, tell me where you fall on the naughty/nice spectrum… *ALL EARS* 

Contest: If you dig this, play the Naughty and Nice Game on your blog and link it back to mine for a chance to win a platter of my healthy baked goods. (See? Naughty AND Nice… They provide wild indulgence AND ample nutritional benefits. ;))

Feel free to change it up. If you’re more naughty than nice, for example, you might try a Nice List. Your friends may be shocked to learn that your first kiss came at age 20…or that you volunteer for Crochet Addicts Anonymous. Or post a naughty/nice list about a particular celebrity and have us guess who it is. Anything related goes!

Leave a comment

76 Comments

  1. I’m a good girl, too. And I totally get what you are saying – when we do something that is “out of character” for us, it gets more attention.

    I am going to guess 2, 4, 8, 10, 12. Not sure why, but there you go. I may just have to come up with a list. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Okay, I’m calling #3 because if it IS true, I need the deets to properly live vicariously through you! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Also, I now have Katy Perry swirling through my head, but instead of “I kissed a girl,” the words have been changed to “I touched a monk, and I liked it.” Thanks for that. 🙂

    Fun post, August!

    Reply
  3. I love this! My list would be quite different! The only one I would think most would have indulged in is 11.
    Either it is all of them or 1, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11
    You could write a book about your adventures!!

    Reply
  4. Hmmm very interesting and tough to guess. I think 7 of them are true, there is no reason a goodie goodie can’t find herself in the middle of several precarious situations 🙂

    Reply
  5. I’m guessing 1,2,6, 9, 10, and 11. Why? Beats me.

    Even if no one comes up with the right answers, I hope you’ll share juicy details. Meanwhile, I can’t wait for the mysterious upcoming post.

    Reply
  6. Marc Schuster

     /  December 7, 2011

    I’m going to go with 10, if only because I find the idea of stealing Jesus fascinating.

    Reply
    • Author Kristen Lamb

       /  December 7, 2011

      Yeah, I am with Marc on this one and just for the record. Those meetings at Crochet Addicts Anonymous are SUPPOSED to be CONFIDENTIAL. How could you break the sacred trust of the needles?

      #11 Ratted out members of Crochet Addicts Anonymous

      Reply
  7. Okay, I’m guessing “none of the above.” I know a lot of folks from Minnesota, and they’d never do this stuff!!! 🙂

    Reply
  8. #1 and #’s 4&5 seem to go hand in hand. If #2 and #10 are true (and I hope so), those are stories I want to read. Okay, throw in #9 too!

    Reply
  9. There is no way I can guess correctly on all these. But here goes:
    1. Probably did happen. Hey, it happens sometimes.
    2. I really hope you did do this one!
    3. No clue, but do kiss and tell!
    4 and 5. You mention it twice which makes me think you did it. Better not say anymore than that.
    6. Nope. Never heard of this, or how it works, so I will say not.
    7. Hope you did this one as well!
    8. I can understand why you did this one. Sometimes you just have to go!
    9. Maybe, but don’t understand why you would like it.
    10. I agree with Marc on this one. Too random to mention not to have done it.
    11. Yeppers to this one.
    12. Now this one could go both ways. Breaking in to rob someone random? No. Breaking in to an ex’s to regain possessions, yep.
    I hope the answer is you have not done any of these things, and that in some way my view of you insults!

    Reply
  10. This is a fun game! Let’s think. I’m intrigued by “air sex”, “touched monk,” and “stolen jesus”, so I’m guessing those are true. And either version of streaking through Times Square… No, no; that’d go to YouTube, and we’d know about it. Cops, cursing, and breaking into a house seem plausible. So: 1, 6, 9, 10, 11, 12. Six.

    Reply
    • Ooh… Does that mean you’re going to try it?? Not those three items you mentioned—unless you want to! LOL—but the naughty/nice game?

      Regardless, I appreciate your well-thought-out guesses. 😉

      Reply
  11. Although I am definitely a goody-goody (teacher’s pet, Miss Priss… take your pick of names), I almost completed #11 by the time the kids got in the car for school today. YIKES! I think I would have much preferred your adventurous life to having my nose in the books throughout early adulthood. Remember: “Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History!”

    Reply
    • I suppose one GG’s cuss words are another’s…hmm, drug of choice?? If I had kids, I imagine my language might lose its tidiness. (If there were anything like me as a tyke anyway…)

      Thanks for the quote, Jana! I find it encouraging. 😉

      Reply
  12. I’m guessing 2 and 8 are true, because they are too weird to make up … that whole truth is stranger than fiction thing. And, very true about curse words. If you use them all the time, who notices it’s like saying “that.”

    Reply
  13. Love this – what a GREAT idea and a GREAT post!!! I am definitely going to add it to my list of “must write” ideas!
    I am going to go with 5 are true: 1, 6 (cause who could make that up?!?!?!), 9, 10 (probably did 9 and 10 at the SAME TIME…you dirty girl), and 11.

    Reply
    • So glad you dig it, Natalie! Can’t wait to see yours. I *did* show you mine… 😉 (See why I don’t need liquor???) *sigh*

      No comment re: 9 + 10 combo… ROFL!

      Reply
  14. Okay, do I dare bite on this one?

    I do agree that when one is a GG, her/his indiscretions are more noticeable.

    There is something that leads me to believe, and please don’t take this the wrong way because I truly feel that you are a nice person, but I think you’ve done them all at one time or another during your life.

    Now, after just saying that, you could be talking about a character or characters that you’ve written in your novel. Or they could be from someone else’s work.

    Hmmm. You’re very sly today August! 🙂

    Reply
  15. Coleen Patrick

     /  December 7, 2011

    Ok so now I get why you wrote you were a wee bit nervous. My internal GG is practically sweating simply from the idea of posting a naughty list–my dad reads my posts!! Yikes.
    On the other hand I’d love to hear the details of number three!
    I think Karen might be on to something when she wrote that you could be talking about your characters . . .?
    I love this post August. I’m going to be mulling it over for the rest of the day I’m sure! 🙂

    Reply
    • Thanks, Coleen! I’m blushing at the mere comments! But I’m also touched (Okay, now all I can think is ‘monk’ ;)) by everyone’s playful participation. Y’all rock.

      I will give you this much: No, the list does not apply to my characters. (Creative idea, though, Karen!)

      Reply
  16. Shannon Esposito

     /  December 7, 2011

    Hmmm…the fact that you lived with models, I’m going to say that walking through Times Square naked was true…and then of course, getting picked up by the cops for it. hehe The Monk thing I’ll say is true because I, too, am a good girl with a wicked (inner,very rarely let out) naughty streak and I would so enjoy that. The whole forbidden fruit thing? lol Okay…I’ll stop there before i get myself in trouble.

    Reply
  17. mgmillerbooks

     /  December 7, 2011

    Wicked you 😉 And what a great post! I’ll pick ‘D’ for “all of the above”. Ha. I won’t post any of my transgressions, though. My mother is still living, and I want her to stay that way.

    Reply
  18. What a fun post, August! I was born in Minnesota too, but I’m not a Minnesotan (can’t do the accent). I was raised in California so I’ve mastered the valley girl slang! Like, oh my God! (Okay, that’s enough of that.)

    I was a goody-goody until I was in my 20’s, then all hell broke loose for me. I went from one extreme to the other. I never got into any real trouble mind you, but I did explore things that needed exploring.

    So, on you list, I’m guessing numbers 1, 8, 10,11, and 12 are all things you have enjoyed. Stealing Jesus was my particular favorite. I can just see you creeping across Old Man Johnson’s front lawn and confiscating the big plastic saint!

    Going to do your suggestion and post a naughty/nice list on my blog site soon (well soon for me anyway. I don’t blog a lot.) Stay tuned for the link back.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Reply
  19. Okay I’m guessing 1, 3 & 4, just cause. Can’t wait for the truth to come out next week, you naughty and nice girl. 🙂

    Reply
  20. journalpulp

     /  December 7, 2011

    There can be no question you’ve been picked up by the cops, can there? Not once, in fact, but twice, both times for indecent exposure, first when your eastern-block roommate dared you to walk naked through Times Square, and, second, when you “peed on the Audubon” (as you say), though in reality it was much more sensational than that — it was epic, as a matter of fact: you’d been boozing for days, smoking endless cigarettes, popping pills, whathaveyou — you barely knew where you were or what you were doing as you whizzed upon the macadam and un flic came by and busted your ass. At the time, you thought of it as a small-scale debacle, but, like your fling with the sexy female celeb and like your theft of that parget Christ, you lived to tell about it, and the only thing you got from the whole sordid affair was a slight reputation. Strangely (you found), this slight reputation only intensified your allure in the eyes of others, so you cultivated it. Now (you find) it’s just one of the many things we all love about you.

    All appearances to the contrary notwithstanding, I too, like Amber West, relate, though I’m not a girl. Often, people say to me: “Ray, how can someone who looks like you be so pure?”

    There was this one time, for example, several years ago, when I was making out with this chick in the back of her trailer. Things started to get pretty intense, and after a while I pulled myself away from her and said “Hey, baby, I think we better cool it down.”

    She said “Why?”

    I said “Well, it’s starting to get pretty hot.”

    She said “Yeah. Yeah, it is. It’s getting real goddamn hot, as a matter of fact. So — I mean — what’s the problem?”

    I said “For one thing, I don’t really know you –”

    But she interrupted me. “You know me well enough,” she said. “Besides,” she said, “nobody really knows anybody, not that well.”

    I said “Don’t you reason with me.”

    I said “I’m not the type to have sex on the first date.”

    She said “Why?”

    I said “It’s just not how I operate.” I said “It feels slightly wrong.” (Those were my exact words.)

    She said “Tell me this” — and these were her exact words — “how could something that feels as good as this possibly be wrong?”

    Well, that stopped me cold, I admit. I didn’t speak for a long time after that. I just stared at her. She was a beautiful girl, sea-green eyes, black hair, hemorrhoids… Finally, after this very lengthy pause during which neither of us flinched, I said something to her that she later told me she’d never forget, for as long as she lived.

    I said “Okay, pussycat. Give it to me good.”

    (Or did I?)

    Reply
  21. Ok, I’m seeing a few parallels in our thinking and behaviors so I’ll go with five ’cause I’m at five. No, I will never tell which five. This was great fun August.

    Reply
    • Ooh… Now I know how some of you must feel, wishing I’d spill it already! But I won’t press, Prudence. Totally respect your GG privacy. 😉

      I do hope that one day we’ll trade stories over miniscule glasses of wine. Two if we’re feeling really naughty!

      Reply
  22. So fun! I think you are right about being a good girl. It’s like R. Kelly and every R&B singer said after him, “A lady in the street and a freak in the sheets.” I may be paraphrasing. For me, it’s just about self respect and keeping my business to myself. But, to each her own. As for you, I’m guessing You’ve peed on the Audobon, stolen Jesus, and said all the cuss words out loud. And I think you enjoyed all three.

    Reply
    • You are proof of GG allure, Emma! If a woman with tats, eyebrow piercings and black eye shadow posted the R. Kelly quote, it wouldn’t have endeared me NEARLY as much. 😉

      PS Hint: I did enjoy *most* of the deeds done… Hmm…

      Reply
  23. Wow girl! I think it just took me longer to read all the comments than it did to read the post. LOL You are on fire! Reasoning it all out, I’m going to go with numbers 1, 2, 4, 10 and 12. Great post August!

    Reply
  24. Ha! As a fellow GG, I can appreciate the guts it took to post this. I could think of a number of things for my own list, but I doubt I’ll make it public. 🙂

    That said, I’ll guess numbers 1, 4, 8, 10, and 11 — maybe because I could see myself in those situations. LOL!

    Reply
  25. Ohmygosh! You are so cute. Being a goody-goody isn’t such a bad thing. I think it’s hilarious you thought you would be the exotic one!

    I don’t know which one to guess ~ I’m going for peed on the Audobon. Fun post!

    Reply
  26. Great post, August! It’s funny, I too am a GG. Interestingly, my wife and I also use the GG moniker for Glory Grabber. This is our term for someone who tries to take credit for everything. Used in a sentence: He says he cleaned the house “all by himself.” He’s such a Glory Grabber. (Woops, maybe she said that about me!)

    I’m thinking you “may have” committed #’s 2, 8, 10, 11, and 12 – but only your hairstylist knows for sure :).

    http://mjmonaghan.wordpress.com/about/

    Reply
  27. GG (or GB in my case?) status is definitely relative. In my very conservative circle, I was an instigator. In the rest of the world, I would be considered a really goodie boy. Oh well. Great post, August. I’m fascinated to hear which bawdy acts you’ve committed, but too nice to guess 🙂

    Reply
  28. My life got a welcome lot tamer when I got married etc. It was just as well, it was wearing out.

    I’m guessing just 2 on your list on account there’d be pictures all over the internet for most of the rest!

    Cheers!

    Reply
  29. From one GG to another, I salute you. My list of transgressions is still woefully short, but I figure I have a couple of years left to go “PhD Girl Wild,” as I like to put it. 😉

    Hmmm, let’s see. #6 is incredibly random, so I will vote and say that it actually happened. I’ll also guess that #1, 4, 9, 11, and 12 also happened.

    Fantastic idea, August!

    Reply
  30. Awesome post – you naughty, naughty girl!

    Reply
  31. what fun…I think 1,3,6, and 9. 1 because everyone has been, right? Right?

    3.. because I hope so. I want to be able to say “I know someone who…”
    6. see number 1
    9.I would love to touch the Dalai Lama.

    can’t wait to read more

    Reply
  32. Oh, I just hope you did them ALL!!!

    Reply
  33. this inspired me to do a list of my own! so fun!

    http://helloannabeth.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/naughty-and-nice/

    love,
    anna beth

    Reply
  34. August,

    I am in too much pain to make a guess …. and I am bummed out that I will be in the air when you reveal it all ….

    Or, will I be in a hotel?

    We’ll see where I land.

    Reply
  35. I’m a GG for sure:) And you are so right about the naughty thing. When we’re naughty people seem to applaud. I’m also glad you shared this because sometimes I’ve felt like I’m living a double life- one of goody goodness with a lot of naughty on the side. But I feel better to know I’m not alone:) I’m reading this late, as I’m trying to catch up, but I haven’t read your second post yet so I’ll go ahead and guess some numbers.
    2,3 ,9,11

    Reply
  36. I’m been very bad in a sense that I havent been keeping up to date with my fellow bloggers so as a result I only came by this now! Oops, sorry August 😦

    I take it either way, you’ve run through Times Square naked! Ha ha!

    Oh please, please, pleeeeeez tell me if you really had a relationship with a celeb and with who….send me an email so no-one else will know. I’ll give you brownie points in exchange 😉

    Reply
  37. Gillian Colbert

     /  December 22, 2011

    Often it’s the nice girls who are also the naughtiest. Gotta love it!

    Reply
  38. Raani York

     /  December 17, 2012

    Perfect! Now I know what it is. *chuckle* Thanks for the explanation!

    Reply
  1. Wednesday Bonus: The GG Post | A Day Without Sushi
  2. Fun Friday: Goodie-Goodies, The Grinch, and a Dick in a Box!
  3. The Gift of a Name: A Special Guest Post by Mark B. Saunders « August McLaughlin's Blog
  4. Drop the S-Bomb, Not the F-Bomb! « mj monaghan
  5. Saturday in the Park – A Stroll Through the Blogosphere « Tim L O'Brien – Static In The Airwaves
  6. naughty and nice « hello, anna beth
  7. Naughty & Nice Part II « August McLaughlin's Blog
  8. Taking A Chance – The Naughty List Exposed « Tim L O'Brien – Static In The Airwaves
  9. Stealing Jesus « August McLaughlin's Blog
  10. Naughty & Nice: confessions of a reformed bad-a$$ – Natalie Hartford
  11. Naughty or Nice… What Did Santa Leave In My Stocking? | Tameri Etherton
  12. More Secrets Shared in the Bad Girl Game | Lesann Berry
  13. Stealing Jesus « August McLaughlin's Blog
  14. Drop the S-Bomb, Not the F-Bomb! - mj monaghan
  15. Stealing Jesus | Girl Boner

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: