“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – E.E. Cummings
Just before Christmas in Minnesota last year, my mom asked me to set up an electric Santa Clause as we were prepping for a party. I tried, but couldn’t get the jolly guy to light up. “I can’t figure it out,” I told my mom. Without hesitation she said, ” With the things you write about, one would think you could at least turn Santa on!” This, from the woman who’d barely said peep about my blog previously!
Indeed, laughter is a gift—and little makes me as laugh-happy as Girl Boner humor. Sadly, most of the sex-related humor available online is pretty sexist, depicting men as sex-crazed maniacs and women as sex-haters or dimwitted sluts. I drudged through lots of that in seek of truly funny, non-damaging jokes and e-cards that are legitimately funny, IMHO. Here’s a glimpse at what I found:
For more giggles, check out these groovy links:
- Jenny Hansen’s Blog: It’s National Underwear Day? Celebrate with More Cowbell… (Clap-Off Bras? Enough said.)
- Natalie Hartford’s Blog: Women Peeing Standing Up? Amen to That! (Tips worth taking!)
- Nigel Blackwell: A Non-Controversial Sockumentary (Nothing sex or female specific here, but one of the funniest posts EVER.)
To learn more about my decision to give up sexist humor, read Why I Trashed My Blonde Card.
What do you think? Any LOL moments? (It’s okay if not. I admit, my Girl Boner is easily tickled… ;)) Which did you find funniest? Regardless, I’d love to hear your thoughts – and your jokes! If you have a non-sexist/derogatory joke or link to share, post away. You can also tweet (#GirlBoner) or share them on the Girl Boner Facebook page.
Girl Boner 
Steve (extension 128)
/ August 12, 2013Funny stuff, August. As someone who read Family Circus in the Sunday comics growing up, I don’t think I’ll ever look at that comic in the same light again 😉
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013Cheers, Steve! 🙂
Raani York
/ August 12, 2013I just had a great time – considering I’m reading this in the office it got even better when I can’t laugh loudly! I giggled most about the “Please don’t play with my heart…” joke. That’s pretty funny! All others are too, but this is hilarious.
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013LOL Stealth humor – I dig it, Raani! I think the “Please don’t play with my heart” one would make a groovy “real” greeting card. 🙂
Raani York
/ August 12, 2013You know… that’s right… – uhm… maybe I should open an e-card-online-shop. LOOOL
Mike Sirota
/ August 12, 2013Just heard this one: Two guys meet for coffee. One of them says, “I think my wife is dead.” The other guy, stunned, says, “You THINK your wife is dead?” The first guy says, “Yeah. The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up.” 🙂
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013🙂 I’m glad I can’t relate to that kind o’ marriage – on both counts!
Bill Parker
/ August 12, 2013The Family Circus one seems pretty borderline to me on the sexist/non-sexist front, but I may well be overthinking it. 🙂 Loved all the rottenecards ones.
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013Ah. I hadn’t thought of the angle I think you’re getting at – NPI! Definitely depends on your interpretation. From a kid’s standpoint, IMO, it looks like the woman is sobbing in his lap. (And totally reminded me of “Breakfast.” :)) From an adult standpoint, I just see Part I of oral sex. 😉
Bill Parker
/ August 12, 2013NPI, NPI…Not Plugged In? 🙂 I think you’re definitely supposed to assume that that’s what’s happening and that the kids just don’t have the frame of reference to get it. Which is funny and everything and I totally get the “Breakfast” connection, but the “asking for a new dress” part, to me, makes it fall pretty close to that tired “sex-crazed maniacs” vs. “sex haters” theme (plus he’s the one with all the money and non-sex-based power, this is something she has to do to get what she wants, etc.) Like I said, overthinking. 🙂
Bill Parker
/ August 12, 2013Ha, I JUST got what you meant by “Part I,” in which case, yeah. 🙂 But that’s undercut by the whole bargaining for a dress bit…anyway.
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013Well if that “bargaining” were happening. 😉
Bill Parker
/ August 12, 2013Haha…that almost HAS to have been the author’s intention, but I like it a lot more your way, so it works for me. 🙂
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013Only if the maker views blow jobs as currency – but yeah. Not what we believe or celebrate here. 🙂
Piper Bayard
/ August 12, 2013I grew up with my mom sticking Family Circus to the refrigerator with little bug magnets. I think this stripped a gear in my head, but I did actually LOL.
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013LOL You’re welcome – I think! 😉
Jenny Hansen
/ August 13, 2013ROFL…same here, Piper. I don’t think my mama would’ve put this particular Family Circus on the fridge.
Catherine Johnson
/ August 12, 2013They’re funny! I think you should try making your own up August :0) That would be fun.
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013Great idea, Catherine! Stock up on tomatoes, all! LOL (Uh oh! Laughing at my own jokes already… :))
Mark Petruska
/ August 12, 2013Santa never met a “ho” he didn’t like.
Great post! Love ’em all. And Mike Sirota, that’s a real rib tickler there. 🙂
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013😀 So glad you enjoyed. Thanks for weighing in.
Rebecca Enzor
/ August 12, 2013I think my favorite is the one about the muscles 🙂
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013One of my faves, too!
Yatin
/ August 12, 2013Thanks for the wholesome humor that I can share with my wife & say hey it’s not me, this is coming from August’s Blog!! 🙂
It’s kinda beaten up now, but this was my favorite to my wife during our courtship days “Can I tickle you tummy? from inside?”
and now … My wife to her teenage patient “Use your head to avoid pregnancy” It’s common sense.
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013LOL You’re welcome to blame me, Yatin! Sweet quips. 🙂
Mike Sirota
/ August 12, 2013Thanks, Mark. I was at dinner and had a mouthful of food when a friend told us that joke. You can visualize what happened next. 🙂
Gloria Richard Author
/ August 12, 2013This one from I LOVE FEMALE ORGASM: Man gets his girlfriend’s attention from across the room by crooking his pointer finger. She hustles to his side. His line? “She always comes when I do that.”
Then there’s my recent true-life faux pas with the MetLife agent. I called to confirm my premium calculation on the policy’s renewal date. I was off in my calculations, so Doug was calculated the correct amount. I chose to chatter while he clickity-clacked on his keyboard, and said, “Let me guess. It’s going up.” Doug said, “No. Actually I think it’s going down.” My response? “Oh! I LOVE going down.”
Glurg!
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013LOL I love that, Gloria – same for your real-life GB blurt… Boy, do I have those!
Inion N. Mathair
/ August 12, 2013Love the sometimes you just need a hug one, August. Awesome post. More people should find the humor in sexuality. The world would be a much less stressful place. 🙂
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013I agree! Thanks for the support. 🙂 I’d like a tee (maybe a nightshirt!) featuring that blurb.
Nigel Blackwell
/ August 12, 2013LOL. No idea how I made it into this post August, but it’s very funny. I like the “heart” one.
As for moments, I once walked an american girl around London visiting all the sights. When we stopped in a pub she told the bartender that she was exhausted, and that I had “worn her fanny out.” The pub went silent while I dissolved into tears of laughter – Fanny has a different meaning in England…
Cheers!
August McLaughlin
/ August 12, 2013LOL Good one, Nigel! (And your post leaps to mind when I think of funniness. :)) I hear that spunky has an alternate meaning in England, too…
Sarah Brabazon
/ August 12, 2013I lol’d (is that even a word?), August. Then I forwarded your post to my husband, whom I’ve told to subscribe to you.
August McLaughlin
/ August 16, 2013LOL I’m touched, Sarah! Hope he enjoys. 🙂
laurie27wsmith
/ August 13, 2013A young couple out driving get a flat tyre in a snow storm. The young man gets out and removes the jack and spare then leaps back in the car, hands freezing. His girlfriend grabs them, lifts her skirt and tucks them between her thighs. Warm now he goes out and jacks the car up then returns and puts his hands back where it’s warm. On the seventh trip back in he finds her lying back with one leg hooked over the seat. She grabs his head and pulls him down saying, “C’mon Baby your ears must be freezing by now.”
August McLaughlin
/ August 16, 2013LOL I love it!! Thanks so much, Laurie. That’s a keeper.
laurie27wsmith
/ August 16, 2013🙂 not all of my jokes are, thanks heaps August.
Natalie Hartford
/ August 13, 2013Love the linky love darlin’!!
Those are all fahhhbulous teehee moments. I agree, it’s so refreshing to find funnies that don’t depict women as sex-hating prudes…my fav was the 237 muscles…ROFL!!! Priceless!!!
GREAT post as always August! MUAH!
August McLaughlin
/ August 16, 2013Aw. Thanks, Natalie! Glad you were tickled, too! 🙂
kindredspirit23
/ August 13, 2013I can’t decide because I loved them all!
Thanks for the smiles.
Wish men had some nicer jokes like that.
Scott
August McLaughlin
/ August 16, 2013I may have to seek those out, Scott! Glad you enjoyed. 🙂
KristinaLudwig
/ October 14, 2013Hehehe. The last two are my faves! Great post.