What’s Really Wrong About “Slutty” Halloween Costumes

With Halloween upon us, you’ve probably heard or even thought something along the lines of, “Why are women’s costumes so slutty?,” or spotted headlines featuring “non-slutty” or “the sluttiest” costumes. 

I agree that females should have more than skin-tight, ultra short and otherwise provocative costume options—particularly girls, who commonly feel sexually objectified as early as age six, according to studies. But I loathe conversations that depict female sexuality in a negative light.

Halloween allows us to dress up in ways society typically says, “Don’t!” Some psychologists theorize that costumes allow us to reveal parts of ourselves generally considered taboo or worth hiding. Female sexuality is sadly a frequent biggie. Does that make revealing costumes wrong? Not remotely. Feeling permitted to express or embrace our sexuality as we see fit only once a year—as many women do? That’s a problem, and a sign of how far we’ve yet to come as a society regarding these issues.

By judging a woman for dressing in a revealing costume or describing the costumes themselves using terms like “slutty” or “hoe,” we perpetuate negative attitudes about female sexuality and our bodies. If a woman wants to bear it all, great for her! If not, that’s great, too.

I personally felt just as womanly and empowered in my Cat Woman costume as I do in this year’s Rosie the Riveter garb. How about you?

slut-shaming Halloween

How do you choose Halloween costumes? What apparel makes you feel sexy? Any thoughts on slut-shaming around Halloween or any time? I love hearing from you! 

The #UnSlut Project: Putting an End to Sexual Bullying

Imagine if after deciding to eat a healthier diet, your peers picked on you extensively, calling you vicious names for eating certain foods you find empowering. Or if after nearly dying from ingesting intentionally-poisoned food, everyone around you snickered and posted photos of you vomiting all over social media. Now imagine all of this happening during your youth, when your sense of self is markedly vulnerable. Seems pretty cruel and ridiculous, doesn’t it?

Slut shaming,” which is really woman- or victim- shaming, makes just as little sense. Countless girls and women are shunned for expressing their sexuality (which is as natural as digestion), for being brutalized by sexual predators or simply for being female. Most cases remain largely hidden, due to the victims’ understandable pain, embarrassment and fear of worse bullying. When we learn about such cruelty through the media, it’s typically due to a tragic outcome.

Judging others sexuality

Emily Lindin, my guest on Girl Boner Radio last week, is out to change all of that. Devastated by the suicides of young women who’d been bullied after falling victim to sexual assault, Emily published her diary from adolescence, which details her own experience being slut-shamed, online. The UnSlut Project has since become a place for people of all genders and walks of life to share similar experiences and gain support. She’s also producing  Slut: A Documentary Film, and speaks publicly about slut-shaming and its consequences throughout print media, social media, live events and on TV. I know; how awesome is she?

Tune in to our chat using the following link. You’re going to love what this awesome woman has to say!

Girl Boner Radio: The UnSlut Project: Putting An End to Sexual Bullying – An Interview with Emily Lindin

Emily Lindin_UnSlut

To learn more about Emily Lindin and The UnSlut Project, visit www.unslutproject.com and follow her on Twitter (@unslutproject) and Facebook.

What do you think of The UnSlut Project? What did you enjoy most about our interview? Have you or a loved one been slut-shamed? I always love hearing from you! ♥

#GirlBoner Radio: Behind the Scenes with Adult Star Siri

“I enjoy getting to be sexually open and that I can always have this running dialogue about sexuality… To me, it’s very satisfying.” — Siri

Growing up in Minnesota and Texas, Siri, now an award-winning porn star with her own membership site, never imagined she’d one day make a name for herself in the adult industry. When a college girlfriend opened her eyes to queer porn, that all changed. “The more I watched, the more I thought, I want to do that,” she told me during our recent interview. “I think I’d be really good at that. I think I’d enjoy it.” At no point did she find the career option anything but logical and viable.

Since then Siri’s faith, work, talent and sexiness have really paid off. While the days of making millions as a porn star for most performers are over, she makes a good income doing work she loves—much of which has little to do with fucking. The passionate businesswoman spends much of her time sifting through free porn sites for pirated scenes, marketing her brand, interacting with a loyal fan base she lovingly calls her “Legion of Sirians,” and speaking out against slut-shaming and digital piracy. Also impressive? She’s turned her natural H-cup breasts that once triggered insecurity into an empowering, embraced component of her multi-faceted career.

But enough from me! To hear Siri’s take on her career, slut-shaming, feminism and more, check out our interview using this link:

Girl Boner Radio: Behind the Scenes with Adult Star Siri

 

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For more on Siri, visit SiriPornStar.com, read her blog and follow her on Twitter (@SIRIpornstar).

♥ We’d love to hear from you! What did you think of Siri’s insight? Do you agree that porn and feminism can pair well? What’s your take on digital piracy? 

In Honor of Alyssa Funke: Ways to End “Slut-Shaming”

I try really hard to stay positive here in Girl Boner-land, but sometimes sexual empowerment requires looking into dark issues—particularly when lives are being needlessly ruined or lost.

Judging others sexuality

Last month Alyssa Funke, a straight-A college freshman from Minnesota who had dreams of becoming an anesthesiologist, committed suicide after cyber-bullying over her decision to appear in pornography pushed her past her emotional limits. A friend shared the news with me recently, rightfully stating that had Alyssa been a man, the tragedy wouldn’t have unfolded. The double-standards regarding female versus male sexuality are immense, heartbreaking and run deeper than many folks realize. Regardless, no one should be ridiculed or judged for choosing to engage in sexual activity, on or off camera.

Conversations about Alyssa throughout social media and the news have used the term “slut shaming,” an increasingly prevalent term Wikipedia defines as “a concept in human sexuality used to describe the act of making a person, typically a woman, feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered contrary to natural or religious law.” Examples include dressing provocatively, requesting access to birth control, having premarital or casual sex or being raped or otherwise sexually violated.

If I could choose one term to do away with in our culture, slut-shaming may well be it. While I’m grateful that these issues are beginning to gain necessary attention (but not for the tragic reasons), woman-shaming seems far more appropriate. Sex is just as much a part of being female as it is male. If our world embraced this fact rather than making much of female sexuality taboo, Alyssa might still be with her loved ones today.

It doesn’t take a genius or much heart to recognize that any shame should fall on the person shunning a woman for dressing as she wishes, engaging sexually as she wishes, responsibly requesting birth control or (GOOD LORD) being attacked—not the woman herself. Bullying, criticizing or ostracizing someone for embracing sex as she sees fit, something as equally natural and health-promoting as digesting food, sleeping and breathing, simply because they’re female makes no sense. It’s cruel not only to the woman being shamed but all females, and the derivative damage affects us all. In some cases, the consequences are profoundly tragic.

So what can we do? We can start by analyzing our own beliefs and language, then making positive changes. Providing positive role models our culture lacks and not buying into sex-negativity will help ensure that Alyssa Funke and others like her won’t have died in vain.

women sexual empowerment

Here are some simple ways we can set more positive examples for girls and women regarding sexuality. While many of them apply to all genders, they most often affect women:

  • Don’t describe anything sexual as “dirty” or “naughty.”
  • Cut “slut” and “slutty” from your vocabulary unless you’re discussing their harm.
  • Don’t inwardly or outwardly judge girls or women for wearing tight, short or low-cut clothes.
  • Don’t make negative remarks about your or others’ shape, appearance or size.
  • Avoid telling and laughing at sexist jokes.
  • Respectfully call people out when they shame or demean others for their sexual choices or behaviors.
  • When necessary and possible, report sexual shaming.
  • Support sex-positive publications, activists and events.
  • Communicate more about sexuality with loved ones, particularly your partner(s) and, if you’re a parent, your kids.
  • Cultivate positive body image and a happy healthy sex life, however you define it.

As we honor those who’ve given their lives for our country this Memorial Day, I hope you’ll also keep Alyssa Funke and her loved ones in her thoughts. Thanks so much for the ongoing support. Even when darkness prevails, I believe we can change the world. ♥