GOODY GOODY TELLS ALL SOME

The original “Goody Two Shoes” was an orphan named Margery Meanwell, featured in a children’s story by English professor John Newbery in 1765. Margery endured much of her life with only one shoe until a rich man came along and completed her pair. She ran around telling everyone how grateful she was and later married a rich guy—supposed proof that her virtuousness paid off.

Not all modern definitions of goody goody are sweet, however. The MacMillan Dictionary lists ‘public nuisance,’ ‘know-it-all’ and ‘yub’ as synonyms.

In my view, there are two kinds of goody goodies: those who aspire to seem good and those with genuinely good intentions. The best GGs—the ones we’d probably all prefer to hang out with—are not only a bit naughty (as I explained in my previous post), but naughty to be nice rather than for selfish gain. Since my intentions were good, I felt comfortable sharing my naughtiness. And thanks to your warm and hilarious responses, I’ve been seriously entertained for days. You’ve kept me smiling, laughing, blushing and, at certain points, perspiring.

“She’s braver than I,” a few of you wrote. (By “brave,” I wondered, did you mean crazy? Hmm… LOL) Some of you said you’d never divulge your naughtiness for fear your mother might see. (This part was easy for me. If my mom read my list, she’d likely laugh, reminisce with me and likely suggest a few additions…) So why did I do it? A few reasons. One, I felt the urge to. Two, I’m by nature a blurter, which is different from an exploiter, but not exactly brave. (Urge + Blurt = Spill… More on Blurt Syndrome soon. :)) And three, I took author/blogger supreme Roni Loren’s advice to heart.

When I asked for Roni top blogging tip, she said, “Be genuine and be uniquely you. Your blog is about letting people in and getting to know you (and all your quirks and weirdness).”

Wisdom to blog and live by. It feels good to let our true selves out. So whether or not you feel up to playing the Naughty/Nice game yourself, I challenge you to live and write with gusto and authenticity—be a first-rate you, rather than a knock-off someone else. Then please share your bad self with us!

Okay. Enough philosophizing, right?? You came for the GOODS. So without further ado…

THE RESULTS

None of you guessed right, that 10 of my 12 items were true. But I don’t have the heart (or perhaps the ability) to keep my mouth fully shut. So here goes…something. 😉

I’m so naughty, I (really):

1. Got picked up by the cops.
…for skipping high school with a friend. Thanks to our GG reputation, our parents and teachers thought we’d been abducted. We were walking home from Cheapo Records clutching CDs and Beatles posters when a cop car pulled over and presented a photograph….of us.

2. Punched a well known artist in the nose…and broke it.
…because he stuck his tongue in my mouth first. Though the experience stunk, I’m glad to know I have that in me.

3. Had a lengthy fling with one of “world’s sexiest” celebs.
I’d say more, but GG’s don’t kiss and tell! (Sorry, Tim!) The two of you who deemed this probable can have the scoop if we ever meet in person. Then again, you’re writers! Use your imagination…

4. Walked naked through Times Square on a dare.

5. Walked naked through Times Square because I felt like it. 

6. Had air-sex with an invisible man on TV.
Since many of you seemed unsure of what air-sex is, here’s an explicit how-to video:

Ha! You watched it, didn’t you, you naughty person! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. (If you skipped the video, watch it now. Innocent clip, I promise.) In this case, Karen was partly right. My character (I was an actress at the time) fell in love with a mime. Mr. Mime cheated on me with an air-woman. What else was I to do??? Thank goodness I didn’t end up carrying his mime-baby. Whew!

7. Spat in a teacher’s face before knocking him into a pool.
…because I’m a complete hydrophobe; I couldn’t even float or dip my head below water at the time. Mr. Mean forced me into the deep end, putting my life at risk. My response was a jerk reaction. (Pun intended. ;))

8. Peed on the Audobon.
Many of you got this one right. When nature calls…

9. Touched a monk. And liked it.
Apparently one GG’s friendly, affectionate gesture is a monk’s nefarious act. I met the cute little guru at Manny’s guitar store in New York. He asked me all about guitar strings, music I like…and man, I really thought we bonded! Imagine my heartbreak when, as we posed for a photograph and my friendly arm wandered (No, not there!), he lurched away, commanding women “never touch monk.” I gave him my card, but he never called… *reaching for tissue*

10. Stole Jesus.
This item is what led me to post about Goody Goody-dom in the first place. More soon…

11. Said the F, S, B and D-words out loud. 
Once I realized that I hadn’t sworn out loud, I made it my mission not to until a high school friend needed some serious cheering up. With my heart racing and palms sweating, I opened my mouth and let ’em rip! As we laughed and cried together afterwards, I knew my saving up had paid off.

12. Broke into a house.
…because I locked myself out, again. Not glamorous or saucy, but true. I have leg bruises to prove it.

So what do you think? Am I as good as Margy Meanwell or a yub on Santa’s naughty list? Most importantly, what can you do to live or write more authentically?

For MORE Naughty & Nice fun, check out Amber West‘s and Anna Beth‘s posts. You two are rockstars for participating! Being the GG I am ;), I’ve decided to send you both healthy baked goods. Email or Tweet/message (@AugstMcLaughlin) me your address.

JUST ADDED: Check out Tim L. O’Brien’s Naughty or Nice List. Naked Rover, cow tongues and more…