8 Surprising Facts About Female Orgasm

Happy National Orgasm Day! Nope, I didn’t make that up. Today folks across the country are celebrating the big and luscious O. Fabulous, right?

I thought I’d celebrate by sharing some tantalizing facts about Girl Boner-gasms. Check them out, then let me know what you think! I LOVE hearing from you. ♥


1. You could have one without realizing it. Don’t believe me? Listen to my episode on brain-gasms and my orgasm MRI. In short, some women mistake the feel-good sensations of climax with simply feeling good or, sadly, experience so much shame around sexuality that they don’t allow themselves to recognize or embrace what’s happening.

2. They’re POWERFUL! Unlike guys’ orgasms, which are also groovy, she-gasms send shimmery pleasure and elation throughout the whole body—from our heads to the tips of our toes. No wonder they help everything from pain and tension to low moods.

3. And contagious. Now there is something worth catching—yum. Our partners may literally get-off on our getting off. This is one reason men delight in facilitating orgasm meditation—the slow stimulation of a woman’s clit with the fingers alone.

4. Self-stimulation rocks! Did you know that self-sexy-TLC is the easiest way for most women to climax? It’s also a beautiful way to learn more about your body and connect more deeply with your partner, if you have one. I’m also a big fan of couple masturbation. Sharing in each other’s pleasure side-by-side or face-to-face without going pelvis-to-pelvis can be hot on multiple levels.

5. Some women climax through breath or thoughts alone. If a sexy dream has ever sent you over the edge physically, you’ve done so. You can also experience breath-gasms through tantric exercises, as I explored with Dawn Beck on Girl Boner® Radio this week.

6. Our attitudes count. Women who embrace their bodies and sexuality tend to have more frequent and stronger orgasms. This is one reason so many of us experiences greater intensity and fulfillment in the bedroom as we age. (Yes, that we peak in our 30s is a myth.)

7. It’s okay to desire or experience them more than your guy. As Dr. Megan said on my show recently, guys shouldn’t be expected to be superheroes in the bedroom. Similarly, we gals shouldn’t criticize ourselves if we desire sex more than our partner.

To learn more about females having higher sex drive, check out my latest column for The Good Men Project: When You Want Sex More Than He Does – What’s a Girl to Do?

8. There’s no right or best way to have one. Whether you climax frequently or some of the time, namely on the outside of your gorgeous body or deeper within, engage your G-spot or not or reach orgasm quickly or over time, you’re a-okay in that department. Our orgasms are as unique as we are, and 1000% embraceable.

**Another fab way to celebrate! Click the Good Vibrations ad in my sidebar and purchase a sexy product or two. A portion of your purchase will go to all-things-Girl Boner. Thanks so much for any support.

Which fact struck you most? What’s your favorite thing about she-gasms? How will you celebrate this glorious day?

The Highly Sensitive Clitoris

I adore my clitoris, now that I know what and where it is.

Here, clitoris clitoris... I know you're in here somewhere!

Here, clitoris clitoris… I know you’re in there somewhere!

Professor Olga Rockenstein stood before the Psychology of Female Sexuality, staring at us with bulldog-intense eyes. “Women know too little about their bodies,” she said. “Do you know how many don’t even know where their clitoris is?”

As her gaze caught mine, my expression read: “You’re kidding me!” What I really thought: My what?

The word sounded familiar, but I was 20, and too much time had passed since high school health class. When she called it the “pleasure button,” I assumed it was the area inside the vagina that lights up and explodes, triggering uncontrollable delight and making the entire world disappear, during orgasm. (Sigh…)


I wasn’t even close. When I learned its actual location, between the inner folds of the vulva, at the top of the labia (diagram here), I wondered if mine was broken. When I or my boyfriend touched mine, I felt…ticklish. Really ticklish, as in it nearly hurt.

If you relate to this, I suggest not Googling “sensitive clitoris,” unless you want nightmares and psychosomatic symptoms and of a clitoris-clobbering disease. Chances are, there’s nothing wrong with you. (If you suspect an illness, though, definitely consult your doctor.) Regardless, all clitorises are sensitive, and as lovely as the flowers they’re named after:

CLITORIS! flower Girl Boner

Behold, the CLITORIS!

Fab Facts About Clitoral Sensitivity

♥ A highly sensitive clitoris is usually just that—an organ so sensitive that mild touch can cause sensation overload. It’s more common among people with increased overall sensitivity, from what I’ve gathered, and in women prone to G-spot orgasms.

♥ You know how penises get incredibly sensitive post-ejaculation? Well, the clitoris is comparable to the head of the penis, only it’s smaller and has many more nerve endings—about 7,000. (So guys, imagine that sensation, multiplied by about 200.)

♥ If your clitoris has typical sensitivity, touching, kissing, licking and sucking probably feel DAMN good, and make way for climax. Clitoral orgasm is the most common and easiest to achieve, according to sexuality expert, Dr. Laura Berman.

♥ If yours is highly sensitive, you probably prefer gentler touching or pressure, on or around your clitoris. Vaginal (aka, G-spot) orgasms are likely to be your numero uno. In blended orgasms, we come in both places—YEE HA!

**It’s important to note that one type of orgasm is not superior or ideal. Our sexuality is unique, and we should all feel great about our personal style and preferences.

There’s also no “right” way to engage or enjoy our joy buttons. The key is knowing how our own works, and communicating with our partners, as needed.

Learn more about the clitoris on Girl Boner® Radio here: The Highly Sensitive Clitoris

#ClitParty: A Pleasure Button Clit-ebration!

Earlier this month, Clitoraid, a Las Vegas-based group namely devoted to helping victims of female genital mutilation, hosted the first ever International Clitoris Awareness Week. When a few of my sassy, Girl Boner-loving friends, and I learned of it, we decided to throw a party. And guess what. You’re all invited! Actually, you’re already here. 🙂 SURPRISE!

I know—a rather clinical party piece, but I happen to LOVE chatting about clitoral quirks at parties. Consider this segment the #GirlBoner geek in the room, and check out the following blogs later today, some of which will be slightly more steamy:

You can also join us today on Twitter, using the hashtag #ClitParty. For a chance to WIN an erotic book from Go Deeper Press or a 30-minute clairvoyant reading with Goddess Isis Oracle (via Skype or phone), Tweet us about your clitoris: What you love about it, what you’d say to it, your nickname for it—whatever!—using the hashtag #ClitParty. For even MORE fun, join me on the Girl Boner Facebook page.

Prizes will be awarded for the most retweets and/or favorites, with extra points given for creativity. (Pssst! Guys can enter, too! Talk about a romantic gesture—tweeting about your sweetheart’s clit.;))

Will you be partying with us today? What have you learned about your clitoris? Is yours hypersensitive? I just LOVE your respectful thoughts.

#GirlBoner Bonus: 5 Steps to Stronger Orgasms

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Put another way, there’s “no wrong way to eat a Reese’s.” And another, there’s no one, best or right way for women to orgasm. The important thing, in my opinion, is that we do.

The candy chocolate

As I explained in an earlier post, I don’t recall my first orgasm, but I do remember when they grew fabulously frequent and intense. I’d been studying female sexuality and working hard to release long-held negative beliefs about myself. Speaking openly about sex affected me like Viagra on Viagra. In fact, I may have first said the term Girl Boner out loud back then. (My incredibly old-fashioned boyfriend wasn’t exactly amused; that’s another story.)

After breaking up with BF #1—let’s call him “Max”—I started dating someone less old-fashioned. “Kevin,” the tattooed rocker by night, telephone technician by day, welcomed me and my Girl Boner with open arms—among other parts. I must’ve been overly enthused, as the first few times we were about to be intimate, his eyes would widen and he’d cower slightly, as though facing a gigantic, ready-to-pounce cheetah.

Okay, not quite like that.

Okay, not quite like that.

Then he’d release this amused laugh, ease back onto the bed and just lie there. Sure, he kissed me back, and may have held onto my arms or back at some point, but for the most part, Kevin lay naked on his back, his raging erection in firm salute as I rode, and rode, and…rode. Unlike Max, he didn’t mind if I made ample noise (though I can’t speak for my neighbors), which only intensified matters. Throughout our relationship, we had sex at random times during the day, always with me as pilot. It seemed somewhat selfish, but whenever I asked him if he wanted to try something new, he claimed he was perfectly content. And so, in regards to the bedroom, he remained my living, breathing sex toy. Also like toys, he helped me  learn a great deal about my body and sexuality.

According to numerous sex experts, the protocol Kevin and I shared set the stage for intense orgasms. (I can vouch for that.) If you’re lacking in the big O department, you may want to consider the following:

1. Do it before you’re exhausted. Just before nightly sleep is a common time to have sex, but it isn’t the best time, according to Laura Mintz, PhD, author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. By the day’s end, we’re typically tired and, if we’ve had a hectic day, high in the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol excesses can halt our sex drive. Women and men have higher levels of testosterone and feel-good brain chemicals during morning hours. So take advantage of those AM woodies! Afternoon and early evening are also great sex and orgasm times, and may even help facilitate restfulness and quality sleep later on.

2. Treat him like a sex object (sort of). This doesn’t mean objectifying, exploiting or ignoring him, but being a bit more selfish. While I personally believe that valuing a partner’s pleasure is vital, it can go too far, says Joel Block, PhD, coauthor of Sex Comes First. “Women spend too much energy worrying about turning a guy on,” he told Cosmo. If you find yourself stuck on your own “flaws” or other insecurities, try ogling his body and imagining the pleasure it can bring. Welcome saucy thoughts and inclinations. Act on them. It isn’t selfish if it pleases you both. Fixating on our insecurities, however, can be.

3. Make joyful noise! Woo hoo! I just knew shutting up wasn’t useful. Super secret stealth sex, also hot. But by withholding sound, we tense up our bodies, lowering our chances of satisfaction and climax. Heavy breathing, sighing and moaning during sex stimulate our central nervous system, says Mintz. Talking during sex has a similar effect, and allows for communication. (He/she may not know what is or isn’t working if we don’t speak up.)

4. Don’t stop until you come. It always seems lame to me in TV and movies when the man orgasms then turns over, snoring, beside an unsatisfied woman. If he finishes first and you want to orgasm (and I hope you do), keep going. Unless he has narcolepsy, I doubt ejaculating functions like intravenous Ambien. Mintz suggests making it clear that your needs are important; otherwise, we risk not only dissatisfaction, but resentment. Ask him to help you orgasm. Or hand him a dildo or vibrator.

5. Don’t rush it. Here’s where Kevin and I were lacking, unless you consider staring at each other over dinner foreplay. Women typically require 10 to 20 minutes of stimulation to be aroused enough for orgasm, says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. And a little time benefits both parties. “Seeing a woman aroused boosts his testosterone levels, turning him on even more,” Kerner explains. To further enhance foreplay, or if you find yourself not maintaining or increasing personal arousal, try fantasizing. Mid-sex fantasies increase arousal, making us more orgasm-ready.

We’ll be back on our usual Girl Boner Monday schedule shortly, with more orgasm glory. I hope you’ll stay tuned!

Have you ever had a partner like Kevin—or another partner who helped you learn about your O nature? Which orgasm step most resonates with you? Any favorite tips to add? I love hearing from you. ♥

#GirlBoner Quickie: 5 Fab Facts About the Big ‘O’

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. ” — Betty Friedan

I suppose that depends on how we go about it...

I suppose that depends on how we go about it…

Orgasm, derived from the Greek word orgasmos, is the sudden release of sexual tension during arousal. Arguably the world’s most enticing domino effect, it sets off all kinds of awesomeness, from pleasurable pelvic contractions to an overall sense of euphoria.

Hopefully you already knew that. Regardless, there’s so much more to learn about the female pleasure explosion. For today’s “quickie” (gotta love those!), I’ve chosen five facts I find fascinating. I hope they tickle your GB, too. 😉

5 Facts About Female Orgasm

1. Orgasms help minimize pain, due to the release of the brain chemical oxytocin. (Move over ibuprofen!) “Oxytocin facilitates bonding, relaxation and other positive emotional states,” says Lisa Stern, a nurse practitioner with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles. The relief may not last long, she says, but even contemplating sex can have a similar effect.

2. Women hold the record for having the most orgasms, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. The current leading lady had 134 orgasms in one hour. The longest known time spent masturbating to orgasm for a woman is 6 hours and 30 minutes. (Sheesh. That’s some serious sex-ercise.)

3. Most women, 70 to 80 percent based on various studies, require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Vaginal orgasms involving the G-spot are considered the most powerful, particularly when the clitoris is simultaneously stimulated. For these reasons, lying belly down during sex—clit to surface—increases orgasm likelihood.

4. Variety brings SPICE. Changing things up in the bedroom can lead to more frequent and pleasurable orgasms, according to Dr. Debbie Herbenick, a researcher at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. Having vaginal plus oral sex, for example, is more likely to stimulate orgasm than one alone.

5. Girl-gasms improve with age! “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” Herbenick recently told Woman’s Day. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” These increases are believed to derive from increased sexual experience, confidence, trust and intimacy.

Were you surprised by any of these tidbits? Which excites you most? Any related topics you’d like Girl Boner to investigate further? As always, I welcome respectful thoughts! ♥