“Speechless, we made love. In mist and clouds.” – Lan Ling

And sometimes in….puddles?

Good! ‘Cuz puddles are fun to play in.

Tell me if this scenario seems familiar:

You’re in the midst of passion-infused nakedness with your partner when your sheets suddenly transform into the Great Sea. You hear a gasp.

“You peed on me!” says your partner, snapping from hot to accusatory.

You bolt upright, your entire body blushing as you realize, or at least think, that he’s right. (“Damn it! Why’d I have to drink so much tea?”) The mood shifts from “Come on, baby!” to “I wanna run and hide!” as you rush off to do the laundry—feeling about as sexy as the dryer sheets.

True story. And not uncommon.

If you can relate, I hope your experiences with female ejaculation have been slightly more romantic.  My boyfriend at the time seemed somewhat tickled by it after the fact, but even he—a physician—had it wrong. I hadn’t peed; I’d ejaculated!

Last week, a fabulous reader brought light to this topic, sharing that his wife had had a similar experience. Fortunately for her and for me, recurrences have been much more satisfying.

Like Iguazu Falls and solar eclipses, female ejaculation has been teeming with wonder and controversy for years. As recently as the 1980s, doctors mistook female ejaculation for poor bladder control and recommended pelvic muscle exercises as treatment. We now know that “squirting” during sex is a very real and natural thing for many women.

FAQ About Female Ejaculation

What is it?

Female ejaculation is the release of fluid from the vulva or vagina, usually at the moment of orgasm. It’s also known as she-jaculation, gushing and squirting. And the ejaculate doesn’t typically spill out, but, well—GUSH. It can involve a lot of fluid or a little, which is usually clear or milky white and nearly odorless. I haven’t tasted it, but it apparently has a slightly sweet flavor.

What’s the “gush” made of?

Researchers believe that female cum is produced by the Skene’s glands, according to Columbia University Health Center, which are located near the urethra and are similar to the male prostate gland. Female ejaculate is rich in a chemical called prostatic acid phosphatase, which semen also contains.

Why the controversy?

A few reasons. Pornography writers (the majority of whom are male) tend to suggest that all women ejaculate voraciously with orgasm—not accurate. Only about 6 percent of women reportedly routinely ejaculate—although I’m guessing that’s extremely lowball, since many women shy away from discussing it. A study conducted by Masters and Johnson involving 400 women having sex or masturbating showed no instances of ejaculation. But it’s difficult to study, because most women don’t ejaculate every darn time or, necessarily, often. (And heck. Orgasming in a lab may sound fun, but I imagine the setup influences the results.) Lastly, if you believe that female ejaculation involves Niagara Falls-type action yet your ejaculate is more of a trickle or baby spill, you probably won’t realize that you’ve done so.

How much fluid releases?

The amount of fluid a woman ejaculates varies, and little research has been conducted on the process. None of the existing studies seem to have involved measuring cups. A typical amount is about a half coffee-cup full, estimates Beverley Whipple, sexuality expert and co-author of the G-Spot Book. Some women truly drench the sheets, however—that’s one BIG coffee cup!

Does it matter?

Ejaculating doesn’t make us any more or less sexy or sexual, but it can tinker our with sex drive if we feel ashamed. I think it’s important to understand our Girl Boner-icity—what makes our bodies tick, what doesn’t and how they generally function. If we do ejaculate, it’s important to recognize that it’s perfectly natural and nothing to feel embarrassed about. Because it occurs with arousal and climax, we can embrace female ejaculation as one of many reflections of our precious sensuality. Our partners can cherish it for the same reason.

How do I know if I’ve done it?

If after sex, you’re lying in a puddle that doesn’t smell pee-like and you can still urinate, you likely have. Some women do release a bit of urine during sex, especially those who’ve had children and also tend to pee a bit when they cough, sneeze or laugh. That’s not abnormal or “bad” either. I say we should embrace all of our bodily functions and fluids. (A little pee spill never hurt anyone!) If your symptoms are bothersome or severe, of course, you’ll want to see your doctor.

Nothing like starting a week gushing about gushing, right? 😉 I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Ladies, have you ejaculated? Guys, has your partner? Any other topics you’re dying to learn more about? My Girl Boner ears are wide open!

On a related note, I’m hosting a virtual body image/self-acceptance party on Facebook on Thursday night. Care to join us??? If so, you can learn more and RSVP here: Beyond The Shadows: A Self-Discovery/Recovery Party! Hope to see you there!