Adult Star Alexa Aimes and Myths About Female Ejaculation

“Just because we work in the sex industry, doesn’t mean that that’s all that we’re capable of.” — Alexa Aimes

Last week on Girl Boner Radio, I had the pleasure of interviewing Alexa Aimes, an adult star who considers herself “the strangest girl you’ll ever meet.” If you define strange as unique and groundbreaking, I’d say heck yes! The stunning starlet is a brilliant intellectual and hilarious to boot. (Seriously, it was all I could do to keep my loudest hyena laugh from hurting listeners’ ears.) She’s also passionate about using her voice and celebrity to make a positive difference in the adult industry.

Alexa Aimes 1We discussed her unusual background, shifting gears from a nursing career to starring in porn, her comedy aspirations, the charities she supports and myths she strives to debunk regarding female adult entertainers. Drawing on her medical background, she explained the physiology of female ejaculation and how it varies in porn versus our beds. Here are some of the tidbits she shared.

“You watch porn and you see this huge gush of squirt—that’s a fantasy. It looks hot.” — Alexa Aimes

3 Myths About Female Ejaculation

1. It’s pee. Nope! At least not in real life. Alexa explained that while female ejaculate may contain traces of urine, as men’s can, it’s an entirely different fluid, rich in prostatic acid phosphatase, the same chemical semen contains. What you see in porn may very well consist primarily of pee, however. Listen to our interview using the link below to hear Alexa’s awesome explanation.

2. It’s the same thing as “squirting” or “gushing.” I love that this has been studied! Research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2011 found that squirting or gushing, commonly seen in porn, and female ejaculation are entirely different phenomena. While female ejaculation causes the release of whitish fluid from the Skene’s gland, gushing involves the expulsion of diluted fluid from the bladder.

3. It’s caused by G-spot stimulation. Not exactly. Stimulating the G-spot (actually either of our TWO G-spots, said Alexa) may cause ejaculate to flow because it’s often near the Skene’s gland, it’s the actual gland that needs stimulating. Since G-spots aren’t all in the exact same place, finding yours and your Skene’s gland may take some exploration. (Talk about fun homework. ;))

To listen to our full interview, visit this link on iTunes: Can All Women Squirt? An Interview with Adult Star Alexa Aimes.

Alexa Aimes_August McLaughlin

For a signed 8×10 of Alexa, email her proof of a charitable donation you’ve made to You can also connect with Alexa on Twitter: @AlexaAimes.

What did you think of our chat? Any thoughts or questions about female ejaculation? I love hearing from you! ♥ 

Sleep-gasms: Female Nocturnal Orgasms and Wet Dreams

I had an incredibly erotic experience the other night. I dreamed I met a man in a bar and without saying a word, began riding his leg. Within what seemed like moments, I climaxed so intensely that it jolted me awake. My handsfree orgasm lingered as I laid there in my PJs, my heart and vagina pulsing, as wet as though I’d been rigorously sexually active for hours. Who knows? Perhaps I had.

This wasn’t my first nocturnal orgasm, but it was definitely the most powerful I recall. Thank you, research! I’d watched an intriguing TED presentation by Mary Roach, author of BONK, called 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasm, the evening prior. (Manning Girl Boner Central has so. Many. Perks!) Add an active imagination and all sorts of things open up—YUM! but no pun intended. 😉

I love the fact that I can savor and share such experiences without shame and discuss them with you all here. I also love the empowerment embracing our sexuality brings to all who seek it. The more we step into, respect and savor our sexuality, the better able we become to connect with and delight in it, making way for fuller, more authentic lives. Seems like an orgasmic dream-come-true to me.

Authenticity is SEXY, no matter what it looks like.

Authenticity is SEXY, no matter what it looks like.

“Women have sleep-gasms?” I recall wondering years ago, well before beginning my research into sexuality or launching Girl Boner. Indeed we do! If you’ve wondered yourself about the erotic phenomena, consider the following.

5 Facts About Female Sleep-gasms and Wet Dreams

1. They’re common. In 1953, sexuality researcher Alfred Kinsey, Ph.D found that nearly 40% of the 5,628 women he interviewed experienced at least one nocturnal orgasm or wet dream (technically called “nocturnal emissions”) by age 45. Considering how little women were encouraged to embrace their sexuality or speak about it back then, I’m guessing the numbers are far greater.

2. And recurrent. About 85% of women who orgasm during sleep do so several times per year, according to more recent findings published in the Journal of Sex Research. Now that’s a recurrent dream worth keeping! I’d much prefer night-gasms to flying or stalker dreams—wouldn’t you?

3. They start early. Like boys, many girls experience wet dreams during adolescence. If you have a daughter, sex and relationships expert and author Laura Berman, Ph.D. recommends discussing nighttime orgasms with her when she reaches the 5th or 6th grade to prevent any shame or confusion and to enhance her sense of self.

4. You may not realize you’ve had them. Mid-sleep orgasms usually take place during REM sleep, according to Dr. Barbara Bartlik, a psychiatrist and sex therapist in New York, when we’re deepest asleep and blood flow to our genitals peaks. Unless you’re woken meanwhile, you’re unlikely to recall the orgasm or any coinciding dream. Unlike men, who consistently ejaculate, our evidence can be less apparent.

5. There’s no shame in having, or not having, them. Sexy dreams, wet or dry, can be an outlet for sexual expression. They’re also believed to symbolize intimate connections with one’s self or others, according to DreamCloud. That said, having them doesn’t make us normal or abnormal, better or worse sexually or otherwise. There should be no shame in having or not having erotic dreams or orgasms during the day or night. If you do experience them, however, I highly recommend embracing them.

Have you had nocturnal orgasms or wet dreams? Which fact above most struck you? I love hearing your thoughts! For more Girl Boner fun, be sure to scope out the Girl Boner Facebook page, connect with me on Twitter and tune in to Girl Boner Radio. Today I’ll be interviewing the incomparable Cindy Gallop, of Make Love, Not Porn. ♥


Female Ejaculation FAQ: The Beauty of #GirlBoner Gushing

“Speechless, we made love. In mist and clouds.” – Lan Ling

And sometimes in….puddles?

Puddles are made to be played in.

Good! ‘Cuz puddles are fun to play in.

Tell me if this scenario seems familiar:

You’re in the midst of passion-infused nakedness with your partner when your sheets suddenly transform into the Great Sea. You hear a gasp.

“You peed on me!” says your partner, snapping from hot to accusatory.

You bolt upright, your entire body blushing as you realize, or at least think, that he’s right. (“Damn it! Why’d I have to drink so much tea?”) The mood shifts from “Come on, baby!” to “I wanna run and hide!” as you rush off to do the laundry—feeling about as sexy as the dryer sheets.

True story. And not uncommon.

If you can relate, I hope your experiences with female ejaculation have been slightly more romantic.  My boyfriend at the time seemed somewhat tickled by it after the fact, but even he—a physician—had it wrong. I hadn’t peed; I’d ejaculated!

Last week, a fabulous reader brought light to this topic, sharing that his wife had had a similar experience. Fortunately for her and for me, recurrences have been much more satisfying.

Like Iguazu Falls and solar eclipses, female ejaculation has been teeming with wonder and controversy for years. As recently as the 1980s, doctors mistook female ejaculation for poor bladder control and recommended pelvic muscle exercises as treatment. We now know that “squirting” during sex is a very real and natural thing for many women.

FAQ About Female Ejaculation

What is it?

Female ejaculation is the release of fluid from the vulva or vagina, usually at the moment of orgasm. It’s also known as she-jaculation, gushing and squirting. And the ejaculate doesn’t typically spill out, but, well—GUSH. It can involve a lot of fluid or a little, which is usually clear or milky white and nearly odorless. I haven’t tasted it, but it apparently has a slightly sweet flavor.

What’s the “gush” made of?

Researchers believe that female cum is produced by the Skene’s glands, according to Columbia University Health Center, which are located near the urethra and are similar to the male prostate gland. Female ejaculate is rich in a chemical called prostatic acid phosphatase, which semen also contains.

Why the controversy?

A few reasons. Pornography writers (the majority of whom are male) tend to suggest that all women ejaculate voraciously with orgasm—not accurate. Only about 6 percent of women reportedly routinely ejaculate—although I’m guessing that’s extremely lowball, since many women shy away from discussing it. A study conducted by Masters and Johnson involving 400 women having sex or masturbating showed no instances of ejaculation. But it’s difficult to study, because most women don’t ejaculate every darn time or, necessarily, often. (And heck. Orgasming in a lab may sound fun, but I imagine the setup influences the results.) Lastly, if you believe that female ejaculation involves Niagara Falls-type action yet your ejaculate is more of a trickle or baby spill, you probably won’t realize that you’ve done so.

How much fluid releases?

The amount of fluid a woman ejaculates varies, and little research has been conducted on the process. None of the existing studies seem to have involved measuring cups. A typical amount is about a half coffee-cup full, estimates Beverley Whipple, sexuality expert and co-author of the G-Spot Book. Some women truly drench the sheets, however—that’s one BIG coffee cup!

Does it matter?

Ejaculating doesn’t make us any more or less sexy or sexual, but it can tinker our with sex drive if we feel ashamed. I think it’s important to understand our Girl Boner-icity—what makes our bodies tick, what doesn’t and how they generally function. If we do ejaculate, it’s important to recognize that it’s perfectly natural and nothing to feel embarrassed about. Because it occurs with arousal and climax, we can embrace female ejaculation as one of many reflections of our precious sensuality. Our partners can cherish it for the same reason.

How do I know if I’ve done it?

If after sex, you’re lying in a puddle that doesn’t smell pee-like and you can still urinate, you likely have. Some women do release a bit of urine during sex, especially those who’ve had children and also tend to pee a bit when they cough, sneeze or laugh. That’s not abnormal or “bad” either. I say we should embrace all of our bodily functions and fluids. (A little pee spill never hurt anyone!) If your symptoms are bothersome or severe, of course, you’ll want to see your doctor.

Nothing like starting a week gushing about gushing, right? 😉 I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Ladies, have you ejaculated? Guys, has your partner? Any other topics you’re dying to learn more about? My Girl Boner ears are wide open!

On a related note, I’m hosting a virtual body image/self-acceptance party on Facebook on Thursday night. Care to join us??? If so, you can learn more and RSVP here: Beyond The Shadows: A Self-Discovery/Recovery Party! Hope to see you there!