“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
What is beauty? What does it mean to you? When do you feel beautiful?
Though I’m a big fan of getting gussied up on occasion, even my most “glam” days in the fashion industry can’t compare to the beauty I feel now. (No makeup required for this kind of beauty. See??? ;))
The Em-meister, as I like to call him, was right. Beauty isn’t something we can buy, apply, chase after, whittle ourselves down for or attract. It’s within each of us and grows when we seek, accept and embrace it.
If you’re so inclined, visit my blog this Friday, February 10th to participate in the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest. Tour the links to over thirty fantastic blog pieces, composed by some of the most talented writers in the blogosphere. Then post a comment on my page for a chance to win a Kindle Touch, gift cards, books and more.
For additional chances at prizes, promote the fest via Twitter, Facebook and/or your blog. For each promotional shout out (between now and Friday) and comment (on Friday), your name will be entered into the prize drawing, for a maximum of 4 chances. For 2 more chances, enter the fest as a blogger. (Today is the last day for signups.)
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” —Maya Angelou
Hope you’ll spread your wings and party with us! Any questions, drop me a note. 🙂
One lesson my near six months of blogging has taught me is this: When my palms sweat and my heartbeat quickens, I’ve probably come upon a post-worthy topic—something that will resonate with, inspire or entertain people in some way. Sharing my personal story last week was no exception. Your warm, heartbreaking and even humorous responses inspired so many chills, I wondered if I’d end up with permanent chicken skin. And you know what? I would’ve worn it with pride.
Thank you with all of my heart!
It seems only reasonable that I jump to #8 in my Lifesaving Resolutions series to what I call active, or proactive, gratitude—a technique that’s helped lift my spirits in countless frustrating situations, from bumpy patches on the road to recovery to harsh literary feedback. I hope you find it as kick-butt-awesome as I do. 😉
grat·i·tude /noun: a feeling of appreciation or thanks —Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Active gratitude involves acting upon these feelings. You know that saying, “Action speaks louder than words?” Well it’s particularly powerful in gratitude matters.
While a grateful person sees a glass as half full and an ungrateful person deems it half empty, an actively grateful person savors the beverage, thanks the preparer and goes on to share the drink with others.
Active gratitude is also reactive.
On happy days, our blessings seem like lit up billboards in our brains: I love my life! What gorgeous weather! Yeahoo—I’m out of debt! PMS = over! Active gratitude often follows automatically. We smile, observe positivity in others and do good deeds with natural ease. Why? Because happy, grateful people tend to take better care of themselves and others.
In fact, research conducted by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, a grateful mindset is associated with improved physical health, reduced anxiety and depression, sounder sleep and kinder behavior toward others. (Talk about awesome frosting.)
But we can’t very well activate gratitude if we don’t have any, right? Enter my favorite use of the technique:
On difficult days, we can easily turn inward, fixate on our gloom and throw a nonstop pity-party that does little but make us, and those around us, feel worse. By making the decision to cultivate gratitude and act upon it, the yuck-snowball can boomerang in the opposite direction, turning the nasty grayish ice clumps into sunny warmth. (Ahh…)
Simple Ways to Activate Gratitude:
Commit to a grateful mindset. For practical, entertaining insight on doing so, check out Kristen Lamb’s fantastic post: An Attitude of Gratitude.
Keep a gratitude journal. Simply jotting down your “I’m thankful for” list tends to cultivate grateful living. To take it many steps further, choose an item from your list to act upon each day, week or whenever the blahs set in.
Grateful for the fantastic book you’ve just read? Post a 5-star review on Amazon.com or blog about its awesomeness. Better yet, do both.
Grateful for your health? Schedule that annual physical you’ve been dismissing. Stock up on fruits and veggies. Go for a walk.
Grateful for your significant other? Sneak a love note into his or her work gear. Plan a spontaneous date. Complete a household chore they loathe doing.
Grateful for supportive blogging friends? Post thoughtful comments on their posts. Share links to their blogs via your own blog, email, Facebook and Twitter.
Stressed over finances? Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Donate “junk” from your closet to your local thrift store. Give food or spare change to a homeless person.
Crushed over a rejection letter? Write thank you letters to your loved ones or to your inner child/creativity/writing self. Read to a child or grandparent.
Feeling PMS-ey? Take a loved one who “gets it” out for coffee or, who am I kidding, ICE CREAM. 😉 Cry your eyes out while you’re at it. It’s healthy.
Hungry for more?? Check out these fabulous posts by some of my favorite bloggers:
***My own gratitude inspired the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest, which is coming up February 9th and 10th. If you’d like to participate as a blogger or prize donor, click here.
What are you particularly grateful for this week? How do you plan to express it? Any fab suggestions to add? I love hearing from you.
“And that brings us to tonight’s word: Truthiness. Now I’m sure some of the word-police, the “wordanistas” over at Websters, are gonna say, “Hey, that’s not a word!” Well, anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They’re elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn’t true, what did or didn’t happen…” — Stephen Colbert
The other day I came upon a fiction author’s blog—we’ll call her Snazzy. In Snazzy’s latest post, she recommends a particular breed of dietary supplements capable of “preventing colds, lowering the risk of cancer and heart disease and stimulating weight loss” in one fell swoop. She doesn’t work for the supplement or wellness industries (that I know of) and simply wished to share her good fortune with others. Commendable, right? To a point…
The supplements the well-intended Snazzy praised are responsible for a slew of serious side effects. And numerous large-scale studies showed not an ounce of effectiveness. I know because I’ve read the studies and interviewed the researchers.
As a journalist, I spend a great deal of time reading clinical studies and interviewing experts, from physicians and psychologists to sports physiologists and dietitians. These individuals invest extraordinary amounts of time and energy into gaining knowledge, typically in hopes of bettering the world. My heart aches when I think of their vast knowledge and efforts going down the toilet because an unknowing (or careless) blogger with a larger social microphone decided to speak up inappropriately against it.
Now I realize that blogging varies from journalism and other literary forms in numerous ways. Many blogs feature one person’s “musings,” entertaining quips or videos, philosophical insight or all-things-hilarious. The voice is usually more colloquial than newspapers and texts. But anything goes, right? Many of us use our blogs to inspire, help or guide others. All good stuff! But I feel it’s important to recognize that as bloggers we are self-published authors, even if we go the traditional publishing route elsewhere. The ability to cover any topic our hearts desire brings crazy amazing perks, along with risks and responsibility.
Was it illegal for Snazzy to detail benefits of the supplements she knows little about? Nope. But it was, in my humble opinion, irresponsible and potentially damaging to readers and the literary world as a whole. If we bombard the web with “truthiness,” without revealing it as such, we lower the bar for writers, readers and researchers alike.
While we can’t very well eliminate truthiness from the blogosphere, bookstores or other media singlehandedly or overnight, we can do our part by boosting the authenticity and accuracy of our own work.
Simple Ways to Boost Blog Accuracy (and the Blogosphere as a Whole):
Become a responsible reader. Want to write about stopping bullying? Don’t simply say, “More kids get bullied than ever before, especially boys.” Go to Google Scholar and read the latest studies. Interview a psychologist or sociologist. Or quote books published by field experts.
When you state statistics, facts or other findings, provide readers with the source. When possible, insert a hyperlink.
Address both sides. If you’re presenting a controversial issue or finding, seek out and share an opposing viewpoint. If you prefer to stick to a particular side, simply reference the opposers. (“While not everyone agrees, I believe ______…”)
When you state an opinion, present it as such. “In my opinion….” (Think like the judge on “The Good Wife.” ;)) Remember, stirring up some healthy debate is a great thing.
Incorporate supportive research, even while covering topics in your area of expertise. Psychologist Michael J. Breus does a great job of this here: Kava Continues to Be A Mystery.
Avoid using sources that lack legitimacy, like Wikipedia, outdated books and studies, tabloids and personal home pages.
Do rely on universities, newspapers, hospitals, qualified experts and current studies.
When addressing theories, don’t mislabel them as facts.
When possible, opt for large scale studies or research reviews, which compile findings from numerous studies. (If you simply polled your friends, make it known. “100 percent of those asked…” only means so much when you asked your mom, dad and hamster.)
Take articles, blog posts and books not supported by legitimate sources and research with a boatload of salt.
If this sounds all like too much work, stick to fiction, opinions, personal narrative and musings. And duh, call them that. 😉
Putting more time, effort and research into our posts makes for better reading, increases our odds of gaining readers’ trust, supports hardworking researchers and adds smartness to our hardworking brains. Sounds like an all around win-win to me.
So what do you say? Am I off my blogger-rocker?? If you hit up heavy topics or offer advice in your blog, do you seek out optimum sources? Or do you leave that up to the reader? Any suggestions to add? Wanna learn more? I love hearing from you!
Shortly before I swapped my acting career for writing, a casting director said something I’ll never forget: “You look so familiar… Ever had your head carved out of butter?”
I knew immediately that he was A) from Minnesota, where head-butter sculpting is celebrated, B) had a bizarre dairy-chiseling fetish or C) knew my mother. (Mom’s been known to set people up for such…adventures.) Before I could speculate further, he revealed himself as a MN State Fair groupie. So I busted out my best Fargo-like accent and ended up landing the job. (Nothin’ wrong with some extra edge, yah know.)
While I’ve never donned the Princess Kay of the Milky Way crown—an honor given by the MN Dairy Princess Program each year (And yes, winners’ heads are actually carved out of butter and put on display…), I’ve recently gained a bunch of nifty blog awards. And like the C.D.’s question, the warm fuzzy flurry raised surprise and suspicion: Hmm…Did my mother put you up to this??
Regardless, tremendous THANKS to Marc Schuster, Kourtney Heintz, Marcy Kennedy, Jessica O’Neal and NM for the Versatile Blogger honors, Debra Kristi for the Inspiring Blogger Award and Sharon K Owen for the Leibster. Y’all deserve these accolades and more. Wish I could carve you out of butter! (I mean that in the BEST way possible.)
WINNERS! Please pass your award on to 15 others and share 7 “random facts” about yourself and the award logo on your blog. For more details, visit: Versatile Blogger Award or Leibster Blog Awards. Have fun!
7 Random Facts About Yours Truly: 1. I’m an ambi-vert—equal parts intro./extro.
2. I’m the average of my parents’ heights: 6′ 4″ and 5’3″.
3. I’m a sagi-corn or capri-carious—depending on which horoscope’s better.
4. I like kids, especially my coolio niece pack, but don’t intend to have any.
5. I do, however, parent an American bull dog named Zoe—a.k.a., my heart.
6. I dream of performing in a bestselling writers band like Rock Bottom Remainders. (If Mr. King happens upon this, I’m available!)
7. My first novel, IN HER SHADOW, is a psychological thriller that began as a memoir.
Gotta ask. Have you ever had your head carved out of butter? Other foods? What odd questions have strangers asked you?
So I, er, I mean a random blonde went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. Here’s what went down:
Blonde: May I have 50 Christmas stamps?
Clerk: What denomination?
Blonde: Oh my God! Has it come to this? Fine. Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian and 32 Baptist.
Laughing yet? I hope so, because laughter is good for your heart—literally. A study conducted at the University of Maryland Medical Center showed that people with heart disease are 40 percent less likely to laugh with ease. Research has also linked laughter with an improved capability to manage stress and fewer instances of stress and anxiety. (Geesh… Sign me up!)
I’ve always admired people who guffaw at just about anything or find hilarity in popular comedies I find treacherous to sit through. But just when I suspect I lack some funny bones, something comes along and strikes me as FUUUUU—NNY. I start laughing and can’t stop until tears pool in my eyes, my belly aches and my bladder control grows questionable. Y’all kept me laughing through my Naughty & Nice fun. I figured it was time to reciprocate.
Recently, this was my HAHA inspiration:
HAAAAAA!!!!!!! See what I MEAN??? This hat isn’t only hilarious, but so darn useful. A few potential uses, off the top of my HEAD. LOL! (*slinking down* Okay, not as funny.)
With a turkey hat, you can:
1. …bring light to a serious situation. Imagine, you’re sitting at a table full of relatives who have as much in common as lightbulbs and kumquats. The silence is so thick, you fear breathing. You bust out this bad boy and every straight lip curves upward, or opens wide to LOL.
2. …make a statement for animal rights. (For added power, carry a sign: “You think eating animals looks goofy?”)
3. …start a fashion trend. (Hey, if Zubaz could do it…)
4. …keep your as head as warm stuffing.
5. …make others fear they’ve gone crazy. (“What do you mean, what’s on my head?”)
6 …eat herb-seasoned bread bits to your heart’s desire.
9. …give the gift of laughter to everyone on your list. Think about it: Christians, Jews and atheists may disagree on certain points, but they ALL have heads. They also either eat or avoid chicken. You simply can’t go wrong. (Since the hat isn’t edible, no worries on whether it’s kosher.)
10. …create holiday memories to last a lifetime. (Yep, planning on this myself.)
***** All this for only $10.99 $6.49 at Amazon! ;)*****
Whether you have no trouble seeing the light in grim situations and laugh out loud at everyday scenarios, say, turkey hat wearing, or can’t recall the last time you chuckled, I hope you get a kick out of these fabulous links. I know I did.
Lucy Writes a Novel, by M.G. Miller: A hilarious walk down the slush-pile memory lane.
Funny Christmas Cookies, featured by In Erika’s Kitchen: Darth Vador, Bacon & Eggs and Kim Kardashian’s behind. (Need I say more?)
The Grinch is Pregnant, by Myndi Shafer: Myndi makes such a great case, she could be a lawyer by day, standup comic by night.
Great Expectations, by Kristen Lamb: Why a little boy dug through horse poo with glee (and you should, too).
Author Marc Shuster referred me to clip and it’s been popping into my head routinely since. Even if you’ve seen the entire film, this scene is precious as a stand-alone:
Now, if we could just get Buddy to don a turkey hat…
Speaking of which, I have a Naughty & Nice challenge for y’all. Order your own turkey hat and take photos or video of you wearing it. (No Photoshop allowed, you non-GGs!) If five of you do so and blog about it, I’ll sport mine in public and share the embarrassment goofy awesomeness in a post.
In the meantime, I love hearing from you. Are you an easy laugher? What’s your personal “turkey hat?” How many of the real deal are you purchasing today? 😉
The original “Goody Two Shoes” was an orphan named Margery Meanwell, featured in a children’s story by English professor John Newbery in 1765. Margery endured much of her life with only one shoe until a rich man came along and completed her pair. She ran around telling everyone how grateful she was and later married a rich guy—supposed proof that her virtuousness paid off.
Not all modern definitions of goody goody are sweet, however. The MacMillan Dictionary lists ‘public nuisance,’ ‘know-it-all’ and ‘yub’ as synonyms.
In my view, there are two kinds of goody goodies: those who aspire to seem good and those with genuinely good intentions. The best GGs—the ones we’d probably all prefer to hang out with—are not only a bit naughty (as I explained in my previous post), but naughty to be nice rather than for selfish gain. Since my intentions were good, I felt comfortable sharing my naughtiness. And thanks to your warm and hilarious responses, I’ve been seriously entertained for days. You’ve kept me smiling, laughing, blushing and, at certain points, perspiring.
“She’s braver than I,” a few of you wrote. (By “brave,” I wondered, did you mean crazy? Hmm… LOL) Some of you said you’d never divulge your naughtiness for fear your mother might see. (This part was easy for me. If my mom read my list, she’d likely laugh, reminisce with me and likely suggest a few additions…) So why did I do it? A few reasons. One, I felt the urge to. Two, I’m by nature a blurter, which is different from an exploiter, but not exactly brave. (Urge + Blurt = Spill… More on Blurt Syndrome soon. :)) And three, I took author/blogger supreme Roni Loren’s advice to heart.
When I asked for Roni top blogging tip, she said, “Be genuine and be uniquely you. Your blog is about letting people in and getting to know you (and all your quirks and weirdness).”
Wisdom to blog and live by. It feels good to let our true selves out. So whether or not you feel up to playing the Naughty/Nice game yourself, I challenge you to live and write with gusto and authenticity—be a first-rate you, rather than a knock-off someone else. Then please share your bad self with us!
Okay. Enough philosophizing, right?? You came for the GOODS. So without further ado…
THE RESULTS
None of you guessed right, that 10 of my 12 items were true. But I don’t have the heart (or perhaps the ability) to keep my mouth fully shut. So here goes…something. 😉
I’m so naughty, I (really):
1. Got picked up by the cops. …for skipping high school with a friend. Thanks to our GG reputation, our parents and teachers thought we’d been abducted. We were walking home from Cheapo Records clutching CDs and Beatles posters when a cop car pulled over and presented a photograph….of us.
2. Punched a well known artist in the nose…and broke it.
…because he stuck his tongue in my mouth first. Though the experience stunk, I’m glad to know I have that in me.
3. Had a lengthy fling with one of “world’s sexiest” celebs.
I’d say more, but GG’s don’t kiss and tell! (Sorry, Tim!) The two of you who deemed this probable can have the scoop if we ever meet in person. Then again, you’re writers! Use your imagination…
4. Walked naked through Times Square on a dare.
5. Walked naked through Times Square because I felt like it.
6. Had air-sex with an invisible man on TV.
Since many of you seemed unsure of what air-sex is, here’s an explicit how-to video:
Ha! You watched it, didn’t you, you naughty person! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. (If you skipped the video, watch it now. Innocent clip, I promise.) In this case, Karen was partly right. My character (I was an actress at the time) fell in love with a mime. Mr. Mime cheated on me with an air-woman. What else was I to do??? Thank goodness I didn’t end up carrying his mime-baby. Whew!
7. Spat in a teacher’s face before knocking him into a pool.
…because I’m a complete hydrophobe; I couldn’t even float or dip my head below water at the time. Mr. Mean forced me into the deep end, putting my life at risk. My response was a jerk reaction. (Pun intended. ;))
8. Peed on the Audobon.
Many of you got this one right. When nature calls…
9. Touched a monk. And liked it.
Apparently one GG’s friendly, affectionate gesture is a monk’s nefarious act. I met the cute little guru at Manny’s guitar store in New York. He asked me all about guitar strings, music I like…and man, I really thought we bonded! Imagine my heartbreak when, as we posed for a photograph and my friendly arm wandered (No, not there!), he lurched away, commanding women “never touch monk.” I gave him my card, but he never called… *reaching for tissue*
10. Stole Jesus.
This item is what led me to post about Goody Goody-dom in the first place. More soon…
11. Said the F, S, B and D-words out loud.
Once I realized that I hadn’t sworn out loud, I made it my mission not to until a high school friend needed some serious cheering up. With my heart racing and palms sweating, I opened my mouth and let ’em rip! As we laughed and cried together afterwards, I knew my saving up had paid off.
12. Broke into a house.
…because I locked myself out, again. Not glamorous or saucy, but true. I have leg bruises to prove it.
So what do you think? Am I as good as Margy Meanwell or a yub on Santa’s naughty list? Most importantly, what can you do to live or write more authentically?
For MORE Naughty & Nice fun, check out Amber West‘s and Anna Beth‘s posts. You two are rockstars for participating! Being the GG I am ;), I’ve decided to send you both healthy baked goods. Email or Tweet/message (@AugstMcLaughlin) me your address.
JUST ADDED: Check out Tim L. O’Brien’s Naughty or Nice List. Naked Rover, cow tongues and more…
Earlier this year, my friend Diane Israel asked if she could put me in touch with Mark Saunders—a friend of hers who had launched an online health publication. Flattered, I welcomed the introduction. I soon learned that his publication’s tag line, “Enliven the body, Awaken the mind, Free the spirit,” suits not only its content, but Mark’s personal philosophies and how the venture came into fruition. It seemed a no-brainer that I’d not only contribute articles, but remain a fan.
Today I’m thrilled to bring you a special post by Mark Saunders—an editor, publisher and human being we can all learn from. I hope you find his story as inspiring as I did.
*****
The Gift of A Name
by Mark B. Saunders
My business partner and I were less than a month away from launching this super cool health and wellness website when my partner received a long-term consulting offer that was too good to turn down. Suddenly, months of preparation went right out the window with the baby and the bath water.
Now what am I going to do?
Shortly after receiving the news, I did what I usually do when things feel overwhelming: I went for a bike ride. I honestly don’t remember much about the ride other than repeating optimistic platitudes to myself like: Don’t fight the river; there’s a reason for everything; something wonderful will come from this; there’s a lesson here; no effort is wasted. But most of that inner monologue was designed to keep me from pulling over during the steepest parts of the hills and just sitting down by the side of the road and staring off into the distance while the cars whizzed by.
When I got home, I made a half-hearted attempt at yoga—my other major stress reducer —then crawled into the hottest bath I could stand. Some of my best thinking happens in the bath, frequently in the company of the New York Times. As I sat there, sweating in the near-scalding water, I realized that I wanted to go ahead with this business idea on my own—even though I knew nothing about the technical aspects of creating and maintaining a website.
OK. What are you going to call it?
I didn’t have a clue. The old name just popped out of my former partner’s mouth when we were brainstorming about what separated us from similar websites. “Wait! That’s it. That’s the name!” As I stepped out of the tub, pink from my chest down, a voice inside my head said, Name it after your dad. Call it Bartlett’s Integrated Health Journal.
That’s too easy, I thought. But after a week of pondering other potential names, I couldn’t come up with anything I liked half as much. Then it was a matter of calling my dad and asking him if it was all right to use his name.
Although my relationship with my father is great these days, that hasn’t always been the case.
Delving into the details of my family’s dysfunction isn’t necessary to get across the idea that our family was profoundly screwed up. Like most people, my father did the best he could with the tools he had at the time; unfortunately for both of us, the trauma I experienced as a child was beyond my dad’s skill set. Like the doctors and therapists my father sent me to, he lacked the necessary tube of “Humpty Dumpty Superglue.” (Although he could recite “Humpty Dumpty” in German, which made my sister and I fall down with laughter when we were children.)
Our father-son relationship suffered the kind of collateral damage that doesn’t heal easily or overnight. There were years where we didn’t speak to each other; I was hurt; he was disappointed and we were both angry. Not exactly the sort of environment that fosters the resolution of deep-seated emotional issues.
It has taken decades of therapy, failed marriage (both of us), a cancer diagnosis (mine), and a very messy dis-engagement (mine), during all of which my dad had my back. Slowly my hands have unclenched; slowly my daily experience has shifted from a steady stream of self-hatred to memories of a very painful time; slowly forgiveness has seeped in.
Despite our emotional travails, one of the gifts I inherited from my father was his orderly scientific way of thinking. He’s a doctor, after all. Thinking logically, systematically was something his trade required and something I’ve wanted to emulate. Though I wanted him to be proud of me, I also just thought that sense of organized mental mastery was cool.
When I asked my father for permission to use his name for my website, I wouldn’t say I was surprised that he said “yes,” but I was definitely pleased. When people ask about the site’s name, it feels good to say I named it after my father. It’s also a great icebreaker for conversations about why I decided to undertake this project. Now that Bartlett’s is six months old, I can actually say I’m proud of it.
***
It turns out that everything I told myself on that bike ride was true: fighting the way things unfold is futile; it appears that larger forces were at work; something wonderful did come of this string of events (www.bartlettshealth.com); the lessons learned were many and my persistence was rewarded in the end, with almost no wasted effort.
Best of all, my dad and I have an ongoing dialogue about health-related issues, which consistently spills into everyday chats about life, people we care about and our favorite sports teams (of course).
Does he like the site? Is he proud of it? I think so, and it certainly gives us plenty to talk about in a very logical and orderly way.
*****
What about you? Have you given the gift of a name? Overcome challenges that could’ve been deal breakers? Any insight to share with Mark? I always love hearing from you. (And psst! Don’t forget to pop by next week for Goody Goody, Part II… ;))
If the blogosphere were high school, Roni Loren would be a the cool girl. Maybe the coolest. When I stepped in as the new kid this past summer, I found her witty Tweets and fun, gossip-inspiring blog posts a wee bit intimidating. But unlike stereotypical teen cliques, Roni is far from snooty. Twitter led me to her blog, which led me to her website and information on her contemporary romance novel, CRASH INTO YOU. It sounded AWESOME. The only crushing part? We can’t read it until January. Being the impatient reader I am, I did the next best thing—approached her for an interview. I’m honored and thrilled that she accepted… 🙂
Roni’s bio:
Roni wrote her first romance novel at age fifteen when she discovered writing about boys was way easier than actually talking to them. Since then, her flirting skills haven’t improved, but she likes to think her storytelling ability has. Though she’ll forever be a New Orleans girl at heart, she now lives in Dallas with her husband and son. If she’s not working on her latest sexy story, you can find her reading, watching reality television, or indulging in her unhealthy addiction to rockstars, er, rock concerts. Yeah, that’s it.
About CRASH INTO YOU:
Brynn LeBreck has dedicated herself to helping women in crisis, but she never imagined how personal her work would get, or where it would take her. Her younger sister is missing, suspected to be hiding from cops and criminals alike at a highly secretive BDSM retreat—a place where the elite escape to play out their most extreme sexual fantasies. To find her Brynn must go undercover as a sexual submissive. Unfortunately, The Ranch is invitation only. And the one Master who can get her in is from the darkest corner of Brynn’s past. – CRASH INTO YOU, Berkley Heat 2012
AM: Um, can we say HOT? How did you come up with this premise?
RL: It was one of those ideas that came to me when I wasn’t looking for it. I was working on a non-erotic contemporary romance at the time and then this idea started nudging at me. Before I started writing, I was a social worker and I had worked with a number of women who had been victims of rape. So I had the thought—what would happen if a woman who’d previously enjoyed being sexually submissive suddenly had this major trauma happen where her power was truly taken away? How would that affect how she viewed that role afterward? How could she learn to trust anyone again? What if she had to put that trust in someone who formerly betrayed her to get what she wants (in this case, to find her sister)? I answered those questions and CRASH was born. : )
AM: CRASH INTO YOU is the first in a series. Was this your plan from the get-go?
RL: No, I didn’t have the conscious thought to make this a series when I started. But I think I start every project with the vague hope it will be a series. As a reader, I’m a huge fan of series because I like to hang out with characters for a long time, so I think that’s why I naturally veer that way with writing too. And as I was writing CRASH, the hero’s friend Jace became such a strong presence in my mind that I knew I’d have to write his story too. (His story, MELT INTO YOU, comes out in July.)
AM: When did you first realize you wanted to write romance novels?
RL: After I started staying home with my son, I got the writing bug again. I’ve had it off and on since high school, but this was the first time I really decided, “Let’s do this.” But the first manuscript I wrote was actually paranormal YA. When I sent it to one of my beta readers, she said—whoa, this is very sexy for YA. LOL And, of course, the romance and steamy bits were my favorite parts of that book to write, so I realized—duh, write adult romance and you can write as sexy as you want! : )
AM: What’s your writing process like?
RL: This is an ever moving target. I used to be a hardcore, don’t-tell-me-anything-different pantser. I did no plotting ahead for CRASH. I had my characters, their backstories, and the hook, then off I went. I didn’t even decide who the true villain was until halfway through the book, lol. But writing that way also meant going down a lot of rabbit holes I didn’t need to. So I went to the craft books and picked up Save the Cat by Blake Snyder and that book saved my writer butt. It’s just the right amount of story planning for me—not too detailed but hits all the important stuff. Now I can write a synopsis before I’ve written the story and I have a general map guiding me. Now I’m working on my edit-as-I-go obsession because I need to learn to write faster and not obsess over every word in a first draft.
AM: And (I’m sure you’ve never heard this question before ;))—how did you get your agent and publisher?
RL: A middle-grade writer (Natalie Bahm) who I met via blogging contacted me one day to let me know that her agent (Sara Megibow) was looking to sign more romance writers before RWA Nationals. Natalie had read a few excerpts on my blog that I had done for blogfests and liked my writing, so she offered to give me a referral. Sara was already on my dream list, so I took Natalie up on that kind offer and submitted CRASH. Two weeks later Sara offered me representation. We did a pretty major revision then went out on submission. She told me to expect the rejections first, but Kate Seaver from Berkley Heat made an offer before we’d even heard back from anyone else. I was a total Berkley fan girl and couldn’t have been happier.
AM: How do you envision the release in January? Will you be nervous? Totally stoked? Have you envisioned your novel on bookstore shelves??
RL: I’m experiencing a full range of emotion. I’m over the moon excited but also nervous about what people are going to think of it. Writing is such a personal thing and having your writing on display for the world kind of feels like standing in the middle of an auditorium naked and asking for opinions.
AM: What role do you expect your blog will play in promotion and sales of your book? Has it helped you in other ways?
RL: I love blogging. As I mentioned above, I wouldn’t have gotten a referral to my agent without my blog, so it’s played a big role so far. The people I’ve met and the support that’s out there for other writers are by far the biggest benefits of blogging. As for promotion, I take the mindset that it’s all about building relationships and being a real person. My blog isn’t there for me to yell “buy my book!” I just hope that the relationships I’ve developed will naturally translate into people being open to trying my book and being supportive.
AM: What’s your top tip for up-and-coming bloggers?
RL: Be genuine and be uniquely you. Your blog is about letting people in and getting to know you (and all your quirks and weirdness). Don’t start a blog with the intention of replicating what someone else is doing. What’s successful for one person may be the wrong path for you. Play to your own strengths. (Guess that’s more than one tip, LOL.)
AM: What do you most hope readers will gain from CRASH INTO YOU?
RL: A world they can get lost in with a few laughs, a lot of sexiness, and a hero and heroine they can root for.
AM: I don’t know about you all, but I’m rooting for Brynn, Jace and Roni already.
Roni’s debut novel, CRASH INTO YOU, will be published by Berkley Heat January 3, 2012. For more information, visit her website: www.roniloren.com and writing blog.
*****
Are you as eager to read CRASH INTO YOU as I am??? Any thoughts to share with Roni?
One night during my teen years, I found a tattered copy of Kahlil Gibran‘s THE PROPHET in my parents’ bookcase. I read it and understood for the first time one of the reasons my parents have remained together and in love for decades. They love each other, but respect each other’s individuality first.
On Marriage (excerpt)
by Kahlil Gibran
But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
I believe that many writers are deep-feeling, sensitive creatures who long for intense intimacy. We seek deep connections with others, the ability to crawl into our loved ones’ heads, to know others and be known deeply. If we aren’t careful, our interpersonal relationships can fall short of such high expectations. And we can appear frustrated, disappointed and overly complex.
I was living in Paris some years back, feeling lonely and hollow in this never-never land I thought would fulfill and “fix” me when I realized that what I lacked was intimacy with myself–comfort in being alone and connected with me, my thoughts and my feelings. Once I began turning loneliness into enjoyable solitude, the world of writing and other creative pursuits drew me in.
(Click here to listen to my song, “Solitude”, about this experience…)
Once we’ve instilled “sweet solitude” into our lives, we can form and relish intimacy within our craft. This can lead to some of the most authentic, connected relationships anyone can have—not only with others, but with the characters, worlds and stories we create. Think about it. Aside from writers and actors, who else gets the opportunity to step inside others’ lives and minds??? And similar to lasting romantic partnerships, we benefit from time away from it all. (For more information, see my post on writing and rest.)
Nine times out of ten nowadays, I find that any feelings of loneliness that pop up are remedied by time alone with my writing or away from it, particularly if I’ve been in spastic overdrive. 😉 I spend lots of time alone now and love it.
Simple Ways to Experience Satisfying Alone Time
Start waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual to journal, sip tea, meditate or walk.
Start winding down 30 minutes earlier each night. Turn off anything lit up (phones, computers, TV….) and avoid stimulating activities. Do something restful instead–read a relaxing book, journal, doodle, meditate…
Rather than eat lunch at the office, pack a lunch to eat outside or in your car.
Declare “social bankruptcy.” Health and happiness expert Dr. Susan Biali suggests saying “no” to most invites and attending only those that mean the most to you for increased alone time and emotional wellbeing. “The more alone time you get the happier you’ll be,” she says.
Write for FUN. If writing is your job, set aside time each day or week to write whatever the heck you feel like writing. Let it be “bad.” Don’t judge it. Grab a writing prompt or attempt your first poem. And if you’re working on a novel, approaching the plot and overall with a fun-loving attitude can lead to a fun-to-read end project.
Partake in a cell phone, social media, TV fast for one day or several hours per week.
Take a bubble bath while listening to soothing music.
Prepare and eat a candlelit dinner for one.
Observe and consider giving up your vices. Rather than deal with our thoughts and emotions, we can fall prey to coping mechanisms, such as overeating, over spending, over drinking and flat out avoidance. The first step in undoing these dependencies is awareness. (Actually changing them may take serious and important effort.)
Remind yourself that you can’t do everything. Ask for help. For more on easing up on yourself, see my post on letting things slide.)
What about you? Do you find solace through writing or other arts? What do you do to practice and savor alone time?
Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could go door-to-door on Halloween and get loaded up with insight from writers??? In some ways, that’s the internet–streets and houses chock-full of free goods. And until we’ve visited a particular house–website/blog, etc.–we don’t know what we’ll get. Some offer the BEST goods; so great, we return for more, share memorize their addresses and share them with friends. (“Dude, that house has king size Symphony bars!”) Others we wish we’d bypassed. (“A toothbrush? Are you serious?”)
But maybe you hate chocolate. (Ouch, that hurt.) Or have a…minty fresh breath fetish. What works for and pleases one writer’s appetite may not work or please another. That’s just one of the many beautiful things about this business.
A few WRITING TRICKS that work for me:
Make writing a high priority. Many of us struggle to balance writing and other responsibilities. My career took off once I made it a top priority. This meant sacrificing work opportunities I cared less about, at the risk of making less money, turning my ringer off during writing time and saying “no” to social functions that felt obligatory. As it turned out, this led to my making more money through writing. (Do what you love and love what you do, right? It pays off.)
Set and stick to deadlines. As a journalist, many of my deadlines are built in. Applying the same practice to my fiction does wonders for my productivity and work quality. (Creative juice can kick into high gear under pressure.) Deadline keeping also brings a level of professionalism that appeals to agents, publishers, editors and other industry professionals.
**Tip: If you have trouble holding yourself to self-concocted deadlines, join or start a critique group that requires x-number of pages per week or month. Or pal up with another writer. Just as gym buddies tend to exercise more successfully than unenthused singles, knowing a friend is expecting your work and bringing theirs is hugely motivating. Just don’t pick a friend who’s laxer than you. 😉
Read. A LOT. Like Stephen King says in his fantastic book, On Writing, “if you don’t have time to read, you don’t have time (or the tools) to write.” I’m always amazed when an aspiring, usually stuck, writer tells me they don’t read. And it happens fairly often. Write because you love writing, but because you loved reading first.
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