#GirlBoner Growing Up: 5 Surprising Facts

At my recent gig in Brooklyn, I sang a song by K’s Choice called Breakfast. It tells a sweet story about a young brother and sister who find their parents entangled on the kitchen floor and think, “There must be an easier way to make breakfast!”

Funny, right? People tend to chuckle when they hear the tune, probably partly because it’s so darn relatable. We all misunderstand certain sex-related things early on. Most of us learn relatively little about sex overall until we’re—well, having it.

Yep! Pretty much sums up what I knew beforehand.

Pretty much sums up what I knew beforehand…

I don’t know about you, but I wish I’d known these sexy tidbits much earlier on:

1. A blowjob involves no blowing. Okay, maybe that didn’t surprise any of you. But when I first heard that a blowjob was something a woman did with her mouth to a man’s penis, I assumed it involved some sort of air expulsion. (Hello. Why don’t we call it a suck-job? A suck-gift? Suck-hobby? Hmm…) Unless there’s some technique I’m unaware of, no blowing is involved—for anyone who’s actually wondering.

2. Like guys, many pubescent girls orgasm in their sleep. This little known fact is one parents should consider discussing with their adolescent daughters, says sex and relationship expert, Laura Berman, PhD. Girls should know that nocturnal climaxing is normal if or when it happens, and that exploring related feelings through masturbation a natural, potentially wonderful thing.

3. Women have wet dreams, too. Even into adulthood, sexy dreams produce physiological reactions. While whether you’ve had a wet dream may seem like a no brainer, female hard-ons and ejaculates are a lot less obvious than men’s. So ladies, if you’ve ever woken from an erotic dream, there’s a reasonable chance that your pussy really purred during the night! If you haven’t already, take note next time. When you find yourself seemingly postcoital, why not turn your dream into reality? (Just a thought! Better than coffee, IMHO.)

4. Females really do get boners—and not merely in the overall sense we celebrate here. The clitoris—aka, the pleasure button—starts out identical to the penis at birth and contains erectile tissue. When we’re aroused, it fills with blood, swelling up, protruding and becoming even more sensitive to touch. (No wonder it feels so good.) Unlike the penis, clitoral erections linger for a while after orgasm.

5. Girls pressure guys to have sex, and guys don’t always want it. The stereotypes about guys always desiring sex and girls rarely wanting it run so rampant that many young males feel ashamed if they don’t want sex. Similarly, many girls who desire sex more so than their male counterparts feel that there’s something wrong with them. Each case is different, say many sexuality experts, and matters like individual maturity, education and self-esteem tend to play far bigger roles than gender when it comes to sexual desire. The same applies in adulthood. What’s important is that we forge relationships with our bodies, our sexuality and our partners by which we feel healthy and satisfied.

For more on the importance of discussing sexuality with kidlets, check out my latest post for the National Eating Disorders Association: 

Click to photo to read on...

(To read on, click the photo.)

I’d love to hear from you! What facts about sex surprised you? Any funny stories to share? Or questions you’re still wondering about? All respectful comments are welcome. For more GB chit chat, join me on Twitter (#GirlBoner) and the Girl Boner Facebook page.

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  1. Often wondered that about the first point. What I heard at one point — and I don’t know if it’s true, and am definitely not going to google it at work — is that it evolved from “below”: you know, “down there,” etc. So I suppose it’s more properly heard as a “b’low-job,” and there’s probably no reason it couldn’t refer equally to both the male and female varieties.

    • That could make sense! I imagine it could also derive from blow, as in blow (put one’s mouth on) a horn—though that’s still not the exact same action.

    • First giggle of the day…”and am definitely not going to google it at work…” Thank you. 🙂

  2. Aren’t wet dreams the best things EVER! I mean, really. After having one, I wake up and try to remember every detail of what I did before going to sleep so I can repeat the loveliness the next night. For some reason, I’ve yet to manage two nights in a row. ;-(

  3. I find it interesting that at the time I clicked the “Like” button, all the likes were from men. See, August, we’re interested, too.

  4. Gee David and I’ve just added my like as well… men will be men… I like Bill’s comment.. the b’low job.. makes sense…

  5. sammykristenlau

     /  July 22, 2013

    It’s true that girls pressure guys into having sex. And if a guy pressures, he’s a monster; if a girl does, she’s feisty. But the double standard is a little understandable, whereas males have a stereotype going on – pegging him as the automatic bad guy. Let’s hope one day people will learn that it can go both ways.

    I like this post very much!

  6. Holy crap! This whole post was surprising but this was the biggie for me:

    “Unlike the penis, clitoral erections linger for a while after orgasm.”

    What the? That’s AWESOME! I’m definitely putting in the order form to be a female in my next life lol 🙂

  7. It’s amazing how naive we are. I remember an older cousin trying to explain what the movie ‘Deep Throat’ was about. My 14 year old brain just could not comprehend it. I thought the only direction guys pointed was due north (clearly sex was never discussed in my house). My innocent question, “Did she cut it off?” caused that same cousin to literally roll on the floor…as in she fell over and laughed so hard she couldn’t talk for a few minutes. I have since learned that the penis is not constantly erect, nor stay in one position like the nose. 🙂

  8. Coach E

     /  July 23, 2013

    What most surprised me at age 15 was that it didn’t mean you were necessarily dating if you did it. I just assumed, and when I got to school the next Monday, I tried to hold her hand, but she said, “oh, no, not that … but if you want to come over next weekend … ”

    I didn’t. My best friend did, though.

    • Talk about a rude awakening! It’s that way in Los Angeles, too. People often don’t know each other’s names before getting at it.

  9. Strangely enough, the first comment reminded me of my younger years when I swore I’d never do that because it was “unsanitary”. My, have times changed….LOL! It also called to mind a story my hubby tells about the first time he and a buddy (6th graders) watched their first porn movie with his 8th grade brother & his friends. (Big bro was smart enough to know the likelihood of hubby telling was significantly diminished if he was an equal participant.) Apparently, when the guy in the movie ejaculated, my hubby’s friend said…”Eww! He’s peeing on her.” To which hubby responded…”That’s not pee” and went on to explain the finer points to his pal. Of course that could also be taken as a warning to parents…if you don’t want your child learning about sex from their friends, talk to them…early and often.

  10. Raani York

     /  July 23, 2013

    Hmmmm…. so far there is only one fact that surprised me and this is the orgasm while sleeping… Very interesting…
    I knew about the wet dreams of course… had… never mind…

    You know that relationships are hard work!! That’s why it’s called blow-JOB and not “hobby” or “fun”. LOL

  11. The first commenter beat me to it but strangely enough I found this one out recently myself : in the early twentieth century it was referred to as a ‘below-job’ and then eventually the term contracted to ‘blowjob’. Don’t you just love the evolution of language? 😀

  12. William Sarnowski

     /  July 30, 2013

    There are sincere, women loving men, who are unable to be intimate. In some unfortunate cases, it is permanent. I know this site is dedicated to the positive, to the uplifting.But “karma” puts some men in their place. That is me. I enjoy the enthusiasm and fun had by the good people who post here, even though I essentially do not belong. Rest assured this post is a one time thing from me, I just wanted to let you know that you have an enjoyable, professionally presented site – one that allows bystanders to to share a bit.


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