Kissing: Firsts and Fabulousness

Did you know that our lips hold 100 times as many nerves as our fingertips? This is one reason that kissing before, during and after sex can be intensely gratifying, says sex pro., Krista Bloom PhD. Kissing can also be nerve-wracking, the first time around…

Kiss sound quote

With my parents’ first kiss, my dad apparently missed—the result of nerves plus a foot-plus height difference. A friend of mine accidentally bit a guy (I’m not kidding). My first gooey-licious, tongue-explorative kiss took place not in the most likely of contexts. I was a sophomore in high school, and had just landed my first lead in a musical—Sargeant Sarah Brown, in Guys and Dolls. Moments after spotting my name on the cast list, a self-proclaimed coolio senior spoke up from behind me.

“You’ll have kissing scenes. Have you even kissed anyone before?”

“Of course,” I told her, aiming for nonchalance.

Only I hadn’t, unless you count my first husband, Brandon. At the ripe young age of four, we donned dandelion rings and wed in my backyard before a congregation of teddy bears. From the little I’d gleaned from soap operas, I knew that hot couples kissed. So I read books to him, making him peck me at the ends of sentences. This grownup lip-lock fiasco was a whole different story. Would all I’d learned from Teen magazine pay off?

“Sky,” the male lead, and I wouldn’t smooch until the last week of rehearsals. Too slowly and soon, it arrived. Palms sweating and nerves buzzing like fireflies on Red Bull, I decided to simply go for it. RAR!

And did I. Ever. I charged at Sky, then plunged my tongue into his mouth as though searching for lost treasure. He nearly fell over.

“Sorry. Was that okay?” I asked.

“Uh… yeah.”

I didn’t realize until after the play ended just how overblown my smooches were. While watching the video of our production at a cast party, everyone burst into giggles. As the camera zoomed in on our (my very) first kiss, we all saw a whole lot of my tongue. Apparently stage kisses are usually more, shall we say, surface-level—particularly in high school theater.

I still don’t know if my cast-mates knew that those were my first sensual kisses, but they sure delighted in teasing us thereafter. My embarrassment was extremely short-lived. I mean, talk about awesome practice! Practice I cherished for six performances, and have looked back on, laughing, since. Kissing has since remained one of my all-time favorite hobbies. I’m undoubtedly far from alone.

More fun facts about kissing:lipstick_kiss_c

1. When we French kiss, our sex hormone levels rise, according to a University of Albany study, revving our libido.

2. Kissing matters more to women, says an eHarmony study; we’re twice less likely to have sex with a bad kisser than men.

3. And yet, 40 percent of men say that a long, steamy kiss will get them immediately ready for sex, according to a 2009 Cosmo poll. So if you’re in the mood and your guy isn’t, consider starting there. (Thirty percent prefer crotch-grabbing, in case you were wondering.)

4. Kissing helps us determine compatibility. “At the moment of the kiss, there are hard-wired mechanisms that assess health, reproductive status and genetic compatibility,” says Gordon G. Gallup Jr., a professor of evolutionary psychology in Albany, New York. “Therefore, what happens during that first kiss can be a make-or-break proposition.”

5. Kissing relaxes us, by boosting our levels of feel-good chemicals oxytocin and endorphins. When our tongues tangle, our dopamine levels rise, according to a Woman’s Day report, increasing feelings of romantic attachment. (Yum.)

What was your first kiss like? What about your best? Or worst? Would you have sex with a bad kisser?

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Leave a comment


  1. My first kiss is a post that I’ve just finished, and I’m waiting until May to post it because that is my blogoversary month where ‘m spilling all kins of craziness. But I will say that the best kisser I’ve ever had? I still dream of us scraping our teeth together. It sounds gross, but he used to ask me to drool into his mouth. I know. I know. Gross, right? But he was unafraid of everything and he made me feel so sexy. If your kissing style doesn’t jibe with someone else’s? RUN! DO NOT WALK! RUN! Nothing good will come of this. Ever. 😉

    • He asked you to drool, in his mouth??? Wow. Now I’ll probably dream about it. LOL I love that that turned out to be your best ever. Feeling sexy and comfortable just can’t be overrated. I can’t wait to read your first kiss post. Sounds like May’s going to be a fun month at your place!

  2. I totally pinned this post on my “Health” board! 🙂
    I enjoyed the playfulnesss of this post combined with all the interesting facts that proves there can never be too much kissing with your loved one. But don’t smother him/her either!

  3. So I was what I will call a pioneer in internet dating (read: a super-introverted geek who could only really express himself through writing), and my first girlfriend, at age 14, was a girl I’d met in person but then only developed a “relationship” with thereafter through email. In 1993.

    She lived in Florida, me in Minnesota. So by the time I got around to kissing her, we’d been “a couple” — might even have been saying the three words…ah, childhood! and hormones! — for like five or six months. We met up at Disneyworld (my saintly dad was somewhere in the park or in the neighborhood of the park, but left us crazy kids alone). I’m pretty sure the first kiss would’ve been an experimental little peck while walking or standing in line somewhere (really awkward, no doubt, between the not actually really knowing each other and, like your parents, a more-than-a-foot height difference to be negotiated), but the first “real” kiss would’ve been in the Haunted Mansion, where I’m quite sure they have cameras everywhere and your every move is watched by a pack of similarly horny teenagers in Disney’s employ, but where you get the *illusion* of privacy, and we went to town, as it were. The memory is vaguely pleasant, but I’m sure it was as awkward as yours, just wasn’t captured on (non-Disney-proprietary) video — open-mouthed and sloppy, hands roaming in an essentially random fashion, all that. Maybe our teeth clicked together (always the worst), or maybe that was later. We got better, eventually, but I bet our first kiss upon reconnecting was always something like that — you spend that much time apart and it’s like you want to consume the person more than kiss them. 🙂

    • Ha! I love your first kiss(es) story. You may’ve seriously entertained some Disney-folk! And you’re so right about reunion kisses. They still feel that way—the desire to consume.

  4. My very first real kiss was on my very first real date. At the end, I leaned in to kiss her good night and she kiss me. Soft, sensual, and breath-taking. I was hooked on it from then on. I love kissing. Not having someone to date means, pretty much, no kissing – that’s the biggest bummer.

    • Good point, Scott. There are lots of ways toward self-pleasure, but kissing can be really missed. So glad you had a wonderful first experience.

  5. Sisyphus47

     /  April 15, 2013

    And kissing the other special place is Nirvanha… 🙂

  6. First kiss – Jeffrey (or Geoffrey…no, I think it was Jeffrey…anyway) when I was maybe four years old. I remember it well; the family was stationed in Lakenheath (UK) and the grown-ups were having one of their many card parties. The kids were scattered about the house and the neighborhood. Jeffery and I were in one of the bedrooms, I can’t for the life of me remember why, but we kissed. One of those one or two second pressing of lips together that little kids are prone to do. It was nothing short of magic, LOL. I have no doubt that at the time, it meant no more than, “hey, I think you’re kinda cool for a fellow four year old.”

    • LOL My 4-year-old kiss was pretty magical, too. I love the curiosity factor of childhood. We should all carry that on eternally. 🙂

  7. I can’t get over that fun fact about how kissing helps us determine health and reproductive compatibility! WHA?! That’s crazy! I can’t wait to tell my honey about that. LOL.

    My first kiss? Well, like you I could count Austin, who was my neighbor when we were 3. And then Stuart was my first boyfriend in pre-school, but I don’t think we ever kissed. My actual first kiss was kind of a let down. There were braces and breath that was too pepperminty. I think at the time my stomach flipped, but I still thought it should be better, you know. Guess it was that compatibility thing.

    • That’s pretty wild, right? I’m fascinated by that, too. I’ve wondered if my husband and I could tell that we both didn’t want kids via our first kiss (not exactly reproductive health, but ya know). LOL Imagine if there were matchmaking services that matched people with their ideal mates through kissing tests…

  8. Nothing gets my motor running more, although it’s been too long to remember the first.

  9. This is a great topic and one that I have thought of a lot in the last few years.

    My first kiss was easily the worst first kiss in recorded history. It was in high school and the young woman I had taken on a date was easily the most beautiful woman I could possibly imagine, coupled with the fact that she wore clothes thcouldn’t have been painted tighter. The date went fairly well. Movie, driving and when I got her home I went in for a kiss that was so brief that it left us both kind of sitting there saying “Really”? She left and was in the house before I had a prayer of making a second effort. We eventually (in our 40s) tried that again and I must say that it went much better that time around but that summer night in ’85 was all bad. ALL BAD. It made a socially awkward teen into a socially awkward young adult and had I become a monk after that kiss it would have been understandable.

    The best kiss I ever had (To date. I’m sure there will be more) was after my marriage had fallen apart about four years ago. That time I had begun to get involved with a woman I had gone to school with. We were, at least at that time everything the other needed and one night, I decided that I would sit down with family and let them know that I would be divorcing soon. I met this woman. It really is hard to describe the kiss besides saying that for about a minute in 2009 time stopped. All that I ever wanted and needed was in my arms for that moment. This was the beginning of a six month relkationship which saw me at my highest and lowest. In the end we were not meant to be but I still look back at that moment, at that kiss and say “That was when your heart started again. That’s where you learned to love and feel again.”

    • Beautiful, Russell. I think our first and most memorable kiss stories can say a lot about us, and teach us about life and what we desire in relationships. Sounds like your experiences facilitated that.

      Really glad you had better experiences after your first! Guessing most of us had lackluster numero unos… Your would make a great film scene. 😉 Thanks so much for sharing.

  10. Mine was blog worthy too–in that it was something to laugh at. Waxy. That’s the first word that comes to mind. lol In that post I likened first kisses to first pancakes–they don’t always turn out like we want/expect. 🙂

  11. My first kiss was when I was 14. I’d had a crush on a friend’s brother…who was a little older (like 6 or 8 years…they had a huge family and she was one of the youngest). Somehow they managed to bribe him into kissing me…as a surprise. I was definitely surprised. So much so that it was over before I ever realized it had started…and I wanted to demand a do-over.

    Yes, I have had sex with a bad kisser. Unfortunately the sex was never great either. Not horrible, but nothing to write home about…if you were in the habit of writing home about sex anyway.

    I think I need to make a better effort to seek out some good kisses. 🙂

  12. Aww I’m still all fuzzy from reading about your marriage to Brandon 😀

    My first kiss was actually kind of gross and slimy. Way too much saliva from the guy’s side. Plus, because I had no idea what I was doing, I didn’t realise I could breathe through my nose 😀 so I kept pushing him away in an effort not to pass out!

  13. journalpulp

     /  April 16, 2013

    How long?

    Until the creamy thighs and whispered hisses,
    the vodka breath and bee-sting kisses.

    (To improvise a little on Sky Masterson)

    • journalpulp

       /  April 18, 2013

      Of course also, a lady doesn’t wander all over the room and blow on some other guy’s dice.

  14. Raani York

     /  April 16, 2013

    LOL – My first kiss was as innocent as the one of a nun… oh well… I would say, considering my age back then I could have kissed Ken the effect on me would have been the same. LOOOOOL
    My partner is the best kisser I can imagine!! When he kisses me my toenails roll up… and no – one bad kiss and I’m sooooo gone… that kisser wouldn’t even have a chance near my bed. *grin*

  15. I shouldn’t say anything here on the grounds I may incriminate myself. 😉 LOL. But seriously, The hubs gets weird when I talk about other experiences, that would include talking about other kisses. I just wanted you to know I was here. HERE!

  16. When I was in first grade, a boy in my class grabbed me and leaned me into a dip. Then he planted a kiss on my cheek. So sweet! I never could get him to do that again. LOL.

    My first real kiss was when I was 14 with a boy I’d known for years. We had a love/hate relationship for years (before and after that first kiss). As far as compatibilty goes, he was a great kisser. As a human being, he wasn’t so great.

  17. I LOVE kissing, August!
    (It occurs to me that excluding a single comma would have been disastrous in this case!)

  18. By the way, best kissing post ever!
    I love the fact that you always give your work everything you have. There’s no halfway in August’s world!

  19. Far too late to the party to warrant a response, August.

    But, I had to visit. It’s a #girlboner post and I am all over those. I’d rather be all over a man, but…

    MOVING right along. My first real kiss was when I was a sophomore in HS and it was toe-tingling, what-in-the-hell-is-happening-to-my-body wonderful! I recently had an opportunity to revisit that kiss and oh-my-gaaaaah!

    I’ve been kissed my some sloppers and would not consider sex with them. If my toes and other parts (IYKWIM) don’t tingle, I am outta there. More to point, the dude doesn’t get far enough to get “outta there.

  20. The first kiss with my now bf wasn’t that great.He did some weird biting/chewing, but he was so hot I gave him plenty of second chances. And gradually taught him to kiss like me 😀 So I’d say it depends on the guy and the potential.

  1. Kissing Styles of the Dearly Dated | The Sexy Cynic

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