New Year’s Eve Prep: Sidestep the Psychopath

Next week, I’ll officially kick off the Lifesaving Resolutions series with a hugely important topic: mindful driving. But I couldn’t let this holiday weekend pass by without addressing the psychopath in many celebratory rooms. Yes, that’s what I said, psychopath. Natalie Hartford was the first to use the term in this particular way… Lucky of us, she gave me the go-ahead to share her story.

From the moment I spotted Natalie’s blog, lush with hilarity and girlish yet sexy cuteness, I LOVED it. Let me in! I cried. And she did. I soon learned that this welcoming woman and her kin have endured more heartache than anyone should have to…because of the psychopath. Since then, Natalie’s made it her mission to prevent similar pain in others.

Impaired Driving – Our Story

By Natalie Hartford

A brutal before and after

On August 1, 2009, my mother-in-law (the beautiful Donna Kennie who I lovingly called Mamma K) was gunned down. I say gunned down because it feels like she was brutally murdered by a gun-wielding psychopath. Instead, it was a seemingly harmless driver who had one too many drinks and smoked some weed. Someone who likely thought he was “fine” to drive but clearly wasn’t when he cut sharply into the other lane.

It was a gorgeous sunny day. 2:30 in the afternoon.

A witness driving behind Mamma K testified in court that when the 1-ton truck slammed into Mamma K’s 2-door sunfire nearly head on, the force of the collision propelled the truck literally 10 feet in the air as it flipped over and landed on its hood sliding into the gravel. The impact tore the driver side door off her car. It was found imbedded in the truck’s front grill.

My Mamma K was nearly ripped in two and died almost instantly. She lived long enough to turn to her right as she took her final breath and see that her 16-year-old grandson (my step-son) was alive. He watched her mutilated body fade away to the afterlife before his very eyes. Now he lives with recurring nightmares and sleepless nights.

Trent Mallet was charged with impaired driving causing death.

And he did her family the honor (being sarcastic here) of pleading not-guilty to impaired driving causing death. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the Canadian justice system and Trent’s right to plead not guilty to try and get away with it. But that choice meant that my family was dragged through 18 months and over a dozen court dates before finally seeing this guy found guilty and sentenced for his crime (3 whole years…here’s another kick in the gut, he’ll be eligible for parole after serving 1 year…yip…he could serve 1 year for murder!).

The entire court process was like having a Band-Aid slowly torn off with salt pouring directly on an open, festering wound over and over again. We were unable to get closure, heal, or move forward having the hurt and anger stirred up every few months for nearly two years.

And then there was the added emotional roller coaster of not knowing from court date to court date what was going to happen next; were we going to win, was the criminal blood in or out (deemed inadmissible by the way), medical evidence admissible (it was), was he going to get off on a technicality (thankfully by sheer luck, he did not)? I can’t even begin to put into words the emotional torture this was to my family; the not knowing if he’d ever be held accountable for his choices and actions…for her murder.

And it doesn’t end. It doesn’t stop with a final round of court dates, sentencing, his eventual release etc. It lasts forever. It will reverberate through our lives forever. It will always be there. It will always haunt us.

Drunk drivers don’t discriminate against time of day. They don’t care where they are, if the road conditions are ideal, or if anyone will get hurt. Nothing matters to them because you see…they tell themselves they are ok to drive….they think their harmless…

I think they are gun wielding psychopaths!

The devastation that impaired driving inflicts on families is undeniable and unspeakable. Worse than that, it is senseless and 100% preventable. Mamma K never had to die!

Why ever take the chance? Why drive even after a drink or two; even if you feel fine? Why take the risk? What if you inadvertently murder some innocent person(s)…just to save a few bucks on a cab? It’s not worth it! It doesn’t make sense.

******

Natalie’s right. It doesn’t. Most of know the risks, yet drunk driving continues to kill approximately one person every 30 minutes. Many drunk drivers start with good intentions—prior to their drunken-gun-weilding psychopathology. They don’t believe they’ll hurt anyone (only happens to “other” people) and get behind the wheel out of confidence they won’t get caught. But they should get caught. New Year’s Eve is among the most common days of the year for alcohol-related accidents and fatalities.

To sidestep this psychopath, consider the following: 

• Commit to not drinking and driving before you start drinking. (Now would be a prime time. ;)) Choose a reasonable amount of alcohol or none at all.
• Share your commitment with others for added accountability.
• Remember that not normally drinking, genetics and being female or petite increase alcohol sensitivity. (I won’t drive after one glass of champagne…)
• Eat before you start drinking. A full stomach helps slow the rate of absorption.
• Drink slowly to give your body time to handle the alcohol. Then allow time before any additional drinks.
• Avoid caffeinated alcoholic beverages like the plague. Studies show that they don’t minimize drunken/grogginess, but make partakers feel less drunk, increasing the risk for accidents. They also heighten other risks, such as alcohol toxicity.
• Know what you’re drinking. Don’t accept a drink with unknown ingredients.
• Never leave drinks unattended. (I’ve seen Rohypnol in action—not pretty.)
• If you’re the party host, serve food and stop serving alcohol a few hours before you expect the party to end. Provide non-alcoholic drinks for non-drinkers and designated drivers.
• Never let a tipsy guest drive home. Call a taxicab, have a sober friend drive or urge the guest to stay the night.
• Whether you’re drunk or sober, take extra caution when driving, particularly late at night. Allow extra room between cars and stay aware of other drivers. Keep your eye out for cars that swerve, sway or speed.
• If you notice a dangerous driver, note the license plate, pull over then report it to the police.

.

Has your life been touched by drunk driving? What commitments have you made to guard against it? Any thoughts to share with Natalie? (She’s out of town at the moment, but I KNOW she’d love hearing from you. :))

.

Life is precious. Live yours well.

Posted by August McLaughlin on December 30, 2011

https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2011/12/30/new-years-eve-prep-sidestep-the-psychopath/