Naughty & Nice Part II

GOODY GOODY TELLS ALL SOME

The original “Goody Two Shoes” was an orphan named Margery Meanwell, featured in a children’s story by English professor John Newbery in 1765. Margery endured much of her life with only one shoe until a rich man came along and completed her pair. She ran around telling everyone how grateful she was and later married a rich guy—supposed proof that her virtuousness paid off.

Not all modern definitions of goody goody are sweet, however. The MacMillan Dictionary lists ‘public nuisance,’ ‘know-it-all’ and ‘yub’ as synonyms.

In my view, there are two kinds of goody goodies: those who aspire to seem good and those with genuinely good intentions. The best GGs—the ones we’d probably all prefer to hang out with—are not only a bit naughty (as I explained in my previous post), but naughty to be nice rather than for selfish gain. Since my intentions were good, I felt comfortable sharing my naughtiness. And thanks to your warm and hilarious responses, I’ve been seriously entertained for days. You’ve kept me smiling, laughing, blushing and, at certain points, perspiring.

“She’s braver than I,” a few of you wrote. (By “brave,” I wondered, did you mean crazy? Hmm… LOL) Some of you said you’d never divulge your naughtiness for fear your mother might see. (This part was easy for me. If my mom read my list, she’d likely laugh, reminisce with me and likely suggest a few additions…) So why did I do it? A few reasons. One, I felt the urge to. Two, I’m by nature a blurter, which is different from an exploiter, but not exactly brave. (Urge + Blurt = Spill… More on Blurt Syndrome soon. :)) And three, I took author/blogger supreme Roni Loren’s advice to heart.

When I asked for Roni top blogging tip, she said, “Be genuine and be uniquely you. Your blog is about letting people in and getting to know you (and all your quirks and weirdness).”

Wisdom to blog and live by. It feels good to let our true selves out. So whether or not you feel up to playing the Naughty/Nice game yourself, I challenge you to live and write with gusto and authenticity—be a first-rate you, rather than a knock-off someone else. Then please share your bad self with us!

Okay. Enough philosophizing, right?? You came for the GOODS. So without further ado…

THE RESULTS

None of you guessed right, that 10 of my 12 items were true. But I don’t have the heart (or perhaps the ability) to keep my mouth fully shut. So here goes…something. 😉

I’m so naughty, I (really):

1. Got picked up by the cops.
for skipping high school with a friend. Thanks to our GG reputation, our parents and teachers thought we’d been abducted. We were walking home from Cheapo Records clutching CDs and Beatles posters when a cop car pulled over and presented a photograph….of us.

2. Punched a well known artist in the nose…and broke it.
…because he stuck his tongue in my mouth first. Though the experience stunk, I’m glad to know I have that in me.

3. Had a lengthy fling with one of “world’s sexiest” celebs.
I’d say more, but GG’s don’t kiss and tell! (Sorry, Tim!) The two of you who deemed this probable can have the scoop if we ever meet in person. Then again, you’re writers! Use your imagination…

4. Walked naked through Times Square on a dare.

5. Walked naked through Times Square because I felt like it. 

6. Had air-sex with an invisible man on TV.
Since many of you seemed unsure of what air-sex is, here’s an explicit how-to video:

Ha! You watched it, didn’t you, you naughty person! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. (If you skipped the video, watch it now. Innocent clip, I promise.) In this case, Karen was partly right. My character (I was an actress at the time) fell in love with a mime. Mr. Mime cheated on me with an air-woman. What else was I to do??? Thank goodness I didn’t end up carrying his mime-baby. Whew!

7. Spat in a teacher’s face before knocking him into a pool.
…because I’m a complete hydrophobe; I couldn’t even float or dip my head below water at the time. Mr. Mean forced me into the deep end, putting my life at risk. My response was a jerk reaction. (Pun intended. ;))

8. Peed on the Audobon.
Many of you got this one right. When nature calls…

9. Touched a monk. And liked it.
Apparently one GG’s friendly, affectionate gesture is a monk’s nefarious act. I met the cute little guru at Manny’s guitar store in New York. He asked me all about guitar strings, music I like…and man, I really thought we bonded! Imagine my heartbreak when, as we posed for a photograph and my friendly arm wandered (No, not there!), he lurched away, commanding women “never touch monk.” I gave him my card, but he never called… *reaching for tissue*

10. Stole Jesus.
This item is what led me to post about Goody Goody-dom in the first place. More soon…

11. Said the F, S, B and D-words out loud. ;)
Once I realized that I hadn’t sworn out loud, I made it my mission not to until a high school friend needed some serious cheering up. With my heart racing and palms sweating, I opened my mouth and let ’em rip! As we laughed and cried together afterwards, I knew my saving up had paid off.

12. Broke into a house.
…because I locked myself out, again. Not glamorous or saucy, but true. I have leg bruises to prove it.

So what do you think? Am I as good as Margy Meanwell or a yub on Santa’s naughty list? Most importantly, what can you do to live or write more authentically?

For MORE Naughty & Nice fun, check out Amber West‘s and Anna Beth‘s posts. You two are rockstars for participating! Being the GG I am ;), I’ve decided to send you both healthy baked goods. Email or Tweet/message (@AugstMcLaughlin) me your address.

JUST ADDED: Check out Tim L. O’Brien’s Naughty or Nice List. Naked Rover, cow tongues and more…

Leave a comment

55 Comments

  1. My bets were on something naughty in Times Square! Maybe all you did there was eat healthy baked goods.

    Reply
  2. You are too funny! Although I think you were stretching it with breaking into your own house. I did that many times at my parents house and never thought about it that way. I couldn’t imagine that you had walked through Times Square naked and you fooled me by putting in two different ways!
    Hahaha!
    Great follow-up post~

    Reply
    • I know, right?? I considered putting a line through that last number, but thought ‘what the heck.’ Wouldn’t be a game without a touch of trickery… 😉

      Considering your own auto-break-ins, maybe you’re naughtier than you think!

      Reply
  3. Fun post, August! Sorry I missed a chance to guess at part one. Have to admit I could make a similar list of my own, but I’d never have the courage you do to share it!

    Reply
    • Thanks, Alicia! Perhaps your list is hidden amidst your fiction?? 😉 Regardless, I’m happy to be one of the few outspoken naughty goody goodies… We don’t dare let all of our secrets loose!

      Reply
  4. Well, I got the peeing on the Audobon right, but wouldn’t have guessed 10 of those! You’re so naughty you’re nice. Or something like that. What a fun life you have! In my heart I’m a goody goody, but I like a good f-bomb now and then and I have a naughty streak in me that argues with the GG all the time. It’s a toss up who will win on any given day, which makes life very interesting!

    Love your advice to be uniquely you. Yep, because if I tried to be anyone else I think I’d suck at it. ; )

    Reply
    • Sweet of you to say that, Tameri! Our lives are like “choose your own adventure…” And certainly the fun naughtiness can have a downside. (Hmm, for another post, MAYBE. ;))

      I love the fact that your GG and F-bomber argue in your head. Probably fuels your imagination and sweet, hilarious character we’ve grown to love.

      Reply
  5. Aww I thought at least one of the Times Square ones was true! lol. I wondered if, with all the weirdness that goes on there, if anyone would notice a naked woman wandering through Times Square. It’s probably happened many times already.

    Reply
    • Your curiosity is probably right, Melinda. I suppose I wouldn’t want my naked body to run into any other weirdness while wandering… LOL Next time I visit, I’ll keep an eye out for streakers and report back. 😉

      Reply
  6. mgmillerbooks

     /  December 12, 2011

    You’re just a walking Jackie Collins novel, aren’t you? Ha. Thanks for telling all–er–some. It was like waiting for the next episode of a miniseries. Can’t wait to hear more about the stolen Jesus 🙂

    Reply
  7. Well, I guessed a few right! I agree with Alicia, I think you’re stretching it including breaking into your own house on the list. If it was a boyfriends house that would be a different story.

    Reply
  8. Shannon Esposito

     /  December 12, 2011

    Hey, you’re invited to my house for Christmas…I want the scoop on the sexy fling!! lol Well, I would have never guessed that many were true but sounds like you’ve had a very interesting life so far! This is such a good idea for a post…I’m going to think about if I’m brave/crazy enough to do one, too. Can’t wait to hear about baby Jesus theft :-O

    Reply
    • But I’d feel so USED! Oh well. Ready or not… 😉

      I hope you do give Naughty/Nice a try, Shannon. You don’t have to spill anything you don’t wish to, so what’s to lose? Regardless, glad you enjoyed.

      Reply
  9. Hey, I didn’t do half bad on my guesses! 🙂 And the mime thing almost made me lose precious coffee this morning.

    ::runs off to compose follow-up post::

    Reply
  10. Well I think I was close to being right on most of my choices. Great game and great fun. Fooled me on the Times Square. I could picture a model in New York doing something along those lines for a photo shoot. Great advice from Roni and great courage from you. I plan to give it a shot in tomorrow’s blog.

    Reply
    • Yes, model-folk are naked many places… Times Square, unfortunately(?), for me wasn’t one of them.

      Excited to read your post, Tim! Guzzle some liquid courage and hit ‘publish.’ (JK!)

      Reply
  11. Lance

     /  December 12, 2011

    wow, what a post. I get the history of goody two shoes and goody goodies and then you drop some secrets.

    The only thing missing was Adam Ant’s 1982 music video for Goody Two Shoes. I always wondered what happened to the goody goodie with two toned hair that Adam “turned” bad in the video.

    Thanks for visiting my place. Please come back.

    Reply
    • You certainly joined this posse at an interesting time, Lance! And a good(ie) one, if you ask me. 😉

      I read about Adam Ant’s video in my research, but haven’t seen it. Now I’ll have to check it out. Thanks so much for stopping by… Eager to follow your posts as well.

      Reply
  12. Oh my…too freaking CUTE! I can’t believe all the naughty (but in a good or understanding way) stuff you’ve done. LOL! Rockin’!!!
    Most importantly, I loved your message for each of us to “live with gusto and authenticity—be a first-rate you”! I couldn’t have said it better – Hoorah! 🙂

    Reply
  13. thank you so much! i emailed you my address. 🙂

    Reply
  14. Dang, I can’t believe I missed the part one post. Now I’m subscribed to your blog so no more of that 🙂

    Hilarious list — I love the fact that you’ve done some bold things in your life.

    Reply
  15. Well I guessed that you had done 5 of them and all 5 were on your list so I guessed well. I’m dying to know about the Jesus stealing.

    Thanks again for sharing your sundry past with strangers. Unburdening your soul like this must feel like a huge relief.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Reply
  16. Hmm… Not sure I felt so burdened in the first place… Does that make me naughtier??? (Uh oh! ;))

    You guessed quite well, Patricia! Thanks for taking part.

    Reply
  17. That was SO much fun to read. =)

    Reply
  18. I couldn’t guess! I figured one of the TS ones was false, but no clue otherwise. I wouldn’t be any good at writing one of these because I’m boring – I don’t think I’ve done anything like this! Looking forward to reading about stealing Jesus!

    Reply
    • I’m sure you’re not boring, Jennette! And trust me, many of my most beloved experiences aren’t remotely naughty or exciting to read about. 🙂 Jesus story to you soon!

      Reply
  19. Wow, you are naughtier than I would have thought. Punching a teacher! That’s pretty serious. The worst I ever did to them was glare and skip class. It’s good to know the secrets that make you fun! Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • I more like prodded him harshly into a pool…in self defense. (See that GG justification coming out? Sheesh… *shaking head* ;))

      Much of writers’ “best” naughtiness happens in our minds and then in our fiction… Superb places for it.

      Reply
  20. —Who was the Celeb? Everybody “tells” nowadays !

    Loved the post! :)) you have me very interested.

    Reply
  21. I’d never guessed 10! I loved this post: not only your list, but how you narrate each item. I’m still getting the courage to make participate in the naughty/nice game.

    More posts like this, please. Besides, your tell-all is more like a tease-all… readers!

    Reply
  22. Love it! I didn’t guess them all, but the ones I guessed were right:) And it sounds like your life has been full of excitement too, along with the goodyness and naughtiness!

    Reply
  23. What fun!! Loved your list, though I’m not sure getting locked out of your own house equals breaking in, LOL. I especially enjoyed the narrative you included of each one.

    Brilliant 🙂 And I’m a new follower.

    Reply
    • Thanks and welcome, Raelyn! (Beautiful name, by the way. :))

      Glad the cops can’t get me for self break-ins or I’d be in serious trouble… LOL

      Reply
  24. I did not know the origin of Goody Two Shoes – a line I’ve used many times. Awesome list, August! I think you’re definitely the goody-goody with genuinely good intentions. And I like the way you write “you.” It’s very genuine. I’m new to blogging, but you’re blog is one of my favorites.

    Reply
  25. Sorry to be late to the party August but I had my kids visiting. It looks like you all have been having a great time over here! I know, I played it safe by saying you probably did them all, but then again, GG’s don’t tell all, right? LOL!!!!! 🙂

    Reply
    • Happy to hear from you anytime, Karen! And yes, you played is safe and smart, guessing more right than anyone.

      I think you know from EXPERIENCE the answer to your question… 😉

      Reply
  26. LOL! at the breaking in to a house one. *raises hand* Yep, I’ve done that…more than once. Does it count more if one of those times it was my parents’ house and I didn’t live there anymore? 🙂

    Reply
  27. Super funny 🙂 Your “broke into a house” explanation had me laughing. I once broke into the place I was working for the very same reason (I picked the lock actually). I was supposed to prop the door open if I went outside when I was there alone because it would sometimes randomly lock when it closed. I’m fortunate no one called the police on me 🙂

    Reply
  28. Ah damn you got me on the Times Square bit! 😛

    Reply
  29. Awesome – nuaghty and nice – post, August!

    Reply
  1. Bonus Post: The GG Post Part Deux | A Day Without Sushi
  2. Goody-Goody Ticker Tape Parade: Confessions – or Not? | Debra Kristi's Blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: