Secret Seduction

I saw a fabulous movie yesterday—”The Debt,” starring Helen Mirren, Sam Worthington, Jessica Chastain and Marton Csokas. I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t yet seen it (I hope you do!) but I will tell you this: It got me thinking…about secrets.

What would I do, if presented with the same secret? How many of us have secrets? What are the advantages of keeping or revealing them? What are the deciding factors that lead us to the secret-keeping decision in the first place? And what are the risks?

These questions are some of the reasons secrets make for such fascinating tales—whether we’re aware of the hidden truth or not. They seduce us with questions that challenge our own beliefs and choices, the proverbial “What if…?”

In “The Debt” three former Mossad agents keep a secret for decades. As viewers, we absorb the secret’s weighty consequences long before we (or at least I) realize what it is.

One of my favorite books, “The Big Picture,” by Douglas Kennedy, centers on a wealthy lawyer with a seemingly perfect life. From the beginning, we know about the snap decision he makes to save his life and his future, only to end it all for someone else. Yet, we can’t stop flipping the pages.

Keeping an unwanted secret makes way for tumult.

“People will tend to misread the return of unwanted thoughts. We don’t realize that in keeping it secret we’ve created an obsession in a jar,” said Daniel Wegner, a Harvard psychologist who investigated the effects of secret-keeping among humans.

The longer we keep it, the more capacity it has to magnify and grow. Although this makes for awesome fiction, it can zap the pleasure from our lives.

Secrets can also draw people closer together. Two siblings who keep a secret, positive or negative, from their parents, for example, create a common bond. The same might happen for a couple, both of whom cheating on their spouses. They share much more than the same hotel room bed…

One of the worst kinds of secret, in my opinion, are ones we keep about our desires solely within, or even from, ourselves: An artist who never puts his paintbrush to the page…a writer too afraid of failure to write Chapter One… Another in a damaging relationship who never admits she’s unhappy, and thus never leaves.

In an interview with “USA Weekend,” Anita Vangelisti, a researcher and professor of communication studies at the University of Texas-Austin, said that most people say they will keep a secret, only to tell another: “I promised I wouldn’t say anything, but…” Only about 10 percent of people reportedly keep secrets “no matter what.”

So what’s your deepest, darkest secret? KIDDING! I won’t make that silly move, but I would love to hear your thoughts on secret-keeping. If it’s for a good cause, is it all good? What has life taught you about secret-keeping? And…because I love a good thriller—any secretive books or movies you’d recommend?

If you do wish to share your secrets, “there’s an app for that.” Check out Post Secret to share and absorb others’ secrets from around the world.

The Dream Diet: The WRITE Way to Success

I had a long chat with a woman today who reminds me so much of my former self: lots of potential but too insecure to recognize her dreams, much less pursue them.

Perhaps the most important lesson my former career as a nutritionist/nutrition therapist and personal experience with weight and body image issues taught me is this: Failure to follow our dreams, to live largely and with gusto, makes way for weight, body image and food issues. And fixating on what we perceive as our primary issue (say, added pounds) will keep us from those dreams like a pack of guard-dog hyenas.

If we focus on the symptoms (those pounds) rather than the culprit (failure to pursue your passions), our symptoms will expand until they swallow us and our emotional well-being whole. Meanwhile, our dreams will slip away until we either forget we had them or keep us from recognizing them in the first place.

We’re not afraid of being large (or other negative adjectives), we’re afraid living large. God forbid we don’t succeed, right? Please tell that inner-naysayer to shove it; bumpy roads lead to success.

And how do these lessons relate to suspense, you ask? (Thanks for asking! Brings me to my next point…;)) We don’t simply want to read and write page-turner novels, we want to live them. Who wants a life in which we do not look forward to the next day while savoring the current one? In which challenges are simply obstacles worth surpassing and learning from–so we can get to all the saucy, thrilling good stuff?  Since the day I claimed writing as my career, I wake up eager for what the day will bring. Heck, I daydream about it before I fall asleep at night. And guess what—food/body/weight “issues” have long since fallen to the wayside. The same has happened time and time again to friends and former clients.

I’m not suggesting that pursuing your dreams cause you to eat more fruits and veggies, swap pastries for whole grains or associate food with gratitude, rather than guilt. Nor will it make you instantly happier with you and your body, precisely as they are. But doing so can ease the process.

Not convinced? Try it. Before each meal, jot some notes down on your laptop or journal about your dreams. Complete the following: “If I had a magic wand I would…” (Sorry, ‘alter my appearance/weight/metabolism,’ is not an option.) Then plot some baby steps to help get you there.

As readers and writers, i.e., lovers of words, I suspect that Julia Cameron’s guidelines in the “Artist’s Way” will serve you wonders. Cameron suggests free-writing several pages each morning—free of self-judgment, whatever comes to mind. If you have no clue as to your personal obstacles, wishes and dreams or other issues you’re failing to face, they will show up in those pages. I’d put money—okay, granola bars—on it.

We love mysterious, suspenseful, thrilling stories…the way they captivate us, make our day’s stresses seem, for the moment, obsolete… (See more on this in my previous post, Thrill Therapy) Well, use your imagination. Your life is a story, of your own creation. Where is it heading? Who is the heroine? Most importantly, what does she most desire? If you’re so bold as to post your responses here, I promise to cheer you on wildly.

If you’ve already learned these lessons (hooray!), I’d love to hear your story.

Not Your Common Stalker

After reading this paragraph, close your eyes and imagine you’re walking alone down a dark alleyway. You hear footstep echoing your own. You pause, so do the footsteps. Yours quicken, the footsteps do, too. You run as fast as you can, your stalker a step behind until—wham! They’ve got you. You turn to see…

Who? Lemme guess—a large male, dressed in black. If you’re into “Twilight,” he probably has fangs.

Female stalkers are scarcely studied or understood, according to a study published in the “Journal of the American Psychiatry Law” in 2003. Yet an estimated 15 to 20 percent of stalkers are female. These facts lead me to wonder how many are truly out there? And are they less-studied because we don’t expect women to act in such a way? Or are they simply extremely good at their…”jobs.” (Um…this is not an invite…FYI.)

We women can be freeeeaky, right? Consider the following villainesses:

- Glen Close as Alex in “Fatal Attraction” and Patty in “Damages”
- Uma Thurman as Poison in “Batman and Robin”
- Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp in “GoldenEye”
- Michele Pfeifer As Cat Woman in “Batman”
- Sharon Stone as Catherine Tramell in “Basic Instinct”

Who’s your favorite fem fatale? What makes her so terrifyingly great?

I plan to investigate these issues further for upcoming posts. I hope you’ll join me, but not too closely, in the ride.

Thrill Therapy: The Emotional Perks of Creepy Films

If your favorite films feature psychopaths, haunting spirits or serial killers, the words ‘thrill’ and ‘therapy’ likely seem a natural fit. I love the way the “Sixth Sense” lures you quickly in then throws you for an unexpected loop just when you thought you’d figured it out. The way Hannibal Lecter, in his mere 16 minutes of screen time, keeps your heart at a slightly heightened rate for the entire film. Brilliant!

For lovers of suspense, thrillers are calming. They force a state a mindfulness so seldom experienced in a culture overrun by multi-tasking, smart phone apps and hectic schedules.

I’m not saying that I can watch “Silence of the Lambs” at night…alone…then sleep peacefully through the night, mind you. (Woah… CAN YOU?) But on my most stressed-out wanna-yank-my-hair-out tizzy days, a good old thriller, preferably viewed with another and/or during broad daylight, is more pacifying than yoga, meditation and “cozy chamomile” tea combined.

Can anyone relate? What films do you find soothing?

A Cozy Cup of Cinema Tea

‘Yes’ to Suspense

Hi! And thank you for visiting my blog. In addition to reading and writing—namely suspense/fiction, I love connecting with other readers and writers ‘o plenty.

I’ll start by posing this question: What is suspense? According to our trusty pal Webster:

sus·penseNoun/səˈspens/ 1. A state or feeling of excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen. 2. A quality in a work of fiction that arouses excited expectation or uncertainty about what may happen.

Shouldn’t all stories fulfill these purposes? In my humble opinion, yes. Case in point: Anita Shreve is one of my favorite writers. Her books, although not categorized within the suspense genre, keep us guessing…wondering…flipping page after page…

What do you think?