All posts by August McLaughlin

Why I Trashed My Blonde Card (Looking Back and Forward)

“Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.” — Oprah Winfrey

It’s been a full year since I trashed my blonde card, resigning from expressing and otherwise celebrating the sexist humor. Since I plan to expand more on my blonde card-less year soon, I thought I would share last year’s post again. There is serious Girl Boner relevance here, as sexist humor is known to promote sexual harassment, low self-esteem, poor body image and related complications among its targets. I hope you’ll weigh in with your thoughts, and join me again as we explore the topic further. Happy #GirlBoner Monday! ♥

*****

What do you call a blonde who conducts surgery? Um… A surgeon.

Last week, I showed up at a friend’s wedding a full day late. Once I realized my error, I laughed—not because I thought it was cool, but because it was an honest mistake. Human error can be seriously funny. One of my first remarks afterward was, “I feel so blonde!”  I don’t actually blame the mishap on my hair, or believe that blondeness correlates to dumbness. I’ve even gone so far as to share the deprecating humor on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

August Johnson Tonight Show Jay Leno

All in the name of fun, right? I used to think so… Now, I’m not so sure. So why do I laugh at blonde jokes? Play my “blonde card” as an excuse for oversights? I’ve known for some time that research has shown no link between intelligence level and hair color. But since my own blonde remarks haven’t been sitting right with me lately and have been challenged by people I respect, I decided to dig deeper.

Some highlights from my research:

  • A study conducted at Western Carolina University showed that jokes about blondes and women drivers showed that sexist humor can lead to toleration of hostile feelings and discrimination against women.

“Sexist humor is not simply benign amusement. It can affect men’s perceptions of their immediate social surroundings and allow them to feel comfortable with behavioral expressions of sexism without the fear of disapproval of their peers,” said Thomas E. Ford, one of the researchers in the psychology department at WCU. “Specifically, we propose that sexist humor acts as a ‘releaser’ of prejudice.”

  • A study, published in the Psychology of Women Quarterly in 2002 showed that men who view women as inferior are significantly more likely to be amused by blonde jokes than men who don’t. Shocking? No. But what does that say about blondes who celebrate blonde jokes? It’s possible we’re touting ourselves as inferior, if even subconsciously.
  • A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2007 showed that men act dumber after seeing blonde women compared to others. The researchers attributed the findings to human nature: We tend to take on behaviors of nearby others. (If we see someone yawn or twirl a pen, we’re likely to follow suit.) If men who perceive blonde women as unintelligent act less-smart in their company, how can we expect ourselves to display intelligence if we buy into dumb-blonde stereotypes?

My research and looking back on my own experiences led me to a few conclusions:

1. When we believe we are bright, capable and gifted, we present ourselves as such.

Years ago, after I’d modeled internationally and hit the recovery mark in my battle with an eating disorder, I was offered a modeling contract in Japan that would have provided significant pay. My medical and college bills were piling up, and though my heart saidNO, I considered taking it. After sharing the offer with my mentor, a psychology professor in St. Cloud, Minnesota, she grasped my hands, looked me in the eyes and said, “You are brilliant. You can do so much with your mind. You don’t need to profit off of your body.”  Moved by her words, something clicked in me. I sat up straighter, studied harder and went on to complete the honors program with a 4.0.  When we’re confident in our intellect, it shows.

2. Words fuel ideas, whether we’re goofing around or not. 

Discriminatory jokes may seem harmless, but judging from the studies, expert insight and the distaste I have regarding jokes that poke fun at athletes, overweight people, drummers and others, they aren’t. If there’s a chance they’ll hold someone back, I’m not interested. So while I have no intention of judging others based on what they find funny or the humor “cards” they play, I am committed to embracing more positive definitions of blonde. My light hair represents my Scandinavian roots, my family, my style and sunshine. It’s part of my physical make up, but not the fabric who I am. It isn’t better or worse than other hair colors; it just happens to be mine. Off my list are blonde jokes, blaming “blonde moments” when I’ve made a mistake or misunderstood, and playing my “blonde card” as an excuse. And I’ve filed all negative blonde-isms away in my “lessons learned” drawer.

3. ‘Blonde’ often means something else.

You may think she’s a “dumb blond” when in fact she’s __________________

…excited, passionate and fun-loving. After I pitched to an editor last year, she asked me if I’d ever written before. When I shared my writing credentials, she said, “Say that in every pitch. This is a male-driven genre [thriller], and… You need to be taken seriously.” Her comment may have had nothing to do with my hair color, but I was, shall we say, EXCITED. ;) My peppy speak probably sounded more cheerleader than thriller-author-extraordinaire. I’ll happily mention my creds, but I’m keeping my peppiness. Many sweet, outgoing folks are smart as whips. (Think Penelope Garcia on Criminal Minds.)

…strategic or manipulative. Some women act like dumb blondes for attention, to move ahead in the work place, to get money or other freebies, or to wriggle out of a tough situation. (Paris Hilton, Anna Nicole Smith and Jessica Simpson have all been called strategically dim and business-brilliant.) Lorelei Lee, the protagonist in Anita Loos’ Gentlemen Prefer Blondestouted this motto: “A girl with brains ought to do something else with them besides think.” The film based on Loos’ novel is credited by many for launching the “dumb blonde” rampage. Ironic, seeing as Lee, played by Marilyn Monroe, is arguably the smartest schemer of the bunch.

…shy, anxious or insecure. Blondes do tend to stick out in a crowd, research shows. Imagine everyone watching you while you walk across a room. Think you might wobble more? Trip more easily? If you’re not comfy with attention, yes. Regardless of the reason, we tend to fumble more when we’re nervous or insecure. Maybe you’ve been told much of your life that you have less intellect or potential than others. If this is the case, please don’t buy into it.

…daydreamy, preoccupied or creative. Some of my supposed blonde moments have taken place during my writing furies. As I neared a big deadline this spring and was writing with my fingers or brain nearly 24/7, I showed up to teach a class with mascara above one eye only. (Other natural blondes know how odd this looks—my lashes are practically see through.) I also found my car keys in the freezer. Having our minds elsewhere doesn’t mean we’re dumb.

…misunderstood or unique. Thinking differently can be misperceived as stupidity. Marilyn Monroe is believed to have been dyslexic and appeared ditzy in the eyes of the public, yet she had a strong desire to understand the world and herself—signs of genius, if you ask me. She skipped out on film premieres and parties to attend college courses at UCLA, loved art and literature. Her melancholy side was sadly not accepted. (For more on Marilyn, read her fantastic book, Fragments: Poems Intimate Notes, Letters.) Temple Grandin is autistic and has revolutionized agriculture and become a nationally renowned speaker, author and advocate—largely because of her alternate way of thinking.

…sleep-deprived or under-nourished. A lack of sleep, calories, nutrients or glucose (the’s main fuel source, derived from carbohydrates) can trigger many stereotypical blonde behaviors, including memory lapses, poor concentration, tipsy behavior and an inability to learn or react quickly. Blaming our hair color for poor self-care isn’t particularly helpful. Better options: Establish healthy sleep habits. Eat more whole foods, like fruits, vegetables, fish and whole grains and fewer processed foods. Don’t go too long without eating. Don’t diet.

…human. This one’s my favorite. We all make mistakes. It’s part of what makes us so darn relatable, often humorous, even spectacular. You know that children’s book, Everyone Poops? Well, everyone has funny human moments, too. This notion excites me more than jokes of any kind could.

How do you feel about blonde humor? What about other types of sexist jokes? Have you been affected by either? 

27 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 17, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Body image, Girl Boner, Life
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Posted by August McLaughlin on June 17, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/why-i-trashed-my-blonde-card-looking-back-and-forward/

5 Things Writers Can Learn from Wall St: A Guest Post by Kourtney Heintz

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” — C.S. Lewis

Well before I met Kourtney Heintz in person, I knew that we shared much in common. We’re both compulsive about writing, for example, both adore dogs (especially our own) and both gave up “glamorous” gigs in the Big Apple for eventual happiness via the pen. Her previous career varied slightly from mine, however, and I figured we could all learn a lot from the recently published author. (Congrats, Kourtney!)

I read a sample of her new release, The 6 Train to Wisconsin, when she’d entered the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. (She was later named a semifinalist.) Man, was I upset when I ran out of pages; it was that good. Today, I’m honored to share my blog stage/living room with her. I’ll even let her hold my beloved mic. ;) Take it away, Kourtney!

Kourtney Heintz

Many thanks to August for generously offering me a spot on her blog. She took me under her wing and taught me everything I know about social media. There’s a reason my blog hits and comments skyrocketed after I met her. (You’re way too sweet, Kourtney! Whoops, your mic!)

1) Deadlines Matter

Delays at any point in the process ripple through the entire project. If I let myself fall behind schedule, I was in trouble, my boss was in trouble, and his boss was in trouble. My actions spiraled right up the chain of command.

Even when you’re indie publishing, one missed deadline can snowball into an avalanche and derail your entire book project.

2) Getting to Yes is A Backbending Feat

Most people opened with “No.” “Yes” means more work. If someone agreed to an interview with me, it was time out of their day. I offered to come in early, meet during lunch, stay late. I’d promise to keep it to 30 minutes and be done in 29 minutes.

Any time an agent or editor request a manuscript, they are adding to their workload. Make sure you’re sending out your very best work. Research exactly how that particular agent likes to be queried. Invest time to understand what will make things easiest on them and then do it.

3) Stamp Out Flames Near Any Bridges

I had to build relationships with hundreds of people within my firm. Each interaction had to be respectful and courteous because all future interactions hinged on the current one. No matter how frustrated you get with someone, you never know how integral they may be to you down the road. And there is always more road.

4) Prioritizing Your Day is the Best Way to Stay Productive

I was usually involved in 3-6 audits on any given day–all in different stages of completion.

Everyday, I crafted my to-do list, ranking everything.  My “Top 7” items were mission critical. The rest I’d work my way through. Often a few items had to move to the next day. But I always knocked out what absolutely had to be done.

 5) No One Understands Your Process like You Do

No one knows how much testing and interviewing and digging it took to find an issue and make a recommendation to remediate it.

Same with writing. People will think you play on the Internet all day. They can’t imagine what revising entails. You can try explaining it to them, but the most important thing is that you know what you’re doing and you show up and do it everyday.

Author Bio: Kourtney Heintz writes emotionally evocative speculative fiction that captures the deepest truths of being human. For her characters, love is a journey never a destination. She resides in Connecticut with her warrior lapdog, Emerson, her supportive parents and three quirky golden retrievers. Years of working on Wall Street provided the perfect backdrop for her imagination to run amuck at night, imagining a world where out-of-control telepathy and buried secrets collide. Her debut novel, The Six Train to Wisconsin, was a 2012 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Semifinalist.

One Sentence Summary of Novel: When Kai’s telepathy spirals out of control, her husband Oliver brings her to the quiet Wisconsin hometown he abandoned a decade ago, where he must confront the secrets of his past to save their future.

Connect with Kourtney Online:

Website: http://kourtneyheintz.com
Blog: http://kourtneyheintz.wordpress.com
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/kourtneyheintzwriter
Twitter: http://twitter.com/KourHei
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/goodreadscomkourtney_heintz
Amazon Author Central Page: http://amazon.com/author/kourtneyheintz
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/kourhei

Paperback available from:
Amazon  Barnes and Noble
Ebook available from:
Amazon  Barnes and Noble  Smashwords  Kobo  iTunes

Any thoughts or questions for Kourtney? What has a previous career taught you about writing? 

 

33 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 13, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Authors, Books, Publishing
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Posted by August McLaughlin on June 13, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/5-things-writers-can-learn-from-wall-st-a-guest-post-by-kourtney-heintz/

#GirlBoner Monday: 5 Sex Drive Myths

“When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” — Walt Disney

I wonder if Mr. Disney imagined that his insight would appear in a Girl Boner post. You’re welcome, WD! Actually, I should thank him. The fact is, we can’t embrace something we don’t believe in. I couldn’t think of a more appropriate quote to introduce a post on female sex drive.

The other day a young woman phoned into sex expert Dr. Drew’s radio show, Loveline, concerned because her sex drive seemed excessive and surpassed her boyfriend’s. The following chat went essentially like this:

Dr. Drew: How often do you want to have sex?

Woman: About once per day, sometimes more.

Dr. Drew: And you’re how old?

Woman: 22.

Dr. Drew:  That sounds pretty normal. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Me: WAHOO! *cheers loudly and wishes to hug Dr. Drew*

That woman could have been me around that age. Not only did I desire sex as often as she expressed, but my libido surpassed that of numerous boyfriends. I, too, wondered if there was something wrong with that equation. I’ve since learned otherwise, but seldom hear such issues discussed publicly.

We’re told repeatedly that men desire sex far more than women do—so much so, it’s considered common knowledge. I can’t tell you how elated I am that researchers, educators and activists are beginning to explore and debunk these myths (though, sheesh! We have a ways to go…). Myths about female sexual desire can be damaging on multiple levels. They teach girls and women that their desires are wrong, prevent those desires from thriving, dissuade women from recognizing or embracing their sexuality, encourage limits on sexual pleasure and damage relationships. Learning more about sex drive myths can go a long way toward minimizing these complications. Today, I’ll highlight some of the biggies.

female sex drive girl boner

Myths About Sex Drive

Myth #1: Women peak in their 30s.

Facts: This notion is based on one study, published in 1953, in which researcher Alfred Kinsey found that female participants in their 30s experienced more orgasms than participants in other age groups. In reality, women tend to gain confidence over the years. As a result, we experience greater orgasm strength and frequency as we age. For many women, our twenties are particularly stressful and insecurity-ridden times. As we’ve discussed here previously, stress and insecurity damage libido. We’re also far less encouraged than males to explore sexually during young adulthood.

Myth #2: Guys think about sex every seven seconds.

Facts: There was never a study to back this up. Research published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2011 showed that college-age men think about sex about 19 times per day, compared to 10 times per day for college-age women. Women are less likely to admit to sexual thoughts, however, and women who have positive body image, masturbate and read sex-positive publications, such as Cosmo, think about and engage more in sex than women who don’t. In other words, gender averages are pretty darn close and variable.

Myth #3: Women want fewer sexual partners than men do.

Facts: Large-scale research published in Current Directions in Psychological Science showed that, with use of statistical controls, males and females desire the same amount of partners. One of the controls involved determining the truth in the participants’ responses. Men are more likely to exaggerate their sexual partner total, the study found, while women tend to round the number down.

Myth #4: Casual sex appeals less to women than men. 

Facts: Numerous recent studies show that men and women desire casual sex equally, but that women are more likely to experience shame and depressive moods afterward. Sexually active women, particularly with multiple partners, have long been considered “sluts,” by societal standards, whereas men are either considered studly or normal—the “Boys will be boys” mentality. Those popular notions aside, desire for sex with strangers and acquaintances comes out equal. Both genders are also prone to experiencing desire for greater intimacy within and following such encounters over time.

Myth #5: Emotional intimacy guarantees high sex drive and great sex.

Facts: Feeling like we’re best pals with a partner is a great thing, but it doesn’t necessarily boost libido. Other crucial factors? Feeling desired and sexual play. ”We’ve all been brainwashed to think emotional intimacy is the best thing,” says Kathryn Hall, author of Reclaiming Your Sexual Self. “But lots of couples get really emotionally intimate and their sex life tanks anyway.” Hall recommends forgetting about what we consider normal, and instead embracing whatever makes us feel sexy. Everyone’s “normal” is different, and we can all have gratifying sex lives. What matters is cultivating a sexual lifestyle that suits us and our partners.

For more on female sexual desire and related myths, check out this New York Times magazine article, What Do Women Want?

Have you ever worried that your sex drive is excessive? Are you surprised by any of these myths? How have they affected you? You know I love hearing from you! All respectful thoughts are welcome. For more between-post fun, please join me and the #GirlBoner community on Facebook and Twitter. ♥

34 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 10, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Body image, Girl Boner, Sexuality
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Posted by August McLaughlin on June 10, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/sex-drive-myths/

200th Post Link + Love Party!

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey

Does your life ever feel, oh I don’t know…slightly hectic? I can hear some of you laughing. (“Ever? How ’bout hectic is my middle name?”) I get that. For the most part, I prefer life that way—staying busy and doing work I adore. At times for all of us, though, the load can seem so heavy, it’s no longer about having a lot on our plate, but feeling as though there’s no plate large or sturdy enough to support it all.

I was feeling that way recently when news arrived that sucked the wind out of my stresses. My husband’s grandmother was extremely ill, and it was time to visit her one last time.

If platonic love-at-first-sight exists, I felt it with Grandma Tovar. I met her at her 80-something-th birthday party in El Paso, to which she wore a shimmery black dress with a diamond pendant, her eyes more sparkly than her jewels. She was always that sparkly—cracking jokes, brightening spirits, giving advice and telling stories—until very near the end. She passed away on Sunday, and will be greatly missed.

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The one thing I’ll probably remember most about Grandma T. was her ability to embrace and celebrate life. Well after a successful career and raising four children, she stayed active. She read constantly, took up harmonica lessons and bowling just last year, learned from her mistakes and was never too proud to admit or laugh at them. She had friends of all ages, related to most everyone and maintained a sharp, open mind. (She even talked to me about Girl Boners, but I promised I wouldn’t get into that. ;) ) And given the slightest window of opportunity, the woman partied like crazy.

I’d considered skipping a blog post this week, regardless of my plan for a 200th post celebration. But how could I skip a party with Grandma T., the party QUEEN, profoundly in my thoughts? She’d NEVER bypass such an opportunity. If she’d been a writer, her blog would have been overflowing with virtual martinis, mariachi singers, fabulous food and colorful dancers.

In honor of Grandma T., and the 200 posts many of you have so graciously supported, let’s play music, don our sparkly duds and paaarty—keeping in mind that every day holds a reason to celebrate, no matter how crazed we may feel.

How to play:

In the comments below, share a link to one of your blog posts and one to another’s post that really struck you. While you’re at it, tell me your favorite party drink! Stick around or pop back later to check out others’ links. It’s a great way to mix, mingle and make new friends. Remember to click “like,” comment, share and/or follow blogs you really dig. Let’s get the sparkly support flowing…

explosion of love

Huge THANKS to all of you, for your ongoing support. ♥  May you always find ways to savor the storm.

*Party idea inspired by Chuck Wendig.

60 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 6, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Blogging, Social Media
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Posted by August McLaughlin on June 6, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/link-party/

Sexual Confidence: How to Feel Sexier Naked

Watching a partner undress is one of the sexiest turn-ons for many couples. For the countless women with low body image, sadly, the “birthday suit” can feel more like “oh, crap!” attire. The result? Anxiety, stress and reduced sex drive. To further complicate this catch-22, sexual activity and intimacy can enhance body image, self-esteem and emotional health. In other words, the very thing that causes many women personal strife can help prevent and potentially cure the flareup triggers. Turning this snowball (pun embraced!) in the right direction is well worth it.

Signs That Your Body Image and Sexual Confidence Could Use Boosting

body image sex

If thoughts of baring it all makes you feel like this, you may want to change your tune…

  • You’re uncomfortable undressing before your partner.
  • You demand “lights off,” or to be covered by blankets, during sex.
  • You contemplate your body’s “imperfections” during sex.
  • You frequently compare your physique and appearance with those of other women.
  • Swimsuits and lingerie—shopping and wearing—tank your moods.
  • You wear oversized clothing and avoid skimpy threads.
  • You often weigh yourself, diet or experience food-related guilt.
  • You have difficulty believing or accepting compliments on your appearance.
  • You’d go a year without sex, if it meant you could be thinner (or otherwise physically altered).
  • You spend more time and energy worrying about your physical “flaws” and attractiveness than you do desiring, fantasizing about or initiating sex.

If you’ve been following my Girl Boner series or caught last week’s post on “female viagra,” you know that I attribute most problems with female sexual desire with poor body image and self-esteem. Fueled by media’s representation of women and sexuality, the $40+ billion dieting industry and other factors, such as our personal role models and upbringing, body image pitfalls can seem impossible to overcome. How can we feel sexy naked when the whole darn world seems to tell us we’re anything but?

Maintaining positive body image in, and outside of, the bedroom is not only doable, but vital, in my opinion. Comfort in our own skin is associated with increased physical attractiveness and sex appeal, heightened sexual satisfaction and frequency and relationship contentment. And it doesn’t take raising our self-perception to arrogant heights. When we develop sexual self-confidence, we don’t make like Narcissa, gazing admiringly into mirrors. We care less about what others think about our bodies, ponder our physical appearance less, and invest more time and energy into worthier pursuits: living and loving, to name the biggies.

In addition to the tips I shared last week, on ways to boost body image and libido, the following steps can help us feel more confident naked while we work on the deeper issues in our lives (which tend to take time). If your body image and sex-drive are severely low or simply seem unmanageable, I hope you’ll consider professional help. There’s no shame, and plentiful empowerment, in that kind of work and healing.

10 Ways to Feel Sexier Naked

1. Spend more time naked. If we’re only naked during sex, we’re more likely to feel uncomfortable. Sleep naked. Spend more time clothesless before or after showering. If you have the privacy, heck, clean the house naked.

2. Dim the lights. Dim lights are romantic. They also tend to be flattering. Cosmo photographers, Chris Clinton and Alexa Miller, suggest sex by candlelight, which softens our features, adding a sense of mystique.

3. Exercise. Exercising, preferably in a way we find enjoyable, staves off depressive moods and stress while helping us feel fitter physically. We shouldn’t exercise to slenderize, in my view, but to feel capable, healthy and strong.

4. Masturbate. I know, I recommend this for just about everything. If the habit fits… ;) Seriously, self-stimulation increases sexual confidence, which helps us grow more comfortable with our bodies and sexuality.

5. Trash magazines and images that makes you feel bad. Even swimsuit models wish they looked precisely like their heavily airbrushed photos nowadays. Artwork of women of all shapes, ages and sizes often present, encourage and celebrate real beauty. The same holds true for publications that empower us, rather than instruct us to diet or cleanse our way “fit.”

6. Turn on the tunes. As we discussed back in March, music turns us on—40 percent more than touch, according to a Spotify study. Choose music you find alluring, or work together with your partner.

7. Emphasize your favorite features. A poll conducted by Gfk/MRI showed that women feel sexiest when they doll their faces up before a night out. The confidence boost can carry us through the night, prepping us for steamy bedroom fun later.

8. Stand at a 3/4 angle. According to Clinton and Miller, facing a partner straight on can make us look a bit square, while angling slightly accentuates our sexy curves.

9. Wear heels. No, they aren’t the healthiest shoes on the planet, but they sure can help! (If you feel sexier in flip-flops or other flats, though, by all means, wear them!) Taller shoes engage leg muscles in a complimentary way, and raise confidence. This is why models often wear heels during photo shoots, whether their feet show or not. I just think it feels sexy—being naked, except for heels.

10. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, just the way you are. We might feel a little cheesy-motivational-speaker-y, but you know what? Affirmations work. Negative self-talk does the opposite, so do your best to swap self-bashing for self-love. Then report back, so we can celebrate your Girl Boner journey. :)

Are you comfortable naked? What has helped or hurt body image-wise? Which tip strikes you most? I love hearing from you. So much so, that I’m also going to invite you to a SPECIAL EVENT!

For more on these issues, join me this Wednesday at 12pm PST, for a Bonfire Chat hosted by Gigi Ross: How Body Image Affects Sex. I’ll be appearing on a live, online panel with a group of groovy gals. To join us, visit the event page and RSVP.

20 Comments
by August McLaughlin on June 3, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Body image, Girl Boner, Sexuality
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Posted by August McLaughlin on June 3, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/feel-sexier-naked/

Blogging Alternatives for Authors: Choosing Your Stage and Microphone

As many of you know, I’m a diehard blogging fan. Approached well, it can broaden our readership, strengthen our writing, introduce us to fabulous friends, make us more appealing to industry pros and help us land freelance gigs. If you’re a blog-o-holic fellow fan, you’re probably nodding your head right now. Others of you, I suspect, are somewhat skeptical.

I led a blogging workshop at a conference recently and asked, “Who here has a blog?” Most every attendee raised a hand. When I prompted them to keep their hand up if they enjoy the process, all but one shot down.

I realize that not all aspects of writing are pleasurable, but I believe that many can be. I also believe that forcing ourselves to partake in optional activities we detest can work against us. Regardless, blogging isn’t for everyone.

Blog choices

We’re crazy-fortunate to be writers in a day rich with freedom and opportunity. The question isn’t if we’ll be published, but when and how. We also have a broad range of choices when it comes to book marketing, branding and the beloved author platform. (Note the sarcasm; I know few authors who jump up and down at the sound of the P-word.) I view “brand” simply as who we are—as people and writers, and “platform” as the stage and microphone we use to share ourselves and our work. The more we’re read, heard, seen and/or appreciated, the stronger our “stage,” “microphone” and audience become. And there’s no one or “right” way to enhance or utilize any of them.

When To Make Changes, Quit or Avoid Blogging

If you don’t enjoy blogging, you may want to consider tweaking your habits and approach. If you loathe it regardless, why do it? Hating blogging, but forcing ourselves to do it anyway, is a lot like following a tasteless diet and tedious exercise routine, in my opinion. It won’t stick, provide lasting results or prove worthwhile. We may even go bonkers in the process.

I’d also suggest not blogging, or seriously shifting your habits, if it’s taken priority over your primary writing—unless you’d prefer to build a blog in lieu of books. You may also be rockin’ your author platform without blogging, or detest the notion of even starting. While no one tool or medium works for everyone, it’s important that we present ourselves somewhere–preferably beyond our living rooms. If blogging isn’t your cup of novel-tea (ba-dump), I’d suggest the following:

5 Alternatives to Blogging for Author Platform Building

1. Rely on other social media platforms. I’ve heard Facebook and Twitter called micro-blogging, and for good reason. They, and other social media platforms, offer many of the same benefits blogging can—if we use them consistently, present ourselves authentically and avoid telemarketer “BUY MY STUFF!” techniques. (Thank goodness those don’t work. Blech.) If you’re unsure as to which platform to focus on, experimenting with a variety can help. For tips on using Google+ for building your platform, check out Marcy Kennedy’s post on Jane Friedman’s blog. For Twitter basics, InkyGirl’s free Writer’s Guide is groovy. To learn the benefits of Facebook pages versus personal profiles, check out Lisa Hall-Wilson’s post on Jami Gold’s blog.

2. Write guest posts for other blogs. Guest posts build content much the way personal blogs do, and introduce new readers to our voice and work. They can also make nice additions to our main author and social media sites. (If you’re on Pinterest, for example, create an interview/guest post board.) For best results, choose blogs you appear on wisely. There are loads of fantastic blogs out there—well-written, compelling sites with interactive readers and lofty readership. Countless others have lower-quality posts, very few followers and little interactivity. Before seeking or accepting a guest post opportunity, ask for demographics and stats, unless you have a good grasp of and respect for the blog’s content already. We can also learn a lot about a blog by skimming through posts, comments and social media shares.

3. Read, follow and interact with authors who do blog. Blogging isn’t the only way to engage in the blogging community, in which there is tremendous value for authors. (It’s one of the most supportive writing communities I feel we have access to.) Make sure you have a Gravatar profile, so that your photo and profile link accompany your comments when applicable, then seek out and read blogs that strike you. Sharing links to posts we find compelling on social media helps us, the post creator and readers who benefit from the links. When we share valuable content, we attract like-minded followers.

4. Contribute stories, articles and pitches to magazines, journals, contests and websites. Being findable on search engines and having plentiful online content are major blogging perks. We can get these same advantages by contributing stories and articles—paid or not—to print and online publications. (Exposure and experience are valuable “pay,” particularly in our early days.) Short stories can boost book sales, by serving as leverage during price-drop promotions and adding to our body of work. (A reader who loves your short story will be more likely to buy your books, and vice versa.) Entering writing contests can help instill deadlines—another perk of blogging. Winning brings us recognition, enhancing our reputation.

5. Write awesome book after awesome book, and team up with fantabulous reps and/or marketing gurus. I believe that high-quality work attracts and breeds success, regardless of what we do otherwise—and obviously, writing book after book is vital for all career-oriented writers. On occasion, a book does so well with readers or publishing pros, word-of-mouth (including others’ social media) and/or a powerful marketing force takes care of the whole shegang. If you can manage and enjoy that, kudos! Sadly, most of us aren’t so lucky. The harder we work, and the more high-quality work we produce, the better off we’ll be. Meanwhile, if we’re resistant to blogging and other social media, we best team up with qualified others who aren’t.

Speaking of blogging writers, a group of us are highlighting a special one today. Susie Lindau, a prolific blogger I’m honored to call friend, is facing breast cancer with courage, heart and humor. Please take a peek at her latest post, The Boob Report: Laughter is the Best Medicine, and you’ll see what I mean. ♥ She’ll inspire you, whether you’ve joined the blogosphere or not.

Susie gang 2

Lynn Kelley, Susie Lindau, Debra Eve, me and Debra Kristi

How do you feel about blogging? Any alternatives to add? What’s your preferred method of platform building, on or offline? Or would you rather hide away in a remote cabin, type-typing away? (We all have days like that!)

28 Comments
by August McLaughlin on May 31, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Blogging, Pinterest, Publishing, Social Media, Writing
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Posted by August McLaughlin on May 31, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/blogging-alternatives-for-authors/

Why “Female Viagra” Doesn’t Work – And What To Do About It

“The beauty myth is always actually prescribing behavior and not appearance.” — Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

If you’ve been following the news lately, you’ve probably heard about Lybrido—a female equivalent of the libido-boosting medication, Viagra, for men. Because the drug increases blood flow in the female sexual system, scientists hypothesized that Lybrido would help rectify “hypoactive sexual-desire disorder,” which is believed to affect 30 percent of women ages 20 to 60, according to New York Times Magazine. What researchers didn’t anticipate was that while the drug effectively improves circulation, it doesn’t take care of the problem; partakers still lack sexual desire. Why?

Theories abound, many of which are a load of hooey, in my opinion. Some are blaming monogamy for female libido loss, based on the fact that single women with multiple partners tend to have healthier sex drive, and new partners boost libido. Others are saying that the drug holds great potential, but has further to go; additional physiological problems can be tackled, given the proper chemical blend.

Here’s what I think:

Female sexual “malfunction”derives primarily from poor body image, low self-esteem and a society that celebrates and encourages the unrealistic type of sexuality depicted in porn and mainstream films, television and magazines. Women are seldom encouraged to explore or embrace their sexuality—particularly during youth—while being over-sexualized by Hollywood and the media. We’re taught to dislike their bodies and strive for the impossible.

I’ve personally learned that when I feel great about my body and emotionally fulfilled by life—additional factors that seem closely linked—my sex drive is healthy and happy. When I’ve felt emotionally and sexually empowered, my libido has skyrocketed. When I’ve felt stifled, confused or conflicted, I’ve clenched up. I know what it’s like to be happily and unhappily monogamous, and happily and unhappily single. My relationship status has mattered little compared to how I regard myself. And no drug could have improved my body image or sense of self-worth, particularly not the way internal work and the pursuit of empowerment have.

I’m far from alone in these realizations, and a broad range of research supports my theory. Here’s a small sample:

♦ A study conducted by Glamour magazine, involving hundreds of women of all sizes, showed that women have harsh thoughts about their body an average of once per waking hour. A disturbing amount of women confess to having 35, 50 or 100 hateful thoughts about their physical shape daily.

♦ Large-scale International Journal of Eating Disorders research showed that women with positive body image are significantly more sexually active, more likely to orgasm, initiate sex and explore new sexual activities, and have greater comfort undressing before their partners than women with lower body image. (Aren’t these the goals of “Viagra” for women—pharmaceutical profit aside?)

♦ A growing body of research shows that men frequently exposed to pornography are prone to sexual dysfunction, and an inability to be turned on by their partners. Women and men tend to hold women up to unrealistic physical standards presented by the media, and both genders suffer. (The over-sexualization in the high-fashion world is pretty ironic; most models have eating disorders, which nuke sex drive.)

So what can we do instead?

I believe that the solution to low sex drive begins within ourselves. Prioritizing our sense of self-worth, physically and otherwise, and making serious efforts to love and embrace our bodies can lead us down a path of enlightenment in which we’re more connected to our authentic selves, and more able to experience sexual pleasure, intimacy and love. Toward that end, we can consider the following:

  • Looking in the mirror and seeking beauty, not “flaws.”
  • Talking back to negative self-talk, as though it’s the enemy (which it is).
  • Steering clear of magazines and other media that promote unrealistic physical ideals.
  • Exercising because we enjoy it and the energy and wellness it provides, rather than for calorie burn, punishment or fat loss.
  • Communicating with our partners and loved ones about our bodies, our sexuality and any struggles we may have.
  • Eating a healthy, balanced diet that provides pleasure—and dodging diets, across the board.
  • Aiming for healthy sleep habits. (Sleep deprivation is linked with depressive moods, weight gain and low body image.)
  • Doing our best to not judge, criticize or compliment others based on size or appearance.
  • Speaking only positively about our bodies. (Language holds power.)
  • Pursuing work and other pursuits we adore.
  • Seeking support, from friends, family or a qualified therapist, as needed.
  • Masturbating. (Self-pleasure boosts sex drive and is associated with positive self-esteem and body image.)
  • Branching out, sexually. (And no, that doesn’t necessarily require additional partners. If you’re in a committed relationship, try new positions, locations or toys. Read or watch erotica. Play out each other’s fantasies. Try something enticing and new.)
  • Distancing ourselves from anyone who makes us feel “less than,” unattractive or unworthy.
  • Seeking and celebrating real beauty all around us: in aging, in curves, in uniqueness, in imperfections, in art, in nature, in laughter, in friendship, in music, in HAPPINESS…

Matters like these fuel Girl Boner, so while I’m saddened by some of the assumptions people are making about female sex drive, and the countless number of women who fail to recognize their capacity for sexual pleasure and love, I’m inspired to keep at it. I can’t thank you all enough for your support as the community grows.

Today I’m particularly thrilled to reveal our brand-spankin’ new logo (YEAHOO!), created by the ever-talented Casey Cowan of Oghma Creative Media. The groovy firm, dedicated to the promotion of authors, artists and musicians, is holding an iTunes gift card drawing for anyone who “likes” their Facebook page today or tomorrow. I hope you’ll check it out! I hope this tickles your Girl Boner as much as it does mine:

Girl Boner Logo_copyright AJM

What do you think about female “Viagra?” Do you think that drugs can take care of libido problems? Have you noticed a link between your body image and sex drive? I always dig your respectful thoughts.

If you enjoy these posts, please join me and the Girl Boner community on Facebook and Twitter as well.

A special thanks to those who’ve made sacrifices for our country. We at GB Central Salute you, this Memorial Day and always.

37 Comments
by August McLaughlin on May 27, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Body image, Girl Boner, Sexuality
Tagged , , , , , ,

Posted by August McLaughlin on May 27, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/05/27/viagra-for-women/

Smash the Tomatoes: Dealing with Bad Reviews

Not long after my book released, I ran into an acquaintance in Hollywood. “I saw your book on Amazon,” he said. “Sorry about the reviews. Man, that must suck!” (Geez. Nice seeing you, too!) At the time, I had two critical reviews, and over 20 positive. If there’s one thing we can be certain of about reviews, it’s that the doozies will stand out.

A friend and fellow writer recently asked me how I deal with bad reviews. I’m so glad she did, as I consider myself somewhat of an expert. ;)  I’ve likened my brain to a teflon pan when it comes to rejection and criticism, thanks to my acting and modeling days. I learned early on that my job was simply to do my best, and view gigs and pay as frosting that would eventually come if I kept at it. I still believe that.

I expected some harsh reviews and mixed feelings on my novel. I write about controversial topics in arguably unconventional ways. Writing the stories I’m compelled to write matters more to me than writing a “safe” book, or aiming to please the masses. I seem tough, right? Grrr… I can deal!

Tiger blog

Well, usually. I let a couple of reviews bother me early on. One, in particular, seemed snarky and cutting. Like obsessing over a tiny blemish on an otherwise blemish-free face, they seemed to grow and fester. “It’s all anyone will see!” No, but…

Let’s face it. There are some seriously sucky aspects of bad reviews. They affect us and others more than they should, stand out like snowmen on a balmy beach to anyone looking (geez, enough with the analogies!) and have the capacity to hurt longer and more deeply than positive reviews feel good. Blah humbug! So what can we do?

Plenty, in my opinion. I’ve found that a little perspective check can go a long way toward thriving amidst what can feel like a rotten tomato-throwing war.

Reassuring Facts About Bad Reviews

1. We all get them. The more reviews we gather and books we sell, the more likely bad reviews become. It’s generally part of the deal, and shouldn’t make us less like authors, but more.

2. Many of the most celebrated books gain a significant amount of bad reviews. Based on Amazon.com reader reviews:

When reviewers throw tomatoes, make ketchup!

When readers chuck tomatoes, make ketchup!

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou 407 reviews, 66 critical (1 or 2-star)

The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison
590 reviews, 87 critical

Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo
961 reviews, 108 critical

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
2,243 reviews, 256 critical

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, by Stieg Larrson
4,107 reviews, 800 critical

Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James
19,468 reviews, 7,136 critical

The list could go on, and on…

3. Many bad reviews are badly written. Nothing against people with lower IQs or limited literature savvy, but I appreciate the fact that many of the best reviews I’ve read (of my own book and others) are well-written critiques, composed by sharp and prestigious reviewers. Snobby? Maybe. But it helps.

4. The “star” system is flawed. Do you know what the 5 star levels specifically represent on Amazon? No one does, because it’s different for everyone. The layperson  could simply be having a bad day, see the star system differently than we do (consider ’5′ the best book they’ve ever read, for example), or misuse it entirely.

5. Some bad reviews are better than none, and bad ones may even help. People tend to review books they love or hate, which isn’t necessarily negative. Numerous studies have shown that bad publicity boosts book sales—familiarity and popularity being bigger contributors to consumer decisions.

6. Price-drop promos make bad reviews more likely. When we run a price special, some folks will nab it simply because it’s cheap or free. They may not read romance novels, for example, but download yours for free, dislike it solely because of the genre, then blast away in a review. Frustrating, yes, but it’s nothing personal or worth beating ourselves up over.

(**The promotions are still worth it—trust me. It’s easy to focus on the bad reviews that evolve afterward. Focus instead on the increased downloads and positive reviews that arise.)

7. At the end of the day, they don’t really matter. My agent hasn’t seemed to care about poor reader reviews, nor have publishers who’ve picked up indie authors for mega-contracts, production companies that choose novels to base films on, or loyal readers, lovers, friends, plants or pets. If anything, beloved fans will probably root for us even more—and possibly bake us cookies.

Turning Tomato Wars Into Ketchup

(That’s my Minnesotan/optimist way of saying, turn rotten reviews into something positive, and don’t let them matter more than condiments do within a healthy diet. Even Minnesotans don’t serve ketchup as a main dish. Ew.)

  • Read reviews in moderation. It’s natural to peek in on occasion, and to read all reviews early on. But I feel that our time and energy are best saved for worthier pursuits. (There’s a reason that many celebs bypass reviews—and their careers carryon, perhaps better so, for it.)
  • Refrain from lashing out at the reviewer, or pleading friends and family to make up for it with praise. These are great ways to attract more attention to our bad reviews, and get unfriended, unfollowed and dis-liked throughout social media. (Reviews will come. We don’t need to beg.)
  • Re-read positive reviews. Read them out loud if it helps. Print them out, or paste them on your desktop. Positive feedback should empower us, so let it. By letting bad reviews bother us, we’re empowering the wrong thing.
  • Remind yourself that YOU ROCK! We all have moments or days of “Oh man, I totally suck!” But you’ve written a book! That’s a huge, admirable, worthy accomplishment. And it’s probably touched more than a few readers. True artists carry on, with or without a few tears along the way.
  • Laugh at them. Given the proper mindset, bad reviews can be downright hilarious. (If you’d rather, giggle at Ketchup Man. He won’t mind.) Giggling at famous authors’ bad reviews can also be oddly therapeutic—if only because many are insanely off-base and grandiose.
  • Stay captivated with book-writing—not review-reading. The best medicine for hurtful criticism, I feel, is focusing on writing another book. Get lost in story; that’s what counts. And since your next book is going to be EVEN BETTER than your last, phooey on whoever made you feel bad. (Did I just say phooey?)
  • Seek support. If self-encouragement isn’t enough, reach out. Most of us want to help one another, and no one understands as well as fellow scribes.

Do you read all of your reviews? How do you deal with the bad ones? Any tips to add? I always dig your thoughts.

68 Comments
by August McLaughlin on May 23, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Authors, Publishing, Writing
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by August McLaughlin on May 23, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/bad-reviews/

The Highly Sensitive Clitoris

I adore my clitoris, now that I know what and where it is.

Here, clitoris clitoris... I know you're in here somewhere!

Here, clitoris clitoris… I know you’re in there somewhere!

Professor Olga Rockenstein stood before the Psychology of Female Sexuality, staring at us with bulldog-intense eyes. “Women know too little about their bodies,” she said. “Do you know how many don’t even know where their clitoris is?”

As her gaze caught mine, my expression read: “You’re kidding me!” What I really thought: My what?

The word sounded familiar, but I was 20, and too much time had passed since high school health class. When she called it the “pleasure button,” I assumed it was the area inside the vagina that lights up and explodes, triggering uncontrollable delight and making the entire world disappear, during orgasm. (Sigh…)

Clitoris

I wasn’t even close. When I learned its actual location, between the inner folds of the vulva, at the top of the labia (diagram here), I wondered if mine was broken. When I or my boyfriend touched mine, I felt…ticklish. Really ticklish, as in it nearly hurt.

If you relate to this, I suggest not Googling “sensitive clitoris,” unless you want nightmares and psychosomatic symptoms and of a clitoris-clobbering disease. Chances are, there’s nothing wrong with you. (If you suspect an illness, though, definitely consult your doctor.) Regardless, all clitorises are sensitive, and as lovely as the flowers they’re named after:

CLITORIS! flower Girl Boner

Behold, the CLITORIS!

Fab Facts About Clitoral Sensitivity

♥ A highly sensitive clitoris is usually just that—an organ so sensitive that mild touch can cause sensation overload. It’s more common among people with increased overall sensitivity, from what I’ve gathered, and in women prone to G-spot orgasms.

♥ You know how penises get incredibly sensitive post-ejaculation? Well, the clitoris is comparable to the head of the penis, only it’s smaller and has many more nerve endings—about 7,000. (So guys, imagine that sensation, multiplied by about 200.)

♥ If your clitoris has typical sensitivity, touching, kissing, licking and sucking probably feel DAMN good, and make way for climax. Clitoral orgasm is the most common and easiest to achieve, according to sexuality expert, Dr. Laura Berman.

♥ If yours is highly sensitive, you probably prefer gentler touching or pressure, on or around your clitoris. Vaginal (aka, G-spot) orgasms are likely to be your numero uno. In blended orgasms, we come in both places—YEE HA!

**It’s important to note that one type of orgasm is not superior or ideal. Our sexuality is unique, and we should all feel great about our personal style and preferences.

There’s also no “right” way to engage or enjoy our joy buttons. The key is knowing how our own works, and communicating with our partners, as needed.

#ClitParty: A Pleasure Button Clit-ebration!

Earlier this month, Clitoraid, a Las Vegas-based group namely devoted to helping victims of female genital mutilation, hosted the first ever International Clitoris Awareness Week. When a few of my sassy, Girl Boner-loving friends, and I learned of it, we decided to throw a party. And guess what. You’re all invited! Actually, you’re already here. :) SURPRISE!

I know—a rather clinical party piece, but I happen to LOVE chatting about clitoral quirks at parties. Consider this segment the #GirlBoner geek in the room, and check out the following blogs later today, some of which will be slightly more steamy:

You can also join us today on Twitter, using the hashtag #ClitParty. For a chance to WIN an erotic book from Go Deeper Press or a 30-minute clairvoyant reading with Goddess Isis Oracle (via Skype or phone), Tweet us about your clitoris: What you love about it, what you’d say to it, your nickname for it—whatever!—using the hashtag #ClitParty. For even MORE fun, join me on the Girl Boner Facebook page.

Prizes will be awarded for the most retweets and/or favorites, with extra points given for creativity. (Pssst! Guys can enter, too! Talk about a romantic gesture—tweeting about your sweetheart’s clit.;))

Will you be partying with us today? What have you learned about your clitoris? Is yours hypersensitive? I just LOVE your respectful thoughts.

33 Comments
by August McLaughlin on May 20, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Girl Boner, Sexuality
Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Posted by August McLaughlin on May 20, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/clitoris/

A Peek Inside ‘Big 6′ Author Life: Amanda Kyle Williams

Thank goodness for books! Seriously. With all of the buzz circulating about Abercrombie & Fitch and its CEO’s damaging messages, I’ve had youth on the brain. Mysteries and thrillers helped me through countless teenage hardships, and I looked up to their creators long before I imagined becoming one. In a world with too many villains (*clears throat* Jeffries!), I’m particularly grateful to my author heroes.

Cup of coffee and book

Today, I’m stoked to bring you one of my favorites, Amanda Kyle Williams. Her Stranger series, starring former FBI profiler, Keye Street, is captivating, witty, spine-tingling and inspiring. Now through Sunday, you can nab its first installment, The Stranger You Seek, for only 99 cents. (Total steal!) I hope you’ll pull up a chair, and a cup of java. This author is one you don’t want to miss.

AM: I first had the pleasure of “meeting” your work, thanks to a serendipitous galley copy of your series premiere. Now, you’re about to release #3. (Time flies!) How different is it, being a further celebrated veteran?

AKW: I can tell you the writing process is very different now. It took me a couple of years to settle into my job. Sometimes just being still is challenging. Learning a new job is challenging. But I’m in the groove now. I have a routine. I’m fairly disciplined and I’m enjoying writing again, remembering why I love it. I lost that for a minute while I was freaking out. I just finished the third book, Don’t Talk To Strangers, and it’s the first time I’ve finished a book without secretly believing I’d never write another one. I hear I’m not unique in this way. Writers, as it turns out, are neurotic as hell.

AM: As a traditionally published, Big 6 (well, 5) author, are you flown around the world with an entourage who wines, dines and does all of your marketing for you?

AKW: [laughing] You’ve been watching “Castle,” haven’t you? Actually, I am treated very well thanks to a great agent, publicist and publishing house. But it’s more like I’m flown to a few cities with mystery bookstores. Great opportunity to develop relationships with booksellers and to meet readers. My books have a few translations now and that means foreign publishing houses so I was very happy to be invited to London last year to meet my UK publisher and attend the Harrogate Crime Writers Fest.

But here’s the truth, or at least my truth and my experience at my level: There’s a big push just before and after a release. Tours and publicity. It’s this crazy blast of activity in the middle of a writer’s solitary life. It’s fun and exciting. And then it’s over. And if you want to keep the buzz going, you pretty much have to do it yourself because publicists and publishers are on the next bazillion new releases. Not that they don’t work hard for me all year. They do. But their attention shifts. They have other authors. Now, if I have a marketing idea or need help, I can reach out and they’re there. The team at Random House has been incredibly available and willing. But it’s up to the author to learn how to promote, attend conferences, meet people, stay involved in the community, keep your name out there, develop social media relationships, visit book clubs, develop a website…

There’s a financial investment associated with conferences, of course. Travel is expensive. But I see it as just that—an investment in my career. A lot of authors blog, as you well know. I don’t. It’s fraught with dangers for a dyslexic writer. I’d have to employ a full-time freelance editor. It’s not something I have any interest in at this point. And honestly, I don’t have that much to say. Some days I can’t even manage a status update or something cute for Twitter so…

(Psst! She’s actually a great Twitter follow. Check her out: @AKyleWilliams.)

AM: What’s your funniest or zaniest fan story? (If your groupies are super normal, feel free to embellish.)

AKW: Oh sure. Everyone knows thriller fans are perfectly normal, right? All I will say is, my inbox gets pretty interesting. Funny story about my first tour: I went to Houston after the release of The Stranger You Seek. Murder By The Book petitioned hard for me to come to Texas and visit their store. My publicist was skeptical. First tour. No one knew who I was. Tours can be brutal anyway. It’s hard to get people out of the house and into a bookstore for a book signing even if they like the author.

So I go to Houston. Nice hotel. Good food. Published book. I’m feeling pretty important. Four people show up, including an older couple, white hair, sitting very quietly through my whole spiel. During the Q&A, I discover they’re only there because they think I’m a long lost relative from Mississippi named Amanda Kyle. [August falls over laughing.] Bless their hearts. More recently, I visited a local book club that chose one of my books as their monthly read and I was asked if I’d ever killed anyone. I took that as a compliment.

AM: Well they were lucky to meet you anyway. What lesson have you learned writing or career-wise, that you wish you’d learned sooner?

AKW: You know, I really wish I’d identified as a writer before I was a professional writer. I was writing on and off for 25 years before it was my full-time job. I think I would have found the confidence to go for it sooner. There’s value in speaking about things before they’ve materialized. It’s like looking like a success before you’re a success. Same principal.

When I began making lists of positive things to say to keep my mind for running negative loops, telling me I wasn’t good enough or talented enough, my life started to change very dramatically. It’s virtually impossible for your brain to get stuck on fear and worry when your mouth is saying something positive like, Everything I Touch Prospers and Succeeds. I’m creative. I’m talented. I have new ideas all the time. I write many books. I have these affirmations posted around my house—on the fridge, inside the medicine cabinet, over my bed on the ceiling with painter’s tape. Turning off that little voice that was holding me back infused my writing with some confidence.

AM: If you weren’t a writer, and could take on any skills/traits, what would your dream alternate career be?

AKW: Seriously, I have no skills except that I can write a little and I’m really good with animals.

AM: If you could have any celebrity endorse your book, who would you choose?

AKW: Um… Oprah. [August cheers too loudly.] I mean, come on. She sells the hell out of books. But seriously for me, for the big rush, I want one of the big boys. Right now Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl) and Lee Child (Jack Reacher series) are my fantasy cover blurbs.

AM: Lee Child would totally blurb you! We shared smoothies once. I’ll put a word in. (Kidding—pretty sure he’s forgotten my name.) What aspect of the author’s life do you find most rewarding?

AKW: Besides typing The End? I guess reading back something you really struggled with, honed and revised, and discovering that you managed by some miracle to say what you wanted to say, or create the emotion or suspense you were going for. Because when I start a scene, it’s not like that. It doesn’t come rushing out of me, perfectly shiny and polished. It’s a painstaking process, word-by-word, building from the foundation up.

The other thing would be getting mail from a reader who really gets the character or was touched by something in a book. I talk a lot about addiction in the series. I hear from a lot of folks in recovery. I get mail from from former cops and private detectives and dedicated crime fiction readers. It’s really great when you’ve gotten it right for them. All the hours pay off in those moments.

AM: Beautiful. Tell us about your 99-cents promotion, and what we can look forward to next.

AKW: My publisher decided to run a nice little promo on the eBook edition of the first book in the series, The Stranger You Seek—$0.99 wherever eBooks are sold in the U.S. The promotion runs through May 19th.The 3rd book in the series, Don’t Talk To Strangers, is scheduled to release February 11th. We thought this would be a great way for new readers to discover the Keye Street Stranger series and jump in at the beginning in advance of the 3rd release.

*****

Great indeed. If you haven’t yet, I hope you’ll all race over to Amazon, B&N, or wherever else you e-book shop, and check out Amanda’s work.

Isn’t Amanda Kyle Williams fabulous? Any thoughts to share with her? Do you relate to her “neuroses” as much as I do??? Sure we’d both love to hear from you.

Image
In the sweltering heat of an Atlanta summer, a killer is pushing the city to its breaking point, preying on the unsuspecting, writing taunting letters to the media, promising more death. Desperate to stop the Wishbone Killer, A.P.D. lieutenant Aaron Rauser turns to the one person he knows can penetrate a deranged mind: Keye Street, an ex–FBI profiler and former addict who now picks up jobs where she can get them. But the last thing Keye wants is to be pulled into the firestorm of Atlanta’s worst nightmare. And then it suddenly becomes clear that the hunter has become the hunted—and the stranger she seeks is far closer than she ever dared imagine.

Available on Amazon, iTunes, B&N and more.

15 Comments
by August McLaughlin on May 16, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Authors, Books, Publishing, Thriller / Suspense
Tagged , , , , ,

Posted by August McLaughlin on May 16, 2013

http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/wiliams-big-6/

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