I have two terms for you: ‘Ally McBeal’ and ‘carwash.’ If you’ve watched the popular TV series starring Calista Flockhart, the pairing undoubtedly conjures all things hot-and-bothered. You may even have a substantial Girl Boner right now. Why? *SIGH* Where to start…
I know. New York City, circa early 2000s. An apartment full of models with whom I shared extremely little in common. Mika, the lanky Japanese fashionista, nibbled her day’s solitary meal of a cream cheese-laced bagel in slow, methodical bites. Katia, the Parisian party girl, smoked cigarettes and guzzled beer—her “dinner”—while gossiping too loudly on the phone, her bare, grossing-me-out feet on the coffee table while I tried to focus on my current read to the tune of people arguing on some talk show. Then Jami, the Californian surfer dudette, entered and grabbed the remote: “Deeeuuudes. Ally’s on!”
Rather than continue ignoring one another, all focus snapped to the screen. Heavy breathing. Wanton eyes. Soon the four of us were united in Girl Boner glory, staring at the TV with our mouths ajar, envious desire raging. Seated in her car during a drive-through carwash, Ally’s eyes locked with the handsome mechanic outside her window. Lust. Desire. Need. No words were exchanged, only pheromones and glances. Yet suddenly the car was no longer the wettest thing around. Within seconds, Ally and Hot Mechanic Man were entangled and groping each other, kissing as though their lives depended on it, having sex. No, they were fucking. Ally had been taken by a total stranger, and was savoring every heart-pounding residual moment.
I don’t recall what happened just after. (Sorry to disappoint anyone, but a model orgy? Didn’t happen.) For days, though, I couldn’t get that scene out of my head! It cropped up at castings and in my dreams, added sweat and speed to my workouts, lust-filled spark to my eyes at photo shoots. Being the good girl I prided myself for being, I tried to imagine my boyfriend back in Minnesota taking me the way H.M.M. took Ally. Good girls in relationships, after all, don’t fantasize about other men, right? So I thought.
I’m happy to say that fantasies, even those involving other men (or women), are no longer on my avoid list. According to research and experts, that’s a positive thing. Unless our fantasies interfere with our relationships or well-being, they make way for benefits, such as stress relief, faster arousal time, erotic stimulation and increased spice in our sex lives. (Sign. Me. Up.)
5 Common Female Sexual Fantasies
1. Sex with another man. This doesn’t mean you’re dissatisfied with your sex life, says Dr. Hilda Hutcheson, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University and author of Pleasure. More likely, you’re simply excited by new experiences and turned on by hot guys. (Shocker! )
2. Ménage à trois. Lots of articles suggest that most men dream of 2:1 female:male threesomes. Though it’s lesser discussed, many women long for sex with dual partners, too. If you envision yourself with two guys, you may want to be doted on, adored or fought over, says Hutcheson. You may also relish the idea of another woman wanting your guy (or vice versa) or simply believe that when it comes to pleasure, more equals merrier—i.e., in various places on or in your body at the same time. (Yum.)
3. Domination. A recent study conducted at Notre Dame and the University of North Texas showed that over 62 percent of women fantasize about some type of forced sex by a man. Fantasizing about being dominated can be thrilling, says Hutcheson, because it takes away all responsibility. If you feel intensely responsible in other life areas, you may long for sex that simply happens to you, say…in a carwash.
4. Sex with a woman. Ever wonder why Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” is so popular? Arousing thoughts about sexual intimacy with another women, even among the fiercely heterosexual, show appreciation for female gorgeousness and pleasure. Fantasizing about both genders can also reveal an open-minded and adventurous spirit—huge attributes, if you ask me.
5. Sex with a spouse/partner. Replaying sultry sex with your partner or dreaming up new adventures with him (or her) are the most common female sexual fantasies, says Hutcheson. This simply means that sex with your partner entices you—thank goodness!—and that you value your intimate connectedness. If you don’t fantasize often or simply want to improve your sex life, prioritizing this fantasy can be helpful.
Research also shows that most women have sexual fantasies somewhat routinely, but we tend to embrace and talk about them less than men. Whether yours fall into the common or uncommon category, I hope you’ll embrace your inner sexual goddess and whatever sexy thoughts and dreams she conjures.
Toward that end, I’d like to invite you to share a sexual fantasy in the form of a poem, simple paragraph or short story (roughly 500 words or less). Email it to me (august at augustmclaughlin dot com) by 12pm PST this Saturday, January 12th. I’ll share some of my favorites next week in Girl Boner Fantasy-Palooza, Part II. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous and any preferred pen name in your email. No one but me will see your name and email—GB honors.
In the meantime, I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts. Any sexual fantasies you’d like to share here? Any of the listed five? Have you felt comfortable having and discussing them? What did you think of Ally’s carwash scene? What other TV or film revs your Girl Boner engine? As always, all respectful thoughts are welcome.
**If you haven’t yet signed up for the IN HER SHADOW Release and Thrill-Fest Party on Facebook, you can nab the details and reserve your spot here. We’ll be celebrating like thriller-loving
geeks rockstars and giving away signed books and author interviews. Can’t wait! x