HALT! Your Craft Goes There

Looking Inward to Stave Off Artistic Blues

If you know me personally or read my recent post, The Case for Christmas, you know I’m a diehard holiday fan. But even we tinsel-crazed, holly-loving, Santa-praisers can fall prey to craft-itis—a psychiatric condition characterized by sadness, loneliness, self pity, foggy thinking, insomnia, heartache and/or frustration. (Not exactly a cup of Christma-Chanu-Kwanza-dan tea…)

Others ask, “What’s wrong?” You say, “Nothing.”

But something is. Craft-itis symptoms rarely feel “right,” even if we rationalize or expect them. I’ve been spending time with loved ones, we think. I should feel GREAT! Instead we feel hollow, misunderstood, guilty for feeling anything but joyful and exhausted by our attempts to hide it.

As important as it is to take breaks from our craft—in my case, writing—such respite can bring a basel level of turmoil. Left untreated, our symptoms can deepen and proliferate, making us feel more suited to a psych ward than holiday gatherings.

So what can we do??? Fortunately, a lot.

I like to use the acronym H.A.L.T., which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. It’s conventionally used as an addiction management and self-care technique. The idea is this: Hunger, anger, loneliness and exhaustion often go ignored. If we continue to ignore them, we’re bound for trouble. When you feel you’ve hit a wall of sorts but don’t know why, you simply pause (halt) and look inward. Ask yourself whether you’ve been eating and sleeping enough, if you’re resisting anger or feel alone.

We can take H.A.L.T. a step further by applying it directly to our craft:

Are you HUNGRY for creativity? ANGRY that you haven’t been expressing it? LONELY for companionship only the page (or canvas, piano, etc.) can bring? TIRED of socializing and wearing a happy face when inside you’re aching?

You’ve HALTed, so now what?

Awareness is much of the battle. (As soon as I realize that I’m not crazy or selfish, I often feel loads better…) If you’re truly hungry, eat. Balanced meals and snacks at regular time intervals helps ensure positive blood sugar balance, energy and moods. Staying well hydrated is also important. If anger is your issue, address it. Mad at your spouse? Talk it out. Angry at the world? Try exercise, meditation or therapy. If you long for companionship, seek community. Join Twitter conversations, such as #MyWANA or #amwriting. Share lunch, coffee or quality phone chats with friends. If exhaustion has you down, do something restful, such as napping, reading poetry or listening to soothing music. Aim for earlier bedtimes if you can.

If your symptoms stem solely from craft-itis, try the following:

• Drop everything and get creative. Longing to write? Write. Feel like singing? Sing. Whatever it is, make it your top priority and do it. If your schedule doesn’t allow for creative time pronto, make a plan for the near future.
• Schedule creative time into your every day. Even ten to twenty minutes per day can make a tremendous difference.
• Go to bed and/or wake up a half hour early. Dedicate the time to thinking about, doodling about or partaking in your craft.
• Talk to others about your craft. Even if your loved ones aren’t creative types, they probably want to support you and learn about your work. “Hey, haven’t I told you what I’ve been working on?” is a great way to start. (Not everyone knows how to broach artistic subjects, but trust me—most are interested.)
• Read a great book or watch a great movie. Captivating stories are what led many of us to our creative paths. Reap the benefits we hope our work with provide to others: a medicinal escape. (For more on this topic, read Jessica O’Neal’s insightful guest post on Myndi Schafer’s blog: The Power of A Good Story.)
• Focus on others. This may sound contrary, seeing as I just alluded to the fact that tending to our creativity or isn’t selfish. But once you know what the root problem is, fixating on it in a woe-is-me way is. Make a plan to fuel your creativity, be thankful that you have something to ache for (many people wish they had such passion…) then get over yourself. Doing something thoughtful for others can help us do so.
• If your symptoms are severe or you simply want professional support, see a trusted therapist. Occasional “emotional” checkups are at least as important as physical exams, IMHO.

What about you?  Are you prone to craft-itis? Have you nipped it in the bud? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Daniel Palmer on Writing, Success & the Dog that Saved his Career

Had my number-dyslexia not kicked in on the last day of Bouchercon this year, I might not have read what’s become one of my favorite thrillers of the year, written by one of my new fave authors. (I still swear my flight itinerary said 5pm, not noon. Ironic, or maybe not; Daniel Palmer’s book, DELIRIOUS, is chockfull of such mind trips. Hmm…)

Because of my “bonus” time at the conference, I had the opportunity to meet Daniel, thank him for his contributions to a panel I’d attended and learn more about his work. When I told him I write psychological thrillers, he said I might like his. Forget ‘might,’ I loved it. The characters, including those with psychiatric disorders, are relatable, the plot wicked smart and the opening and ending gratifying and unique. Books as enjoyable as DELIRIOUS are what led me to pursue a career in writing and keep me enthused about the thriller genre.

One day, Charlie Giles is an up-and-coming electronics superstar. The next, he’s a prime homicide suspect as his former employers are picked off one by one. Charlie watches his life unravel as his company and inventions are wrenched from his control, and his family is decimated. With nowhere else to turn, he enlists his schizophrenic brother to uncover the dark family secrets that lie at the heart of the unfolding terror. “Delirious” is a mind-bending story where the line between what is real and what is imagined twists and turns…an addictive literary puzzle that every reader will want to solve.
(Kensington, 2011)

What others are saying about DELIRIOUS:

“Smart, sophisticated and unsettling…not just a great thriller debut, but a great thriller, period.” —Lee Child, #1 New York Times bestselling author

“Delirious is one awesome kick-off for an exciting and multi-dimensional talent. It’s an electrifying ride, whetting the reader’s appetite for more. Daniel Palmer is a writer to watch. This guy is going to be around a long time.” —Steve Berry, New York Times bestselling author

 ”Daniel Palmer delivers a high-speed thrill ride, filled with shocks and mind-bending twists. Delirious is a terrific debut!” —Tess Gerritsen, New York Times bestselling author

Palmer is also a super nice guy who took the time to share some insight with us all…

AM: I loved DELIRIOUS. What inspired you to write it?

DP: Thanks so much, August. I’m so glad you enjoyed the story. DELIRIOUS wasn’t my first attempt at novel writing. I started out writing romantic comedies from the guy’s point of view, only to discover that women, who tend to buy the majority of romance books, don’t particularly care about the guy’s point of view. I decided to take a swing at writing suspense novels, which happens to be the genre I love the most. I set off in search of a compelling ‘what if’ question that could be the basis of a thriller. I looked to my background in e-commerce and Web start up companies for inspiration. I thought, what if a super successful software/electronics entrepreneur, suddenly and inexplicably starts to go insane? I guess you could say the novel evolved from there.

AM: You threw some mighty intriguing twists into the story. Were these planned? Did you know the ending before you began?

DP: I wanted DELIRIOUS to feel like a trip down the rabbit hole. To pull the reader into the story I knew I had to emphasize how it might feel to go crazy. I made up a lot of the scenes showing Charlie’s decent into madness as I went along. However, I wrote with a framework for the story already in place. I knew how it would open. I figured by the middle of the book he’d be forcibly committed in a mental hospital. I had a rough idea of how it was going to end. Basically, I had markers I wanted to hit, but I didn’t have a detailed outline of how I was going to hit them.

AM: I felt you handled mental illness in a respectful, realistic way. Was this your aim? Can you tell us a bit about your research?

DP: I’m so glad you felt that way. Next to delivering non-stop suspense, it was my top priority for the book. It was important to me that I portrayed Joe’s schizophrenia as accurately as possible. I set out to write a story that avoided stereotypes of the disease without being didactic or sounding preachy.

My cousin is a Harvard trained neuropsychologist. In addition to her being my inspiration for Rachel’s character, my cousin educated me about the disease and various cognitive therapies. I read a ton on the subject as well, but she validated and vetted everything I wrote. In addition, I leaned heavily on an uncle who is a neurologist and a psychiatrist cousin. Bottom line, it helps to have really, really smart people in your family, or a network of friends who are generous with their time and expertise.

AM: I think I have a crush on Monte, the beagle. Was he based on a pet? Can I have him?

DP: I seriously owe my writing career to Monte. Acquiring editors at various publishing houses loved the book, but thought Charlie was too rough around the edges. He wasn’t a very kind person at the start of the story. I conveyed my publishing woes to a good friend of mine over burgers and beers and he suggested I give my protagonist a dog. It took me about two seconds to see the genius of his idea. I contacted my agent who took about one second to see it. “Yeah, a dog,” she said. “Give him a dog.”

From there, I reached out to a cousin (see a theme here?) who happens to be a veterinarian. We spent an hour talking about dog breeds, searching for the best breed for Charlie. We settled on a beagle. From there I gave Monte his quirks, chewing shoes and his devote love for the neighbor’s poodle, Maxine. A few weeks later I signed a three book contract with Kensington. Oline Cogdill wrote a blog post for Mystery Scene all about Monte. Soon after, I got a letter from a delighted reader informing me that she named their new family dog Monte. Apparently, a lot of folks were taken with my beagle.

AM: *Pauses to gush for Monte* You’re also an uber-talented musician. How does your experience as a songwriter influence your book writing?

DP: That’s very kind of you to say. I think of songwriting as just another form of storytelling. Often times, the magic beans that go into making a song work can be found in a compelling novel as well. A suspenseful story requires the right mix of conflict, character and stakes in order to take flight. I try to write songs that contain some (hopefully all) of those elements, albeit in a very condensed format. Songwriting has also been great for developing my sense of word play. The craft challenges me to write emotionally, without being obvious or clichéd. I try to bring that sensibility to my longer prose as well. I love writing novels and songs with equal passion. My only wish is that I could write a novel in one sitting the way I can sometimes pull together a completed song.

AM: I’m excited to read your second book, HELPLESS, come January. Was it easier, harder or otherwise different to write?

DP: The simple answer to your question is yes. Parts of it were easier because I had a better grasp on the craft of storytelling. There is something to be said for experience. At the same time, it was a very challenging book to write. I wanted to show the reader the hidden dangers of our tech-centric world without losing them in the jargon and concepts. I also wanted to show the inherent dangers of sexting without sacrificing the scope of my story.

HELPLESS is part family drama and part action thriller. A friend described it as Tom Clancy invades the O.C. I think that’s a pretty fitting description but those incongruous elements made for some interesting writing challenges. Library Journal gave HELPLESS a starred review so hopefully others feel that my efforts have paid off. The research for HELPLESS was similar to DELIRIOUS in that I had experts at the FBI and Navy SEALs who helped me bring the story to life in a realistic fashion.

AM: What are you most proud of in your writing career thus far?

DP: Pride is an interesting thing because it’s not woven into the DNA fabric of most writers I know. In this business, we’re as good as our last book. From what I’ve seen, the fear of losing our touch doesn’t really go away, regardless of having a publishing track record. I think a healthy dose of the skepticism is good for fueling the drive to write and create to the very best of our abilities. So if I had to pick my proudest moment, I’d say it was the first time I heard from a truly satisfied reader. That said, I haven’t made any best seller lists yet, so I reserve the right to change my answer.

AM: Ha… So granted! What do you find most challenging about novel writing?

DP: Solidifying the idea is for me the hardest part. It’s easy to come up with ideas, but to mold something into a workable structure, one that could carry the reader for four hundred plus pages, takes time, patience and the discipline to stare at your computer screen, or pad of paper, without jotting anything down.

AM: Any major goals or aspirations you hope to reach—writing or otherwise?

DP: I just hope to stay in this game.  I have a tremendous passion for creating. It’s a true blessing that I can do something I love and call it working.

AM: Many unpublished writers consider themselves “aspiring authors.” What’s your take on this? Any suggestions for newbie/ wanna-be/gonna-be authors?

DP: Writers write. I was never an aspiring songwriter. I was just a songwriter. If you want to write, then do it. Don’t think about it (unless you’re thinking about your idea).  To be good at this craft you’ve got to read a lot and write a lot. It takes time and perseverance. Unlike reality TV, there are no short cuts to success. There’s a reason nobody has made a reality show about becoming a novelist. Well, perhaps the reason is it would be a really dull reality show.

AM: Except for maybe the contestants… Thanks so much for sharing your time and insight, Daniel. Wishing you all possible success.

To learn more, including where to purchase DELIRIOUS, visit DanielPalmerBooks.com.

*****

CONTEST: Purchase DELIRIOUS today and email me a copy of your receipt for a chance to win a $20 Amazon.com gift card.

What about you? Any insight you’d like to share with Mr. Daniels? Do you consider yourself an “aspiring” author? Has adding/changing a character taken your book from good to great?

Famous Authors on Thanksgiving & Your ‘Very Own’ Cup

Grateful people live longer, take better care of themselves and endure hardship with greater ease compared to less grateful folks, according to numerous studies. Though I’m not aware of research supporting this, I also believe that grateful people pursue work and hobbies they love.

So…unless you write for fame and fortune alone , you are probably among the most grateful. If you have difficulty feeling grateful, or simply want an extra dose, watch this clip from “Little House on the Prairie.” I tear up every time!

 

 

For more simple ways to cultivate gratitude, visit my recent post, Grumpy to Gracious.

 

Here’s what some of our founding mothers and fathers of literature as well as modern day authors have to say about giving thanks:

 

“I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy.”

- Anne Frank

 

“Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.” – Ernest Hemingway

 

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

 

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire

 

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” – Winnie the Pooh (A.A. Milne)

 

“O Lord that lends me life, Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness.”

- William Shakespeare

 

“Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion if we can simply learn that as well as giving it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart.”- Sarah Ban Breathnach

 

“Love your body the way it is and feel grateful towards it. Most importantly, in order to find real happiness, you must learn to love yourself for the totality of who you are and not just what you look like.” ― Portia de Rossi, Unbearable Lightness

 

“Appreciating the genius in others attracts high levels of competent energy to you. By seeing and celebrating the creative genius, you open a channel within yourself for receiving the creative energy from the field of intention.”  - Wayne Dyer, The Power of Intention

 

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”

― Maya Angelou, Celebrations: Rituals of Peace and Prayer

 

May you have the BEST Thanksgiving – if you celebrate it, a mindful feast and a fabulous, gratitude-filled weekend!

 

What about you? What are you most looking forward to this weekend? What are you particularly grateful for? When you want to feel grateful but don’t, what do you do?

 

Mindful Eating and Maya Angelou

Earlier this year, I had the honor of interviewing Maya Angelou about her new cookbook, Great Food, All Day Long. To say I look up to the woman is about as accurate as saying Minnesota is ‘sort of’ cold in December—a major understatement. As I considered what to post this Thanksgiving week, nothing seemed more appropriate than sharing her insight. Angelou approaches conversations with strangers, even so-nervous-they-could-pee-on-the-floor journalists , food, cooking and daily life with incredible poignance, dignity and grace. With food, family gatherings and feasting upon us, we can all stand to take a few tips.

Joy, Patience and Hot Dogs: Cooking with Maya Angelou
By August McLaughlin (Originally published by EHow Food)

Photo: Steve Exum/Getty Images

It should come as no surprise that one of the most influential voices of contemporary literature brings poise, intention and palpable joy to her kitchen. Dr. Maya Angelou, the 82-year-old renaissance woman known for her dramatic prose, activism and passion for the arts, history, education and civil rights, has had a lifelong love affair with all things culinary.

“I’m a serious cook,” she said. “I love to plan the food. I enjoy the cooking of it. And I will plan the whole meal while I’m in my bathtub.”

Self-Commitment

Angelou’s food fervor met challenges when a medical exam revealed serious risks for hypertension and diabetes. She had to lose weight. Her first attempt at healthy eating involved replacing decadent ingredients with low-calorie alternatives.

“But I was starving!” she said. “So I decided to cook the way I always cook, just not eat as much. I gave myself my word that I would not have seconds. It’s the most wonderful thing, you know, when you give yourself your word in private — secretly. You feel like a ninny if you go back on it because you’ve been there all the while.”

She prepared and ate every recipe in her latest cookbook, “Great Food, All Day Long: Cook Splendidly, Eat Smart,” and relished every bite. Meanwhile, her weight-related health concerns diminished.

Simply paging through her cookbook is enough to push your salivary glands into overdrive. Recipes such as chicken tetrazzini, barbecued spare ribs, pumpkin soup and “all day and all night” cornbread are interwoven with heart-warming stories and personal insight. In her typical way, Angelou draws you into not only her kitchen, but her life.

Abandoning Rules

Rather than abide by diet rules, Angelou recommends listening to and fulfilling your cravings. If your taste buds are screaming for fried chicken and you sit down to a T-bone steak, you’re liable to eat the entire steak — and perhaps seconds.

“It’s because your taste buds haven’t been satisfied,” she said. “If you can get what you really want, cook it the way you want it cooked, five or six spoonfuls or forkfuls can hold you. Then you can say, ‘I’ll come back to this in two or three hours. But right now, that’s exactly what I want.’”

In her book, Angelou observes that people often keep eating long after they’re full. “I think they are searching in their plates not for a myth, but for a taste, which seems to elude them,” she writes.

For this reason, her recipes aren’t divided into meal-specific categories, but instead organized by themes like “A Brand-New Look at Old Leftovers” and “Waking up the Taste Buds.” The result? A cookbook geared toward fulfilling moment-to-moment cravings, rather than following the established mealtime norms. Have fried rice for breakfast, if you want, or her omelet with spinach for dinner. All bets are off.

Seeking Pleasure

One of Angelou’s most beloved culinary experiences involves a youth favorite: the “simple everyday” hot dog. However, she’s developed a version for a grown up palate. Angelou tops a grilled, Hebrew International hot dog with her homemade chili. “Then I get a cold, frozen beer stein out of the freezer and open a wonderful freezing bottle of Corona beer. It doesn’t get much better than that,” she said.

Patience, Angelou believes, is a significant ingredient lacking in Americans’ diets. “Our children, for the most part, have their major meals at counters and various places where they eat standing,” she said. “I encourage people to sit down. Have some patience with themselves.”

To this end, she suggests planning meals beforehand to avoid stressful rushing around while cooking. Sit down to enjoy meals in a peaceful, pleasing atmosphere. And don’t reserve your best dishes, silverware or food for guests.

“I serve myself with the best I have,” she said. “I make a pretty table. There are some white roses on my table right now. I’m looking at them. And I’m having a nice glass of pre-lunch, good white wine… Pretty soon my assistant and I will have a great, sort of a chef salad, served with English biscuits.”

Because that’s precisely what she craved.

*****

To view the original article, visit: Joy, Patience and Hot Dogs: Cooking with Maya Angelou. (You’ll also get her recipe for Chili Guy, a scrumptious dish named after her son.)

******

Simple Ways to Eat More Mindfully
Most of us eat way too fast, while paying little attention to what we’re eating, how much or why. (“Where did my fries go?!” You know you’ve been there… ) Eating mindfully, with awareness of our bodies, emotions and food, promotes physical and emotional wellness. It also facilitates gratitude. Rather than focus on calories, TV, guilt or holiday stress this season, I invite you to slow it down, pay attention and say, with sincerity, “Thanks!”

• Set your fork down between bites.
• Eat sitting down at a table, no in front of your TV or worse, standing in front of your fridge.
• Before eating, take a moment to observe the smells, colors and overall presentation of the food.
• Cook! Preparing dishes automatically promotes mindfulness; you’re involved in the process and understand the effort required.
• Cut back on mealtime distractions, such as your cell phone, laptop, TV, radio, newspaper, etc.
• Create a pleasurable dining atmosphere. (As Dr. Angelou says, don’t reserve your best dinnerware for guests-only!)
• Shop at your local farmers market.
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen, Meals on Wheels or local shelter.
• Rather than view food in terms of calories or fat grams, consider what foods and nutrients do for your body…and the pleasure food brings.
• Eat with chopsticks. Unless you’re a pro, this slows you down. (Your relatives might shoot you funny looks as you pick turkey and stuffing up with chopsticks…Then again, doesn’t that make it more fun?? )
• Say a prayer of gratitude, religious or not, before meals.

So what do you say? Will you invite mindfulness to your next feast? How has Maya Angelou influenced you in your life? Your writing?

Books I’m Crazy Grateful For

Books are many writers’ closest friends. It’s one reason we feel so compelled to write them. With Thanksgiving soon upon us, I decided to share a few books I’m CRAZY grateful for. I’m not sure my life would be the same without them…

I first read A CRY IN THE NIGHT by Mary Higgins Clark during the fifth grade, mostly tucked away in my loft bed with a bowl of Doritos.  As Jenny MacPartland was swept off her feet by a talented, mysterious artist, so was I. As she discovered horrifying truths that threatened her life, I felt my own life being threatened. Great books take us out of our lives and into others.’ This book taught me that. And nothing had captivated me in such a way before. It marked the beginning of a ‘real life’ love affair—with mysteries, thrillers and suspense.

If Jenny MacPartland had THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gaven de Becker, there wouldn’t have been a book. De Becker is the leading expert on instincts, survival and violent behavior. His book features people who could have died at the hands of attackers, but didn’t. And whether they realized it or not, their fear helped save them. When I sense that someone’s following me, I now turn to look rather than dart away. I look suspicious people in the eye, observe their appearance. I know what to scream if I need to. And I won’t step into an elevator with someone who gives me the creeps. I may never know how much THE GIFT OF FEAR has helped me, which is perfectly fine by me! I recommend it to EVERYONE, particularly women. It’s an empowering book you’ll want to read time and again.

Julia Cameron’s THE ARTIST’S WAY had me in tears on the elliptical when I first began reading it. A passerby said, “If it’s so bad, you can stop.” I would’ve laughed at the workout angst joke, but I was too intrigued by the words before me. At the time, I was at a crux in my relationship and career and had no clue what to do. The ARTIST’S WAY is one of those books that feels like it was written for you. “How did you know that?” I kept wanting to ask. And like DeBecker, Cameron’s insight helped me help myself and has stayed with me since. The ‘morning pages’ exercise, free-writing three pages promptly upon walking, revealed answers I’d been seeking.

“I have an agent, so now what do I do?” This question led me to Kristen Lamb’s, ARE YOU THERE, BLOG? IT’S ME, WRITER. The web is overloaded with information for people who want to write a book, represent themselves or seek agents. But once you have one…not so much. An author friend said to “just keep writing. The agent does the rest now.” That didn’t feel right. I plugged random words and phrases into Amazon.com and came upon the title that to this DAY makes me laugh. It says so much and in such a funny, fun-loving way…Much like the whole book. It changed the way I view social media and life as a writer in hugely positive ways. If you haven’t read it (or WE ARE NOT ALONE: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media, also by Lamb), joined Kristen’s blog or the #MyWANA Twitter conversation, get out from under that rock! Er, I mean… It would be in your best interest to check them out.

What books top your Crazy-Grateful-For list??? You know I love hearing from you. (A blessing I count often! )

Writing Grandad

One of my dreams as a kid was to live in a library, the kind in old Victorian mansions, with walls made up of loaded wooden shelves stacked from floor to ceiling. And strange as it may sound, I knew that spending time in it would feel a lot like spending time with my granddad. He was well over six feet tall, more knowledgable than Encyclopaedia Britannica, warm in energy and humble in spirit, yet still silly enough, or at least open minded enough, to partake in my family’s games.

“Here Grandad! Put this on your head!” we’d prod as he and Grammy walked through the front door. (The ‘put things on your head’ game was a big deal in the Johnson house.) Without hesitation, this wise, tall man, also a renowned professor and archeologist, would don whatever we’d handed him. He once wore a pair of nylons on his head throughout an entire evening, not because he wanted to but because he loved us enough to do just about anything. He tended to my hamster, Cuddles, during vacations, beat us in countless games of Scrabble, shared his passion for the outdoors and lovingly called our grammy “dear.”

I was only 13 when Grandad died of cancer. And while no amount of books or libraries could come close to filling the void he left, his legacy runs deep. His wife, six children, grandchildren, students and colleagues missed him and still do. Each year the Council for Minnesota Archaeology hosts a lecture in his honor—a tribute that illustrates his humbleness.

I remember standing at his funeral, heartbroken and perplexed by all that was happening. Though I didn’t realize it then, I wasn’t just grieving his life but a future of shared experiences. What would it be like to know him as an adult? I’d never know…I thought.

After reading my first novel close to two decades later, my brother said he saw “so much of me and my life in it.” As an artist, he knows from experience how often our creative works reflect our realities.

“Is Rutherford Sykes Granddad?” he asked.

“Huh?” I considered it. Sykes was my main character’s mentor—a tall, warm, knowledgable and accomplished man who had terminal cancer…but survived. My eyes filled with tears as it dawned on me; Sykes was Granddad. I’d found a way to keep him alive and cope with my ongoing longing to know him.

Since I “wrote Grandad” into my novel, I’ve felt closer to him than I have in years. He pops into my thoughts more often and appears in occasional dreams. I see more bits of him in my father. And I’ve been eager to learn more about him.

I now know that he served as a fighter pilot during WWII, enduring 64 missions in North Africa and Italy, and finished his masters degree in anthropology in a mere four quarters before completing his doctorate at Yale. That he was a multi-published author, curator at the St. Paul Science Museum, the designated State Archaeologist of Minnesota from 1959 to 1963 and a cofounder of the Council for Minnesota Archaeology. A man who pursued his passion, supported causes he believed in and, as I already knew, loved his family incredibly.

 

American anthropologist Alfred L. Kroeber said that anthropology is the “most humanistic of the sciences and the most scientific of the humanities.” That sounds a lot to me like Grandad. He used his intellect and talents to better the world.

Although much of Sykes’ story won’t appear in my novel once it’s published, I’m grateful to have “unearthed” it. I’m keeping those words and pages on my computer and in my heart forever.

Regardless of how much time passes, we are forever touched by lost loved ones’ memories and the vacancies they leave behind. Honoring them through our thoughts, creativity and actions helps keep them alive.

*****

Inspiration to write this post came from EC Stilson, author of The Golden Sky. To learn more about Stilson’s message and read others’ posts on love and loss, visit The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom. Visit her blog on Friday, November 18th for a chance to win an iPad2, $500 cash and more!

What about you? How do you honor loved ones’ memories? Has doing so ever struck you by surprise?

The Case for Christmas

As a kid, I often fell ill the day after Christmas. The adrenaline of weeks—okay months—of excitement wore off, leaving me with a severe case of post-holiday flu. Lately I’ve noticed a new epidemic: pre-holiday flu.

“Christmas commercials, already?! Please!”
“How can Target sell holiday stuff? It was just Halloween!”
Translation: BAH HUMBUG.

I get it. If you’ve said such things, you probably hate the consumerism involved, not necessarily the holiday itself. But it’s not like figgy pudding is being forced down our throats. No one is dragging us blindfolded to red-and-green sales. And since when was commercial watching obligatory? (And seriously. Don’t Christmasy commercials beat belching frogs, miraculous dish grease removal and people texting each other hands down in coolness???)

As a potential remedy for the pre-Christmas grumpy phenomenon, I felt it necessary to share a few of its perks. (If this displeases you, please click the little ‘x’ in the top corner of this window and visit GrinchesRUs.)

Giving & Receiving. Christmas isn’t just a day, but a season meant for giving—regardless of our spiritual beliefs. Such giving need not correlate with pricey electronics, clothes or jewelry. We can give handmade cards, baked goods, poems, stories or the best gifts: our time, helpfulness and company. And getting these gifts is almost as fun as giving them.

Acting Like Kids. I had the opportunity to “be Santa for a day” on behalf of the USA network a few years back. (View clips from my Santa experience here.)  I can’t tell you how many adults turned into little kids with sparks in their eyes as they shared their wish lists or received a surprise gift. (And no, it had nothing to do with my short dress or gender. Pffft!) We’re grownups with grownup responsibilities all year long. May as well embrace every opportunity to de-mature ourselves and get giddy.

Stories & Imagination. Writers in particular should embrace the imagination, stories and magical nature of Christmas. A stout, bearded man visits every child on the planet to fulfill his or her wish. (But look out if you’re naughty…) Ghosts of Christmas past/present/future, flying reindeer, a man’s ability to shrink down and slither down narrow chimneys, a far off land filled with hard-working elves and, a woman birthing the world’s savior… It’s sci-fi, thriller, mystery, fantasy and, depending on your beliefs, historical fiction or nonfiction, all rolled into one.

Anticipation. Having something to look forward to rocks. It’s vital for happiness, according to Gretchen Rubin, the best-selling author of The Happiness Project. If the holiday sort of snuck up on us, we would miss out on all the fun involved with decorating, pondering gifts for loved ones, holiday tunes, the smell of pine needles, and so on. If you don’t have reasons to anticipate the upcoming holidays, seek them. 

The Importance of Savoring: A friend of mine had a huge wedding and said she was so stressed during the preparation that she forgot to savor the journey. The same could be said about the weeks and months leading up to the publication of our books… The journey can be half the fun, if not more. Best we make the most of it, stay mindful of its advantages and let it linger.

The holiday season is what we make of it. You’re creative… Make this one bright.

What do you think? Are you a grinch who clenches up at anything-Christmas? Do you think Christmas fervor goes on too long? Or do you embrace it?

How Does Your Story Grow?

My dad is a master gardener. He taught me early on that canned peas are to fresh what beef jerky is to top sirloin and that it takes skill, patience and passion to cultivate organic works of art. While I’m grateful to have inherited his zest for creating, I gained not a cell of his green thumb. (My dead Chia Pet’s ghost will vouch for me…May it RIP.)

Gardening philosophies work well in writing. Some proper planning and nurturing can help ensure that our stories grow, thrive and nourish ourselves and our readers. So don your grungies. We’re about to get dirty…

Lesson #1: Assess Your Seeds
Many of us recall the moment the “seed” of our work first appeared. Sometimes we seek it out—”Hmm… I’d like to write a novel. It will be about..hmm…” More often, the notions strike us out of the perceivable blue—”Give me a pen! HAVE to write this down.” These “seeds” can strike at any time of the day or night, whether you’re half way through your first novel or haven’t yet scripted a sentence.

People often ask writers where we get our ideas and whether we fear we’ll “run out.” This makes me laugh. We’re overloaded with ideas; we need only stay open to them. I have a Word document and several notebooks of ideas that have struck me at random times. It doesn’t matter where you jot them down, just that you do.

Lesson #2: Prioritize Passion
Tomatoes may seem easier to grow then, say, avocados. But if your dreams feature artichokes and you crave homemade guacamole at every meal, plant artichokes!(Lucky for us, we don’t have to worry ourselves with season or soil-appropriate ventures…) I asked my agent recently which book he’d prefer I focus on completing next. His reply? “Whichever you feel most strongly about.” He knows that this is where the best, sellable stories begin—with passion. Ask yourself what you want to write, then write that.

Multi-published author, Marc Shuster, shares some fantastic thoughts on writing “for love” in this post.

Lesson #3: Start Small
As a kid, authors were some of my heros. One thing that awed me about each book was the fact that someone wrote it. (“It’s so long! So many words… Seems so complicated. How do they keep their facts straight? Must take forever…”) If you focus on cultivating an orchard when all you have is an apple seed, intimidation can damage your soil and send you dashing in the opposite direction.

My first novel started as a short film that became a short story and so on. Don’t obsess over the end at the beginning; start with one line, one page, one chapter… If you’re approaching a second or third work, or wish to try something in another format or genre, apply similar principles. Write some lyrics, not a symphony. Sketch out a few scenes before the whole series. You get the idea.

Lesson #4: Grow First, Prune Later
A talented friend of mine is working on his memoir. “I have a hard time knowing what I should put in and leave out,” he said, in part because he fears offending people in his story. Such fear can sabotage your process. I suggested he get his entire story out, with awareness that he can trim away whatever he’d like later on.

Whether you outline or not, allowing what crops up to unfold as you write can lead to some of the most genuine, unique and riveting additions to your story. Yes, you’ll create some needless, perhaps ridiculous, bits. Who cares? Consider them weeds and pluck them out during the revision process.

Lesson #5: Keep A Mulch Pile
Our hearts can ache as we delete that “totally amazing sentence” we wrote. I place whatever I cut away from my work in a Word document titled “omits.” Do I end up using any of it? Rarely. But it makes trimming and editing far easier. If what you cut truly is fabulous but doesn’t fit your current work, save it for something else.

I also suggest “mulching” paper. I print out pages I’ve written to read and review, then recycle them. Use them as scratch paper or get creative. I made this at my “novel-tea” party—if you look closely you’ll get a scrambled sneak peak at my book.

Lesson #6: Share Your Goods
Fruits and veggies only do some much good sitting in your backyard soil. Pick them once they’re ripe. (In other words, don’t send a manuscript or query letter out before you’ve raked over every detail and shared it with expert eyes.) Another way to share involves writing to and for others. This post by Joe Bunting, writer, editor and founder of The Write Practice, features excellent insight on writing for people you believe in.

Lesson #7: Consider Your Readers
“My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant’s point of view.” - H. Fred Dale, gardening editor for the Toronto Star

You can cultivate the most splendid roses on the planet. But if the recipient is allergic, you’ll have problems… Who is your reader? What type of experience to you hope to impart? Read within your genre, if you have one. Print your manuscript and read it away from your desk, as a reader. And seek opinions from trusted, literary friends. Keep your readers in mind while revising in particular.

What about you??? How does your “garden” grow? Any tips to share? Challenges you’d like to overcome? I always love hearing from you…

Show to Tell

We’ve all heard the writing principle, “Show, don’t tell.” By avoiding endless descriptions and summarizations (aka, “expositing”), we allow readers to experience our stories through characters’ emotions, words, thoughts and senses. Since we’re story tellers, though, I think a better aim involves showing to tell.

Here. I’ll show you an example…

1. He was stoked.

2. Excitement accompanied his calm, like falling in love with the right person.

(Pretty obvious which is more interesting, right?)

We should also stay mindful of what our ‘real life’ actions convey. If we tell others we’re writers, best we write…not just talk about it. Saying we won’t give up while prioritizing everything but our work displays a similar message.

A couple of years ago one of my nutrition clients—we’ll call her Kay—asked if I’d counsel her sixteen-year-old daughter, BB, who was showing signs of an eating disorder. “I don’t know why she’s dieting,” Kay said. “I’ve told her how unhealthy it is.” Already, I sensed a major part of the problem. I’d been helping Kay rid her life of her dieting ways. Seldom do such habits not leave ample residue.

Meeting with the BB confirmed it. Even if Kay never said a lick about weight loss, her “flabby” thighs or calories in/calories out, BB would have adopted similar attitudes and habits. She’d witnessed her mother’s lack of self care for too long. Although words are powerful, experiences like this provide lasting, difficult-to-undo impressions.

In response to BB’s experience and others like it, I produced this PSA—another way of showing.

Some pointers for showing-to-tell in fiction:

Use more dialogue. This invites the reader to participate in the scene in present tense, as though they’re really there.

Let the film play. Close your eyes and imagine the scene you’re working on play out like a movie. Observe the sights, sounds and colors. Cast yourself as the main character. Note his or her thoughts, feelings and perceptions.

Use your senses. Describe—without getting too crazy—sights, sounds, smells, physical sensations and tastes.

Let it happen. Forcing a bunch of illustrious words into your sentences isn’t cool or artsy; it’s annoying. As is looking up adjectives in a thesaurus then using the smartest-sounding option. Let the story flow without judgement, allowing your imagination and feelings to take the driver’s seat. (Save criticism for revisions.)

Don’t overdo it. Thriller novelist James Scott Bell said, “Sometimes a writer tells as a shortcut, to move quickly to the meaty part of the story or scene. Showing is essentially about making scenes vivid. If you try to do it constantly, the parts that are supposed to stand out won’t, and your readers will get exhausted.”

Have you experienced showing/telling triumphs or challenges in your own life. In your writing? What are your attitudes and actions “showing” the world?

Grumpy to Gracious

Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?

A: Moo-dy

Like many artists, I do my best to embrace all emotions. Yesterday, it was not so easy…

I woke up feeling gruuumpy. If I could have, I would’ve crawled into Oscar’s trash pad with Slimy and hidden away for a while. (At the time it seemed like only a cute little orange worm with miniature belongings could cheer me up.) But I couldn’t. I had to drive through heavy rain and traffic, between drivers who seemed to have lost their driving capabilities with the sun, to teach a class—rather than laze around or write to the cozy backdrop—where my grumpiness could not…or, at least should not, show. Blech.

To make matters worse, I felt guilty for feeling so darn grumpy. What right did I have? I have super-nifty people in my life. I love my work. I’m healthy. I have food, shelter, safety…the list goes on. But ARGH!!! I still felt grumpy.

As I pulled into park, hyper-analyzing my emotions as we introspective-folks tend to do , the study I sited in my last post popped into my head. It showed that keeping a gratitude journal can increase a person’s happiness by 25 percent. That would bring me to about…moderate grumpiness; only one foot in Oscar’s can. I had time, so figured what the heck? 

What happened next astonished me. I filled a page with big, scrawly words and phrases. My new niece, my bull dog, a sweet text message I’d received… And I swear, the fog lifted. (Metaphorically speaking.) I wasn’t happy-slappy ready-to-dance, mind you, but the tenseness in my shoulders eased up. The near-tears in my eyes dissipated. And a subtle warmth spread through my body, ensuring me that “everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” - Melody Beattie

Respecting, feeling and exploring our emotions is key to creative growth and expression. (And yes, we “deserve” a whole range.) One way to manage negative feelings involves putting them in perspective. In order to attract more goodness into our lives, we should really learn to appreciate and accept what we have and where we’re at.

Simple Ways to Practice Gratitude:

• Keep a gratitude journal. (I highly suggest one specifically for your car. ) If you don’t have a journal nearby in times of need, use the back of a receipt, a napkin—any write-friendly surface.
• Say “thank you” often and mean it.
• Do something kind for someone you’re grateful for, without their awareness of who did it.
• Write and send thank you letters, emails and text messages regularly…or at least once per month. Studies have linked routine, hand-written thank you letters with long-lasting mood enhancements for the writers.
• Have your family or a group of friends share what they’re grateful for at gatherings—and not just Thanksgiving dinner.
• Support fellow writers’ and readers’ books, blogs and other projects by posting sincere comments, passing the word on or promoting them on your website.
• Volunteer for Meals on Wheels, a soup kitchen or other organizations. (This is a great way to spend holidays.)
• Make a “I’m grateful for…” list specific to a loved one. Send it to them with flowers, homemade cookies or a thoughtful card. Sing it to them if you wish. (If you’re not a great singer, it’ll be ultra-precious.)
• Write a story or poem about an experience or person you’re grateful for.

The biggest benefits of gratitude come from regular practice, according to Robert Emmons—a leading gratitude researcher at the University of California at Davis. So make it a habit. The more we express gratitude, the happier we’ll feel, the more light we’ll bring to others and the less likely we’ll be to draw comparisons between ourselves and oh, say, grouchy Sesame St. characters…

How do you express gratitude? What are you particularly grateful for today?